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Conflict with co-worker / possible acknowledgment form to sign 8

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Joe_Mech

Mechanical
Sep 28, 2022
14
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CA
Good day to all,

I work in a technical sales position. My job is to respond to leads, make equipment selection and to some extent provide technical support on products. Generally speaking I've quite good interactions with colleagues. I receive between 5 to 10 leads per day and these are generally coming via phone, emails or live chat. I think of myself as a serious contributor who strive to deliver to quality and schedule, well at least stick to that.

A while ago, I had frictions with a colleague who manage the logistic side of things and who happens to be closely related to the line manager. Frictions have never been verbal, but we've had some sort of heated email exchanges where we disagreed on the handling of some tasks, on who should be doing what, etc. One particularly difficult exchange was in the context of a stressful situation which involved big delays in delivery of an equipment and that made the client very upset.

Long story short, in my written communications with the colleague in question I've stated my dissatisfaction at few occasions and on a chain of replies back and forth I stated something like "which part of my answer don't you understand?". At some point, I involved the line manager to let him know my frustration with the colleague. I do not remember otherwise having used any harsh language, offensive words, demeaning terms, etc., never ever. I was then invited to attend a meeting with HR and line manager and they made a case against me stating that I did hurt the feeling of the other colleague, that my behavior was disrespectful and that I lacked professionalism. The colleague sent screenshots of all communications to HR but this was expected.

HR qualified the quote "which part of my answer don't you understand?" as being the main issue and that it is the main reason for me being qualified as disrespectful. They qualified this as "the incident" (using HR own word). In general they stated that they appreciate me to stay on board but have problem with "my behavior". For what it matters, I am in my fifties and the colleague I've a conflict with is in their twenties or early thirties. Please don't get me wrong, I am not saying that age matters or should matter, should never been the case, but really wanted to give you some more context.

Finally, at the end of that meeting, I was asked by line manager to acknowledge that I was disrespectful and showed lack of professionalism. Probably to state this in writing on the meeting records but I am not sure, because the meeting just ended without any written minutes (at least so far). He said if I cannot acknowledge immediately he is expecting me to think about it and can acknowledge later.

I think this is all to it. Would you be so kind to share your opinion on this situation: could you advise if it is correct I was disrespectful towards the person and do you think I have to acknowledge the qualifications as disrespectful and unprofessional as stated ? (like I stated, probably I will be asked to sign for some sort of "acknowledgment form" but honestly I don't know what they want to do exactly - just seen them typing on their respective laptop during the said meeting).

Thank you kindly.
 
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This is why "friction" should never be dealt with over emails, texts, or other written forms of communication that remove all of the other important facets of human interaction.

You meant "what part of my answer did you not understand?" as, perhaps, a gesture offering to expound upon and explain yourself better to ensure that adequate communication took place. You also could have meant "you're an idiot with the brain the size of a peanut." When things are not entirely cordial between two people, the latter is more likely to be perceived.

I'd give them something like this: "My comment was not meant to be disrepectful or unprofessional, and I'm sorry that <colleague's name here>, the chain of command, and human resources misunderstood me. I'll work on improving my communication in the future."

You're not admitting to something you didn't do, you're acknowledging the real problem, and you're offering a solution.

Whether they accept it or not, I'd probably be looking for a new job.
 
I try to always be positive, and always be percieved as being positive. "I am at your service to explain further, if needed." would have been a much wiser choice of words.

Good Luck,
Latexman

 
You're fighting the wrong battle. You're fighting a political (and family) battle with knowledge and logic. At your age, you should know that doesn't work.
 
All good responses.

Time to rise above the occasion. Do not let others provoke you into this type of behavior. Be the better human.

Focus on your own work and not those of others. Get this matter resolved and forget it.
 
Can you find employment, elsewhere? A bad choice of words and you are in an untenable situation.

So strange to see the singularity approaching while the entire planet is rapidly turning into a hellscape. -John Coates

-Dik
 
Depending on the circumstances of the first discussion/gripe with your manager you might challenge HR's involvement as unnecessary and harsh. Unless something egregious has occurred managers should be resolving these issues at lower levels within the team and not jumping straight to HR. That said, if management is out to getcha then it might be time to either find a dark corner within your office or another employer.
 
I recommend reading the book: "Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High" by Grenny et al. And don't communicate through email. Meet with them in person.
 
Thank you. Despite having clarified (verbally) that I do not think having been disrespectful and if so was the perception or the interpretation, it was not my intention to show disrespect. Manager now is coming back again in writing and asking me simply "I am following up, do you have any feedback?"
I guess he is expecting me to acknowledge the qualifications in the terms as stated. Not clear what would be the consequences if I do not comply or take stand and maintain my explanation (I am thinking of course of termination as most obvious consequence). There is no written notes of the meeting by the way, at least nothing has been communicated to me.

Any guidance further?

Thanks guys.
 
Update your resume and start looking for other options.
If you sign something, or reply to an email acknowledging their opinion, they can then use that to fire you for cause and deny you unemployment, provide bad references, etc.
If necessary, only discuss this verbally in person. Best approach would be to just ignore it and hope it blows over. Use it as a lesson for future communication.
 
Thanks for the advice on not to sign anything (or confirm in writing). Do they have sufficient grounds for firing me giving how bad the situation is? I know that this is anyhow 'at will' employment but I also know termination will be through company procedures. Is this now a disciplinary action taking place and they are keeping notes all along the way but confidential, I guess so, right ?
 
All depends on your company's policies, procedures and whims.

Frankly I would not consider the situation all that bad. I have seen companies do absolutely nothing for far far worse things. But a lot depends on your company's politics.
 
These are the options I foresee at this moment:

- Ignore manager's request for feedback and just focus on work; not answering may get me into troubles, but let's see what happens.
- Hit back: the comments/qualifications made during the meeting, the body language, etc. turned out as excessive.
- Resign and avoid this toxic manager (no employment benefit).
- Escalate to manager's manager.
 
Is it an option to reply to manager's request for feedback as follows:

" For record purpose, may I ask you please to send me an email stating what the issue is that you ask me for a feedback and I will follow up as I deem most adequate. Thank you."
 
I would avoid any more email exchanges on this subject. Go talk to the manager in person, and simply state something like “I understand your concerns about previous communications, and will improve my communication in the future”.

And do not go to your manager’s manager, unless you know the upper manager very well and have a good relationship, and are certain they will respond well. Which is not likely. It will likely only make your relationship with your manager much worse.
 
You have run afoul of a precious snowflake that is butthurt by a perceived insult and has run to mommy to make the bad man say he's sorry. Maybe you should buy your snowflake some ice cream or a toy to help make it all better.
I see more and more of this all the time and its mind boggling to me that HR wouldn't laugh at the snowflake and kick him out of the office.
I would do this:
1) Polish my resume and start sending it out.
2) Would not acknowledge anything, write anything, sign anything, or discuss anything regarding this with anyone. If I received any communication regarding this, I would consult an attorney.
2) Keep my head down and do my job until I get a new job.
 
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