Having to resign - as much as I don't want to 5

[Airforce2]

I moved to the USA about 12 months ago. I have loved it hear immensly. Loved the job, learning lots of new things and I just love the USA.

Devastating news... Wife and kids are not adjusting and cannot stay here any longer. In fact, they have tickets booked and are leaving in a few weeks. I am going to catch up with them early in the new year. I am totally devastated and cannot believe it is happening.

I have not told work this news. No contracts were signed, but a relocation bonus was given to me. I don't know how much time I should give them. They are a wonderful team of people, but I cannot pick how they will react to the news. I need to keep income going until at least next January. I will need to leave middle of January. As far as work and I were concerned, this was assumed to be a long term venture.

An Engineer friend has suggested that I approach them with the proposal to work for them remotely and just be real positive. I am finding it hard to be positive at the moment. Not happy about this at all! I want to stay here.

Any ideas on what sort of notice I should give? I want to leave with my head held high, knowing that I did the absolute best I could.

Thanks,

 

[MadMango]

I would say the earlier in the week the better. No use waiting for the last day of the week to say anything, as that only gives the entire weekend for a misunderstanding to take on a life of its own before Monday. Earlier in the week, and it allows for a couple of days for the news to be absorbed, and hopefully you'll be at work (and available) if new questions come to light.

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[Twoballcane]

I would also recomend doing it in writing just so you can also add how much you enjoyed the work and company. For example:


Mr. Boss
Management and COMPANY NAME as a company have been instrumental in my growth as a Mechanical Engineer and as an employee. For almost # years, I have gained experience and confidence through the challenging tasks within each program as well as the anlaysis, FEA, and test training classes.

There for, I regret to inform you that I will be resigning. My last day will be ####.

My experience here has been very positive; I can only hope my future endeavors will lead me to return to COMPANY NAME

Sincerely,
Your Name

Tobalcane
"If you avoid failure, you also avoid success."

 

[stanford94]

and do a spell check....

 

[patprimmer]

Just do it.

Do it ASAP.

In writing handed over in person is best, that way nothing is missed but you can also explain if required.

I would start of with something like I am really sorry, but for personal family reasons I need to resign, then hand him the letter

Regards
Pat
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[jmw]

Pat's right.
Do it now.

There is nothing like spending a couple of weeks/months not sleeping and worrying yourself into a nervous breakdown then to do the deadly deed and find that:
a) they are completely understanding and sympathetic...
b) they could care less, its just the sort of thing that happens all the time
c) they hit the roof and turn really nasty (1 in 3?)

None of these is going to change with time and the only thing time gets you is ulcers and a worse atmosphere at home..
"Have you told them yet?"
"I'm waiting for the right time."
"When's that?"
"I don't know."
"Well, its easy, I'll just phone them up and tell them for you."
"No, don't do that. I'll do it. I will. Just not right at this moment."
"Just tell them. I don't understand what the problem is. If they didn't like your work do you think they'd agonise for weeks about telling you? Its a job, you didn't marry them or anything. You married me."
"You are going to tell them aren't you? I don't want to get off the plane back home and discover you aren't coming back after all."

Or words to that effect.


JMW

http://www.ViscoAnalyser.com

 

[SomptingGuy]

Agreed.

When my SO asked me to give up my life in USA, I put it to my boss the following day.

- Steve

 

[Airforce2]

Thanks guys... I guess I just feel bad. They have thought all along that everything is going fine. Now all of a sudden I am resigning. Granted, things only really came to a crunch 3-4 weeks ago on the home front. Until then I thought there was hope and negotiation.

The office is in a huge panic at the moment with some tight deadlines, but I guess there will never be a good time to tell them.

Sompting guy, where did you move to? It sounded like you were happy to move?

Thanks again guys, with all you sharing similar situations I feel like I am not the only person this is happening to.

You have all helped me a lot, thanks. Now to brace myself and tell them...

 

[SomptingGuy]

Damn, caught with my trousers down...

I returned to the UK part of the same company, with the same boss. Still quite a big and traumatic move though - not one I had planned.

- Steve

 

[MikeHalloran]

Panic, huh?

You'll feel a great sense of relief when they throw your ass out of there. ... as soon as you notify them.

Might as well book your tickets now...

Mike Halloran
Pembroke Pines, FL, USA

 

[Airforce2]

I may not have indicated this, but the Firm I work for is a small Firm with no branch offices. It is just a small group here and we all get along very well...

I was wondering... Is there a way to put to them that I will need to work remotely as a result of my family needing to return to Australia? Can this be done? Can a resignation be done this way? I very much doubt they would be open to me doing this, but you never know unless you try. They have a hard time finding good people in this area (not that I consider myself to be anything to write home about). They sure took a chance when they hired me from Australia. Now I get to let them down...

Thanks,

 

[NomLaser]

Don't beat yourself up over this. You aren't letting them down. Just tell them asap and let things work themselves out.

 

[ischgl99]

With Thanksgiving next week, if you don't give your notice this week, make sure you do it first thing Monday morning. Leaving it right before the holiday is a good way to really tick them off.

Contrary to what some have said here, many companies will appreciate that you are giving a couple months notice. You are not going to a competitor, you are needing to move for family reasons and that does make a difference. It is a risk, but I am the optimist and think that most companies would appreciate the notice you are giving, especially if you have been a valuable employee.

You are doing the right thing, family always has to come first if you want to remain a family. It is unfortunate you did not move to the right area. If you were in the neighborhoods I have lived in here in the Northeast, you would have been treated like family. I wish you luck with your move back home and hopefully your family life recovers.

 

[patprimmer]

You are letting them down by not giving them fair notice. What is fair is very variable, but in this case I would say fair notice would have been to discus domestic problems related to the relocation with them as they occurred.

They may have had a solution or at least some hel. They may even have suggested remote work. You never know until you discus it. There is always risk. Every morning there is risk leaving the house. There is also risk by not leaving the house, so what do you do.

Regards
Pat
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[Airforce2]

Thanks for the well wishes.

I am going to tell them. Either Monday or Tuesday. I have no intention of leaving them before January 23rd. I am even open to flying back here if they need me to. I am really going to leave a lot of it up to them and will do whatever I can to help them. They are overloaded at the moment with work (which is a blessing in this economy), so people are a little stressed.

I am hoping to put across the remote working scenario though. I still work on projects overseas and there is no problem. Internet, e-mail, skype and telephone all can be used with good results.

Thanks,

 

[IRstuff]

and Netmeeting allows presentations and whatnot to be shared as well.

Beyond that, there's not much to add. I think you need to tell them ASAP, so that they can work something out with you. Offer what you think are reasonable accommodations; unless they are complete idiots, they will reciprocate in kind.

TTFN

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[KENAT]

If you want to work out the working remote thing I'd give them as much notice as possible.

If they really are decent folks etc, why so much dread? Just talk to them about it and say you'd love to find a way to work remotely even if just to help the transition etc.

If on the other hand you think there's any chance of them walking you out, give up on the idea of working remote and only give them minimal notice required.

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[MadMango]

I would tell them today instead of waiting for Monday. Next week will be even more stress-filled due to Thanksgiving and people having to deal with the associated stress of out of town relatives, cooking, Christmas shopping, etc, etc.

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[Airforce2]

Here is the update...

I told my Supervisor (who is taking over the business with 3 others) on Monday. It was a somber meeting. He was quite sad about it, but took it well. I told him I was devastated and it was in no way my choice to go. I actually laid it all out there and for most of the meeting it was like two guys having a coffee together. All in all he understood. He told me yesterday that he spoke to the other Partners and the Owner of the Firm. They were sad and said I am going to be missed, but it sounds like they took it well also. I assured my Supervisor that I feel obligated to them and will stay until at least end of January to help them finish off my projects. I need to sit down with him and work out what projects there are left to wrap up and if it means I need to stay longer, then I will. Least I can do really... I don't know if they will expect me to refund the relocation they paid to me. He did mention that the Firm helped us out getting here, but it was not in a horrible way. The meeting went well really. If they want it back, then that is what I will do. I don't plan to accept the Christmas bonus if there is one.

Wife will be leaving with the kids next week, so I am still hoping she will get back home and encounter that the grass may not be as green as she thought. As time goes by though, I think I have to accept I am out of here. I hate that this has happened and really feel like I have let the Firm down. They took a chance on me, helped us move here and 13 months later we are going.

Anyway, just an update on what is happening.

On the lighter side of things, it looks like I get to enjoy living in an Extended Stay hotel for 2-3 months. Just like being on vacation right?

Thanks again for all your input. I really appreciated it and everyone that replied on this forum helped me through this hurdle in life.

Thanks and Happy Thanksgiving!

 

[jmw]

Just a couple of points.

OK, first, it has gone better, I'd guess, than you expected and you'd probably have found it easier to do this a while ago if you thought it would go as well as this.

Second; you say your supervisor is taking over the business with some others.
That suggests that there were going to major changes soon anyway. You might not have liked those changes.
Especially if one of those changes might have been that they would decide to cut back on costs until they have paid back the purchase price and you might have been one of those overheads they were going to sacrifice.

No way of knowing, but the easier the escape the more likely it is that something of that sort was looming.

Indeed, they may already have been wondering how they were going to tell a guy they've dragged half way round the world that he is to be let go. Quick question: are the guys buying the business the guys who hired you? If so, then its a tough break because they probably planned ahead and you may have figured in the plans. If they weren't the chances have to include that they would see you as an overhaead not an asset.

You'd have to expect that in any significant ownership change, the first thing they do is look at what the monthly cost of buying the business is and try and recover some by reducing the head count.

So if you want a worst case scenario, you put loyalty to the company high on your list and put your domestic situation under considerable strain.
If your SO went home without you and you stayed on, only to get sacked, you could expect to find the locks changed when you get home again.
This is a very tough situation to recover from. You might get away with adultery, with staying on then leaving because you missed the SO too much, but putting the company up on a par with the SO and then having it fall apart not from your own choice, well.. it wouldn't be pretty.

Third, you've told them.

They've taken it well.
If they still offer an Xmass bonus, take it.
You'll have earned it, you won't have taken it under false pretenses and you may need it.
In point of fact you'll probably find a lot of people who would have no trouble waiting till they had trousered the bonus before 'fessing up.

You'll also find no trouble finding employers who will sack you just before benefits are due pensions or whatever.
You've been honest with them.
They know.
If they still pay a bonus, fine.
Take it.
In fact, if it is a bonus you are entitled to and they don't want to pay it, you should insist.

If they don't ask for any signing bonus or relocation moneys back, don't offer. Resist if they do.
Hell, you relocated didn't you? It cost money didn't it? There would have been some terms attached and if you fulfilled them, too bad for them.
They have to share some of the risk that you shared in leaving home.

Oh, and if you really want to upset your significant other, go ahead and suggest to her you will pay back relocation money if asked (whether they are entitled to ask for it or not) and that you intend to refuse a Christmass bonus if it comes to you and see how long your head stays on your neck.

I'm betting on about a nano-second, if it were my SO, yours may have slower reflexes.

Finally, and especially in view of this last, use some of the money to get some therapy (and some to take the SO out shopping etc. when you get back home).
You work, you get paid you are worth (you hope), and you earned any bonus coming that didn't have any conditions attached and you want to hand back money to a bunch of guys who would not show you the same consideration, not even if they'd like to: "but our hands are tied... duty to the shareholders" etc.

JMW

http://www.ViscoAnalyser.com

 

[KENAT]

You can affort to live in an extended stay for that long, you must have been making bank.

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