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Crazy handshakes 13

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Zoobie

Zoobie

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Oct 22, 2002
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I'm looking for some opinions from the group in regards to a couple of recent handshake 'incidents' that I experienced.

Incident 1:

Last week I popped into the office of a colleague. Also there was one of his direct reports. I was recently promoted and moved to the head office so I had not met this person before. I introduced myself and then received an absolutely bone crushing handshake that lasted for an unusually long time...it was like he didn't want to let go. My initial reaction was that this guy is an @$$hole. From what I know of this guy he is a good guy and generally gets along well with everyone. However, now my impression of him, that I can't seem to shake, is that he is a total jerk.

Incident 2:

I had a software vendor in my office yesterday trying to sell me some expensive asset management tools. As per usual in these situations, there was the prerequisite before and after handshakes. This time it wasn't bone crushing but it was firmer then what I would consider normal or comfortable. What bothered me is that he twisted his hand in such away that it was on top and mine was twisted uncomfortably. If it wasn't for the handshake I doubt I would have anything negative to say about this person. I will be meeting him again in a few weeks and now my impression of him is slightly tainted.

My questions:

Am I overreacting? Can you really tell anything about someone from a handshake? I think I have a 'normal' business handshake. Nothing like this has ever lingered on my mind before. I'm wondering why these experiences have stuck in my head at all.
 
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What is a "business handshake"? Is that where you do something that you can't stand to perform and act as though you like it? My advice is to quit acting and 'fess up to the fact that you don't want to shake. You should learn to be yourself, not who you think you are expected to be.


 
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I don't think you can tell anything about a person from their handshake. What you can do however, is create preconceived ideas about that person as you have illustrated: The First Impression.

Learn to shake hands appropriately so others don't form the wrong impressions of you.

"Art without engineering is dreaming; Engineering without art is calculating."

Have you read faq731-376 to make the best use of these Forums?
 
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You will find lots of psychological studies into handshakes, type of, firmness etc. Just do a search on the web and have a look for it.

I believe it is a personal thing. I have no idea whether I have a firm handshake or not, so have no idea what others think of me when shaking hands. But I feel a handshake should be firm. To me a really soft handshake indicates a lack of confidence. Whether that is true, I have no idea, just an opinion.

You sound as if you are viewing both of these handshakes a form of attack. I think you are over reacting. I bet the people you shook hands with have no idea how firm their handshake is, and didn't give it a second thought. I would suggest you do the same.
 
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I am convinced that handshakes bring out the worst in some people. Certainly, some folks are secretly overly proud of their manly grip.
 
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The dead fish is the worst. When I was a teenager I used to go on twinning trips to a twin village in france. Dozens and dozens of handshakes every day. Handshakes with the same people each day. After a few days you try to avoid the dead fish.

- Steve
 
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Most Asian countries still do not give a firm Western handshake. I have learned to grip slightly, leaving my hand rigid but not crushing the other.

"Art without engineering is dreaming; Engineering without art is calculating."

Have you read faq731-376 to make the best use of these Forums?
 
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Zoobie,

Next handshake you have, try bowing down and kissing the dude's hand. You probably won't have to worry about another "manly" handshake from him again. ;-)

I don't buy into "you can tell a lot about a man from ___". (fill in the blank with: the way he shakes hands, the shoes he wears, his cologne, his handwriting, the car he drives, etc.). However, as MadMango said, it will affect the First Impression.

Worse than a dead fish handshake to me is the kind where someone grabs your fingers (as opposed to your hand) and crushes them. In one such incident, I politely offered to kick the gentleman in the grapes if he didn't stop crushing my fingers.

Cheers,
CanuckMiner
 
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Hey, I didn't say I completely buy into it but there is a bunch of stuff out there about it.

Plus, people who care about this read up on it and start using the handshake they are told means the thing they want to portray. So even if it starts out as nonsense it can develop some truth.

KENAT, probably the least qualified checker you'll ever meet...
 
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I think it very well could be a dominance thing. You should also see that in the way they drive, or what they drive. (Or it could be they don't know how hard there grip is.)
The wet fish hand shake is what I normally get from women, which I feel that if they don't want to shake my hand, then don't (It's more acceptable to me than the wet fish).

But body language is a part of this, and like the saying, words have at least two meanings, could be the other meaning.

Why would an engineer want to move up into managment? And middle managment at that. It's very compettive, and burn outs, at some companies, don't take very long.
 
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I'm a bit surprised by the sales guy though. A lot of sales people groove on all this body language stuff and try to manipulate it. I would have thought him crushing your hand was a no-no to the body language folks.

Plus remember, Engineers tend to be more analytical than the population at large. So just like advertising apparantly doesn't work as well on your typical engineer maybe the same goes for body language etc.

KENAT, probably the least qualified checker you'll ever meet...
 
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Some very interesting comments. I doubt I would have even posted if the situations didn't linger in my mind. I don't think I have ever thought about someone's handshake for more than 1.25 seconds afterwards...wet fish, bone crusher, or otherwise. I guess my sense of the situations was that they were overtly intentional....maybe I was wearing my threatening tie that day.

Maybe just having a bad day...or someone slipped something in my coffee.
 
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KENAT,

I think that's why it stuck...shouldn't the sales guy being kissing my you-know-what if he wants me to buy his 6-figure box of binary magic.
 
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or grabbing the middle finger and bending it backward over the wrist until he falls to his knees.

"If you are going to walk on thin ice, you might as well dance!"
 
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