You have focused on the problem that occurs when the spider bearings fail down the hole.
If the spider bearings fail, the shaft starts wobbling, then indeed you will not be able to keep a tight adjustment on the packing or seal. By installing your own bearings by machinging them into the pump head you will perhaps help a little, but that excessive leakage should be warning to you that the unit must be pulled and re-conditioned or replaced, with new spider bearings. If you allow the unit to run then the vibration will damage the motor. We often see pumps that burn up motors because the vibration is not dealt with. Motor fails, is replaced. Burns out again, is replaced. Good for the motor shops.
Best way to monitor is to use a vibration monitor. They are affordable. Just mark a spot on the motor and fasten the monitor on each time you take a measurement. Do it first when new, then monitor and graph out the increase in vibration. When vibration starts to rise rapidly, pull the pump and install new spider bearings.
There are "product" lubricated spider bearings where the pumpage lubes the bearings, and there are oil fed spider bearings where oil from a reservoir goes down the hole to lube the bearings. Obviously, if your pumpage destroys bearings then you may want to change to oil lubed spider bearings down hole.
Also, do not use graphite rope type packing, change over to teflon rope packing, and someone somewhere on this thread recommended another type also. Make sure to always leave some water dripping through the packing.
You mentioned bearing distance from the motor. There are typically two spider bearings per 10 foot of shafting, one at each end. If the shafting is high quality and balanced, this works fine and can last for 20 years easily.
However, speed and shaft length is an issue. Most of these pumps are 1750 rpm or slower. 3500 rpm works but is less common and probably will not last as long.
More questions just ask.
PUMPDESIGNER