Brian,
It's interesting to read how engineers from different backgrounds and businesses can see things so differently. I left school knowing this stuff, so maybe I go around expecting everyone else to know it!
I use parts manuals and IPC's regularly at work, and they are usually itemized, too. If your customer is referring to "item #" then you can ask for which page or figure in the catalogue, and look it up with that. At your end, the sales orders can include the same page, figure and item number so that there's no confusion. Of course I would expect every one of your agents to have a parts catalog handy for reference, and by referring to it during the phone call can initiate a discussion that confirms that the right part/item has been selected. Many parts catalogs also include, among the first pages, an ordering form or checklist, also to help communicate without errors what part is needed.
Speaking from my experience with Inventor again, when you place a parts list on the drawing, and point it to the assembly that is also illustrated on the drawing, then the parts list is filled automatically with all the part numbers involved in the assembly. They also come in with item numbers, also generated automatically, although they may be in a random order. Then the "housekeeping" begins to sort things out. The point, however, is that the part number, and its material properties, sizes, dimensions etc. have only been defined by the designer only ONCE. All subsequent uses of the data and numbers is linked to the original by SW for you. Not that you can't override it...
STF