Self Confidence 2

[myango]

Hi,
The other day in the staff appraisals I had the highest percentage in the company .the most disappointing thing that my boss commented was that I lacked self confidence. I don’t know what to do to improve my self confidence? Is it because am a young engineer heading older people? Please advice


Dickens K. Seroney (B. Tech in Chem and process eng.)Moi,Kenya
Planning and development engineer.

 

[eric1037]

Don't be afraid to say "I don't know" if somebody asks you a question. Tell them you will get back with them with an answer. Nobody knows everything.

 

[fglass]

I think I am facing almost the same situation like Seroney. All the employees in the company are old and are rich in working experience. I am the only one who just graduated from college and am in the age of early 20. Since I feel others have more experience than me, I would rather act as a listener during group conversation. Moreover, Asian culture seems to teach me that youngsters should not step in and give opinions when the olders are having conversation. It is considered as rude behavior. That's why I can't fully fit into the American culture. :-(

 

[IRstuff]

That really shouldn't be a problem, as you get more experience and interact with your coworkers more.

For me, it's gotten to the point where certain people crack racial remarks without realizing that I'm not one of them.

TTFN

 

[BJC]

These people are known for their cajones implant program.

http://www.ocs.usmc.mil/

 

[kchayfie]

At the moment you seem focussed on the fact that there is tons and tons of stuff out there that you don't know. Every once in a while relax and remember how much you have already learned. And remember how much time there is to learn some of that stuff you still don't know - no one knows everything so you don't need to feel like you should know it all already. If you learn it all now, what else is left to do in life?

On the subject of staying quiet in meetings, Mark Twain said "It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt." But sometimes, if someone else is getting something wrong and you know that he is wrong and it is known that you know the answer too, if you don't correct him you could end up looking as foolish as he does, so it is best to speak up.

 

[electricpete]

The only example you have given us is being quiet during meetings... partially out of fear for making a fool of yourself (if I understood correctly).

It's important to have the right amount of discussion during meetings and interaction. Not too much and not to little. In general, you need to participate at least enough to make sure you understand the discussion. An easy way to jump into the discussion without putting yourself out on a limb is to simply ask clarifying questions. In some cases you can express your viewpoint through questions, while also learning or understanding why others may view things differently.

I think questions are appreciated in most meetings. If the meeting leader feels you are taking the group off-track, he should give you some feedback (or seek his feedback afterwards).

Lastly, I'll interject something from my own experience that may not be relevant to you. I am very prone to using qualifiers with my conclusions. To me it is a sign of rigor and candidness to identify what assumptions I have made, what weaknesses might be in my argument, and what level of confidence I have in the conclusion (which is rarely 100% except in trivial cases). Unfortunately, it seems that in my environment this approach is perceived as a lack of confidence. Many managers would rather hear black and white yes or no answers expressed with artificial overconfidence than to hear "I'm 95% certain of that".

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[BJC]

"At the moment you seem focussed on the fact that there is tons and tons of stuff out there that you don't know."
I was taught that the primary purpose of a good education was to make clear just how ignorant we really are. After you know how ignorat you are you can deal with it.

I like this quote from Will Durrant
" Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance."
It's here

http://www.wisdomquotes.com/cat_ignorance.htmlg

 

[kontiki99]

You don't have a gage on your forehead that indicates your self confidence.

No one can tell those things unless you show it. Maybe take up poker.

 

[ozmosis]

Seroney
It was your boss who told you that you lacked self-confidence. I'm not sure that is always the right approach as a manager, he should encourage and draw you out of yourself. You know if you are confident or not. However, he's said it. Maybe you should go back to him and ask his advice on how you can improve your confidence. Once he knows you are trying to make improvements yourself then, if he is a good manager, he will notice the changes and then encourage. A pat on the back sometimes or a "well done" works wonders for the self esteem and it builds from there.

 

[MinerIan]

Ironically, a demonstration of your self-confidence would have been to ask your boss for further clarification at the interview itself.

Hopefully by the time you have your next assessment you will have a few examples to demonstrate how you've worked to address the shortcoming, even if it is only perceived.

In a way, you should count your blessings that you even get regular performance reviews! My workplace is quite informal and the following mantra holds true : "Don't worry about whether you're doing a good job or a bad job. If you haven't felt a boot on your ass kicking you out the door, you're not doing a bad job--and by the way, keep up the good work."

 

[rmw]

Dont be afraid to laugh at your self. It takes real self confidence to laugh at your own gaffs and mistakes. It disarms others too and takes away their ammunition for critizing you. Don't take yourself too seriously.

The poker face idea was a good one.

rmw