explosive boss 16

[ramnam]

How do you put an end to a boss who explodes in anger whenever he hears of some trouble. The guy has a problem and everyone knows it.
My problem is whether to go down to his level and enter a shouting contest or to take it until he calms down and listens. (because he changes attitudes within an hour of the incident).

any advice?

 

[Bbird]

Is his job title "Higer Explosive Officer"? May be time to leaving the dynamite business.

 

[MintJulep]

Perhaps everyone really does not know that he has a problem.

Does his boss know? Does the human resource manager know?

None of this is likely to make you especially popular with your boss, but first you need to document specific incidents, times, causes etc. Take this to the human resources manager. Document your conversation with the HR manager. They are supposed to keep information such as this confidential. Mention the phrase "hostile work environment".

Either things will improve, or you will get fired. If you get fired, sue them.

 

[pablo02]

Bbird's comments will probably end up being the best route to follow if it affects your performance or your health, but

1) don't ever drop to his level and enter into a shouting match -- that is a lose-lose situation for you...

2) when I've had subordinates like that, I always told them I'd talk to them when they cooled down and then I'd walk away -- for a boss, the few times this has occurred, I took it and didn't say a word... (in these cases, I either deserved it or the initiating event was understandable and in all cases, it was never personal)

3) as most counselors will advise (I am not one and I don't always follow their guidance), you should consider approaching your boss during a calm period and in a neutral area and ask if you can discuss a personal issue that involves him/her -- their response will indicate any approval to proceed -- it's thin ice and you will need to be very tactful -- even then it's a risk... (if you pursue this, try to think of any and all responses that may come and develop a cool and calm respose/reaction to each one)

4) if the anger is personal and directed at you or others, then be sure to document the cases very carefully -- then you need to do some serious thinking -- consider approaching HR and discussing the problem -- regardless of how open this option seems, (in my opinion) you must be willing to resign (or be pigeon holed) because you will have bucked management and there are probably those in the chain who will hold that against you (or maybe not ???)...

 

[RDK]

Anytime things get into a shouting level, I just do the opposite. I keep dropping my voice and stay as calm as rational as I can. It usually calms things down quickly. If it doesn’t then I sometimes just walk away.

If I was on the receiving end of this behavior from a boss. I would follow the advice above and document the explosive and abusive behavior. I would then in a time of calmness talk to my boss with a written record of his behavior.

If this resulted in another explosion or did not improve the situation, I would add any additional documentation to the list and present the list to either HR, the next level of bosses or if there was a employee representative or labour management committee then take it to that.

Remember there is power in numbers. If he was explosive towards you than it’s safe to assume that he is explosive to others. Get them to separately document this behavior and join in the reporting.

If you are on this forum then you should be an engineer and a professional. That means that your boss also should be a professional. No one has to suffer this type of abuse in the workplace and it especially should never happen in a professional workplace.

Don’t expect that there will be a dramatic change. By reporting on a boss you have upset what in the senior management’s view is the natural order of things. You have not only made a case that your boss is behaving badly but called into question senior management’s judgment in appointing this guy a boss in the first place. Their first reaction will be to protect the institution of management and deny that the situation is as bad as you are making it out to be.

You will only get one shot at this so have all your documentation in order and have the support of your peers as well. (Video or audio may be helpful in proving your case, there may be some laws about this in some jurisdictions.)

If I ended up getting fired for this reporting then sue them all let the judge sort it out.


Rick Kitson MBA P.Eng

Construction Project Management
From conception to completion

http://www.kitsonengineering.com

 

[TheTick]

MintJulep:
If you are employed in a "Right-to-work" state, an employer is free to terminate at will. "Hostile Work Environment" only applies to sexual or racial harrassment.

I had a supervisor who was such an a$$hole that other people outside our department complained about how he treated me. The end result was that I was terminated When I asked the company owner (small ID firm) for help in dealing with it. I did get a nice guilt- and cash-laden settlement, but my attorney did tell me it was well within the employer's rights (in Wisconsin) to terminate me at will as long as it wasn't over age, gender, or race.

I don't regret asking for help. I don't regret standing up for myself and demanding to be treated with respect. My work and conduct were exemplary, (even by the owner's account) and I had no reason to permit anyone to subject me to that treatment.

p.s.
We all mean well in this forum, but consult an attorney to find out just what your rights are.

All this machinery making modern music can still be open-hearted.

 

[ornerynorsk]

I had a boss just like that years ago. I walked off the job because life is too short. One of the previous posters had it nailed - go to HIS higher up, and if the exploder is the top man, well, you have to decide for yourself. Good Luck!

 

[ramnam]

Thank you all. This was very helpful.

I have come to the conclusion over the weekend that life is too short for this and it is starting to affect my ego and health. The good thing is that I have stood up to his arguments in a calm way and I've used the "lowering-your-voice" technique. I will continue to do that until i've found another job. He is the big big boss though. so i can't take it one step up. what i have not done though is taking it to personnel. something i want to think about.

Unfortunately, reality bites and I can't just quit and walk out. Plus, it will haunt me, all my life that I quit over one argument. So I have begun sending resume's and I'm giving myself till the end of the year to get out.

 

[vpl]

Some additional suggestions: (1) Try to bring someone else in with you - preferably someone the boss respects. Having a witness often calms even the most obnoxious people, and (2) Don't sit down - stand as close to the entrance as you can (without seeming that you're trying to bolt), put your hands behind your back, stare slightly behind his ear, and nod or say "um-hm" while he's shouting. This gives the impression that you're listening and you're sorry, even if you aren't, and that deflates the anger.

Good luck

Patricia Lougheed

Please see FAQ731-376 for tips on how to make the best use of the Eng-Tips Forums.

 

[dporte17]

Something that one of my co-workers did which worked out really well.

1. He talked to the boss about not wanting to be yelled at, and that he would respond better if he were talked to calmly.

2. After the next incident told the boss that he would ignore any yelling and not respond to what was said.

3. Ignored boss during the next yelling incident. The boss got upset and brought him to personnel. Upon review the HR rep told him that he was right. The boss got upset and yelled. He didn't have to go into further detail with the HR people...

I hope whatever route you choose works out for you. It's not a good situation to be in.

 

[MortenA]

i will stroingly advice you NOT to go to other managers without dicussing this with himself first.

You dont know other peoples opinion of him and he will feel betrayed.

If you feel you cant discuss it with him live with it or seek another position.

Best regards

Morten

 

[pmureiko]

A lot of good advice has been offered.

Your boss is unstable and this behavior is known and tolerated by superiors. If he is a good supervisor in all other respects, then learn to live with this failing. More likely the bad behavior is associated with other problems and I suggest a transfer in the company. If you can't get a transfer, I recommend taping meetings with your boss for your own protection.

Lastly never tolerate a dangerous situation if the outbursts could turn violent. Definitely seek employment elsewhere. If this behavior creates a dangerous work environment, then the company is liable for your boss's actions if they have been notified. Do so and you may have a good claim for compensation or a winnable lawsuit. In this case consult with a lawyer to find out what proof and documenation you need.

 

[MortenA]

pmureiko

I dont think taping is a very good solution. There are ofcourse practical problems but maybe also legal?

Anyway - if you have a gun it might actually be more dangerous to yourself if you are not prepared/sure if you can use it! Explanation: If you got the recording of an "explosion" what will you do with them?

I would rather think that if you found such an extreme measure necessary then it was time for a new job

Best regards

Morten

 

[TheBlacksmith]

Two things -

1) No one can take advantage of you without your permission; meaning you will have to step up or continue to suffer.

2) Very few people will correct an "unknown" problem; if the manager is unaware of how obnoxious he really is (don't laugh, he may think its normal) or how negatively it is affecting you - why change.

Definitely approach him first, quietly but firmly, but be prepared to walk.

Blacksmith

 

[GregLocock]

Gotta agree, taping is not the answer.

I must admit I've never had an explosive boss, and only seen one at close range. Just thinking about him in particular, I can see how difficult it would be to approach him and ask him to change his behaviour (the phrase 'grow up' springs to mind).

Big company mode: If you are in a large organisation go to HR. This probably won't work in a small organisation.

Devil's advocate mode: have you tried yelling back. Or standing there with your arms crossed, tapping your foot? I don't think either will work.

Or, preferred solution: take control. When he starts yelling walk to the whiteboard, write up a problem statement defining whatever it is that set him off. Start writing a plan of action. If he says, or shouts, something useful, incorporate it. This is how I cope with problem solving meetings that go bad - if they won't focus, give them something to focus on. Has his office got a whiteboard? If not ask if you can have one in there. If you can, try this, it sounds sensible to me. Note that in typical Greg mode it allows you to listen without having to look at him! Your lack of physical feedback may defuse the situation, or, I suppose, encourage him to kick you, or the desk, apart, in which case I think his future career plans will be made for him.

Actually leading on from that last one, maybe he's annoyed because he gets useless people (in his view) walking into his office and bleeding all over his desk without an action plan of some sort. Does he explode even if you walk in and say, here's a problem, and here's what I'm going to do about it? The reason I suggest that is that some eng-tippers seem to rely on their managers for technical stuff- that is /not/ what they are there for.

Cheers

Greg Locock

 

[ietech]

I'm sorry to hear about your situation, it can be unbearable and no one should be subjected to this type of humiliation or disrespect.

It's much the same as a physical confrontation. You have two choices, FIGHT or FLIGHT. In your situation both carry very high risks. I'm not suggesting fighting -- just stating as an example of basic animal and human instincts, FIGHT or FLIGHT.

 

[pmureiko]

I don't know ramnam's exact situation. He should consult with a lawyer to find out if he deserves compensation from the employer. Ramnam should not sufffer financially (lost pension vesting and seniority) for the employer using a jerk to supervise workers. From this he will find out what proof is needed to show a dangerous work environment and his warnings were disregarded.

 

[buzzp]

Taping maybe a good idea, depending on the state you live in. I know phone conversations are admitted as evidence (again depending on state) if one party knows the conversation is being recorded. This may not be the same as conversations within a private company.

I had the privledge of dealing with one boss (not big head cheese) that liked to yell to intimidate. One day, I was in a bad mood anyway, and he started yelling. I yelled right back and he was sort of shocked. Luckily for me, after that he respected me alot more (because I stood up for myself-not usually a problem for me). No more temper tantrums. It is a tough decision and I think, for now, you are doing the right thing (looking for another job).

 

[funnelguy]

ramnam,
This is a really dangerous topic to seek advice about. No one but you will suffer the consequences if you handle the situation badly. Advice is always easy to give, and difficult to follow.

You don't strike me as the sort who would yell back. No judgement here, just an observation. If you were the confrontational type we wouldn't be discussing your problem in this thread. I would suggest that you do not try to change your basic nature. Talk to your boss privately, one on one, about your concerns. You might come to an understanding.

I would not recommend taping anything unless you are willing to leave your position. Even then, imagine the reference you'll get at your next job interview. All your current employer would have to do is mention that you taped conversations with your previous boss. Now what? Are you going to sue them for that? They just told the truth. You don't always win when you are right.

I have worked in manufacturing my entire career. When push came to shove, I almost never backed down. Almost all the shouters I ever dealt with were using their behavior to get themselves some space. They became stressed to the breaking point, and lashed out to drive the antagonists away. It is a coping mechanism of sorts.

One boss I felt was baiting me with his behavior. Seeing if he could get a big enough response to justify firing me. His boss had hired me against my immediate boss's wishes. I couldn't get out of that company fast enough. But I held my tongue until I could get out.

Be yourself. Cope as best you can. Don't tape anything.

 

[Maui]

It sounds like your boss has some emotional problems. Explosive response behavior is often a sign of insecurity, and these types of personalities can be difficult to work with. My work environment is very confrontational (industrial steel mill), and you have to learn to deal with all sorts of dysfunctional personalities to survive here. I had a problem with a superintendent in the mill for the first few years that I worked here. He would explode frequently to his employees and other co-workers. It was well known to everybody who worked with him. I found that he particularly disliked me, and occasionally would blow up with me as well. I tolerated it initially, and attempted to maintain a professional attitude. I found that this only fostered his behavior. In other words, it didn't work.

He called me one day and physically threatened me. I reported this to my supervisor, who told me to do nothing. I then reported it to HIS supervisor, who contacted the human resources VP. The superintendent was brought into the HR office, and thoroughly instructed about the position he put both himself and the company in by making that phone call. Harassment is taken seriously by US companies now, and lawsuits are something they desperately want to avoid. Later that day I walked across the mill and sat down one-on-one with him in his office, and calmly talked to him about his behavior. Without any prompting by me he apologized for what he had said, and that he would never do it again. That's all that I wanted to hear. And so far he has kept his word. It turns out that the probelm he had called about resulted from a lack of communication between himself and his supervisor. His boss had instructed me to do something, but never told the superintendent about it. When the superintendent found out what I had done, he thought that I went behind his back. That's why he blew up.

Communication is the key to avoiding these types of situations. I have made a point of keeping him in the loop on ANYTHING that I do now that would involve him or would impact him. I do not make the assumption that his co-workers or employees tell him what he needs to know. So far it seems to have worked, and we get along quite well. Perhaps an improvement in communication with your boss would improve the situation. Like most supervisors, he doesn't like surprises. Especially bad surprises. Try to keep him well informed so that he doesn't get hit with a problem that he never saw coming. It may reduce the severity of his response, and may also improve your working relationship with him.


Maui