Smirking in Meetings 8

[ivymike]

I was in a fairly serious meeting yesterday, and one of my esteemed coworkers seemed to be smirking constantly and inappropriately throughout the meeting. I've never met the guy before, so I don't know whether his face always looks like that, but to me it seemed that he was going to giggle out loud at any second. It looked as though somebody was whispering dirty jokes in his ear the whole time. We were discussing a potentially serious product issue with an extremely short window for resolution. Anyone else ever seen this sort of thing before?

It's my impression that regularly giving the wrong body signals will be in impediment to ones progress.

 

[josephv]

You probably want to talk to this person, and ask him what he thought of the meeting.

I once had a customer who appeared to be angry at our meetings. Then one day, I asked him what his thoughts were and I realized he actually was very happy with our work. We finally concluded that he had a nervous twitch.

Finally, you may want to ask yourself, why are his reactions bothering you. You see, things like this happen all the time, you don't need to let them affect you.

 

[IRstuff]

We actually had a slightly pejorative nickname for a customer, and sure enough, we forwarded an email to them with their nickname mentioned in the body of the message.

TTFN

 

[casseopeia]

Senslesssticker,

You’re wrong about engineers not being able to evaluate behavior. You just need more than a one-time smirking event to make a determination of any meaning.

I am currently writing up a report that address how personality conflicts among the contractor's field engineers and the architect's representatives had a direct impact on a construction defect case. It’s fun because I get to use words and phases I don’t normally write in a technical report like, acerbic, indelicate, hard-boiled, fired for undefined inappropriate behavior, dogmatic, punishing, fresh-faced farm kids. In this particular case, the personality conflicts resulted in about $20-$40 million in added costs, and the major repairs have not even been started.


Ivymike, I’d keep an eye on this guy, especially if he can affect an outcome that would resolve the original purpose of the discussion. Sometimes you have to trust a gut reaction.

"If you are going to walk on thin ice, you might as well dance!"

 

[monkeydog]

"fresh-faced farm kids"?

You have something against goats?

 

[ivymike]

You see, things like this happen all the time, you don't need to let them affect you.

Gee whiz, thanks for the brilliant advice. I never thought of it that way! Maybe I was too busy forming false impressions and obsessing about what other people might be thinking...

I was hoping to discuss whether "regularly giving the wrong body signals will be in impediment to ones progress." The answer seems to be "of course not, that would be unfair! Nobody would ever form a negative opinion of someone just because of their body language - what do you think that guy was thinking? I'll bet he had gas. Maybe he was a real weasel. I'd keep an eye on him. He might be up to no good, and maybe he's playing corporate politics to his advantage. You probably shouldn't assume anything though. I wonder what he had up his sleeve. Maybe you'll get lucky and somebody will fire him before he does whatever he's planning."

It's good to hear that the body language is nothing to worry about, though. I'll just go right on looking frustrated all the time, since it clearly won't give anyone the wrong impression.

 

[Senselessticker]

ivymike,

Was Mr. Smirk smirking at you directly, or did he project a more general smirk in all directions?

Although I do not think engineers are very good at objectively analyzing the behaivor of others, I see nothing wrong with forming opinions about those who act a little "strange". When I encounter strange behaivor in others (that isn't alcohol induced), its very common for me to think to myself: "What a fruitloop", or "Wonder if that guy knows he's an a**hole?", etc...

I do believe that sending the wrong body signals (active or passive) will impede progress. Progress is not only slowed for the individual, but for all parties involved. For example, we have a client representative who has the strangest hair du I've ever seen. If fact, the hair cut is so odd, that I refuse take the guy seriously. His appearance is so distracting that I consider it offensive (and therefore inapropreite and unprofessional). I suppose its begs the question to some degree in assuming that odd behaivor/appearance is representative of one's ability to "engineer"... but I certainly don't loose any sleep thinking that way.

 

[kontiki99]

I believe that perceptions of others are too often flawed.

I think it's good to stay aware of how external factors will tend to align the motives of others with and against your own goals, but I wouldn't be casual about assuming the worst. I see it as more of a risk management exercise.

Your own frame of reference plays a huge role.

Perceptions of others filtered through an acute sensitivity to your own insecurities and weaknesses may leave you feeling intimidated or assaulted when in fact you are irrelevant to invisible.

So many people in the workplace are insecure and seem to need constant reassurance. It’s tedious and almost nauseating how immature some people behave out of their own feelings of weakness or inferiority.

I usually don't feel intimidated or insecure. In earlier times, the worst things that could have happened did. I survived them all. I also learned to be fairly tough despite the fact I'm now a middle aged fat guy.

The reality is that any sense of security is probably an illusion anyway. You can be fired at any time and if you are, so what..

There are times I wish the entire office would go take a karate class or something.

Expecting a workforce to be mature in a culture of people are raised by a media dominated society that markets everything through personal anxiety is probably unrealistic. Most of these problems would go away if your management was keeping you busy.

Really busy people don’t have time for their immature indulgences.

 

[ivymike]

he was smirking at a couple of upper-mid managers who were asking him to... *gasp* do his job. I was sitting in the corner of the room with a serious look on my face paying attention to the various speakers and secretly being really glad that I'd done my job properly.

 

[JDana]

If he were in really deep trouble at the time I'd call it the "Gallow's Smirk". Closely related to the "Gallow's Laughter", a problem I had severly as a child/teenager and still have to fight off at times even today.

I was told about it from a high school friend's mother that was a substitute teacher so the name may have been made up by her.

 

[ivymike]

I wouldn't have said he was in any particularly deep trouble - there were other people in that situation - he was just being asked to contribute to the resolution of a problem. If his smirking had been taken the wrong way by some of the attendees, I imagine it could have had a BIG impact on his job progression.

I didn't have any interaction with him during the meeting- I was just waiting in the room in case they needed any further info or support from my organization, which they didn't. Given my very limited role in the meeting, I had plenty of time to watch and listen to what others were up to, which is how I noticed his odd-seeming behavior. My impression was that he was tickled pink to be asked to help resolve "someone else's" problem. I was a bit peeved that he didn't seem to comprehend that a problem of this kind could (potentially) significantly affect profitability of the company as a whole (my job as well has his). I figured that if he'd had a bit of a poker face, and gave the impression that he was accepting the new assignment with full knowledge of its importance and gravity, that his efforts would be better received and perhaps better rewarded in the end. I can certainly imagine that an mid/upper manager wouldn't want to put up with a "smirking non-supervisory miscreant" while asking for help with a career-limiting problem.

 

[electricpete]

I skimmed halfway through the thread. I have to agree with the sentiment expressed by Mike that proper presentation of one's self is important for the individual in corporate settings. The only body language you should send out is body language that you want to send out. There are several books on using body language to your advantage as both a sender and a receiver. I tend to think most managers are more on top of it than the average engineer.

I have found myself giving off unintended signals. I try to keep in mind that I need to send the same message with:
my actions
my words
my tone (inflection)
my body language (posture and eyes)

My tone tends to betray me the most. My voice pitch tends to go up if I am impatient, irritated, or mad, even reassuring calm words (my intended message) are coming out of my mouth.

My wife is a big eye-roller. She doesn't do it on purpose but I can always tell when she disagrees with someone. For her it's an unconscious thing although most people never roll their eyes unless they do it on purpose. I have tried to tell her that it is just a tad rude to folks at times... she just says "ok" and rolls here eyes at me.

=====================================
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[Supercar1]

It may be cultural! You did not say anything about his ethnicity, but if he was Asian, that is almost a normal and actually expected response to an uncomfortable situation.

I read about this in a "Communication Matters" book by Deborah Tannen. Then very next week I hear my boss talk to a new employee in a very strict tone about something that the guy should get done. The new guy is so very Asian that I cannot understand his English. All I can hear is that he giggles and smirks in response to what he is told.

The boss raises and then deepens his voice. Says that he is not joking. Gives him a long lecture on the importance of the task, then while winding down seeks his response. The guy giggles!

A few minutes pass, the boss is still talking, now angrily. Tells him that he is dead serious. After another long explanation of the same topic he starts walking away, saying that he would be back to check on the guy's progress. He almost leaves, but then turns his head back to look at the guy. The guy giggles in response! LOL!!!

 

[ivymike]

He wasn't, but in a later conversation some of us had about the same meeting, a coworker said "it's a nervous thing" at the mere mention of the guy's name.

 

[VeryPicky]

It sounds like a whole lot of people have nothing better to do but to pick on one poor guy that smirked thru the meeting.
I know it may be disturbing, distracting, you name it.
This forum has touched on a number of legitimate reasons why he might have behaved the way he did. Cultural, health Etc.

He might have had a touch of indigestion. Offer him Maalox (I am the one who knows) and move on.


Putting Human Factor Back in Engineering

 

[HVACctrl]

I've seen a person laugh at a funeral out of nervousness and an awkward thing happening. These things happen.

Ed

http://www.engineerboards.com

 

[ivymike]

It sounds like a whole lot of people have nothing better to do but to pick on one poor guy that smirked thru the meeting.

And the "latest guy to jump on the wrong wagon award" goes to... VeryPicky.

You see, the point was supposed to be that being aware of these things in your own behavior might make you less likely to suffer the consequences, regardless of how appropriate you think the consequences might be... but lots of people believed, perhaps because of their own predilections, that the point was to pick on smirky. I say that this thread pretty well (and somewhat ironically) proves that one's behavioral oddities cannot be safely ignored.

Then again, maybe everyone at your office will ignore your body language because they're much more mature and far less insecure than the crowd we found here. Go ahead, bet on it.

 

[KENAT]

I'll put $50 on body language, rightly or wrongly, making a difference to how you are perceived and hence on your career.

What are the odds you're offering?

 

[casseopeia]

monkeydog,

Actually, I like goats. They're kinda cute and I LOVE goat cheese anything.

But back to body language. It occurs to me as I read post after post that many people, including myself, may not be aware of their own body language. Unless you are routinely filmed or photographed, how do you become aware of your own body language quirks? I'd say I've had the experience of seeing photo after photo of myself dancing, and being evaluated in performance workshops, where other dancers give you their critique, but I would have no idea how I look during meetings. It's probably not as easy as simply thinking to myself, 'I must not smirk, no matter how much I hate this freaking job.’

It’s pretty hard to change a habit. I know I look down too much during performance, but I’ve had a very hard time changing that, even after seeing photo after photo of great shots of my eyelids!

So, just a thought......

"If you are going to walk on thin ice, you might as well dance!"

 

[IRstuff]

Well, at least you only look shy. We've got one who keeps his head upright, but closes his eyes when he talks to you.

TTFN

 

[HVACctrl]

One what? Coworker?

Ed

http://www.engineerboards.com