How Do I refuse in a polite manner? 7

[petite1]

Hi all,

I was at a seminar and I met this guy there(rather he came up to me).Anyhow,he asked for my card and at the time I thought it was just good networking and gave it to him. During the tour later he followed me around and became a real pain. In fact immediately after getting back to the office,I received a mail from him saying he enjoyed meeting me and would like to meet up and have a chat as he has a lot of experience in my field. How do I politely refuse in a professional manner? I also dn't want to be rude as he has over 15 yrs experience and I'm just a recent graduate( you never know who's gonna be your boss one day!!).

Thank you!

 

[Latexman]

How about, "Thank you, but no thank you".

Good luck,
Latexman

 

[MikeHalloran]

I'm guessing he's been downsized from a fairly decent job.

Outplacement services teach behaviors like that, and worse.

Be nice, not because he'll ever be your boss, but because you could be in his shoes someday. But do say no, so as to not waste his time or yours.



Mike Halloran
Pembroke Pines, FL, USA

 

[CorBlimeyLimey]

petite1 ... I'm guessing from your handle that you are female. If so, then I would follow Latexman's advice.
If he persists, involve authorities. If he gave you his card, check him out as much as you can.

IMO, the fact that he followed you throughout the seminar is indicative of his personality.

If you are not female ... leave the soap on the floor.

 

[Beggar]

I echo Mike Halloran's comments -- he's only doing what he's been told is what you're supposed to do. I've always been skeptical of the "in-your-face" approach but have heard some on these boards cite some success with various forms of it.

If you can stomach the idea, you might consent to having lunch with him just to get an idea of where he's coming from. Perhaps a position might come up in your organization for which he'd be a good fit.

Recognize also that networking is a bidirectional game. In three years, he might be the one working and you be the one looking. If so, you might be glad that you invested a little time in the networking.

--------------------
How much do YOU owe?

http://www.brillig.com/debt_clock/

--------------------

 

[epoisses]

Is he selling something or looking for a job? (not clear to me from your posting). In both cases, if meeting face to face looks like wasting time, just tell him you can't afford the time right now, just ask him to send you complete info for future reference.
No reason to be rude, no reason to refuse altogether.

 

[corus]

Meeting up for a chat doesn't sound like it has anything do with work. Just don't reply.

corus

 

[josephv]

This is a tough one, I think you need to go with your instincts. If you sense he is coming on then the "don't reply" option sounds good. If you sense he is networking perhaps the "no thank you" is better.

 

[Ashereng]

petite1,

Regardless of the reasons, a simple "No. Thank-you." should suffice for both personal and professional refusals. This is simple, clear, direct and courteous.

That's what I usually use.



"Do not worry about your problems with mathematics, I assure you mine are far greater."
Albert Einstein
Have you read FAQ731-376 to make the best use of Eng-Tips Forums?

 

[petite1]

hello everyone,

thank you for your replies.I thought I was overreacting!! I'm going to go with the thank you,but no thank you response,and yes corblimeylimey I am a girl!!

here's a sample of my response of far...would appreciate feedback on it:


Hello,

It was nice to make your acquaintance as well. I did in fact find the seminar informative as well as interesting. Thank you for your invitation to meet for a chat but I must decline.Thank you nonetheless.

Regards,
petite1

i'm just hoping he doesnt end up calling me to ask why!!

 

[Ashereng]

Good manners requires one to be polite.

Good manners does not require one to explain oneself.



"Do not worry about your problems with mathematics, I assure you mine are far greater."
Albert Einstein
Have you read FAQ731-376 to make the best use of Eng-Tips Forums?

 

[PSE]

petite1

I might drop the "Thank you nonetheless" from the reply but otherwise it appears fine. Short and succinct. An individual acting professionally would no longer persue contact.

It seems from your initial posting that you felt uncomfortable. Remember, you are under no obligation to continue communications.

Regards,

 

[epoisses]

If you really don't want anything to do with him, then why not just not respond at all? So he won't respond to your response (because there is none) and you don't have to waste your time trying to be polite.

 

[HgTX]

I'm with epoisses. Email is conveniently ignorable. If he starts calling you, that's an indicator that you made the right call by ignoring him to begin with.

Hg

Eng-Tips policies: faq731-376

 

[Guest0527211403]

In addition to what others have mentioned: Don't sweat the fact that he's got 15 years' experience in your field. You will make many more contacts in the course of your career.

If you send him the email and he calls to ask why you declined his request, tell him that he just answered his own question with his lack of professionalism and leave it at that.

Also, it sounds like he has a dominant personality on account of the fact that he wants to meet with you because "he has a lot of experience in [your] field". The key to dealing with folks like this is to be firm and to the point. If you dance around the issue you will only feed his dominant side and he will be that much harder to shake.

 

[13]

OMG.

I cannot believe that this is actually happening to someone else for a change. What a relief!

Don't waste your time wondering how your actions are going to step on someone else's toes.

Be brief, professional, and never give a stranger information about yourself. This is self-preservation!

Brings back memories of a song I hear long ago......

Freak Magnet
by L7

liars, losers, coming at me
what i need is sanctuary
minding my own business
getting in my face
violating my personal space
freak magnet
jerk appeal
something about you
is so not right
nightmare, nightmare
in the daylight
asking for my number
you wanna give me a call
but i've got your message
written on the wall
freak magnet
jerk appeal
always bugging me
why don't you get a clue
'cause i don't want to
talk to you
i know that look in your eye
i've seen it before
i've given you all of my change
but you want something more
freak magnet
jerk appeal


Food for thought anyway. Go with your instincts.

 

[heieup]

Your answer looks good to me.

I have been in similar circumstances on a number of occasions and in my experience I have found that if it feels odd, then it probably is.

Your email turning him down looks fine, its to the point, polite but leaves him in no doubt as to your answer. If he does ring for an explanation then he is an utter fool and I wouldn't expect it. If he does however, then just reiterate your email, don't get dragged into conversation and hang up.

A good rule I've found (being young and female in an engineering environment) is to diffuse or avoid circumstances and people who make you feel uncomfortable. It might be completley innocent but then again it might not (and you'd be suprised how many men who are old enough to be your father think they might have a chance at asking you out !!!). Even if it is entirely innocent, if you feel uncomfortable, it won't be beneficial to either of you and working together will be difficult.

Good luck ! occupational hazard I'm afraid !!! Stay professional and polite and you'll be fine.

 

[TheTick]

Men can be "freak magnets", too.

Always remember that you do have a right to limit the level of personal intimacy in a professional relationship. "Be cordial with all, intimate with few." If a person can not respect that, then even more distance is in order.

 

[epoisses]

As a sales guy I prefer my customers to be male and butt ugly, so at least they won't mind being friends :-D
*cynic mode off*

 

[csd72]

Petite1,

A female engineer, there should be more like you as you add a different perspective to the industry -but thats another thread.

If this guy rings up and asks for an explanation then that is him being rude, and you should tell him so.

13,

goog to hear of another L7 fan out there, I just downloaded a few of their MP3's for my player.

csd