Tried and convicted in the grapevine 4

[Tunalover]

When I started my new job in October my boss seemed like a great guy. In fact, before I took the job I interviewed two guys who worked there and each did not hesitate to say he was a great guy to work for (I am an astute listener who can usually tell when someone lies about something like this).

Since I am in a life-long fight with clinical depression (one that I am slowly winning!) I only slowly "mesh in" socially in any new job; I tend to stay task-oriented and keep to myself especially when I'm feeling down. It's still a day-to-day fight though. Because of this people sometimes mistakenly conclude that I am antisocial or arrogant.

Around the middle of January I noticed that my coworkers' attitudes toward me seemed to have taken a sudden turn for the worse. This includes people I'd never even worked with before! One guy who I joked around with every day in the hallway abruptly turned critical and sarcastic and started asking prying questions about my work history (having nothing to hide, I simply told him the truth each time he asked). The change was so sudden with this guy that it was almost like someone threw a switch!

I must add that in casual conversation my boss tends to be harshly critical of others including his boss and customers' employees. One time in a meeting he referred to a customer's program managers as a "bozo." Another time he told me that his boss was a cheapskate and totally out-of-touch with the department he's in charge of! He always confided these things to me alone and never with a third person present.

This leads to my problem. I think that he has been discrediting ME behind my back! My work is top notch (I was also told this several times by my boss and by my project's program manager) and I have burned many a candle working unpaid overtime to meet agressive schedules on a major project (that I inherited from someone who left the company after telling some highly creative tales about how much was done!).

These are not just paranoid rants. There are simply too many people who inexplicably stopped treating me with the same regard and respect that I had in my first two months! How do you fight something like this! To make matters worse upper management thinks my boss is a Saint!


Tunalover

 

[jmw]

I don't really know what to say to this.
It sounds like someone has done somthing or said something that has poisened the air.

I can only think of few possible options:
1) Have a quite of the record discussion with your boss, explain what is happening and ask if something has happened that you don't know about and what you should do...
2) Talk to HR off the record again and same questions....
3) talk tou one of your colleagues, the one you got on with so well, take him aside and ask what is going on.
4) Be prepared to move on...

I would suggest you be prepared before taking any of these options, that is, get everything organised in your mind first and rehearse what you want to say and ask and anticipate the worst things that can be said and be prepared for them so you can be cool and controlled, because the last thing you need to do is get upset or lose it, it is very easy to do this and then everyone loses objectivity.

In what order? perhaps HR first since you have some doubts creeping in about your boss.... whatever it is you perhaps need HR as "impartial" i.e. not involved... and this is something that should be within their competance to adress.

I would also suggest discussing this in detail with your family, you need them to understand if what is happening at work affects how you behave at home and you need their support.

Beyond that it is hard to say. You really need to find out what the trigger for this was and on reflection, this is more and more the HR role as they have the responsibility to sort out any disharmony. The last thing the company needs is any serious disaffection and not just because it may lead to someone leaving which is always costly, but because at the heart of it may be something that could leave them exposed to a civil suite... I'm just guessing here but if something malicious or slanderous is being propagated and they do nothing then that may be the case.

There are a lot of things that happen in the workp-lace that are best left alone, you get on with things and don't let it get to you but this sounds like something far more than that. People don't just switch as they seem to have done for no good or bad reason.

If this is all going to turn nasty, you need may need to go out of your way to be seen to be trying to do the right thing by yourself and your employer.... because when push comes to shove you need as many people on your side as you can get. This may mean not repeating some of your suspeicions such as about your boss. When you talk to HR, for example, just report the facts.

Somewhere along the line you may want to find an external professional body that will help and advise.

Don't rush in, just see if some of the other guys can give some more objective advice here.

JMW

http://www.ViscoAnalyser.com

 

[lostsailor]

tunalover,
I'm going to be brutally honest, you're in a tough spot and I wish you well. JMW has offered you some excellent advice, particularly with regard to your family. I would advise getting some solid leads on alternative employment prior to broaching "what's wrong" with your boss and HR. Bear in mind that your boss' primary concerns are himself and the company, in that order, and that HR's concerns are the company, your boss ( as he has management resposibility ), and then you. The only person that is on YOUR side is you.
It looks like you got dealt a bad hand so you need to decide whether it is worthwhile to play it out or to fold. Considering the dynamics of the situation that you have set forth I'm hesitant to offer any specific course of action. Again, best of luck, I hope it works out for you.
Regards,
RLS

 

[planedr]

I to would be preparing for an exit. It is always better to do so on your terms. The old adage that it is easier to find a job when you have one is true.

Good Luck don't them grind you down!

Cheers

 

[MikeHalloran]

GET ANOTHER JOB.

A boss who will slander others will of course do the same for you.

HR is not your friend. You do not have any reasonable expectation of due process in the corporate environment.

DO NOT approach the boss, or HR, about any of this. Anything you say can and will be taken out of context, distorted, and used against you.



Mike Halloran
Pembroke Pines, FL, USA

 

[dik]

If you suffer from serious clinical depression, your first line of defense might be to talk to your therapist. He/She might offer up some sound advice.

If I were in the same position, I'd probably talk to the person you originally were friendly with and see if there was something done that 'soured' the friendship.

If your level of work is good, you might want to talk to your employer and note that you've been there a few months and ask if he's pleased with your quality/quantity of work and ask if he can offer any suggestions for improvement.

I have to be careful myself... my wife keeps telling me that I lack tact! I'm pretty sure she doesn't know what she's talking about <G>.

Dik

 

[Pressed]

The guy in the hallway seems to know what is going on, ask him what is wrong. He is asking about your work history, sounds like someone (vendor, supplier, customer, friend of an employee...etc..) said something. I doubt HR leaked anything and unless they are strong and moral, they won't help you.

Keep in mind that your boss may act the way he does and have nothing to do with your situation. Hard to say, just going by your writing here. And if your boss is highly regarded and didn't like you, wouldn't you be gone? If you are still worried about your boss you could ask him for a verbal, off the cuff, performance review just to see if your ship is sinking, so to speak.

I have talked to a few guys over the years that thought they were on the verge of being fired and absolutely nothing was wrong. Your co-worker issue is another matter.

Good luck.

_______________________________________
Feeling frisky.........

http://www.tailofthedragon.com

 

[MintJulep]

If your boss speaks unkindly of others to you it seems reasonable to expect that he may speak unkindly of you to others.

 

[ivymike]

I have talked to a few guys over the years that thought they were on the verge of being fired and absolutely nothing was wrong.

I've felt that way my whole career... figure it keeps my performance up. It'll probably make saving for retirement less important too, since I'll no doubt keel over from stress long before my 401k is depleted.

 

[IRstuff]

Ivymike makes a good point. If they wanted to fire you, they'd do it. Waiting for whatever, increases the chance that you'll find out and sabotage things that you're working on.

TTFN

 

[stanier]

May I suggest that the next job you take is on contract basis(hourly hire). That way you get paid for all your efforts and tend to stay out of the office politics. Only your work would be cticised not your personality, history, etc.

The downside is you may not be invited to the Christmas party but they tend to be pretty bad these days anyhow. You may not come to regard the firm as part of an extended family to give you support for your condition. You can make up for this in your extra curricula activities outside the business where you are less likely to be judged.

Geoffrey D Stone FIMechE C.Eng;FIEust CP Eng

http://www.waterhammer.bigblog.com.au

 

[lewtam]

Geoff - not sure if further withdrawal from social interaction is the answer to clinical depression.

Tuna - Based on your original post it appears someone has had something to say about you behind your back. I assume you are receiving counselling/treatment for your depression, hopefully you are learning how to react to less than ideal circumstances. Remember that although you have no control over what someone thinks or says about you, you have total control over your reaction to it.

Don't overthink every supposedly negative situation that happens to you, because your brain has been wired to see the bad in any situation, and it does no good at all. I'm not saying you've overblown this specific situation, but this problem is very close to home for me and I've seen 'hassles' turn into full blown episodes.

Hypothetical:
Boss: John, I'm going to get Tunalover to cover the project you've taken for granted as yours. He has the experience from his 3 years at McEngineers.
John sees Tunalover in hallway
John: WHEN DID YOU START AT McENGINEERS?

LewTam Inc.
Petrophysicist, Leading Hand, Natural Horseman, Prickle Farmer, Crack Shot, Venerable Yogi.

 

[corus]

Office gossip and office politics is nothing new. Everyone talks about everyone else, particularly new-comers. I would guess that you didn't go to the Xmas party. Anyone not going to the do is fair game for gossip. The same thing applies if you're drunk and unconcsious at the party. Joining a company is just like joining a pack of hounds (except for the bum sniffing). They'll want to know which pack you were with before, have you got any mud stuck to you, how do you fit in the pecking order, are you a threat to the alpha male/female. Just keep your head down, scratch around a bit, have a favourite lamp-post. It's only a job.

corus

 

[Kwan]

I was working a contract job and a direct tried to convict me. I had checked one of his drawings and had to use two copies to markup all of the issues. He didn't like me after that, but I work to accomplish a job not play politics.

Anyway, in a meeting he tried to burn me with the VP. I of course defended myself (it was bad news about something and the guy was trying to make it seem like I was milking the job). Walking from the meeting another direct told me I have to watch my back. I laughed and said, "I'm a contracter. People can stick me as many times as they like. I don't bleed."

I worked that job for an additional year and left on my terms. My point is that if you do your job (and very important to have a boss that recognizes this), then you will be fine. (also helps to be a contracter with the ability to go to the next job). If the boss plays the stupid politic games then I'm out of there. Their loss not mine.

 

[plasgears]

Many moons ago, when I was between jobs, I took a battery of tests at an outplacement office to find my right career direction. It confirmed engineering.

Could this be of help to you? Good luck.

Illegitimus non carborundum est. (Don't let the bastards wear you down.)

 

[ktlasers]

This happened to me at my last job. A new manager came in and decided she didn't like me. She, with the help of my Assistant Manager (under me) discredited me with the other managers one by one. I have no idea what was said or how they pulled it off. The few things I did hear were complete lies. My boss didn't stand up for me, so I decided to find another job. Once I had that set up, I pushed through the busy season, gave my two weeks, and left. I never let on that I was unhappy, looking for a new job, or anything other than planning for the future (i.e. not burning any bridges). Once I left, the remaining two managers were quickly turned against me. It was heartbreaking, but I just figured that it was their problem and not mine. I'm in a different industry now (bonus: all men instead of all women) and I'm much happier. Women really are vicious!

 

[electricpete]

I think most of the angles are covered.

I think one more angle may be in order (unless I missed it somewhere above) - don't overreact. If you get caught up in the negative energy of this situation, it may affect your own behavior (less social, more defensive) and performance.

I would definitely ask the coworkers why they are treating you differently now.

Criticizing others is never a good trait for anyone especially a boss. But the fact that your boss lets down his guard (politically speaking) and criticizes others during private conversations with you might actually be a reflection of his trust in you. After all I will speak my true opinion to my wife at home and maybe one or two close coworkers that I trust, but I wouldn't critize openly beyond that. I think the same applies to anyone politically savvy enough to advance to the level of supervisor.

There may be further political games afoot that you are unaware of (maybe your boss is worried about the project and setting the groundwork so he doesn't look bad if it doesn't come thru?). But there may also be people who can see through the political games as well.

Although I am not much one for politics, I have to say that in general working on interacting socially with your coworkers and bosses, possibly even outside work would be a good thing from two standpoints: 1- it may give them a better feeling about you; 2 - it may help you get a little more tuned into political stuff going on that you may not be aware of.

In many situations, focusing on the possible negative attitudes of others and possible negative outcomes can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Don't worry about the stuff you can't control (what other people say or think). Do try to learn more about what's going on if you can, but don't get obsessed by it. Focus on the the things you can control which are your own attitude, performance, and interactions with others.

=====================================
Eng-tips forums: The best place on the web for engineering discussions.

 

[Tunalover]

Thanks all for giving so much useful advice and for spending your valuable time responding.

A couple of responders intimated that I could be in the wrong profession or that an outsider may have provided adverse feedback without my knowledge.

As for the former I am a solid engineer with a long track history in diverse industries: I have a long list of people (about a third of them in management) who will speak highly of me if given the chance. When I was hired I provided this list to the hiring manager (now my boss) but I get the feeling that he never bothered to call any of them! On the subject of references, we talked about it and he agreed when I stated that an astute manager with decent communication skills can discern between "smoke screens" and genuine kudos when talking to references.

As for the latter, I suppose that is always a possiblity with me as it is for anyone else. I can't claim to get along with everyone. Also while I tend to keep to myself I am also a motivated and disciplined "make it happen" type with strong convictions. I'm sure that there are a FEW people I ticked off in the past but that can be said about practically anyone!




Tunalover