Crazy handshakes 13

[Zoobie]

I'm looking for some opinions from the group in regards to a couple of recent handshake 'incidents' that I experienced.

Incident 1:

Last week I popped into the office of a colleague. Also there was one of his direct reports. I was recently promoted and moved to the head office so I had not met this person before. I introduced myself and then received an absolutely bone crushing handshake that lasted for an unusually long time...it was like he didn't want to let go. My initial reaction was that this guy is an @$$hole. From what I know of this guy he is a good guy and generally gets along well with everyone. However, now my impression of him, that I can't seem to shake, is that he is a total jerk.

Incident 2:

I had a software vendor in my office yesterday trying to sell me some expensive asset management tools. As per usual in these situations, there was the prerequisite before and after handshakes. This time it wasn't bone crushing but it was firmer then what I would consider normal or comfortable. What bothered me is that he twisted his hand in such away that it was on top and mine was twisted uncomfortably. If it wasn't for the handshake I doubt I would have anything negative to say about this person. I will be meeting him again in a few weeks and now my impression of him is slightly tainted.

My questions:

Am I overreacting? Can you really tell anything about someone from a handshake? I think I have a 'normal' business handshake. Nothing like this has ever lingered on my mind before. I'm wondering why these experiences have stuck in my head at all.

 

[JRESE]

I just hate shaking hands with a salesman type, then having my hand smell like his cologne for the rest of the day.

 

[dgsbsme]

I don't really see the point to handshakes at all. :shrug:
Much like wearing a tie every day. I suppose it's all symbolic and traditional. I do enjoy tradition in many things, but for some reason I can't explain, handshaking simply evades me. I form my impression of someone after a few minutes talking with them. Their handshake does nothing for me in that regard.

I'll respond with a rigid hand/palm in case they are a "crusher" and no firmer grip of the fingers than seems necessary or seems in line with the opposing shaker. I seldom think/remember to initiate a handshake. I don't really mind doing it... I just don't usually think of it.

The one style that kind of irritates me is when they close their hand before my hand is all the way in "the pocket" and wrap around just my fingers.

 

[MedicineEng]

The handshake strength depends a lot on the culture that you are in: I am European living in Far East for over 6 years and right now I recognize that I have a much lighter handshake than before. I remember when I arrived I shaked hands pretty hard for Asian taste. I am a quite tall, is not uncommon to be 20-30cm taller than the persons that I speaking to, so imagine, a huge foreigner giving a deadlock handshake grips was not exactly friendly by Asian standards.
Right now, when I handshake Europeans or Americans I notice that usually I give a "dead fish" in their standards. It is not on purpose, but a fact of life. Even so, I try to adapt my handshake to the person that I am giving it to.

And I do not try to psychologically profile the person that I am speaking to by his or her handshake.

 

[Bribyk]

This thread is perhaps the most useless and hilarious I've come across. I'd give stars to those of you that made me laugh out loud but I'd take a while.

 

[SLTA]

here's my thoughts on the second guy:

car salesmen are taught to twist hands like that, as a show of dominance. take it back from them by clasping your free hand on top of theirs (you've seen politicians do this, I'm sure).

and here in the USA south, it's considered a serious faux pas to offer your hand to a woman. wait till she offers hers. that's saved me from several bonecrushers...

 

[HgTX]

I've been involved in a lot of bad handshakes recently. I can't tell if it's me or them.

Hg

Eng-Tips policies: faq731-376

 

[jmw]

Well, I guess I'd have no problem with a golden handshake.

JMW

http://www.ViscoAnalyser.com

 

[swearingen]

Just this past weekend, a used car salesman nearly crushed my hand while turning it. As an experiment, I aggressively turned it over, squeezed, and put my other hand on his and called him down. I asked him why he was squeezing so hard and whether he did that to everybody. He acted embarrassed and apologized to me. I'll be going back there tomorrow, so I'm curious if he changes tack. I'll let you know...


If you "heard" it on the internet, it's guilty until proven innocent. - DCS

http://www.eng-tips.com/supportus.cfm

 

[KENAT]

Sweet Swearingen, I'll be interested to hear the results of this study.

KENAT,

Have you reminded yourself of faq731-376 recently, or taken a look at posting policies:

http://eng-tips.com/market.cfm?

 

[swearingen]

He did it again...

I'm pretty sure that it's just natural for him now. I twisted his arm again and smiled at him, then he remembered and released his grip with a smile.


If you "heard" it on the internet, it's guilty until proven innocent. - DCS

http://www.eng-tips.com/supportus.cfm

 

[debodine]

swearingen, thanks for the update. I was curious what he would do, and you are probably correct it is habit for him now.

 

[BillBirch]

Swearingen,
I've been down that road as well. After you try to make the offender aware of his action by straightening his hand and he is still unaware of it, I have asked, "what's with the domination gesture"? You should here some of the stuttering explanations!

 

[MortenA]

I think that its a cultural phenomena and that in the western culture (as Bill indicates) signals dominance.

All salemens seems to believed that a crushing handshake signals credibility.

I arab cultures e.g. (at least in the Gulf) men almost only touches each others hands when they shake. That takes a little getting used to.

Best regards

Morten

BTW: The hugging thing that has become more popular here in Denamark was actually a methode for verifying that the person you greet is not carrying a consealed weapon - sort of like "frisking".

 

[kontiki99]

Tell him you want to decline the handshake out of consideration, because you have a bad cold.

 

[HgTX]

I've done that. When I really had a cold, not just to avoid. It didn't seem to go over well.

Hg

Eng-Tips policies: faq731-376

 

[IRstuff]

I think that when you get an actual, decent, firm, handshake, it does indeed tell you something about the other person; he is either a naturally gifted handshaker, or someone who is both courteous and thoughtful about handshakes, particularly, if he's actually paying attention to your body language and adjusts his shake accordingly.

Someone who causes you obvious pain but doesn't change his MO is either a sadist, alpha-hole, or completely oblivious to the feelings of others. The other person's body language and eye contact can all reveal certain aspects of their personality.

TTFN

FAQ731-376

 

[HgTX]

"alpha-hole". Heh. I'm stealin' that.

Hg

Eng-Tips policies: faq731-376

 

[IRstuff]

A dead fish handshake from a woman has a different meaning and connotation than from a man. For a man, who is supposedly culturally trained to handshake with "confidence" it connotes the opposite.

However, for a woman, there's a confusing mix of tradition and modernism and sexism. A firm handshake from a woman has historically been read as being "butch," while the dead fish handshake is probably a cultural holdover from the days when women didn't shake hands, since they were rarely armed, and would have had no need to demonstrate peaceful intentions.

TTFN

FAQ731-376

 

[casseopeia]

I don't have the opportunity to shake hands with many women, so I wouldn't know if most of them give that weak, limp type. But I've had men shake my hand with too delicate of a grip. It usually makes me look to see what's wrong with their hand.

Rarely have I encountered the too strong handshake, but then I have a strong grip and not terribly delicate bones.

I think a lot of people have a low level of body awareness in general. I would not expect most to be able to tell how hard they grip much less read the other person's body language for a signal to loosen the grip.



"If you are going to walk on thin ice, you might as well dance!"

 

[KENAT]

I thought if a girl offered you her hand you were meant to kiss it, or I'm I out of date again?;-)

KENAT,

Have you reminded yourself of faq731-376 recently, or taken a look at posting policies:

http://eng-tips.com/market.cfm?