Non-standard fasteners 4

[gmatov]

On a lighter side, do any of you mechanical types have a copy, or a reference to, the old non-standard fasteners?

I had a chart many years ago for screwholes that were mislocated, so an offset screw was needed, hole tapered large at the bottom, so reverse tapered screw needed, countersink on the wrong side, so taper on screwhead on top, etc.

Mine was probably from 30 or more years ago. Youngsters might not think it funny, then again, with an engineering mind, they just might.

Kind of on the line of "Herman" and "The Bull of the Woods".

If you have a lead, please reply. If you have a copy, please post a link.

My background is Machine Repair, Westinghouse type. Fix the machines that make machines. Precision, precision, precision. Unlike my present "Get the friggin' thing running, an inch out of line is OK till we get a down turn."

Cheers,

George

 

[Cockroach]

This is a joke, right? "Reverse Tapered Screw", "Offset Screw", "Taper Screwhead"?

Kenneth J Hueston, PEng
Principal
Sturni-Hueston Engineering Inc
Edmonton, Alberta Canada

 

[looslib]

I've seen it, but I don't have a copy.
I too would like a copy.

"Wildfires are dangerous, hard to control, and economically catastrophic."
"Fixed in the next release" should replace "Product First" as the PTC slogan.

Ben Loosli
CAD/CAM System Analyst
Ingersoll-Rand

 

[Strider17]

Yes a Joke...I have a copy I got a year ago having
lost my first one....

It came as humorous catalog page from a legitimate
fastener supplier. Go to this site and go 3-4 pages
into their catalog...

http://www.metricscrew-toolco.com/newcont.html

Metric Screw & Tool Co
9 Lake St.
Wakefield, MA, 01880

1-800-METRIC-1

The more you know, the more you
know you don't know....

 

[Barry1961]

I have really needed a source for those special screws from time to time. Since they are made from unobtainium they probably cost too much to stock but it is nice to have a source.

Barry1961

 

[gmatov]

Strider,

Thanks for the link, but the original was a pagefull,probably 20 special fasteners.

I've asked elsewhere and gotten either "Huh?"s or no reply.

I'm really looking for the original or a reasonable facsimile.

Cockroach, yeah, reverse tapered, you know, a flathead screw, say for attaching a wear plate. Countersink the wrong side, special fasteners needed. (Joke.)

Sure hope someone has a copy and can send it.

Thanks.

Cheers,

George

 

[pennpoint]

gmatov
You Bet! I've seen this in most shops where I've been. It's a Standard Poster. Xerox Edition x22 +. Still funny and to the point. A jab back at the engineer, designer or whom ever.
If we cannot laugh at ourselves who can we laugh at...
Theres another (old) joke out there about a swing, and is viewed from various perpectives. Some of you have seen it and most will get it when viewed, I'm sure. I whished I had it and could post it.

Best Regards

pennpoint

 

[gmatov]

Pennpoint,

Thanks.Is the Xerox Edition x22+ where I can get it or do I have to beg you to scan and post. I'm a relatively old guy, as you seem to be, as the youngsters don't even seem to think such could be. I quote, "Is this a joke?"
You probably even remember Herman and the Bull o' the Woods cartoons.

Ah, well,

Cheers,

George

 

[byrdj]

I have seen the fasterner poster too, but have it to find it on web. However, here is the swing pennpoint mentioned

 

[pennpoint]

Thanks "byrdj"
That IS the one.

"gmatov"
What! are you saying I'm old at 61?

Well I guess I am..
and sorry I do not have that "fastener poster"
People do have a better idea of what your talking about thanks to the link "Strider17" posted.

best regards
pennpoint

 

[GregLocock]

http://www.metricscrew-toolco.com/pg4.html

for a better link

Cheers

Greg Locock

Please see FAQ731-376 for tips on how to make the best use of Eng-Tips.

 

[byrdj]

I hade one to add to the list. however a drawing wough not due them justice. It was a double thread, ie 8 & 7 tpi, thus could be used with either threaded nut.
They were made when the new contract milwright was given the job of stud cleaning.

 

[gmatov]

Penn,

Yep, you've got me, oldtimer, I'm only 60 and a half.

Greg,

Linking directly to page 4 is a good idea. It's possible some one could have gone to the original link and, not being clued in that it is a gag, would try to order same for one of their own slightly off tolerance projects.

The same type who you might send for some Relative Bearing Grease, or some such. Maybe a bucket of steam.

Byrdj,

Everybody picks on millwrights, don't they? They can be useful. They did all my heavy lifting, till my company got the union to merge jobs. Then we machinery repairmen were partnered with a millwright each. Made the job take a bit longer, but when there was something tight or heavy, they WERE handy.

Cheers,

George

 

[gmatov]

Sorry,

Since I started this, I don't know if this is allowed or not.

Description of some mechanics tools:

ETER EGAN’S TOOL DICTIONARY DEPT....

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive car parts not far from the object we are trying to hit.

MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on boxes containing convertible tops or tonneau covers.

ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning steel Pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age, but it also works great for drilling rollbar mounting holes in the floor of a sports car just above the brake line that goes to the rear axle.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting those stale garage cigarettes you keep hidden in the back of the Whitworth socket drawer (What wife would think to look in there?) because you can never remember to buy lighter fluid for the Zippo lighter you got from the PX at Fort Campbell.

ZIPPO LIGHTER: See oxyacetylene torch.

WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars an motorcycles, they are now used mainly for hiding six-month old Salems from the sort of person who would throw them away for no good reason.

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against the Snap-On Tool Calendar over the bench grinder.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans rust off old bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and hard- earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you to say, "Django Reinhardt."

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering a Mustang to the ground after you have installed a set of Ford Motorsports lowered road springs, trapping the jack handle firmly under the front air dam.

EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering a car upward off a hydraulic jack.

TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters.

PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbor Chris to see if he has another hydraulic floor jack.

SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog-doo off your boot.

E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool that snaps off in bolt holes and is ten times harder than any known drill bit.

TIMING LIGHT: A stroboscopic instrument for illuminating grease buildup on crankshaft pulleys.

TWO-TON HYDRAULIC ENGINE HOIST: A handy tool for testing the tensile strength of ground straps and hydraulic clutch lines you may have forgotten to disconnect.

CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A large motor mount prying tool that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end without the handle.

BATTERY ELECTROLYTE TESTER: A handy tool for transferring sulfuric acid from a car battery to the inside of your toolbox after determining that your battery is dead as a doornail, just as you thought.

AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw.

TROUBLE LIGHT: The mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under cars at night. Health benefits aside, its main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style paper-and- tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; can also be used, as the name implies, to round-out Phillips screw heads.

AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty suspension bolts last tightened 40 years ago by someone in Abingdon, Oxfordshire, and rounds them off.

If this is off-base, sorry.

Link:

http://members.aol.com/funnyfirm/bits.htm

You have to join, and it seems to be about 10 years old, but.....

Cheers,

George

Still haven't found the chart.

 

[pennpoint]

gmatov
Thanks that was fun...

pennpoint

 

[gmatov]

Pennpoint,

Thanks, I think it is, too. Spent the last hour reading most of the original page, finally clicked "Home",and found that the site is still maintained, kinda up to date.

Have GOT to go to bed now.

Well, I DID buy the latest H. Potter book for myself and all the kids, delivered 3 and started my own. Probably not getting too much sleep tonight.

Go pop a fresh beer and read myself to sleep.

Cheers,

George