explosive boss 16

[ramnam]

How do you put an end to a boss who explodes in anger whenever he hears of some trouble. The guy has a problem and everyone knows it.
My problem is whether to go down to his level and enter a shouting contest or to take it until he calms down and listens. (because he changes attitudes within an hour of the incident).

any advice?

 

[VoyageofDiscovery]

Along the same lines as Maui, a recent court case involving financial institution Cantor Fitzgerald in Europe and one of its fired managers awarded the manager a hugh sum of money.

VOD

 

[401K]

Ramnam,

You can't let people talk to you like that. I use several tactics to control the conversation so that I set the rules during the interaction. When someone comes to me angry I use body language to show my disapproval of their behavior towards to me. For example raise your eyebrows high and look directly at them. Then cock your head sideways. This usually works for me becuase they see that I'm surprised with how they are talking to me. Usually they will stop for a second and then that is your chance to ask them politely to calm down so that you can understand them. You must use wit in dealing with this situation. Be strong, be sure of yourself, and most of all be productive in solving the problem that made them angry. If they are mad at something you did then explain your reasoning and then listen to why it made them upset. If you realize your messed up then apologize and then ask what you can do to fix it a.s.a.p.. Don't quit just because of one person. Just try to rub elbows with this person and if you get an interpersonal relationship built with them then you are set for as long as you work there.

 

[D55]

I went through the same issue about 5 1/2 years ago. The explosive guy was not the highest boss but his behavior was well known.

I "took it" as did others when it occurred and eventually, I had a heart attack. The doctors attributed this to the stress at work. After returning to work a week later, I had made up my mind as you have, that the job wasn't as important as it had been before. When I gave my notice, the CEO asked what he could do to keep me with the firm. Upon hearing that I wanted to stay, but couldn't with the explosive guy still with the firm, he calmly wished me well and I left.

Two months after I did, they fired the guy.

Bottom line is, you don't have to deal with it and the next job you find will probably be a heck of a lot better position anyay. Good luck.

 

[sayee1]

It all boils down to understanding ego states(Parent, adult and child) and interpersonal skills .

Lots of good advice given already.

If your boss is always demonstrating the "explosive behaviour", interpersonal skill gurus would coin it an child type action. If you shout back it is a child like reaction. If you try to talk him out of it, you go into the adult mode and pull him into reacting in an adult mode himself. But once in a time you have to react in a child mode to make him realize he is wrong and bring him back on track.

Having said all this, no two people react similarly under similar circumstances, there are so many things affecting the way one reacts. The same person might react differently to the same action differently at two different instances. So, you have to decide, what is best for you, under a circumstance.

Once you decide your course of action, go through with it, and then don't look back and say, maybe I shouldn't have reacted the way I did, or I should have reacted this way... If things don't work out for you, think that this is what I should be doing the next time I am in a similar circumstance. Have conviction in your own belief and live with it. I am relatively less experienced than many who have posted on this thread, but this is the way I work. As far as possible try to bring everyone, your superior(s), your peer(s) and colleague(s) into an adult=adult relationship with you rather than a parent=child.


Some training courses are good for employees in an organisation to understand this too. If you have a reasonably good personnel department, select some good training programmes on interpersonal skills and get them organised. Read books like"I'm okay, you are okay". (Don't be a problem finder but a solution giver). Everything in work finally boils down to attitude....(Again, I learnt this from other posts on this site and have long since started enjoying my work assignments much more since employing this in my day to day work).
I have had a boss in the past who similar to funnelguy, always was antagonistic against me because he felt his boss and the plant president were referring things to me directly. There was also the fact that he considered me more qualified for the job than he was.Once I understod his behaviour, it became easier for me, because I always kept posting him about such developments. By keeping him in the loop always, (I also let him get credit once in a while by having him reply to the queries) he soon felt I was an asset to him and the team and soon we were on an adult=adult relationship. Maybe it would be interesting for you to brainstorm and do a C-E study on why and when he gets upset and accordingly try to seek a solution. I know this sounds too theoritical, but who knows it may work.

Thanks and regards
Sayee Prasad R
Ph: 0097143968906
Mob: 00971507682668
email: sayee_prasad@yahoo.com
The black holes of nature are the most perfect macroscopic objects there are in the universe: the only elements in their construction are our concepts of space and time.

 

[usjbh]

The original question was how to put an end to his bosses outbursts when everyone knows there is a problem?

I normally would ask this question before offering any suggestions. Has your boss's behavior affected your own productivity? If the answers is yes, then I would ask another question, have you discussed this with your boss at all? If the answer is no, then I would suggest you tread carefully about taking on the responsibility for corrective action. If the answer is yes, I would like to know what the boss's response was.

Putting those questions aside, I have found that when dealing with problem bosses, subordinates or peers it is always beneficial to start documenting the incidents. In my case I've used a simple Word document to date each incident, listing enough details that would provide evidence of the impact on my productivity or the company or project objectives. Review the list of measureable performance appraisal factors used in your Company, e.g. Job Knowledge, Fundamental Skills, Teamwork, Leadership, Technical Business Effectiveness, etc and don't forget Environmental, Health and Safety. These will help you frame the specific areas that are problematic besides the outbursts. My Incident Log has enough detail for future reference because I tend to forget details, but a simple bulleted form that lists the dates and few key words about the incident may be all that is needed when you talk to the individual or provide the deatil to H.R. representative responsible for corrective action.

It sounds like you've already started the process to look for another job. Should that be the best decision for you, the list can become useful during your exit interview should they be truly interested in why you are leaving. The boss has probably done this before and his behavior may be tolerated for reasons beyond your control. The boss may also being using this as a tactic to drive you out of their employ without having to provide a severance package. Unless you have a strong mentor you can trust within the company to provide guidance and assistance, you are in a very difficult situation affecting any behavior change in your boss.
Good luck. I would strongly recommend seeking work through personal referrals and networking so that you can avoid jumping into another frying pan.

 

[trainguy]

My first boss was like the $%#@%$# you're talking about, ramnam, and again I say LIFE's TOO SHORT to stay a minute longer at this job. I quit that first job after 1 year, and the rationale was - even if I spend the rest of my life in the gutter, it will have been worth it.

All my jobs since then have been with really cool bosses and guess what:

NO STOMACH-ACHE EVERY MORNING BEFORE WORK.

Get out, you'll be glad you did.

tg

 

[flamby]

ramnam,
what else comes with your job besides the shoutings? If the job is very promising with fat pay packages, just stay in and take the bangs head-on without reacting emotionally and foolishly. If the job is pretty ordinary, I'll second trainguy.

 

[abzpdl]

Do not under-estimate the toll a toxic environment has on us. All of us like to think we're tough enough to take it, and we may be. Metal is not the only think with an ultimate tensile stress. Our bodies suffer silently, with str nervous disorders, headaches, high blood pressure, insomonia. Find another boss.

 

[COKA]

Ramnam,
Your boss is acting the way that he is because he has other issues that you might not know about. Maybe he has an ill child, or he is going through a divorce.... you should not fire back at him. I know somebody who was going through the same thing that you are, and he dealt with him in the least hurting way possible. There is a book by Dale Carnegie that talks about exactly this type of human relationship. The book is called: HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE. I swear by this book. Anybody who wants to learn how to deal with all different types of people should read this book. It helped my friend, it helped me, it will help you I guarantee! But you have to believe in it!
Good luck!

 

[PipeStressAce]

I am new to this form and just wanted to say that I found the comments to ramnam interesting to say the least.

I wanted to add my own personal comments because this is a very serious issue. I had an uncle (he is deceased) who fit the description of this boss. For years many years he would contact my Dad (his brother) to tell him that he had lost another job because of his temper. My Dad (a minister) would console him and tell him to try to control his attitude. In those days (I am 60 now) we did not have the advanced technology we have today so we did not find out that his "Explosions" were caused by a treatable physical condition.

Ramnan, I realize that this is a difficult decision for you, but if you just quit your job a go some other place it will not help this person or the other people he is offending. Let me encourage you to document the incidents (at least 3) then contact Human Resorces and ask them to try and help this person.

What ever decision you make I wish happiness in the future.

 

[fmara]

I to had a similar problem with a boss such as yours,for three years I put up with his rantings and ravings with every pice of bad news.Things came to a head one day when things just went a bit too far when it became very personal.
What happend next is still talked about in my company,my boss went to deliver a right hook but failed I then proceed to unlease three years of anger and frustration on this man and bet the living crap out of him to a point, where this man will not look me in the face now.
I did not as they say get away with out sanction, but that mans attitude has change for the better.
Bullies can be delt with.

 

[ietech]

fmara:
You are very fortunate to still be working at your company --- most reputable companies would have fired both of you on the spot for this type of activity.

Although, I can certainly understand how an unfortunate situation like yours could happen.

 

[Speedy]

ramnam,
This guy may be insecure or whatever, but the main reason he does this is that he can get away with it. Like all bullies, you have got to stand up to him....shout back. It worked for me in the past. I took abuse like that from a fellow worker. Everybody had a problem with him. One day after a particularily confrontational meeting, I saw him coming for me across the production floor with 'fire in this eyes'. I lost my cool and shouted back even louder. He stood there stunned. He hasn't said 'boo' to me since. I can tell you, I walked away with my dignity back. Now, when other people complain to me about him I simnple tell them 'he will walk all over you, only if you let him'.

Same rules apply to the school yard age 5.

 

[ERV]

ramnam,

Here is something that may help:

http://65.54.172.250/cgi-bin/linkrd...2cbfc22912&lat=1071279702&hm___action=http://

http://www.informit.com/content/index.asp?isbn=0131409956

 

[ICman]

Had a supervisor like that - not only did he yell, he would put everyone (below his level) down, implying that they were idiots. Of course, he was thought of as witty, intelligent, and a great guy by his peers and upper management.

He had one guy in tears one night. Another stood up to him (when he yelled at the guy in earshot of everyone), and the supervisor reported him and tried to get him fired.

I was layed-off before I could file a complaint (the HR person was layed-off prior), and I'm sure it was due to the supervisor. I really wish I had done something, rather than "turning the other cheek". The supervisor took an early retirement, so the world is safe from him, at least.

BTW, check out the movie, "Swimming With Sharks", with Kevin Spacey. Spacey plays the ultimate horrid boss. Warning: very sad ending, but a really good flick.

 

[rustdogbrown]

ramnam and others,

I know exactly how you feel. I am in the same position.

A previous boss once told me:"manage the problem, not the person". I think this is a wise approach when dealing with difficult peers/co-workers and maybe even bosses/supervisors. But in my case, and probably yours, I have decided to find employment elsewhere, preferrably Santa Barbara. This is the only way I can resolve the situation as there is no HR dept where I work, and no one above my boss. Now, if the job market would just pickup.....

 

[SlipMatWax]

Communication is key. If he can't do that - he never will! move onwards and upwards