supervising someone you don't like 1

[HgTX]

I'm not a manager, so I've never been in this position, but I imagine it may come up some day.

If you have to supervise or manage someone you don't like, how do you handle it? I don't mean cases where the person's job performance is in question, but where you just plain don't like them, as often happens between human beings.

Managerhood does not automatically come with sainthood and the ability to love all one's fellow beings and rise above it all.

So how do you handle it? How do you manage to be objective in your dealings with them, advocate for them, etc.?

Hg


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[flch95]

this one is interesting. i'd imagine that most of the time its the other way around. right now i have a supervisor that i don't like. it makes going to work and actually doing the work that much more difficult knowing you have to interact with this person. the supervisor is constantly irritable, finds faults in everything everyone does, complains constantly, provides no encouragement. the environment is just not a healthy one. i deal with it by just sucking it up, taking whatever abuse there is knowing that it won't last forever. i honestly hope i never run into another supervisor/boss like this. i think its a good experience though, 'cause i'm learning how to deal with it.

 

[bridgebuster]

You have to rise above it.

There's no law that says you have to like everybody; as a matter of fact, it's impossible. However, you have to be fair with people. You can do that even though you don't like someone. Sometimes in life we have to grin and bear it.

Who knows? Maybe you'll achieve sainthood from your managerhood

 

[MikeHalloran]

As a manager, a big part of your job is to get their best work out of each of your subordinates. You are not required to like them, nor they you.

[ As a better manager, you would get superlative work out of them as a team, by assigning each to duties for which they are particularly well suited, and assigning someone else to cover each subordinate's weaknesses. I have seen this done, well, exactly once in 40 years. ]

Given that managers are often required to do abhorrent things to subordinates, e.g. discharge them, you may be better off keeping some distance. Firing someone you regard as a friend for no fault of his, is very much not fun. [ I'm sure Earl was none too pleased about it, either. I never heard from him again, and I refused all supervisory positions after that. ]

Both manager and subordinate are well served by defining and recording achievable measurable goals, and periodically assessing the subordinate's progress w.r.t. to those goals.



Mike Halloran
Pembroke Pines, FL, USA

 

[HVACctrl]

I was the manager of a guy wasn't the most fond of. I made evey effort to congratulate him for his good accomplishments and to (as lightly as possible) suggest better means for his mess-ups. I did not treat him poorly at all. He was a good, steady worker, although very much anti-social.

When he decided to quit one day by not showing up, but leaving a voicemail, I took it in stride. I tried to get him to at least come in a give an exit interview, which he dclined. I still enjoyed his hard work effort and didn't really want to see him leave, although I did think him strange.

When he called back several weeks later wanting his job back (and explained some of the personal and family problems he was struggling through), I felt like showing some class and giving him another chance. But, the upper management would not allow it.

In another instant, there was a guy who resented the heck out of me because he thought he might get the management position I was awarded. He was rude, impersonal and overall insubordinate. I talked to him in private in the beginning, letting him know that I respected him and understood his desire for the position (because he brought it up). Things never changed. He purposely missed work and never called to let me know he would be out. He purposely disregarded assignments and talked arrogantly to me. I mentioned to him an few times that I wouldn't take it.

This guy I really could not stand, whereas the fiorst guy I just thought to be a little different. I eventually fired this guy after MUCH internal deliberation and soul searching. He called me all manner of names and insults on the way out.

In both cases, I think I did my best to treat them nicely and fairly.

Ed

 

[TheTick]

About to get promoted, Hg? Worse yet, is someone who doesn't like you about to get promoted?

 

[GregLocock]

While I have never been a manager I am frequently required to help/guide/lead noobs. If I can't stand them I just do MBO, which probably does us both a favour. When they get to the point that they can start generating their own plans, methods and objectives then they don't need me any more. To be honest, by then, if they are any good they'll have my respect and that's a damn sight more than many people get from me.

On the other hand if you find yourself in the opposite situation, ie if you suspect your boss/lead can't stand you, here's my suggestions: don't whine, show initiative if you haven't screwed up so far, double check your calculations, and don't whine. If you want to guarantee that they'll dislike you, just try going around them organisationally (ie complain to his boss), bad mouthing them behind their backs, oh and you could try whining.

In my experience most managers are pleased to have solid workers, even if there is some animosity.

Cheers

Greg Locock

Please see FAQ731-376 for tips on how to make the best use of Eng-Tips.

 

[BJC]

I have at times posted a "bumper sticker" in my office that said "I'm not here to be loved".

 

[zdas04]

I once had a person thrust into a really tight-knit team that I was leading. We all knew this person and none of us could stand her (I mention gender because it is important later).

She was supposed to work 3/4 time on my project and 1/4 time teaching "Partners in the Workplace" which was a diversity class aimed at helping men and women work together. This individual was the prototype "Feme-Nazi" and she saw every issue as a case study for her class. At one time or another she reported everyone on the team to HR for infringing on her rights. She reported me to our boss weekly and to HR a couple of times a month.

After 6 months of this I realized that I was tiptoeing around her to the detriment of the team--I would do anything to avoid a confrontation. I was passing her work to her co-workers even though she was putting in less than 1/4 the work they were expected to do, and the little work that she did was sub-par and always needed to be redone--the team was suffering badly.

When I realized I was doing a bad thing, I called her to my office with an HR representative present (I couldn't let myself be alone in a room with her, the threat of a Sexual Harrassment lawsuit was too real) and explained the deficiencies in her work. She went to the legal department and threatened to sue, she went to my boss' boss and demanded my dismissal. Luckily by this point HR had had enough and she was asked to look for another job in another town. She took a position three states away in a group that was coincidentally all-female and she was fired by her female supervisor for cause within 3 months (I don't think that a male supervisor would have had the nerve, I sure didn't).

My experience with a subordinate that you can't stand is that you tend to over-compensate and overlook behaviour that is detrimental to the team--all to avoid looking like you're persecuting them because of personality differences.

David

 

[MikeHalloran]

My office "bumper sticker" said:

{
I do not intend to be difficult...
it comes to me naturally.
}



Mike Halloran
Pembroke Pines, FL, USA

 

[IRstuff]

Being human, we want to like and be liked. However, that's not necessarily a good thing for being a manager.

The conundrum cuts both ways, yet we don't seem to be hearing from anyone complaining about a subordinate that they like too much. Both situations are conflicts of interest and a distraction from the primary job of the manager: to get the most effective work possible from ALL the employees as a group. You cannot have an effective organization if you dote and depend on a single "superstar." The rest of your organization will be demoralized and/or be less productive, since the "superstar" can pick up the slack.

Likewise, you cannot have someone in your organization that you despise and wind up favoring other subordinates.

No matter how well you think you are hiding your likes or dislikes, people can and will penetrate your veil of neutrality.

[I seem to be set on echo today]

TTFN

 

[HgTX]

Tick--no, no one's getting promoted around here any time soon.

It's a question I thought of years ago, back when I still had co-workers. I was the boss's heir apparent, but that boss left too soon and I wasn't yet qualified to apply to his position. I thought about what it would be like if I *had* been qualified to apply. At the time, I had some serious problems with one of my co-workers, who would have become my employee if I'd been able to get the job.

Reading recent "bad boss" threads along with my current level of personal disgruntlement got me thinking about it again. Having a problem with one's boss is very different from having a problem with one's subordinate.

Hg

Eng-Tips policies: faq731-376

 

[cadnutcase]

Greglocock,

You can't call them noobs anymore, I am sure that is violating some sort of HR rule.

 

[ctopher]

I have worked with bosses that if they didn't like someone, they would treat them "OK", but give them some of the more difficult jobs to help 'push' them out. Their happy after the employees get frustrated and quit. I have seen this at three separate companies.

Chris
Systems Analyst, I.S.
SolidWorks/PDMWorks 05
AutoCAD 06
ctopher's home site (updated 06-21-05)
FAQ559-1100
FAQ559-716

 

[GregLocock]

Oh, OK I'll go back to calling them F...ing Grads.



Cheers

Greg Locock

Please see FAQ731-376 for tips on how to make the best use of Eng-Tips.

 

[heieup]

I heared one invaluable piece of management advice once which has been something I try to work by at all times.

"it takes two to have a bad relationship"

So even if I don't like someone (as is currently the case with one of my subordinates) I try to keep a level and stay professional at all times. While its nice to be liked, it isn't essential and as long as I can end the day knowing I've been straight down the line and professional at all times then I'm happy.

Having said that, my current one is a real challenge, while not ever directly challenging my authority, he constantly challenges my education, knowledge and understanding. So far we've had one sit down discussion about how he's doing with praise for the good things he's done, and an attempt at steering him away from the things that aren't great. I think we're getting there.

Generally its that I actually could quite like him, he's just annoying the hell out of me.

 

[RobWard]

F...ing Grads?

Oh. Can't you say "flaming" these days?
(Sorry if that's offended anyone)

"I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go past." Douglas Adams

 

[epoisses]

"it takes two to have a bad relationship"

I really don't agree with that, it's a beautiful statement but it's just not true. It takes only one person to have a bad relationship. If the other person has to "try to keep a level and stay professional at all times", can that be defined as a good relationship? No, it is a reason for change, either try to change the subordinate or try to get rid of him/her if he/she persists in his/her impossible attitude. Of course, if you are in the unlucky situation of being responsible without having any actual power (overly hierarchial organisation), all you can do is live with it, but if you do have some power you should use it to prevent the person from ruining your group/deparment's atmosphere and business results.

Having said that, if you don't like someone who constantly challenges you, you might as well be that person --pardon me, the "guilty" party-- yourself. (Sorry but I have no actual knowledge of the situation to discard this hypothesis!) Put yourself in his shoes and see what the world looks like from that point of view...

 

[UcfSE]

I agree that it takes only one to have a bad relationship. All the want to on your part adds up to nothing if the other person won't work with you on it and try to have things go well. You have to do the best you can, but sometimes you just have to communicate with people in terms they understand. Taking the high road all the time is a good way to get hurt when you fall off your high horse.

You don't have to be friends with or have people love you, but if you can govern them with respect instead of fear then you will have done a lot, and it might help to improve the situation in the future. Of course, if you can have a good relationship, friend-like if you will, then that's probably much better.

 

[PeteWA]

Well, it isn't easy. I'm a manager with a small team, but the boundaries between managing the team and doing the work are pretty blurred at times. A guy that I hired 2 years ago just quit, he is working out his 4 weeks notice now, and I have to really watch myself in his final few weeks because I've never really "liked" him or had the same kind of relationship with him as the other engineers. I'm not sorry that he's leaving, even though it leaves us with a major problem in replacing him, but I have to be extra careful to maintain a professional relationship with him right to the last minute he's with us. There is no doubt that liking someone makes it easier to develop and sustain a relationship, but it's not a prerequisite and in many cases can make things more difficult when the time comes to perform the manager role.