Having to resign - as much as I don't want to 5

[Airforce2]

I moved to the USA about 12 months ago. I have loved it hear immensly. Loved the job, learning lots of new things and I just love the USA.

Devastating news... Wife and kids are not adjusting and cannot stay here any longer. In fact, they have tickets booked and are leaving in a few weeks. I am going to catch up with them early in the new year. I am totally devastated and cannot believe it is happening.

I have not told work this news. No contracts were signed, but a relocation bonus was given to me. I don't know how much time I should give them. They are a wonderful team of people, but I cannot pick how they will react to the news. I need to keep income going until at least next January. I will need to leave middle of January. As far as work and I were concerned, this was assumed to be a long term venture.

An Engineer friend has suggested that I approach them with the proposal to work for them remotely and just be real positive. I am finding it hard to be positive at the moment. Not happy about this at all! I want to stay here.

Any ideas on what sort of notice I should give? I want to leave with my head held high, knowing that I did the absolute best I could.

Thanks,

 

[tygerdawg]

Jobs come & go, your family should always be first in my opinion. It's a noble thing to make accommodations and sacrifices for your family. If my experience is any indicator, it will work out. It's a sad state of affairs when people judge their success on how much money & prestige they have, and not by the rich environment they have created at home.

Expect to be required to repay some or all of the relo expenses. It's only fair, it's only money.

But I'd certainly be honest with the company, explain the situation truthfully, and bring options and alternatives for them to consider. But pick your timing, because you may be escorted to the front door when you break the news. You never know just how it may work out or what opportunities may be presented. If your presence at the company is really all milk & honey and you aren't some abrasive jerk, then the company may try to figure out some arrangement. I've seen it done.

TygerDawg
Blue Technik LLC
Virtuoso Robotics Engineering

http://www.bluetechnik.com

 

[PeterStock]

I am in the same boat to some degree, except I am commited for three years (have to repay a prorated amount of a sign on bonus and relocation). My wife is having problems adjusting and we both find the state of medical care to be low. No such thing as an appointment here; first come, first served everywhere.

I would to as TygerDawg suggests, sooner rather than later to give them time to either replace you or put in systems for you to work remotely. If they want some of the relocation back, I might consider that in exchange for their agreeing to the working remotely. Without a contract there should not be a way for them to collect in court. They may withhold your last paycheck however. I would consider that fair as TygerDawg states.

Peter Stockhausen
Senior Design Analyst (Checker)
Infotech Aerospace Services

http://www.infotechpr.net

 

[jmw]

You have to assume you will not be the first in this situation so maybe they won't be as surprised or disappointed as you expect.

You have to suspect that for every 100 people they recruit and bring to the US, they realistically expect that this will be the situation with a given percentage of them and if they are realistic, they aren't going to waste too much energy on recriminations etc.

In this day and age remote working is a real possibility I'd say. I know a "retired" engineer working on projects from his home in the UK that are ongoing in the US and the UK. Pretty key design projects as I understand it.

But I think you really need to hear from someone who has had this experience personally and who can give you first hand experience of how they may or may not react.



JMW

http://www.ViscoAnalyser.com

 

[MadMango]

Sorry for your situation. This is bad calendar timing for this to happen. With all the USA holidays coming up, you have what, 7-8wks of actual working days till the middle of January? If you have a good working relation with your supervisor I'd approach him directly and explain your situation. Of course it couldn't hurt to start looking for employment back at home, and getting everything prepared for your replacement.

"Art without engineering is dreaming; Engineering without art is calculating."

Have you read faq731-376 to make the best use of these Forums?

 

[jmw]

I should have said that the "retired engineer" is working on military aviation projects.

JMW

http://www.ViscoAnalyser.com

 

[KENAT]

If you have a good relationship with them I'd definitely have a chat with your boss.

When I moved out to the States it was because I'd met my now wife while out here for work. We got married in the US in the February but I didn't immediately move out here because of the immigration route I took (didn't realize they expect you to try and cheat the system), because we were looking into her moving to UK and because financially I needed to keep working for a while.

Anyway, once we'd decided I was moving to the US I was fairly upfront with my management, only the CFO was bent out of shape. After moving to the US I was still directly employed by them for about 3 months, they even agreed to let me buy a PC on the company credit card and pay them back out of my checks. Then, I worked freelance for them part time for about 9 months before being remote from the office & various legal issues about import/expert & ITAR etc. became an issue.

So while I didn't give my formal notice untill the agreed 1 month, they knew several months before that I would be leaving at some point once my immigration stuff was sorted out.

In your situation I'd expect they'd want some of the relocation money back, though of course if there was no contract...

On the remote working thing trade restrictions can be an issue, even if not in defense, so just make sure you've looked into that before proposing it.

Posting guidelines faq731-376

http://eng-tips.com/market.cfm?

(probably not aimed specifically at you)
What is Engineering anyway: faq1088-1484​

 

[PeterStock]

If the work is subject to ITAR, ask if there are other areas where you could work remotly.

Peter Stockhausen
Senior Design Analyst (Checker)
Infotech Aerospace Services

http://www.infotechpr.net

 

[Airforce2]

Thanks guys...

This situation is an absolute mess. I come into work basically feeling like I am lying to everyone. My wife and kids leave in just a few weeks and I am going to stay on a bit longer. I looked at the calander earlier and think I put departure off until last week of January.

I understand about putting family first. It is very hard when you love your job, are learning lots and living in the country that you really love living in. Basically this is a dream come true and now I have to flush it down the toilet. Very hard to work through.

The relocation given to me was $7K and there was a paid for month's accomodation.

As discussed, there was no contracts. Not even a handshake. I came here, interviewed with them and they made me an offer.

Another sad thing is they do not suspect anything is wrong. They have asked a few times how the family is going, usually just passing by and our office is an open layout. I freaked when they asked, but also felt I could not say anything with everyone in ear-shot.

I would describe the office as a close knit group, small Firm and very ethical. They treat employees well with all the benefits.

I need to keep earning up until mid January at least. I am currently getting my business together in my home Country, but now is the quiet season there and not much construction going on.

I really hate this situation and wish it did not have to be. Basically I have no choice but to resign (or work remote) or loose my family. Wife and kids will not stay here, it has been a hard 12 months for them.

I am stressed about knowing what kind of notice to give them. If I tell them now and they escort me out, then I am hurting financially. I would like to think I could tell them now and they be good about it and we work toward the solution.

Thanks,

 

[Waidesworld]

You are putting family first. It's an honorable thing to do. Too many people out there who say they would do it and when push comes to shove, they don't.



drawn to design, designed to draw

 

[MadMango]

Everyone's working relationships are different, so only you can ultimately decide for yourself. I would wait to say anything till after the New Year, then it would be full disclosure on my part.

"Art without engineering is dreaming; Engineering without art is calculating."

Have you read faq731-376 to make the best use of these Forums?

 

[TenPenny]

I was going to suggest waiting until the first week of January, and sitting down in person with the person who hired you.

People often have revelations over the holidays, so the first week of January is often the time that people make life changes, and since you've planned on the end of January as your end date, it makes sense to time it that way.

 

[MikeHalloran]

A couple of weeks notice is customary, but not statutory.

DO NOT give notice, or tell your boss, until you are prepared to leave within the hour... because there's a good chance you will be escorted out the door immediately.

The bonus was for showing up in the first place.
Absent a contract, don't give it back.

You came, you worked hard, the company paid you for it.
Every payday, you're even.




Mike Halloran
Pembroke Pines, FL, USA

 

[TheTick]

What country is home? Curious why it would be so hard to adjust.

Perhaps you could arrange for a finite term, 6 months to a year. Enough to make it worth your employer's effort, soon enough to be tolerable for your family.

My parents came to the U.S. from Germany. When I was 5, we moved to the old country. We were back within a year. It sucked for everyone, including my dad.

 

[macmet]

I agree with MH.

It sounds like you're geniune, you worked hard, and are doing this for a good reason. If they can't accept that than that's their problem. It would be nice to make everyone happy, but that's not always possible.

Good luck.

 

[Airforce2]

We come from Australia... We have not made any friends here after a year. Sadly, we picked a very un-friendly and snobby place to live. By the time my wife was becoming severly depressed, it was too late to try another place to live. She misses her childhood friends and family too.

With family leaving before me, I am concerned that when I tell the company they will take me as being sneaky with wife and kids already gone. I also feel a bit guilty about the whole thing. I have allegiance to these guys as they have treated me so well.

Has anyone had a situation just like me? I appreciate all the advice. I am definitley taking it on board.

Looks like straight after Christmas I tell them... 4-5 weeks notice...

Thanks,

 

[KENAT]

Well while not exactly the same I'd hoped my situation I described above was close enough to be of use.

I talked to my boss because I knew they were unlikely to let me go there and then and we had a good relationship. At my current employer I wouldn't dream of it.

Generally I'm all for assuming employers are out to screw you but there are exceptions, and if you truely have found one, then it would be a shame to tar them with the same brush.

Even in my situation I didn't make it official untill the 1 month notice required by my terms of employment, but they knew in principle that I'd probably be moving to the states at some point in the not too distant for a few months before that.

Posting guidelines faq731-376

http://eng-tips.com/market.cfm?

(probably not aimed specifically at you)
What is Engineering anyway: faq1088-1484​

 

[stanford94]

i would say that they were naive in not signing a relocation contract. shame on them. i have always had to sign one with the larger companies. i would ask them and see if they require reimbursement. if not, then you win. good luck.

 

[TheTick]

Fortunately for your employer, the job market is favorable for recruiting a replacement.

 

[coloeng]

Although I don't have the same situation. The last job I had (14 years ago) I gave them 3 months notice before I left. It was a larger consulting firm that I had worked at for about 7 years. I was moving for similar reasons, family problems and the need to go back to what we considered home. I was there for the entire 3 months closing out my projects and helping whoever took over some of the projects getting up to speed on them. I even worked part time after I left to finish a couple projects that were almost complete when I left.

I felt that they had treated me right during my employment and that they deserved no less from me.

I think that there is a big difference when you tell your boss that you are leaving because of family issues vs. telling them you are leaving because you got another job that is better because (you pick the reason). They seem to be a lot more understanding about family coming first.

If it truly is a good company, I would tell them sooner than later and explain what the issues are. I believe that they will be understanding and work with you.