How to avoid a private meeting with boss 17

[geng2016]

Dear all,

I am requested to attend a meeting in private with the one-over-one boss. I suspect this is a sort of discipline meeting. He has travelled from a remote office especially to organize this circumstance. The boss did not want to state the purpose of the meeting.
The subject boss is a violent/aggressive person who want to relief/vent on me and I really don't want to experience this; I also know this boss does not have a strong case against me and this actually makes him even more aggressive. I have nothing against attending some sort of performance review or equivalent (with weaknesses been pointed out etc.) if and when it is done properly, with evidence and record. I feel however uncomfortable and unsecure sitting with that boss in a private room. Just on gut feeling basis I would not want to do this.

What are my options ?
- refuse to attend and face the consequence (termination ?)
- request an person / representative or HR to attend together with me
- confront the boss with his own character flaw (he once told me "I am typically violent", yes this happened)
- attend and take the hit (of course writing done the complete record for any future legal action)
- activate the company compliance channel
- be sick the day of the meeting (guess it will only postpone the problem)

I am already prospecting for another job, its just that I want to leave from this company with my mental sanity as well as buy for myself some time to land a descent offer.

What would you do ?
Thanks in advance for your help

 

[rowingengineer]

You have the right to have someone present genrally. Activate this right, if they fire you for this then i think you would have dodged a bullet.

http://www.nceng.com.au/

"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning."

 

[BSVBD]

I've confronted MY boss on occasion.

Regardless of who is right or wrong, YOU be the stronger person!

Unless the superior offenses are criminal, treat the boss as the superior, but, DO confront.

Use due respectable expressions such as, "With all due respect sir, i would like to bring something to your attention..." "I understand your position and perspective sir..."

Don't "kiss-up"... but don't be disrespectful.

Do the right thing!

HOWEVER!... only YOU know the perceived nature and demeanor of this "boss".

Ultimately, you have to make the decision.

I hope the best for you!

 

[1gibson]

If I asked for an agenda and the request was denied, I imagine I wouldn't have much to say in the meeting.

Are you an idiot? "Not that I know of."
Are you sure? "Let me check on that and I will get back to you as soon as possible."

 

[TheTick]

An adult would go to the meeting. A child should not be here.

 

[geng2016]

Thanks for the responses.

Since I am certified for Health and Safety (Equivalent to OSHA with valid license); I got this idea:

Can I mention this:

-----
Dear Sir,

I recently noticed an increase of psychological stress levels at my workplace that would require immediate attention.
As an (OSHA equivalent) certified employee it is my duty to inform yourself and the company about this.

As regard to the meeting you have requested, the schedule xx xx is confirmed provided the further presence of our occupational safety officer at the meeting is warrant.
------

Can this stand in front of a company attempt to fire me?
Can you help me to fine tune it if this makes any sense at all..

 

[geng2016]

1gibson,

That I can manage. But I suspect it can be more aggressive/rogue (again "follow your gut" approach, can be misleading but that's how I feel at the moment) and that behavior for me is a problem.
I don't know if you see where I come from / what I try to say.

 

[TheTick]

What country are you in?

 

[geng2016]

Netherlands

 

[TheTick]

It would never occur to me to ever avoid a meeting with a superior. I can't imagine a level of dysfunction present in any of the involved parties that would make this an option.

Are you really concerned about physical violence? It's time to quit. No other option. Nothing left to negotiate.

Anything else is just unpleasantness that an adult should be equipped to handle. Either be one or make room for one.

 

[Comcokid]

I have been amazed by the 'power and control' methods that a bad and manipulative boss will use. The methods a bad boss will use are no different than the behaviors found in an abusive marital relationship.

A short synopsis of these manipulation and abuse techniques can be found at:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Power_and_control_in_abusive_relationships

or

http://www.theduluthmodel.org/pdf/PowerandControl.pdf

If you do end up meeting with the boss you can try to use it as a observation and learning experience.

 

[geng2016]

Can you advise regarding the approach of playing the HSE (safety) card?
Ridiculous or plausible way out ?
In general, when you invoke safety issues management is triggered and this becomes another ball game - unless I am really naïve.

Since I am too much emotionally involved here, I am turning toward you for a more down-to-earth opinion on this option.

 

[SNORGY]

Just go to the meeting.
People who have nothing to hide, hide nothing.
Plus, if there are no witnesses on either side and no video or audio recording of what is said, then as far as I am concerned you can speak freely with the same amount of respect or disrespect that he does.

 

[berkshire]

Do not be intimidated , first of all whilst you suspect things, you really do NOT know what the meeting is about. For all you know you may be promoted .
If you think the worst, and go into the meeting with that attitude, you may end up getting fired, even if that was not your bosses original intent.

Do you think this meeting is the result of things you have said or done, if so think back, did this upset other workers, or did you point out health and safety concerns the company may be upset about, but have to comply with non the less.
I do not know the relevant laws in Holland, but if permitted a small pocket recorder may be useful.
B.E.

You are judged not by what you know, but by what you can do.

 

[RolMec]

Dear geng2016,

I would like to invite you to think better of yourself for a first.
You are a thinking and feeling human being and not some slave to be inescapeably pushed around or bullied or rather to let others make this to you.
In todays world (Europe..) you can walk out of any room / away from any frothing mouth into the bright day. But why not stand up and be who you are?
I very much sympathetically invite you to consider: You are a free man and all this thinking about backups and feigned respect and witness and so on is beyond your dignity.
One day everyone shall be put before a decision where it will show what's truly within himself or herself, so as humans we always have to face our fears. That's life, and why not start to stand up for yourself today? It will come in handy later, when life presents other choices to make. Talk of family, children, people you love.

Finally, your true way is within yourself, not somewhere else or with guidance however well intended from somebody else somewhere else. Pink Floyd made an album to this, it's called "The Wall".

If you are interested in really good cinema, I'd like to propose you to find & go to the film of Kheiron "Nous trois ou rien", it's "All three of us" in English.
Best regards, and best of luck to you!!!
R.

Feedback is most welcome, thank you in advance!

 

[MikeHalloran]

Go as requested.
Arrive on time; not early, and not late.
Bring no agenda.
Bring no attitude.
Do bring pencil and paper.
Take notes.

Be polite and as pleasant as you can manage to be. Ogres have no defenses against it.



Mike Halloran
Pembroke Pines, FL, USA

 

[TehMightyEngineer]

I second the small recorder in the pocket (if this is legal for your area). If you control the record of what happens then you have a lot of power. Plus, knowing you're recorded will keep you calm and think of how your words will be perceived by others. Your boss will not have this and it will allow you to appear the more rational if indeed he or she does fly off the handle.

Professional and Structural Engineer (ME, NH, MA)
American Concrete Industries

http://www.americanconcrete.com

 

[Latexman]

I can't support the use of a secret recorder in the pocket. If you want to record the conversation, place the recorder in front of you and make a show of turning it on. Maybe, take 20 seconds and test it in front of the boss. When it tests successfully, then tell them, "ok, I'm ready".

Good luck,
Latexman

To a ChE, the glass is always full - 1/2 air and 1/2 water.

 

[Maui]

It sounds like you work in a very confrontational environment. This type of business culture isn't for everybody and at some point in our careers we all have to stare down a demon. He may be yours. You can only overcome the intimidation of bullies by standing your ground. They are damaged people, and most of them are cowards at heart. I have known some very angry and aggressive people in my working life, but there is one who stands out above all the rest. And he decided to vent his rage on me in a telephone conversation one day. I decided that there were going to be repercussions for that behavior that he would not enjoy. And for the remaining 3 years that I worked with him he never treated me that way again, although he routinely did it other people there. They didn't pay me enough money to put up with that kind of crap. Eventually I left on my own terms for a job where I effectively doubled my salary.

Go to the meeting. Listen to what is said. Do not feed any aggressive behavior he may express verbally or through physical intimidation by reacting with fear or with rage. Behave as if you are an objective outsider and calmly express whatever it is you feel you need to that is appropriate regarding the topic of discussion. Take notes. When all is said and done walk out of the meeting. If you still have a job, go do it. If you don't, find another one that has a less intimidating working environment.

Maui

 

[MadMango]

Attend the meeting, be prepared to be sacked. If that doesn't happen, you had a good meeting.

"Art without engineering is dreaming; Engineering without art is calculating."

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