Co-Worker as Roommate? 2

[casseopeia]

In my quest for better digs, a better landord and less rent, I've been looking to move in with a girlfriend, and possibly a third person, but 2 friends have bailed. A male co-worker suggested that I consider him as the third room mate. Lots of 3-bedroom houses available for reasonable rent here in Marin county, CA.

It seemed like the answer to my prayers, but now that the original roommate is reconsidering her situation, it's down to just me and this 23 year old CAD guy. Even though I could biologically be his mother, and no possibility for romance exists (in my mind at least), this has caused a few snickers in the office.

What seemed like a good idea is starting to look, well, not so good.

So the question is, would you live with a co-worker, same gender or no? A couple of people in the office have said never live with a person you work with, NO MATTER WHAT.

Seems like an extreme view, or am I just clouded by desperation?

"If you are going to walk on thin ice, you might as well dance!"

 

[CorBlimeyLimey]

I think it would be a mistake to share a house with a co-worker of either sex. When you live with a person you get to see the another side of them. Will they have habits which really annoy you ... music too loud & of a variety not to your taste, personal hygiene, type of friends, housekeeping, bad money management ... the list goes on. Any of these could affect your working relationship & friendship with them.

My wife & I recently had our daughter, son-in-law & grand-daughter stay with us (for about 16 months).
While we love them dearly, our relationship with them (& consequently each other) was becoming strained. Thankfully they now have a place of their own & we are easily rebuilding our relationships. My point being that too much closeness can definitely be a bad thing.


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[jmw]

Good points CorBlimeyLimey,
A lot depends on who you are and who the other person is. Some people can carry off these things and any snickers comments etc are water off a ducks back.

On the other hand, this is a profession where you may need to ensure that your integrity isn't undermined.
Lot's of jobs where the snickering doesn't matter, where the job isn't affected.

Maybe this isn't one of those sorts of jobs.

Plus, if you are going to sahre with some one, make it someone you know outide of the work environment, you only get to see co-workers at their professional best (or worst).
Out of the office they may prove to be complete jerks, or worse, and then where are you?
You can't easily compartmentalise any problems, they will intrude at work (I learned this the hard way when I were nowt but a lad, i.e when God was a boy).

Don't let other needs draw you into a situation you will regret later. It's better to regret not sharing than to regret sharing: the downside is easier to manage.

By the way, it probably doesn't matter who you share with, male or female, some one is bound to make some cheap comment or other, you move in with another lady and then what will they all be saying?

Better keep your private life to youself...
Of course, this probably isn't going to bother your male co-worker at all... sorry, unfair yes, but life is like that.


JMW

http://www.ViscoAnalyser.com

 

[BJC]

Have you heard the saying “Familiarity breeds contempt”?
There is a corollary that goes "Familiarity breeds attempt”

 

[MadMango]

I had a co-worker as a roommate for 2 years, we also car pooled. We both worked in engineering, he worked in the technical publications depertment. We were closer in age, only 6yrs difference (he's older). We had no problem separating work from our personal sides. I rather liked the discussions to and from work, which were work related. It gave both of us a little insight as to what the "other side" had as far as expectations. It allowed us to identify a few areas of improvement that allowed both departments to improve.

The problem with roommates is sooner or later "life" is going to happen (serious relationship, arguments, etc) and one or the other is going to be stuck having to cover the entire rent. This goes along the same lines as "living within your means" if you get my drift.

I'm not sure how comfortable I would be with having a roommate of the opposite sex. I suspect there would be some form of comfort level that you loose, like walking around in your boxers and picking your ears/nose/whatever. I was lucky in that my roommate and I weren't the types to divide everything... this my cabinet of food, I have the bottom rack in the fridge, you have the top, blue twoels are mine, yours are green, etc.

[green]"Art without engineering is dreaming; Engineering without art is calculating."[/green]
Steven K. Roberts, Technomad
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[MintJulep]

I semi-shared an appartment with co-worker (same sex) for a while. He maintained a real home in another state and commuted weekly.

He was in sales and I was doing field-service, so it was rare that were were actually in the appartment at the same time.

I didn't really like him all that much before we set up this arrangement, and less afterwards, but no big deal.

 

[GregLocock]

Casseopeia, I think you'll find sharing houses is for kids. As we approach our peak years (grin) we need decompression time.

I did share a house with a good friend of mine from work for a few months and it was fine, when I was 39, but as a result of that I decided to buy a small house rather than try and find another weirdo to share a larger rented house with.



Cheers

Greg Locock

Please see FAQ731-376 for tips on how to make the best use of Eng-Tips.

 

[Ashereng]

When we first graduated, having room/house mates was not big deal - and actually expected since rent was a big chunck of the paycheck.

Now we are older. If financial situations are such that a room mate is needed, then it is. People can snicker, but they are in a different situation. I would prefer other people snickering over paying too much rent and ruining your future (eg retiremetn fund any one?).

I have had both types of roomates, the ones with the line down the fridge, and the ones where they seem to be eating everything and anything in the fridge. There are no answers for stuff like that. Put a lock on your door - at least that defines your santuary in the house.

"Do not worry about your problems with mathematics, I assure you mine are far greater."
Albert Einstein
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[DaveVikingPE]

"Even though I could biologically be his mother, and no possibility for romance exists"

One word: MILF.

You're playing with fire.

 

[mrMikee]

I think DaveVikingPE brings up a relevant point, one which I was considering posting all day. This phenomenon just shows that you can't tell what's going on in a young mans mind, or so I've been told. I wish I could speak from personal experience, but I can't remember ever being 23 years old.

Regards,
-Mike

 

[GregLocock]

In my last shared house we had "House beer" and "House Bread". I can't imagine that arrangement working in any of my previous shared houses!

Cheers

Greg Locock

Please see FAQ731-376 for tips on how to make the best use of Eng-Tips.

 

[Radionise]

How about the moment when you all just started to enter the job world last time (i.e. took up a graduate position) and had to relocate? Considering that you may not have known anyone at the new city or town at that time, surely it would have been impossible to find a flat share with non fellow colleagues.

How did you cope with that situation? And what would be your recommendation for such cases?

 

[Ashereng]

Radionise,

Go to the student/life/campus center or whatever kids call it these days. On the cork board (do they still use that?), there are lots of flyers of people looking for roommates.

Or, use the same technique you used when you were an undergrad looking for accomodations.

"Do not worry about your problems with mathematics, I assure you mine are far greater."
Albert Einstein
Have you read FAQ731-376 to make the best use of Eng-Tips Forums?

 

[arunmrao]

casseopeia,
Now what is your choice please?

 

[Radionise]

Ashereng, thanks for the advice. But perhaps I'd need to clarify my question further.

Previously, people adviced me to look at the notice board of the company that I'd be working with. That sounded a good idea, until I've read the comments in this thread. So considering a situation of someone being relocated to a new place and at the same time knowing that staying with co-worker may not be a good idea, what other choice does he/she has?

In anycase, I would strongly recommend not to stay with students, particularly undergrads. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that it's completely a bad choice, but if you can't cope with the noise and partying, well, better not. Even my fellow postgraduate coursemates last time stayed away from staying at halls which were mostly inhibited by undergrads.

 

[SomptingGuy]

Radionise,

My company is one of those that hires new graduates in bulk. Most of them tend to start off house-sharing for the reasons you state.

I took the alternative route. Short term digs while I found my feet. Then a house share from the local rag. On reflection it was a good thing to do. It's a good way to make friends with people outside of work.

 

[kchayfie]

I would suggest it depends how closely you work together. If you just happen to inhabit the same office and your paths cross on occasional projects, then there probably won't be too much trouble (once you've dealt with the snickering and got used to him picking his toenails on the kitchen table!)

If you work side-by-side on the same projects all day long and then have to go home and spend your evenings together as well, you'll probably end up wanting to kill each other and it'll be much harder to not bring work home and not bring those petty arguments from home into work. It wouldn't be too professional if you rejected a good idea he had just to pay him back for leaving the toilet seat up!

 

[ozmosis]

I hope I'm not the only person in the world who doesn't know what "milf" means. Would someone mind explaining?
I did a quick google but all the links came up rather blue and I could hear the company IT police running up the stairs, stun-guns to hand. So I decided not to click to find out.

 

[TheBlacksmith]

sed2developer - did you ever watch the graduate? That should explain the term milf. As for a roommate, I've been married to the same woman for more than half my life and I can't imagine, should something happen, even getting married again or having a roommate, all the people I know that have done that have the your, mine and ours approach to household expenses, food, etc; I'd rather live under a bridge if it came to that. Even if its a stretch, having your own place has its advantages. BTW, I tell people my retirement goal is to have enough money so I get to choose between Alpo and store brand dog food for dinner instead of having to buy the store brand, so my views may not fit your expectations.

 

[ozmosis]

I just asked a few people around the office and yes, I am the only person in the world who didn't know...
that's what 40 years of a good catholic up-bringing does for you. My mother would be proud!