Crazy handshakes 13

[Zoobie]

I'm looking for some opinions from the group in regards to a couple of recent handshake 'incidents' that I experienced.

Incident 1:

Last week I popped into the office of a colleague. Also there was one of his direct reports. I was recently promoted and moved to the head office so I had not met this person before. I introduced myself and then received an absolutely bone crushing handshake that lasted for an unusually long time...it was like he didn't want to let go. My initial reaction was that this guy is an @$$hole. From what I know of this guy he is a good guy and generally gets along well with everyone. However, now my impression of him, that I can't seem to shake, is that he is a total jerk.

Incident 2:

I had a software vendor in my office yesterday trying to sell me some expensive asset management tools. As per usual in these situations, there was the prerequisite before and after handshakes. This time it wasn't bone crushing but it was firmer then what I would consider normal or comfortable. What bothered me is that he twisted his hand in such away that it was on top and mine was twisted uncomfortably. If it wasn't for the handshake I doubt I would have anything negative to say about this person. I will be meeting him again in a few weeks and now my impression of him is slightly tainted.

My questions:

Am I overreacting? Can you really tell anything about someone from a handshake? I think I have a 'normal' business handshake. Nothing like this has ever lingered on my mind before. I'm wondering why these experiences have stuck in my head at all.

 

[SomptingGuy]

One of my colleagues mentioned this handshake.


The Goose:

Any handshake can be employed, but followed up with a pat on the bottom, a gentle squeeze for those special clients/'friends'



- Steve

 

[MadMango]

Zoobie, your Incident 1 could very well be a result of some rumors about your promotion... of the person was a jerk.

Incident 2 smells of an over achiever. The palm down handshake could be their idea of saying "I'm your go-to salesman!"

Age, work experience, state of mind, all these and more play into your perception of what the handshakes conveyed. It is probably something you'll have to figure out.

"Art without engineering is dreaming; Engineering without art is calculating."

Have you read faq731-376 to make the best use of these Forums?

 

[swearingen]

When I was a teenager, my grandfathers, father and uncles used to impress upon me that a firm handshake was the mark of a confident man. I never put much credence into that, though.

I did have a situation in church one time when I was about 14. An elderly gentlemen offered me his hand during the sign of peace. He proceeded to crush my fingers as best he could - I guess he was trying to exemplify an element of manhood to me. Little did he know that I had been water skiing at least 4 days a week for the entire summer and my return grip made his eyeballs bulge...

For the OP's situation, I would directly ask them why they shake hands that way. Shine a light on how juvenile it is...



If you "heard" it on the internet, it's guilty until proven innocent. - DCS

 

[CorBlimeyLimey]

The next time you experience a bone-crusher just say,
"Wow, you have a very powerful grip. You must work out a lot ... but keep it up and you'll go blind."

 

[Unotec]

I didn't know I had a pretty strong handshake/hands (yeah, probably the jerk type) until my daughters were born. After my wife enlightened me on the bodily injuries I was going to sustain if ever a girl had a broken bone because of it, I have tried to 'control' it (I've played racquet sports and handball all my life).

I guess it comes down to your own style. If you tend to try to convey something with your handshake, you might think someone else might be doing the same. From your post, I think your handshake, for you, is trying to convey you are a professional and have a balanced appreciation/approach to matters.

I actually never paid attention to it before (I do dislike the 'dead fish' one a lot though) and never considered part of the personality. Now you have made me aware of the issue and will be hard to ignore.

This is in my opinion obviously, but it might be part of someone's personality if that someone uses it with a purpose. Otherwise, it's just fingers closing.

<<A good friend will bail you out of jail, but a true friend
will be sitting beside you saying ” Damn that was fun!” - Unknown>>

 

[ctopher]

When he gives you a strong handshake, respond with "Hey big guy...You know what they say about big hands...".

Chris
SolidWorks/PDMWorks 08 3.1
AutoCAD 08
ctopher's home (updated Aug 5, 2008)
ctopher's blog
SolidWorks Legion

 

[Zoobie]

unotec,

Actually, up until a couple of days ago, I thought a handshake was just fingers closing. I would have been happy to live out my days not knowing or thinking anything different. To top it off, I started a thread on it so it will now forever be tattooed on my mind. I have a meeting in a half hour...maybe I'll give the guy a hug.

 

[KENAT]

Or kiss on both cheeks;-)

You could just put your hand out and before the other person gets theirs out just start violently shaking your own. I seem to remember chuckling at this when I was about 7 or so.

Or just before he touches your hand you pull yours back and run it through your hair like the Fonz. Again, hilarious when I was a kid.

KENAT, probably the least qualified checker you'll ever meet...

 

[macmet]

So what's this dead fish everyone keeps talking about?

 

[KENAT]

If you'd bothered to look at the highly informative link I gave above you'd know that...

The Dead Fish

This is a cold, sometimes wet, unemotional shaking of hands. It is the definition of apathy.

;-)

Actually my Dad always used to use this term so I've heard it before.



KENAT, probably the least qualified checker you'll ever meet...

 

[Unotec]

Never seen the definition before, thanks. Nevertheless the mental picture was pretty clear.

<<A good friend will bail you out of jail, but a true friend
will be sitting beside you saying ” Damn that was fun!” - Unknown>>

 

[TheTick]

Lead guitarists are infamous for dead fish handshakes.

 

[cranky108]

So we should assume someone with a dead fish handshake is either a laed guitarist or a whimp.

If you don't want to shake my hand just say so, or say you have a cold or something.

 

[BillBirch]

Zoobie,
I'm with you on the second rtpe. I honestly believe that the palm down is a dominance thing to which I invariably respond by twisting to the vertical (usually with a smart arse comment).

 

[ivymike]

I'm not a poker player, so people who are observant can usually tell in just moments what I'm thinking by looking at my face. I've recently had an uncomfortably long handshake - the dude just didn't want to let go - I was making eye contact the whole time, so he probably watched my facial expression go from friendly to puzzled to put-off in a matter of seconds. That one ended with me straightening my hand (thumb up) and raising an eyebrow. I don't often have trouble with crushers... maybe they know better. I do run across dead fish from time to time. Not quite the same as a woman's handshake - the women are at least being firm to the extent they can, and you can feel it - the fish are clearly not even trying (makes you want to see if you can make the fingertips pop off... but I've managed so far to keep the squeezing to a minimum with those guys).

One thing that always creeps me out is guys with smooth, silky skin... or hands that are slightly greasy with moisturizing lotion. Blech!

I wonder what people think of the calluses, scars, nicks, and cuts on my hands... and the grease under my fingernails... it probably worries some (they probably go straight away to wash their hands).

 

[Jordonlaw]

Zoobie,

"My questions: Am I overreacting?"

Yes.

Another story. I used to play competative table tennis and one guy had a reputation for not shaking the hands of his opponent as is customary. His team members were embarrised and eventually kicked him out. His reason was never really clear. I'd suggest the act of handshaking is more important that it's implementation.

 

[jmw]

Wear a sling on your right arm and offer your left hand.

By the way, salesmen are often trained not to offer the handshake but to respond when it is offered to them. This is simply because some "buyers" don't like to shake hands with salesmen (I know the feeling and in my list I include politicians, modern architects and lawyers (especially lawyers) but it gets a bit difficult when you want to include managers in your list as they are likely to take an unreasonable dislike to you).

Unotec, can we introduce you to Cass?
Cass, can we have a video playback posted here please?

JMW

http://www.ViscoAnalyser.com

 

[HgTX]

Handshakes...

I hate it when someone wants to shake my hand right after I've come out of the washroom and my hands are still a little damp. Sometimes I can get in an "I just washed my hands" disclaimer as they're making the grab so they're not disgusted, but sometimes I can't. And then I wonder if they read the Dilbert cartoon where Dogbert sneezes on his paw and then claims it's wet because he just washed it.

I've tried not shaking people's hands when I have a cold. Singers appreciate it. Businesspeople are taken aback. I don't think our culture has yet internalized that colds are spread more by hands than by air.

Ever since I saw a one-armed person do the upside-down left-handed handshake, I've adopted that for any time my right arm is occupied carrying something large. It doesn't seem to bother anyone.

Hg

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[ctopher]

I always wash my hands right after or ASAP after shaking hands. More people these days do not wash after the restroom!

I also wash if I handle doorknobs and gas pumps. It's not OCD, it's just gross.

Chris
SolidWorks/PDMWorks 08 3.1
AutoCAD 08
ctopher's home (updated Aug 5, 2008)
ctopher's blog
SolidWorks Legion

 

[HgTX]

Think of it as exercising your immune system!

Hg


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