First career advice: how to deal with a bigheaded, pretiontious and concieted colleague? 5

[Timoko]

Hallo dear Friends,
i am fresh Engineer working in a R&D fiel Since april 2015. I am disturbed by on of the employee Who started his Job in the Same Day with me. The difference between me and him is the degree. He is phi and i am M.Sc..the field of work is New to both of us but he is so bigheaded and he tries always to Show of and he always disagree my point of view regarding Some topics. The Problem is that he talk too much without showing proofs and he Interrupts in my work without permission from our Team lader. I want to Tell him stop in a good way and to let him understand that he is mostly wrong in good way. How to deal with this type of personality? Any advice will be Approximation.

Your friend,
Tymore

 

[BrianPetersen]

"Do you have the supporting document/calculation for this"

"I'm in the middle of something, could you get back to me in an hour"

I'm in a position where I have to tell people/companies nicely that their equipment does not meet code. Asking for supporting / compliance documentation, or asking how something works, is one nice way of telling them that their apparatus is not up to snuff ...

I have been known to tell people point-blank "Shut up and listen". Obviously only to be used in circumstances where you are unquestionably correct and they are unquestionably wrong, and after already trying gentle hints. Some people won't get it any other way.

Of course, don't ever forget to shut up and listen yourself.

 

[msquared48]

Import a head shrinker.

Mike McCann, PE, SE (WA)

 

[JMirisola]

I suspect that your words would fall on deaf ears. However, that shouldn't deter you from standing up for yourself. The next time he interrupts you, simply talk over him: "excuse me, you may speak when I'm through."
Keep in mind that he's probably acting the way he does due to insecurity.


Jeff Mirisola, CSWE
My Blog

 

[MikeHalloran]

If you are working in an English speaking office, you are at a serious disadvantage, and you need to work on your conversational English.

If your native tongue is spoken in your office, ignore the above.

Regardless of what language is spoken there, "shut up and listen" is still good advice.
1. You might learn something from your co-worker, and especially from any mistakes he makes. ... which you should try to not point out, but to use as learning opportunities for yourself.
2. If he is as pretentious and obnoxius as you say, your supervisor will eventually detect it, and take action. Your job description presumably does not include behavior modification of your peers, so don't attempt it. It's above your pay grade.
3. People who behave in a hostile manner are fully prepared for an equally hostile response. They are not prepared for nice, polite responses. So being unfailingly polite will confuse and disorient your nemesis.
4. Do not think of him as your enemy, even if, especially if, he does. Just do your own work, and don't worry about his.



Mike Halloran
Pembroke Pines, FL, USA

 

[Timoko]

Many Thanks for the useful advices. I will Try to take Action nicely.

Tymore

 

[MacGyverS2000]

I have found you need to be flexible in your response types, and being able to read people factors heavily into that. If you suspect a kind response will infuriate the problem child, then be kind... with others, only a "shut up and listen" attitude will solicit the correct response. Honestly, though, there simply is no one answer that applies to all people and all situations.

I'll also warn against assuming your supervisor will recognize and/or take action against such a problem child. Your supervisor may be oblivious to such attitudes (particularly if it isn't aimed towards him), he may be the non-confrontational type, etc. In those cases, it's best to make a low-level attempt (i.e., don't scream "shut up and listen" in a meeting) at solving the issue yourself (see all of the methods above)... only raise it to the supervisor level if you cannot resolve the issue directly.

If you're the brave type (and think the problem child is actually just wanting to bend someone's ear), another possibility is to just talk to the guy. Ask him to lunch one day and discuss it in a non-confrontational way. You need some steel cojones to "own" the problem in this manner, however, and you need to make sure your own tone is firm, yet reasonable in nature.

Dan - Owner

http://www.Hi-TecDesigns.com

 

[Jboggs]

Timoko, My experience (and I've been working in engineering offices for a LONG time) with people like that is:
1) Their attitude is seen by all, not just you.
2) They are damaging their own chances for advancement.
3) "Politely give him enough rope to hang himself." That means to conduct yourself professionally at all times. Do your job. Take the suggestions given earlier for how to deal with him because, believe me, he will not be around for a long time. You do not have to point out this man's issues to other people. They are well aware. Eventually his conduct will catch up with him and he will suffer the consequences.

 

[1gibson]

One more strategy, be polite, but also very blunt. Others may not perceive the awkward situation you're being put in, so you have to make them. Next time you are interrupted in the middle of a meeting, stop and calmly ask "Mr. Bighead, why do you continue to interrupt me? It's slowing down the meeting." There will be an awkward silence as everyone realizes the situation, Mr. Bighead will either apologize and stop, or say nothing let the awkward silence continue. After about 5 seconds if there is no response, then "as I was saying..." and continue with the discussion like nothing ever happened.

 

[rotw]

I once experienced something similar with a colleague of mine.
As I just started in a new role / company there was a guy who was constantly behind me. It was very disturbing.

My strategy was simple, I simply choosen to offend the person, without being unpolite but basically by being rude to the person. After that the guy has gone away. But the some irreversible damages happened to the relashionship. I knew that upfront, it was even the objective.

About few months later, we ended up having a small chat together. I realized the guy went through serious health difficulties in the past. I felt it was a shame the way I reacted towards him. I eventually realized the guy was a nice person and possibly could has become a friend. Later on the guy left the company.

So at the end of the day, things are not like they appear to be. When you just start in a role, you are not in your comfort zone yet and I guess it is valid for anyone.

So first and foremost, it is your own insecurity that you need to resolve...the rest can be managed with some classical ''sorry I am in the middle of a task right now can you come back later'' etc, as suggested above.

"If you want to acquire a knowledge or skill, read a book and practice the skill".

 

[Maui]

If your coworker knows his stuff, then it will become clear over time because his recommendations will help solve the problems that you are working on. If he doesn't know what he is talking about, then his suggestions will not solve the problems at hand, and the people around you will realize this. Over a long enough period of time the good engineers are often sifted out from the dead wood, like sand through a filter. Time is your friend here. Don't stress yourself out over this - you will often run into conflicts with co-workers. How you handle those conflicts is often more important than what you are actually arguing about, because that behavior will establish how the two of you deal with conflict.

The problem is not the problem. The problem is how you deal with the problem.

Maui

 

[Timoko]

Hallo,

Regarding to what i observed at work, being nice type Who gives to much tolerances get more Used and Interrupted.

I remember what my father tells me (let your work talk).

I appriciate your time writing These useful advices.

Tymore

 

[rotw]

no offense but...
what is the issue with your capital letters? is it your keyboard or something?

"If you want to acquire a knowledge or skill, read a book and practice the skill".

 

[steellion]

(It sounds like) you are in the same position, with the same work experience (none), and he has no authority over you. If he rubs you the wrong way, just ignore him and let your work speak for itself. You need to impress your bosses, not this guy.

You should also schedule a polite sit-down with him, one on one, to let him know how you are feeling to work on your relationship. He may not even know he is offending you. He may be the type with great book-smarts but poor social skills. Maybe you are doing something that bothers him and you don't realize it? The only way to know is to talk it out.

 

[MacGyverS2000]

On a side note... if you DO sit down and have a talk with him, be prepared for possible backlash. A decent person will understand your concerns and act upon them appropriately. A jerk will use it as ammunition and turn up the harassment multiple notches, but this time he'll know exactly what buttons to push. You've been warned...

Dan - Owner

http://www.Hi-TecDesigns.com

 

[graybeach]

This reminds me of a new hire who started in the office where I worked and took it upon himself to be my "mentor". At that time, I had a good 10 years of experience successfully completing projects, and he was about my same age. He would loudly tell me in front of others to "keep a running list of questions as I am working so I know what to look for on field visits," and "remember that drawings have borders when you are laying out a drawing." Grrrr! My blood boils just thinking about it! I complained to my friends in the office, and they jokingly started doing this to me too. Anyway, eventually his work showed him to be not so competent.

 

[KENAT]

Timoko, I'm affraid this is probably a question for my colleagues not me.

Posting guidelines faq731-376

http://eng-tips.com/market.cfm?

(probably not aimed specifically at you)
What is Engineering anyway: faq1088-1484​

 

[Panther140]

Just be rational and tell him that he is not actually your boss and that you don't want unsolicited interruptions from him when you are working through YOUR projects. Don't worry if it offends him. He made his own bed. I can't stand people like him.

"Formal education is a weapon, whose effect depends on who holds it in his hands and at whom it is aimed." ~ Joseph Stalin

 

[JNieman]

That reminds me of a famous Archer quote: "YOU'RE NOT MY SUPERVISOR!"

_________________________________________
NX8.0, Solidworks 2014, AutoCAD, Enovia V5

 

[monkeydog]

Wow, sounds like where I work.
Here are some suggestions that work for me;

Working minding your own business - Bighead walk up and starts talking nonsense, get up and go to the bathroom, water cooler, or other non-work location.
Or nod and say "OK but I have to get back to what I was working on"

In a meeting, you are talking or answering a question directed to you - Bighead starts to answer, you say "I am answering", Bighead keeps talking. When he is done, you say, "That is what I was about to say when you interrupted" or "I see your point but I would not do that I would do - this"