The danger of comparing oneself to other co-workers 14

[EngineerDave]

Quite often in my career at various companies, I start comparing myself to other co-workers. It typically starts with comparing project loads, or other factors like travel, etc. I find myself thinking that their circumstances are better, maybe they are less overloaded, have to travel less etc.

This is a dangerous mindset, it is always hard to know what other employees are dealing with or why they might seem to get by with doing less etc. In any event, the more i focus on comparing myself to others within my company, the closer I get to leaving a company.

 

[zdas04]

Yeah, that mindset can be really septic. A few years before I retired I was in the field most every day. The fleet manager noticed this and issued me a truck. A year later they moved a second Facilities Engineer to the office. He never went to the field at all, but he when to the fleet manager and demanded a truck of his own because I had one. The fleet manager told him that I had a truck because I needed one, he didn't have a truck because you don't get one to go to lunch. The guy went to the District Manager and threw a fit. I lost my truck because this twit thought that I was getting a perk that he wasn't getting. I've been bitter about people not minding their own business ever since.

David Simpson, PE
MuleShoe Engineering

"Belief" is the acceptance of an hypotheses in the absence of data.
"Prejudice" is having an opinion not supported by the preponderance of the data.
"Knowledge" is only found through the accumulation and analysis of data.
The plural of anecdote is not "data"

 

[MacGyverS2000]

David,

Could have solved that problem when you started sending a bill to the DM for using your car all of the time for field work. ;-)

Dan - Owner

http://www.Hi-TecDesigns.com

 

[zdas04]

No insurance they'd accept. Firing offence for taking a personal vehicle to the field. I just really cut back on doing that part of my job and field performance suffered for it.

David Simpson, PE
MuleShoe Engineering

"Belief" is the acceptance of an hypotheses in the absence of data.
"Prejudice" is having an opinion not supported by the preponderance of the data.
"Knowledge" is only found through the accumulation and analysis of data.
The plural of anecdote is not "data"

 

[DRWeig]

Back to the stressed-out OP: At least from your post it doesn't sound like you are doing what David's co-worker did. Those who whine and demand equal treatment when it's not merited are pariahs in the workplace. They sometimes get their comeuppance when they forget to vary their route home each day.

Your attitude is toxic -- but the only one who can change it is you. Unless it's blatant and destructive, I figure that bias and unfairness are two of the things they pay me for, that's how I get by.

Every day I get paid for doing something I don't want to do. Some days it starts with getting out of bed. Some days it doesn't hit until the evening commute home. Some days it's every little stinkin' thing all stinkin' day long. Then again, there's the occasional day that they pay me to sit around and flick my fingers in the air for lengthy periods of time and sit in meetings designing my retirement villa on a sketch pad.

So when I hear that I gotta go to Marigold Mississippi for two months, I might fume for a while. Then I add up my fuming time, multiply it by the hourly equivalent of my salary, and boom! It was worth it. Besides, Marigold is the home of the Blue Plate Diner. I might come home and need a bypass surgery, but I'll come home with memories of great southern home cookin'.

I admit it takes practice to look on the bright side, especially when others around seem to be getting a brighter side than you are. If you can't find a bright side, look at your pay. Then try to leave the dark side there in the office at the end of the day.

Best to you,

Goober Dave

Haven't see the forum policies? Do so now: Forum Policies

 

[EngineerDave]

Yeah I need to look at the positives. Fortunately I only complain to my friends, family and wife. I do travel alot, driving alot with my own vehicle. I get mileage for some but not all of my clients. Most importantly I am thankful that when a position was cut recently it wasn't mine!

This week I was little down because of something that happened. Someone in my company screwed up and as a result my schedule had to be changed immediately. I would be more specific about what happened but it'd be my luck that someone would find my venting online haha.

 

[1gibson]

Fortunately I only complain to my friends, family and wife.

Doesn't sound very fortunate for them!

The correct answer for "how was your day" is "the usual" and then you move on to more pleasant topics. Leave it (all of it) at the office if you can, I know that's not possible when you have to discuss travel schedules so shoot for a time limit, maximum 5 minute rants only.

 

[SomptingGuy]

Pah! I saw the thread and assumed it was about intelligence and competence (things I admire in my colleagues). Not just good old envy.

- Steve

 

[IRstuff]

Unless you plan on acting on the differences, it seems to me to be a pointless exercise.

TTFN
faq731-376

Need help writing a question or understanding a reply? forum1529

 

[TheTick]

Everyone I now who went through bankruptcy was overly concerned with the words "fair" and "deserve".

 

[ornerynorsk]

Alright, I confess. This is the hugest (most huge???) pet peeve of mine. I hate, loathe, and wish evil upon entitled people. People who cannot mind their own @#$%^&* business and feel it's their duty to somehow formulate their twisted ideal of fairness into everyone elses' lives. Feed'em to the hogs, as my dear departed father used to say.

Having also been an employer and having to deal with people like this, I can say that these are the least valuable people in an organization, and are the first to be weeded out when the opportunity arises. Their drama and high-maintenance attitudes are simply not worth the effort, no matter how skilled they be.

It is better to have enough ideas for some of them to be wrong, than to be always right by having no ideas at all.

 

[brandonbw]

I found out someone like that came from this country when the main owner liked him and brought him back. I stayed away from that when I found out. Sometimes there are real issues you don't need to bring up. Calm down and work hard. Those that I saw that did that, it worked out for them in the end. Otherwise quite and see what's out there. That's not so easy.

B+W Engineering and Design
Los Angeles Civil Engineer and Structural Engineer

http://bwengr.com

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http://bwstructuralengineer.com

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http://bwcivilengineer.com

 

[EngineerDave]

Sorry i was so negative in my thread. I was just a little down over some things that happen the last few weeks. I was kind of suffering from "the grass is greener on the other side" syndrome. Sometimes I do bring on more problems for myself than my co-workers because I have never been assertive, so I never say no to assignments, etc.

I have only myself to blame, and I don't complain to bosses or even co-workers. If anything I was pointing out how dangerous this mindset is to remind myself to stop engaging in it.

 

[SLTA]

EngineerDave - sometimes folks on here get crabby, and assume everyone who comes to let off some steam is a whiny, entitled brat. I didn't hear that in your message - I heard that you're tired, perhaps bored, and perhaps heading for burnout. You're right - it's dangerous.

When I get in that mindset, I work really hard at being grateful for every little thing. For another day to live, a safe house, a safe car, a job, the things that go well at work, food to eat, friends at work or at least pleasant coworkers, family I love and who loves me, you get it. Focus on gratitude and help your attitude shift. Oh - and take your wife out on a nice date, where you don't talk about work AT ALL.

* The doctor is in. 5 cents please. *

 

[2dye4]

If you don't compare your situation and pay to what others are getting how do could you price your labor.

It is a free market after all and your attitude should be that of maximizing your earnings and satisfaction
in light of available pay.

However you must maintain your self concept in light of inequalities at work. In other words it is very easy to start
subconsciously doubting yourself in light of unequal circumstances.

Know who you are and what your abilities are and judge whether your situation is a good match for them.

I have has work that was quite a bit less difficult than i was capable of doing and found it difficult to
stay professional. I had to say to myself.. 'fill in the blank' are your qualifications, you can do .......
work, and this job is not at all setting my limits...

Comparison is necessary for a good career, it is also necessary to maintain a solid identity or self concept.

 

[loki3000]

true.
hiding the info about your pay from coworkers only benefits your employer.

 

[steellion]

Turn it inward. Look at yourself. Why are other employees treated better? Are they considered more valuable? If so, why? Are you doing everything you can to show your value to the company?

 

[graybeach]

Could it be that you are not being adequately assertive about your needs? Lack of assertiveness leads to passive/agressive behavior which mostly harms you. This is something I work on for myself, and I have found assertiveness training to be very helpful.

 

[jgailla]

slta's advice about gratitude is good for everything, not just work. If there is something you can do to fix a problem, great. With co-workers, there usually isn't.
I try to always remember how lucky I am to be born where I was with the parents I have and the intelligence I have. I didn't do anything to deserve or earn any of those things. There are roughly 6.9 billion people on the planet who are worse off than me, almost all through no fault of their own.

 

[ornerynorsk]

Wow, who is the jerk that posted using my handle??? Yikes! Reading through it again, and subsequent post replies, I may have come off a bit differently than I intended. Apologies everyone.

I should clarify that the people I dislike are the ones who are permanently and consistently in the self-entitled mindset, that must introduce their neediness and drama to everyone around them, and conscript everyone within earshot into their own personal support staff. A little comparison and analyzing is certainly normal, for the myriad reasons listed in preceding posts.

There, whew! Open bar on my tab at the Pub for the remainder of the day.

It is better to have enough ideas for some of them to be wrong, than to be always right by having no ideas at all.