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Crazy handshakes 13

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Zoobie

Zoobie

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Oct 22, 2002
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I'm looking for some opinions from the group in regards to a couple of recent handshake 'incidents' that I experienced.

Incident 1:

Last week I popped into the office of a colleague. Also there was one of his direct reports. I was recently promoted and moved to the head office so I had not met this person before. I introduced myself and then received an absolutely bone crushing handshake that lasted for an unusually long time...it was like he didn't want to let go. My initial reaction was that this guy is an @$$hole. From what I know of this guy he is a good guy and generally gets along well with everyone. However, now my impression of him, that I can't seem to shake, is that he is a total jerk.

Incident 2:

I had a software vendor in my office yesterday trying to sell me some expensive asset management tools. As per usual in these situations, there was the prerequisite before and after handshakes. This time it wasn't bone crushing but it was firmer then what I would consider normal or comfortable. What bothered me is that he twisted his hand in such away that it was on top and mine was twisted uncomfortably. If it wasn't for the handshake I doubt I would have anything negative to say about this person. I will be meeting him again in a few weeks and now my impression of him is slightly tainted.

My questions:

Am I overreacting? Can you really tell anything about someone from a handshake? I think I have a 'normal' business handshake. Nothing like this has ever lingered on my mind before. I'm wondering why these experiences have stuck in my head at all.
 
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Would that depend on palm up, or palm down. It's sort of herd to put something in a palm down arrangment.

So is there a difference if a girl offers you her left or right hand?
 
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For the overly firm handshake....return his grip firmly and place your free (left) hand over top of the handshake. Gripping tightly, take a step towards him and lift his hand to your shoulder height while turning 180 degrees, staying far enough away from him to keep his arm extended. In turning away from him while still holding his handshake firmly his arm will be forced to rotate clockwise until his palm is facing up. Facing away from him, with his arm extended across your shoulder and elbow acting as a fulcrum on your shoulder, pull down on his hand. If done fluidly you will be greeted with surprise instead of resistance and only 18 pounds of pressure is needed for his elbow to shatter across your shoulder.

Its a good defensive jujitsu move if someone is coming at you with a knife but works even better as a hilarious conversation starter if someone greets you with a handshake that is too firm for your liking.


As a serious answer to the original question...yes you're overreacting.
 
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My anecdote:

I am great at concentrating and I actually get very distracted by handshakes. It is typical for people to give you their name just before or while shaking your hand and my concentration on the act of the handshake almost always makes what I hear (the name) never enter my consciousness. Therefore...with me...a great handshake = I don't know your name.

Wonder if anyone else's single track mind defies them in this way.
 
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Thanks to all for the good laugh! Also love the ad at the bottom "Huge selection of Shaking Hands Items"

Is it ok to use the Jujitsu move on a girl? (Only as a hilarious conversation starter... of course)
 
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Someone on a TV show the other night had a much better answer. If the handshake is getting too much, you should "cup their balls" with your free hand.

- Steve
 
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Many people are taught to shake hands firmly. In my career, I have found that many people feel that a firm handshake in an indication of the character of the individual offering it. Handshaking is an American custom and it is difficult to avoid this ritual and retain your sense of goodwill with everyone in the business world. Some peope will be deeply offended if you don't shake their hand. I think you are better off shaking hands that not doing so.

As for the crazy handshakes, they might be signs of manipulation or one-upmanship. Maybe a guy wants to prove his strength or maybe he wants to catch you off guard and make you yell, thereby diminishing your stature in the presence of others. Perhaps he feels that you appear strong and confident and he wanted to take you down a notch.

I have often been turned off by crazy handshakes. Most often, it is when the other person grabs the ends of my fingers instead of doing a full hand grasp. I have yet to figure out what that means. It is too wierd to contemplate. I suppose it means that the other person is afraid that I might put a death grip on them and they want to avoid that fate. However, since I have done nothing to give that impression, I have to suppose that they are trying to manipulate me somehow.

In your case, I definitely feel that some form of manipulation is being attempted. Think about what impression you may have given to make someone react that way. If you don't come up with anything, you may be interacting with sociopaths.
 
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I don't hold a whole lot in other's handshakes personally, but it bugs the crap out of me if I give a weird one. Say they clutch your hand early before you acheive the proper poisitioning or something, and they get just the fingers. I can't do that; I always ask for another. Probably seems a bit obcessive to them. Haha Eh. We're all "weird" in some way, right?
 
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Ooh, that's been happening to me a lot lately. They just get the fingers, and I wonder if they think I give crappy handshake.

Hg

Eng-Tips policies: faq731-376
 
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If something weird happens in the handshake say something about it. "Woah, how did that happen?" "Eh, are you trying to arm wrestle me or what?" If it was an accident then they will usually laugh, relieve some tension, and maybe promt a re-try. If the assailant did it intentionally they will usually be embarassed that you pointed out their ridiculous (failed) attempt at intimidation. If you say nothing they win, at least in their mind. Then they get really annoying.

Otherwise I don't put much stock in handshakes for most of the reasons listed above. Could have been an accident, could have been intentional. If it was intentional there will most likely be other issues that arise during the meeting; they are also likely to be more hampering towards your objective than the handshake.

Although I have to laugh at the facial expression when, every once and a while, there are no towels left in the restroom and somebody grabs my soaking hand after I walk out (washed of course). I think that would be the worst.
 
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Or maybe they've got arthritis or rheumatism or a broken knuckle. Anyone giving me a bonecrusher will be nursing a sore groin or foot or ear (if they are lucky) shortly after.





Cheers

Greg Locock

SIG:please see FAQ731-376 for tips on how to make the best use of Eng-Tips.
 
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Wet bathroom hands...I hate it when someone wants to shake my hand when it's damp. I have to issue the disclaimer.

And then I wonder if they read the Dilbert cartoon where Dogbert sneezes into his paw and then moments later shakes hands with someone and says, "Excuse my wet paw, I just washed it."

Hg

Eng-Tips policies: faq731-376
 
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So how do you know how firm your handshake is? Do you try it on coworkers, or with your spouse?
Or maybe you just judge it on the size of the eyes of the person you are shaking hands with.
 
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