Overcoming Frustration 6

[KENAT]

I had my yearly review at work today and one area I was marked down in was teamwork. The justification was that I sometimes show my frustration in team meetings. (He nearly marked me down in ‘communications’ for the same reason but decided my record on keeping meeting/program minutes made up for it.)

This is frankly true. I do sometimes get frustrated, mostly for what I think are justifiable reasons though perhaps occasionally excessively, and sometimes I struggle to hide this.

Now I have some ideas for addressing my frustrations or at least working with my manager on them however I suspect I’ll still sometimes get frustrated.

So my question is, when you get really frustrated, especially in team meetings, how do you deal with it?

How do you stop from showing it or do you have some cunning technique for turning it around to be productive?

 

[GregLocock]

Um. Should be a good thread. I either start day-dreaming or explode. On the other hand the occasional explosion is necessary to get a complacent organisation to change, although there are probably better ways to do that.

We did a team dynamics assessment, it turns out I regard myself as a gatekeeper, that is, I try and limit or control the flow of information and the discussion. That's odd, if you asked I'd say I tend to stand back and make sure that we are trying to solve the actual problem, not the crisis de jour.



Cheers

Greg Locock

Please see FAQ731-376 for tips on how to make the best use of Eng-Tips.

 

[sms]

Managers need to find at least one negative to put on your review. I wouldn't change a thing, or worrying about changing. Keep on keeping on.

-The future's so bright I gotta wear shades!

 

[KENAT]

Greg, I've blown up at least once and showed my despair/not caring/lack of interest at least one other time, I'm thinking that's what prompted it.

Part of the problem is at my last place we were a bit more open about this kind of thing, here they are a bit more sensitive and try to be more 'professional', sometimes I struggle to adjust!

SMS spot on, that was part of it, he even said so, but there is an element of truth so I figured I'd try and be proactive.

Also there's another poster from my department, who I suspect got a good review but just incase I didn't want to go into too much detail.

 

[JRLAKE]

It depends on how you follow up your venting of the frustration. Expressing frustration and offering solutions is good for the team. Just bitching is bad for the team.

If your frustrations are personal, keep them to yourself. In a team environment, addressing frustration should eventually benefit the team, not the individual.

 

[MadMango]

I get very frustrated when a topic has been discussed, action items have been identified, and responsible personnel have been assigned... only to continue the debate/topic discussion, and repeating everything. I used to roll my eyes, huff, sigh, constantly look at my watch, etc, trying to give visual indicators that whoever was speaking was being percieved by me to be wasting my time.

Now I just excuse myself and get back to work. Why hang around to listen, when I can just read the meeting minutes?

"Art without engineering is dreaming; Engineering without art is calculating."

Have you read faq731-376 to make the best use of Eng-Tips Forums?

 

[dtn6770]

One man's frustration is another man's passion. Just about any trait can be spun positively or negatively, truely in the eye of the evaluator.

My passion usually presented itself time and time again so I employed indifference for a year and was gigged for not being enthusiastic, not contributing, and/or not being a team player. So I went back to what I did best but I did manage to come across better by not being belligerent, rude, our loud. Short, firm, and well spoken statements have held more water than ranting and raving.

I still slip now and then and I've even been called on it by my supervisor. He says what he's suppose to but finishes off by acknowledging that we are who we are and denying or supressing one characteristic may take away from another, more valuable one.

When all else fails, get some firm hand puddy and work it to dead.

 

[ctopher]

These days, people are so sensitive that just a slight mood change will set them off. If I have trouble in a situation toward a coworker during a meeting, I save it for after. I will have a one-on-one with him/her and my boss.

Chris
SolidWorks 06 5.1/PDMWorks 06
AutoCAD 06
ctopher's home (updated 02-10-07)

 

[epoisses]

MadMango gave a perfect example of overcoming frustration, i.e. turning it from an unproductive feeling (venting it does not help in any way) into a conscious decision to do something about it.

If there is no such way out of a frustrating situation, all you can and should do is shut up and tough it out. Venting it is perfectly useless. A perfect training to overcome frustration is having children.

 

[prohammy]

KENAT,

A review with your manager like that will very often bring up what to you or I (engineers) seem like very picky/small minded points of meeting etiquite. I worked at CAT at one stage, where the attitude was that if you felt that your contribution to the meeting was finished, standing up making your apologies and leaving was considered acceptable. My boss and I used this to our advantage (he also had issues with what he thought were other departments rattling on in a meeting, mainly listening to their own voices) so that we shared the burden/frustration of these situations. It turned out that knowing you are not the only one who feels that way and having someone who will share the 'burden/load' was a very good way of relieving the tension for both of us.

PS A stress ball on my ddesk also worked wonders on the really bad days

Kevin Hammond

Mechanical Design Engineer
Derbyshire, UK

 

[bvanhiel]

A co-worker once said to me, "A little bit of 'don't care' goes a long way." It's the best advice I've ever gotten.

You can get too personally invested in a decision. When that happens you just need to step back.

-b

 

[MikeHalloran]

A real team meeting needs a Facilitator, whose job comprises in large part recognizing the contribution of vocal people, and extracting the contribution of recalcitrant people.

I.e., if you get frustrated in a Team Meeting, the Facilitator is not doing it right.

I thought it was all bunk when a former employer announced that we were all getting formal Team Training, but in retrospect, I think it was money well spent. It almost saved the company from oblivion.

... almost.



Mike Halloran
Pembroke Pines, FL, USA

 

[dcasto]

At the end of the day, there's always room for a beer and a sympathetic significant other so you can let the frustrations out at home.
Some people think I'm strange because: if we have a team meeting and everything goes well, I stand up and shake their hands and say thanks for a great meeting. If it gets frustrating, I just leave. The ones who understand the signal are the ones who don't think I'm strange and they don't add to the chaos in meetings.

 

[Heckler]

I was brought into a "brain-storming" meeting a couple of weeks ago. It was us ME's (SrME & StaffME) and four product/segment managers. The proposal was to redesign one of our marquee products. Their were some things they wanted to fix..ie change materials and processes. Remember this was a "brain-storming" meeting. I suggested we fix what we had instead of being on the hook for NRE and Tooling costs. The product/segment managers thumb their noses at me because they had already made up their minds and want our buy in. I walked out of the meeting. I'm a team player but have very little tolerance for disingenuous people that have agendas.

Heckler
Sr. Mechanical Engineer
SWx 2007 SP 2.0 & Pro/E 2001
XP Pro SP2.0 P4 3.6 GHz, 1GB RAM
NVIDIA Quadro FX 1400
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_`\(,_
(_)/ (_)

(In reference to David Beckham) "He can't kick with his left foot, he can't tackle, he can't head the ball and he doesn't score many goals. Apart from that, he's all right." -- George Best

 

[MintJulep]

I am often told that I need to lower my expectations to reduce my frustration.

It doesn't really work, but I don't care.

 

[Theophilus]

Ah, yes, delusion is a fine way out. (I don't buy that either.)

What can I say? I fired my manager the day I walked away from Dilbert Company in 1997. I'm able to keep my cool at any given time, but repeatedly doing so seems to finally result in a "snapping"--where I suddenly realize I don't need to continue doing this every day.

I think the trick is to come to a point where you can handle the individual particulars without losing control of your emotions. If you can do that, you can stay rational while passionate (odd mix). You can offer objectively relevant arguments for how to improve things--which frankly cannot be adequately rebutted. (You "win" the argument with reason, not emotion.)

You'll know it's time for a change if you're consistently "right", cooperating as a team player, but are being over-ruled by those who tend to lack competency. I cannot work in an environment of that sort and pack it up and take my chances on my own--might starve doing so someday, but someday hasn't yet come. In fact, so far my clients seem to like my straight-forward ways. Spinning delusions only hides the problems you could otherwise solve and move past.



Jeff Mowry

http://www.industrialdesignhaus.com

Reason trumps all. And awe transcends reason.

 

[KENAT]

Theophilus,

I think I fall firmly in the category given by your last paragraph.

I was hoping someone had a top tip for methods of sucking it up or turning it into some management speak friendly action but sounds not...

Plus the meetings I understand him to be referring to, walking out wouldn't be an option.

The good news is I think I managed to hide my frustration in todays meeting about implementing a PDM/PLM system. The amusing thing is I could see my managers frustration all too clearly!

 

[Theophilus]

I wish you luck. Frustration can be legitimate or illegitimate. Too much of the former indicates a bad fit between you and your work environment.

Sometimes I think we get taken by the spot on the review as being something we should have done better. However, a more objective look at it could indicate that management is wrong--or perhaps manipulative. The best we can do, in my opinion, is to see things as accurately as we possibly can. Doing so will enable us to own our faults and provide a target to improve what ought to be improved.

It also keeps us from the insanity of attempting to improve what we cannot possibly improve--the faults of others.



Jeff Mowry

http://www.industrialdesignhaus.com

Reason trumps all. And awe transcends reason.

 

[MissouriPE]

Geez, just wrote a long post and my Explorer crash during posting. Oops. Short version: quitting my current job over similar issues. Hoping I can take away a few lessons learned and have less problems when I get away from here. But am curious to see what people continue to say about "coping mechanisms" for dealing with "pointy haired bosses".

But I also wanted to share this analogy a friend recently shared with me when I was venting my job woes: the lowly engineer is like the private in the army, sent ahead to look for mines. We can come back and tell the General, "Hey, there is a mine up ahead and I really recommend that you adjust the course of the troops." But in the end, it is the General who has to make that call. All we can do is provide the information. It is horribly frustrating, but just a fact of life unless you are the general (which goes to show you that when you finally are the boss there can be value in listening to your underlings). For whatever reason, I've been the private that throws and fit and screams "Hey you moron, you are going to get someone killed!" when in most cases, no one will die if my boss ignores me. So I need to learn to care a little less. Lesson learned.

My resignation goes in today as soon as my written offer from my next job is received (should be anytime now).

HTH

 

[KENAT]

Don't you hate when explorer does that.

I now write most of my long posts in word and paste them over (also allows spell check though I still mess up).

This is one technique I've learned to prevent a possible source of frustration.;-)