I appreciate all the responses! I know you folks are internet strangers, but it's nice to have different perspectives. I'm more than fine making the decision by only talking to my wife, but I've always been a "gather outside input first" type of guy. Also, I'm trying not to talk too many peers in my area about this because it's a small world, and news can slip out fast. Sorry if I don't directly reply to all of you. I'm obviously not good at being succinct already, so I want to avoid writing a novel. Just know that I've read and appreciate your perspective!
Both seem reasonable. Taking a pay cut isn't crazy, presumably you're unhappy for a variety of reasons since you're asking randos on the internet what to do. I'd take that as a sign that you want to move on. Your general happiness and satisfaction can be considered part of your compensation. But you might as well also ask for more money. I would not worry about insulting anyone by asking for 10% or 20% more than they're offering. ...
I'm not entirely unhappy, aside from some management frustrations that I can usually ignore. If nothing in management changed say for the next 5 years, I wouldn't want to finish my whole career here. I'd say the main reason I'm looking is because we may move closer to family. I forgot to mention this, but the firm I'm talking to has offices in both my current town
and the town we would potentially move to 5 hours away. I think that's worth considering as I could work for them in my town for a year or two before we moved.
It would probably be best to solidify your thoughts. I'd say make a document clearly articulating the pros and cons of your current situation. Incorporate your thoughts on the direction of current company, with examples, and what you would expect from a new employer.
Yes, I like that. Too many conflicting thoughts going on. I did start a spreadsheet to compare finances but no pros/cons spreadsheet yet. Haha
Regarding the pay cut, I think the amount of supplemental income your wife makes is a major determining factor. As was stated above, a $15k pay cut is a big deal for a family, but hey, maybe your wife is making bank.
She's at home raising our kids for now until they start school, so income is on me. A $15k-$20k cut would be very noticeable. Don't get me wrong, we'll be well fed and warm, but things like savings, 401k contributions, and potential house mortgage (if we move) would take a hit. A potential new house is probably the biggest factor. We don't need a big fancy house, but we're currently locked into a great interest rate and been able to make additional principle payments. Moving to the town we're talking about would likely triple our mortgage and lock us into 6.5-7% interest.
If I'm understanding correctly, the consulting job with lower pay would put you close to extended family. As your or her parents age, the situation will be radically worse if you're far away from them. Grandparents literally live longer on average when they have relationships with grandchildren. There is no putting a price tag on those. Certainly not worth quibbling over the range of numbers you've described.
Thankfully the grandparents have their other kids and grandkids nearby. My wife and I are the odd ducks out being far away. We have a good community of friends here, but not being around family can be tough with the littles.
I'm not big on negotiating in this scenario. You're the new guy wandering into their world. They know the books. You don't. Say they give you $10k more starting. After that, they could give you smaller raises for years without you knowing it so the compensation makes sense in their brains. The monthly cashflow difference between $85k and $95k is only a few hundred bucks -- something like 10000/12*0.8 = $667. In today's world, numbers that size can disappear in a budget in a heartbeat anyway.
This is all fair and true. It occurred to me that starting higher may mean smaller pay bumps later. Though I think I'd prefer that than starting so low that we have to make big budget cuts. $600-$700 is meaningful on a single income. Groceries are $800/month for us right now (includes diapers lol) for example. Your perspective here is honestly how I usually think, but I also want to consider the fact that there are currently about 6 midlevel structural openings in the area, and none of them have been filled in months. I've been keeping an eye on them. They just keep getting refreshed with new deadlines. I believe I have a leg to stand on.
That's not to say you should just roll over and take what they give you. There are new grads getting $85k out there now in some markets. They're admittedly rare, but they exist, and you bring tremendous value to that firm. At 4 years experience I was getting $82k in a market that is a little below average nationally in pay for engineers. That was a pandemic and several years ago. You're certainly worth more than $85k. Now, maybe it's $85k with a generous bonus structure, which I could get behind, but $85k is too low for you, especially if you're going to be bringing any clients.
I appreciate hearing that! I don't believe new grads are getting quite that much here (midwest, LCOL), but I think you're right that 7 YOE should be more than $85k. I struggle sometimes with self-confidence, so occasionally I think that I'm not as good / smart as some of my peers, especially those that have stuck to consulting for 7+ years. I'm not exactly doing super complicated design in my current role, so that's why I sometimes feel like I'm behind. I do love to learn and can pick things up quickly, so maybe I would be just fine within a year or two back in consulting.