Conflict with co-worker / possible acknowledgment form to sign 8

[Joe_Mech]

Good day to all,

I work in a technical sales position. My job is to respond to leads, make equipment selection and to some extent provide technical support on products. Generally speaking I've quite good interactions with colleagues. I receive between 5 to 10 leads per day and these are generally coming via phone, emails or live chat. I think of myself as a serious contributor who strive to deliver to quality and schedule, well at least stick to that.

A while ago, I had frictions with a colleague who manage the logistic side of things and who happens to be closely related to the line manager. Frictions have never been verbal, but we've had some sort of heated email exchanges where we disagreed on the handling of some tasks, on who should be doing what, etc. One particularly difficult exchange was in the context of a stressful situation which involved big delays in delivery of an equipment and that made the client very upset.

Long story short, in my written communications with the colleague in question I've stated my dissatisfaction at few occasions and on a chain of replies back and forth I stated something like "which part of my answer don't you understand?". At some point, I involved the line manager to let him know my frustration with the colleague. I do not remember otherwise having used any harsh language, offensive words, demeaning terms, etc., never ever. I was then invited to attend a meeting with HR and line manager and they made a case against me stating that I did hurt the feeling of the other colleague, that my behavior was disrespectful and that I lacked professionalism. The colleague sent screenshots of all communications to HR but this was expected.

HR qualified the quote "which part of my answer don't you understand?" as being the main issue and that it is the main reason for me being qualified as disrespectful. They qualified this as "the incident" (using HR own word). In general they stated that they appreciate me to stay on board but have problem with "my behavior". For what it matters, I am in my fifties and the colleague I've a conflict with is in their twenties or early thirties. Please don't get me wrong, I am not saying that age matters or should matter, should never been the case, but really wanted to give you some more context.

Finally, at the end of that meeting, I was asked by line manager to acknowledge that I was disrespectful and showed lack of professionalism. Probably to state this in writing on the meeting records but I am not sure, because the meeting just ended without any written minutes (at least so far). He said if I cannot acknowledge immediately he is expecting me to think about it and can acknowledge later.

I think this is all to it. Would you be so kind to share your opinion on this situation: could you advise if it is correct I was disrespectful towards the person and do you think I have to acknowledge the qualifications as disrespectful and unprofessional as stated ? (like I stated, probably I will be asked to sign for some sort of "acknowledgment form" but honestly I don't know what they want to do exactly - just seen them typing on their respective laptop during the said meeting).

Thank you kindly.

 

[moltenmetal]

Any place which would get you into any kind of meaningful trouble over something so minor is NOT a good place to work.

Take the hint and move on.

(

http://www.spitfireresearch.com)

 

[dik]

Yes Eric, his position is untenable, and if possible he should seek other employment. Things will not likely improve.

So strange to see the singularity approaching while the entire planet is rapidly turning into a hellscape. -John Coates

-Dik

 

[Joe_Mech]

Just to inform you about further developments.
After doing some probing, it is my understanding that they are preparing a notice for either harassment or workplace violence.
I was told that the person in question went on to the HR and started crying. Under law, it seems that the intent is not a requirement, it is the impact or the effect that is important and this is their basis for action. It is not written anywhere, but they would expect me to apologize and acknowledge as a condition not to serve me the notice at their discretion (or to still serve it no matter what).
Any help further?
Thanks

 

[DrZoidberWoop]

Never apologize for anything in such a scenario and do not accept their terms! It won't help maintain your references for the next job or erase any bullshit "wrongdoing". An admission/apology will only finalize their case against you as an admission. Give the company and the p**sy who brought it to HR the middle finger (literally and figuratively) and have fun burning a bridge.

 

[la belle vie]

I’m usually wrong about these kinds of things and could never be a politician, but I think you should just be humble and apologize. Show that you understand the person’s feelings. A more powerful employee showed some frustration in an email and the less powerful employee felt criticized. Do it in writing if that’s what they need, but better would be a sit down with the two principals and your bosses. Then you should just let it go. Smile and be sincerely cordial to this person going forward.

 

[MortenA]

@Joe_mech,

My two cents: When you say "Despite having clarified (verbally) that I do not think having been disrespectful and if so was the perception or the interpretation", you basically dismiss any wrong doings on your side - and this may be what yo believe. hHwever, theres always two sides to any subject and while your intentions were what you think, they may not have been percieved this way. You seem to fail to recognise this and your own suggestions for solution all seem to reflect this. Its not about being humble (or being humiliated) its about allowing for the possibility that you did word it in a way that you didnt intend to do.. In this situation i think you read the situation wrong and should allow for you having worded your observations poorly.

Of course, if you meaning _were_ to be disrespectfull and think your colleague deserved this you might as well maintain this...

And i think thres a couple of trolls here in this tread that will do you mare harm than good to listen to unless you are looking fo an escuse to change job. But saying: "I got kicked out the last place because some d....... complied to my boss about me being disrespectfull" prbably ranks just above saying "that you got caught faking milages statements..."

--- Best regards, Morten Andersen

 

[dik]

I think you summed it up... no apology is needed and definitely nothing in writing. His position, as I noted much earlier is untenable and any action on his part can only lead to grief... IMHO... and I'm usually not so humble. If they 'write you up', then it's best to reply to 'set the record straight'... further to your letter of ???, I disagree with the 'content' for the following reasons...

So strange to see the singularity approaching while the entire planet is rapidly turning into a hellscape. -John Coates

-Dik

 

[TheTick]

Under law, it seems that the intent is not a requirement, it is the impact or the effect that is important and this is their basis for action.

That's scary and dangerous.

If you end up signing anything, be sure it is strictly factual. e.g. "I said x. So-and-so complained." as opposed to "So-and-so was attacked."

 

[CWB1]

Not sure how the legal-eze works in the US' northern suburbs (CA), but apologizing or otherwise admitting guilt stateside changes this from an innocent misunderstanding to intentional wrongdoing. If its intentional wrongdoing then HR can say "yes" when asked about disciplinary problems by future employers/recruiters regardless if the OP voluntarily leaves, and this also opens the door to be fired for-cause. If the issue remains as a single misunderstanding over interpreting ambiguous words then the OP's employer may still lay him off for no stated reason (at-will employment), but HR cannot say the OP did anything wrong to poison future employment opportunities without opening themselves up to a major lawsuit.

I wouldn't advise against signing everything. Ultimately, if the boss or HR wants something on paper and you think everybody can move past the issue then you could write a rebuttal focused on facts - An email from confused coworker was received but did not clearly state why they were confused. You replied to ask why they were confused and had no intention of offending or disrespcting said coworker. Rather than approaching you, or you and the manager to expedite resolving concerns at the lowest level the coworker chose to bypass polite and professional (policy?) standards to take the concern to HR, however did not do so until X days/emails late. The coworker's confusion as to your email remained unresolved for Y days, delaying work for Z days. You have been told by the manager who is a direct relation of the coworker that you MUST admit guilt to the allegation (HUGE labor law violation stateside btw) and instead are submitting this to rebut any claims made against you and assert your innocence.

 

[TheTick]

When you sign, spell your name wrong and sign with your non-dominant hand.

 

[SWComposites]

“Crying”?? Over what was said per original posting above? Seriously??

Find a new job. Now. Don’t waste any more time. And don’t sign anything, as many of us have stated above.

Have you discussed this in person with your manager?

 

[GC_Hopi]

Typical workplace drama. Its stressful but I wouldn't loose sleep over it and if you are then start sending out resumes. In the meantime as TheTick said cross your fingers and sign something factual or apologize in person then move on. I have seen the whole apologize in person thing work and also not work. This was related to cursing at someone in the workplace and in the two cases that come to mind the person who cursed was not fired.

 

[Eric C.]

If intent is not a requirement and only the effect is considered, then it seems as if you are in an indefensible position. In order to avoid a potential situation like this it would almost be necessary to not communicate at all with anyone at work. You have no control over anyone's perception.
This whole thing is crazy and is subject to get worse as more and more precious, tender snowflakes fill the workforce.

 

[Joe_Mech]

Thank you so very much for all the answers provided.

For you to know, I finally decided to resign. I consulted with an expert (external) who told me that - in the most likely scenario -their goal is to fire you for cause and make it harder for you to make claims, challenge decision, obtain exit package, etc. I was told that there is a good chance they have a letter ready to be sent out with a list of alleged claims and what they could do is add on top (as an aggravating circumstance) that the person refused to acknowledge / correct misbehavior etc. In the event misbehavior is acknowledged, this also has some drawbacks in the sense that acknowledgment in itself will limit the possibility of claims; also as "by-product", the employer secures employee "obedience" to authority (to which extent remains a question).
Finally the expert told me that by resigning, what I will be doing is just make their life much more easy and give up all rights for claims including unemployment benefits; expert stated for quasi-certain that after they would receive my resignation, they would just do nothing and will be let go. So, I could have decided to stay and see what happens, most likely I would be fired with bad record but have the option to go to court and challenge what they substantiated as grounds for termination. It would be a long process, costly and not granted the package would be significant. I just gave my resignation even though I do not have a job lined up and have a family to feed. It seems like they were happy with it (well so far).
All said and done, I think this is the best way I feel I respect myself only future will say if I made the correct decision.

One important take away, when you attend any meeting with management, HR (and especially HR), ask to receive written notes before leaving the meeting. Be paranoid.

 

[dik]

You forgot the lol... has to be in the dark, where no one can see you sign it and you have to be wearing gloves, so no fingerprints or DNA... else it may be just as good as one signed using your right name...

So strange to see the singularity approaching while the entire planet is rapidly turning into a hellscape. -John Coates

-Dik

 

[dik]

Good luck in the future... a painful learning experience, at best. The written notes is a good touch...

So strange to see the singularity approaching while the entire planet is rapidly turning into a hellscape. -John Coates

-Dik

 

[Joe_Mech]

Thank you

 

[TheTick]

You seem to be fishing for a rational explanation for an irrational situation. Stop. Walk away.

Accept that crazy exists. THAT is your rational explanation.

Could you have handled things better? Yes. Would it help? Sounds like the answer is "no".

Don't fight a battle that's over. Someone gamed the system specifically to hurt you. No win, except to leave with your skin.

 

[CWB1]

Accept that crazy exists. THAT is your rational explanation.

A fact that many of us have to face during holiday visits...happy Canadian Thanksgiving btw...

 

[Joe_Mech]

TheTick, yes, you're most probably right.

CWB1, thank you and same to you guys in anticipation..