I think I've had it... 3

[OliverJDragon]

I know what you will say in the end, so I guess I'm just writing to congeal my own thoughts.

For those who have not made a point of memorizing my saga, it goes something like this:
1. Sick of old job. Look for new job.
2. Entertain various possibilities. One floats to the top.
3. Before I even started, there was a reorganization that had sort of a demoting effect on me. The reorg itself was a good idea; how it was handled was not.
4. The expectation for my role changed. Not in a direction I disagree with, but not in a direction I like.

So, it turns out #3 was indeed a symptom of deeper dysfunction. So was #4, for that matter.

One of the other possibilities I was entertaining in #2, I could see similar dysfunction from the outside. When I went with my current company, I thought to myself, "At least I wouldn't have to deal with that weirdness." WRONG.

Just like that other company, and other companies in my industry, the company's going through a miserable transition from a small business to a corporate model. The people at the very top, who have ruled the roost for years through emotion and micromanagement and sabotage, are being dragged through this kicking and screaming by the Distant Corporate Overlords. Of course, they never kick and scream in public. In public they pay lip service to all the right stuff, and then they turn around and act otherwise.

Some of the crap I just watch from the sidelines, like how they try to undermine my boss (the one who was inserted between me and the CEO in #3 above). Some of the crap affects me, like how the CEO still stoops to micromanagement, assigning my predecessor (who is still hanging around and who shares all the worst traits of the Old Guard) to do parts of my job without informing me.

There are signs of progress. My boss is a sign of progress. A couple of new department heads are signs of progress. And there are enough of us in the New Guard committed to change that I think it will happen--eventually. Whether I last that long is another question.

But then there are problems that are related to and yet separate from the overall issue of bad behavior from above.

One is me and my job function. I described some of this in an earlier post (maybe toward the end of "Honeymoon is over"). In a move toward the New Way, they went looking for a systems expert rather than a subject matter expert. Then they found out I was on the market, and they hired me because of my subject matter expertise. Stupid me, I thought they hired me because they wanted what I had to offer, and they'd changed their minds about the systems aspect. And maybe they did, and maybe their minds would have stayed changed, except along came my boss expecting the New Way, and I wasn't vetted for the ability to do that, and all my fantastic subject matter expertise that I've spent a third of my life building is no more than a parlor trick.

And this has led to a bad relationship between me and my boss. I don't automatically fall into the patterns he expects, which irritates him, and he's always having to coach me to do things, which irritates him, and because I see why he wants what he wants out of me, I haven't stood up to him and said screw you, I'm not going to do that, I'm going to do this other thing I was originally hired for. What's the point? It's not what he wants and I see the business sense in what he wants.

But just sucking it up and taking it has made me weak in his eyes. So now I'm kind of a target. He comes at me in meetings with a tone and manner that he does not use with others who might also be underperforming. He comes at me for problems in my area of responsibility (across multiple facilities) while not addressing any of those complaints to the people in charge of those facilities, who are really the ones with the power to make things happen. He has said, in private, that I have indirect authority over those facility managers, but has done nothing in public to reinforce my authority, and in general treats me like someone who does not have and does not deserve authority, until it's time to berate me for failing to assert that authority and achieve something. And because he's made up his mind, he chooses to filter various things he hears to fit a pattern unfavorable to me. I've done enough back-checking to see where he has spun something neutral into something negative.

And then just as I decide it's hopeless and I need to go somewhere else before they fire me, he goes through a phase of being rational and respectful and something positive happens like one of the new directors tells me that I was on the list of people he was told to build a relationship with (as opposed the people he was told not to bother with).

I've thought about talking this over with the boss, but I never know whether I'll get Jeckyll or Hyde, and if it's Hyde, there's no point and very likely some risk. I actually had an appointment to talk to him about this, and then things came up, etc., etc. He knew that I was dissatisfied about something, but that's as far as it got.

So I may or may not survive the boss. I'm expected to get things moving at the speed of policy, but since the policies need to come from the facility managers and my authority over them has not been reinforced or even stated, my speed is instead that of a persuasion campaign. And there are other things I need that are buried within the fortresses of even more dysfunctional departments, but I'm responsible for those as well. So if he wanted to claim that I'm failing to deliver, he could make a case for it. From one week to the next, I can't tell where I stand. Sometimes he acknowledges that I inherited an insane situation, and sometimes it's just about what I have failed to achieve, no excuses.

I'm sure he's getting the same treatment from higher levels, but that's no excuse.

I started looking for a new job a couple months ago when my relationship with my boss was at an all-time low and I was starting to have trouble with depression. But then things got better, and I got better.

But now the micromanagement and sabotage from the Old Guard are back. I'm not the only target, but I'm one of them, and with a completely supportive immediate supervisor I'm sure I could survive it, but with my boss iffy already, I don't know that I can. So this weekend was another weekend of updating the resume and cruising the jobs websites.

Here's what's keeping me here:

1. I hate looking for jobs. And I hate major life change.
2. I believe that at some point all this will pass and the place will not suck. (Will I ever grow to like my revised job duties? I don't know. But maybe I can get secure enough to make some different arrangement where I get to concentrate on what I do well and they hire someone else to do what I'm not very good at.)
#2 justifies #1.
3. The rest of my industry is probably just as screwy. My best prospect outside of this company is another company (one of those I looked at last year) that I know for a fact is at least as screwy in many of the same ways. And yet I like my industry. I like the product. I don't want to walk away from it.
4. Jobs for exactly what I do are hard to come by. I dug myself a very cozy niche in my previous job, and there aren't lots and lots of positions in this category. I could branch out, but it's hard to compete with people already working in whatever new branch that would be. What this means is it is all up to personal networking; I would never survive a keyword search of a resume submitted online.
4a. I was secure enough in my old job that I could search for a new job almost openly, spreading the word, handing out "civilian" business cards, etc. With this job, it has to be very, very confidential. This really limits the speed and effectiveness of my networking.
4b. Because I'm busier and also less secure, the networking opportunities aren't as plentiful. The more insecure I get, the less secure I am about gallivanting off to a conference or other meeting where I can talk to people privately face-to-face.

For years I've thought about going back to grad school. It would certainly be a convenient way to turn tail and run. But the timing is exactly wrong--I'd be looking at September 2012, and that is a LONG way off. I don't know that the program I want does mid-year admissions, and if they do, they surely don't hand out funding midyear. All that gets allocated very early on.

So...I am sorely tempted to try to wait it out. The Distant Corporate Overlords won't tolerate the worst of the current dysfunction indefinitely. The question is whether I can survive till then.

If I want to be serious about looking for another position, the only way to do it effectively (rather than waiting months to see people at meetings) is to "steal" an hour a day (out of an 11-hour day) to spend on the phone with people from my past life, seeing what else might be out there. But I really hate that. What do I do, mutter in my office? Skulk in my car?

This sucks.

I know, I know, at least I have a job.

OJD

 

[dvd]

Well, from the length of your post, you might consider becoming a typist.

Otherwise, sit back and play the game, don't work too hard, try to look smart at the right time, be friendly, find something else eventually.

 

[MikeHalloran]

The trade that you now ply, within your industry, or within _any_ industry, is all about making sure that things happen in a way that they are supposed to happen.

As a direct result of that, you will often find yourself in confrontational situations with people who are taking shortcuts that they sincerely believe are in the best interests of the company.

Dealing with confrontation is not just part of the job; it _is_ the job.

But it doesn't have to be hostile. ... well, except in dysfunctional companies.

Just as lawyers learn to disagree without necessarily being disagreeable, you must learn (perhaps you have, forgive me if I am wrong) to tell people they are doing it wrong without telling them they are bad people.

I greatly admire the few people whom I have met who can actually do that, and induce people to do the right thing, not with threat of sanction (as I suspect you may have done in your old job, again please forgive any erroneous speculation), but by making the right way the easiest way.

I.e., the stick is no longer available to you as a tool; you must become more skilled in using the carrot.



OR, I could be wrong; it happens a lot.






Mike Halloran
Pembroke Pines, FL, USA

 

[casseopeia]

Your boss is either bi-polar or emotionally stuck at about the age of 3. If he is a manic-depressive that does not take medication, well, good luck with that.

If he is an emotional child, to me it sounds like he wants you to do it 'his way' without having to tell you how. If that's the case, then you could
(1) find out from someone else how 'his way' is done, or
(2) acknowledge and express you sympathies for causing your boss irritation while coaching you and ask if there is anything you can do to make things go easier for him. Focus on his problems because for 3 year olds, there is no one else.

I hope I've managed to capture the essence of the problem. I recall the honeymoon being over stuff, but lost track after that.

"Gorgeous hair is the best revenge." Ivana Trump

 

[OliverJDragon]

@ Cass: The boss is someone who over the years learned how to wear the veneer of someone who knows how to deal with people. He is under insane pressure: *his* boss wants to get rid of him--nothing personal, it's just that the very existence of his role was forced on the uberboss by the Distant Corporate Overlords and is seen by the uberboss, perhaps rightly, as the first in a series of steps to get rid of said uberboss. Hence my boss is under insane pressure. Under insane pressure, the veneer slips. It seems to slip more with me than with others. When it's in place, he fakes it very well. But he also buys his own fake, so I think he believes he's a lot more logical and unemotional than he actually is. It's pretty convincing most of the time.

@ Mike: I've always been more a fan of carrot than stick. In my old job, a lot of the way I functioned was to be self-deprecating to my own team and persuasive to those over whom I had power. It was how I avoided turning into one of those people who post here on E-T complaining about how everyone around them resents their intelligence. I was all about building relationships, not intimidating, working toward consensus, and if I had to resort to "because it says so in the contract" I felt like I'd failed a little.

Now I need to be more forceful, need to act like more of a conventional authority figure, and yet I've spent the last decade teaching myself how to be non-threatening. My natural tendency is to be fairly domineering but I've beaten it out of myself a little too well and I don't know how to get it back without sacrificing all the reasons I beat it out of myself to begin with. (Different situation from someone naturally timid who needs conventional assertiveness training.)

Learning how to turn that on and off would undoubtedly be a skill that would serve me well whether I run screaming from this place or not. So far, not a clue how to. The last couple of months have turned me into a beaten dog; I may have lost the window to be able to channel my inner domineering attention hound in this context. Also, because of the shift in job focus, I don't really have the footing to have the confidence to let my inner d.a.h. out. I'm never thoroughly convinced I can really stand behind what I'm asking for. When I get to go slumming in my actual area of expertise, I can still be plenty strident.

When I took this job, I was prepared for some resistance to policies and practices I might want to implement. I was completely unprepared for a culture of undermining. And really, most people here are not like that, but it's the ones with the most power that are the worst about it, so they can't just be shrugged off.

Today Jeckyll was on duty, and I'm back to feeling like I might actually survive. You'd think I wouldn't trust Jeckyll, but he's really quite convincing.

I don't even know what I want to ask here. More Eeyore than Ollie. Don't mind me...

OJD

 

[jmw]

Life isn't fair.

There are more bad managers than good and by a sizeable margin.
Ergo, we have to endure bad managers.

Good managers are often transient souls flitting in and out of our working lives.

Bad managers are usually replaced with other bad managers. They often have an uncanny ability to survive long beyond their sell-by date and they are equally often either promoted or moved sideways but rarely fired.

If management recognise in anyone that they are useless at what they do they can fire them, make them redundant, promote them or shift them sideways.

Of all these options, the least helpful to you seems to be the one you have; they want to fire him.

At one company they decided that firing was the option they wanted to take. That meant they needed cause. They didn't want to make him redundant because they'd have to pay redundancy money so he survived several rounds of redundancies until they finally had the goods on him.

I don't know how this helps you at all.

You have to figure he isn't too secure himself. This means he will be looking for one of the following:
You decide:
[ul][li]we will work together irrespective of how upper management responds nor what their plans are.[/li]
[li]It is best for me if he gets promoted or pushed sideways and he wants one of these so I find out how to help him reach one of these objectives[/li]
[li]Management wnat him out, how can I help
them do that sooner rather than later?[/li][/ul]

Ergo, you only have one other option, jump ship.
Your real problem is if your jumping ship is the trigger management want to fire the guy, you are on the list of people he is supposed to work with.
He may just be aware that it isn't happening and that he is at risk. He may assume that it isn't working because you have adopted the last option above either passively or actively. Part of his behaviour maybe because he isn't sure where any of his troops stand.

Would I be right is guessing that you and he have never had a sit down and talk about what is and is not expected, what your capabilities and expectations were when you joined and how it changed...

Tough as it may be (and it will be), it may be best to set up a meeting with him, ideally for a low stress time and place where you and he can talk without interruption and cover all the issues.

He needs to know if he can rely on you, whatever your abilities etc. and you need him to know what is frustrating you.

Of course, you need to be looking out there but you might think that you can stay if between you, you can start to have more Dr Jekyll days.

The problem is that success is often less about ability and productiveness, than it is about politics and survival.

He is under threat and may know it and he has a team that doesn't exactly help his situation, it was built for one thing and has to do something else and he isn't sure everyone is pulling the same way no matter what their abilities.

A good talk is possibly about the only way to move on.



JMW

http://www.ViscoAnalyser.com

 

[MikeHalloran]

You need to share a pizza and a couple pitchers of beer with your boss.



Mike Halloran
Pembroke Pines, FL, USA

 

[jmw]

Right.

JMW

http://www.ViscoAnalyser.com

 

[lacajun]

One thing I've learned in life is that fear is self-perpetuating. Don't let fear rule your life. Open the curtains and let sun shine on the situation. If things get worse, will it really add to your Misery Index? If your Misery Index does increase, what are you willing to do? Or, what can you do?

If you want a Master's and would start mid-year, find a school that will let you enroll mid-year. It doesn't seem prudent for any university to turn down your money, mid-year or not. But, I've been out of that for awhile and could be completely wrong.

Have you used self-deprecating humor to the point that you believe it unless in your area of expertise? Just a question that popped into my head. I've heard it does happen.

Do you have a job description? That's a clue as to what's going on with your position and/or you.

If you don't have your authority over other facilities in writing, you don't have authority.

 

[SNORGY]

MikeHalloran's post is perfect. It is exactly what I would do, and in fact have done, under such circumstances. It has always worked for me.

Regards,

SNORGY.

 

[OliverJDragon]

Believe it or not, for all my back-channel whining here, I do like to get things out on the table. It's one of my failings--I err on the side of revealing too much, and I've had my hand slapped for it on occasion in both this job and my old job.

So we've had the talk about my job description. Early on. Because he knew damn well he wasn't getting the person he would have wanted. And we've had it again, more than once, as it became clear that this change was not turning out to be an opportunity to find out that I missed my calling and can just click into place under the new program. He is well aware that I was hired because there is something I do very, very well, into a position that is no longer about doing that thing. He is sympathetic to a point, but not to the point of changing my job back. He even says, pretty much every time, that what I am facing would be hard even for someone experienced. That doesn't change his needs, though.

We've also talked about his expectation for what I should ideally be doing, vs. where my learning curve should be. All I hear about is where I fall from the ideal. I don't get any feedback on what I am doing right (except for once in a while when he remembers he's supposed to do something like that, and then he comes in and heaps disproportionate praise on me for doing something not all that remarkable), nor where I am with regard to the learning curve expectation. Am I behind? On it? Ahead? We've talked about this, and nothing has changed.

Recently we have talked a little bit about my forcefulness or lack thereof, history of trying not to be too aggressive, etc. (That sort of conversation not really his cup of tea but I talked to him about it anyway. He didn't have much to say.)

I have tried to talk to him a couple of times about what I think supporting my position and authority means vs. what he has been doing, and he always manages to deflect the conversation to something I should be doing differently.

We have not talked about our relationship, how he treats me in Hyde mode, and where his personal prejudices are shaping what he perceives as facts. We had a time set up for it and it got triaged a couple of crises ago. Beaten dog that I am, I really haven't had the stomach to try to set it up again.

Jeckyll ain't perfect; he still views me through a personal filter he doesn't realize he has, and he still deals with me somewhat more harshly than he does with the bigger boys. But Jeckyll is MOSTLY quite rational, Jeckyll talks to me in future tense, and if the situation is hopeless, it's hopeless for me and Jeckyll and several other of the New Guard all together. Hyde is a reason in himself for me to take off, Old Guard notwithstanding.

@jmw: No doubt, if I leave, no matter what my stated reasons (and the official reason will be that I wanted to go do something more technical, no hard feelings), the Powers that Be will find a way to both badmouth me as sour grapes and simultaneously use my departure against those who failed to retain me. But I'm sure that's not a big motivator for my boss. He's got worse bludgeons being used against him already.

The grad school option is for one specific program. I already have a more generic master's degree. The other option, I suppose, is to go for a PhD in the more generic field, and return to academic life full-time. But I'm not ready to retire from the field, not yet. (I'll probably be too old to get a faculty job by the time I am ready. I was starting to see profs younger than me even before I graduated.)

OJD

 

[lacajun]

Get the Ph.D. not another Master's. It may not be what you desire but it is the better option, in my opinion. And yes, I have a navel, too. However, that was the advice given me by my undergrad advisor, when I was in a similar position as yours. And there are a lot of smaller universities that love to hire experienced engineers from industry because they're training young students for practical application not MIT, Stanford, etc.

As for the job, I read expectations and desires that are mutually exclusive. But, you have to discern that and your options.

Continue to be truthful and open to give them opportunities to correct their course. If they choose not to, then determine what you're going to do and do it. Don't let fear paralyze you. You are getting through life and you will continue to get through it. One bad job isn't the end of the world and shouldn't cause such misery. And don't get bogged down in paralysis analysis because ultimately you'll waste time and life is so dynamic you may miss something else in store for you.

It takes a lot of patience dealing with people. Sometimes I've deemed the patience is not warranted because they're not going to change. In those cases, I left. What you do is your decision based on the circumstances of your life.

All you can do is your best and leave the consequences to God. If you want more technical work, stick to it and don't let what others may or may not say about you bother you. After all, we are all trying to figure life out and none of has all the answers. In fact, no one has the answers for your life but you. How you live your life is between you and your Maker.

I've learned the best way to solve my problems and the problem people in my life is to pray about the situation and for them. It may not change them but it certainly changes me.

 

[jmw]

I guess the only thing left to ask is how he treats the others in this team he has inherited but didn't form?
Sounds like you already did all you can do and more than most of us would usually nerve ourselves to do.
It also sounds like this is not something he wants to discuss.
It makes you wonder what senior management are playing at. In a way they have an obligation to you (that they're not going to admit) because they hired you for one job which would be a good progression and a good use of your skills, and have dumped you in a very bad situation. They may well have advised your boss you are someone to look after, but for what reason, if your skills set doesn't match up to the job they now want you to do, except perhaps to keep you off their backs?

I guess that doesn't leave any wriggle room. Either he goes or you go. And if he goes, is anything else likely to change or do you just swap out one (bad) boss trying to hit goals with a team set up for a different set of goals, for another one.

Sounds like a bad situation with no way out within the organisation.
The only last suggestion is to casually discuss it with one of the people who recruited you.
Not sure what good it would do, but no reason they shouldn't be reminded that they recruited you under false pretences and effectively have put your career is some jeopardy.
That they may not like to be reminded of their own bad decisions is no reason they should not be reminded (but be ready for departure).
Beyond that I am at a loss. I hope you find a way out that gives you back something of what you lost and with interest.

JMW

http://www.ViscoAnalyser.com

 

[OliverJDragon]

He seems to be better toward others that he inherited. But he and I came in around the same time, so all the others are well-established with the company. So for them, he's demanding, but I don't think most of them are questioning whether they should stay with their jobs. One guy probably was afraid for a while he might be fired, for good reason, but he turned things around, with a LOT of guidance from my boss.

In fact, if I may digress, that guy is the worst example of the people I have trouble getting any control over. He was the one guy who wouldn't so much as return my calls, and when I went to my boss for help on that, my boss suggested that I not worry about it and just work through my employee who represents my department in that remote facility, since the two of them are supposed to be on the same page. In retrospect, that was stupid advice and I shouldn't have listened. At the time, in over my head (still am but hindsight helps focus), I listened, started working everything through my guy, which of course did nothing to enhance my authority with "that guy", and then I came under criticism from my boss because "that guy" doesn't see me as a relevant force.

I didn't answer that criticism. Probably at the time I was paralyzed like mouse before cobra, but also, he'd be quite right to say that I was supposed to take that advice as an interim communication method while I built the relationship up. (But how do I build that relationship, if I'm supposed to excuse him from calls and telemeetings? We get along fine in person and it all evaporates when I get back to home base.) I mean, it was such stupid advice that now he'd probably deny saying it. I've since then come to realize that a lot of stuff comes out of Hyde's mouth that Jeckyll probably doesn't mean. (Which also pisses me off. If I can't accept the literal truth of what he says and have to go second-guessing everything, or find out what opinions he expressed to other people, then we can't communicate.)

For all that, I'm reluctant to brand him as "bad boss". For everyone else, he's demanding but fair, with occasional moments of grouchiness. But probably bad boss for me.

Here's today's insight--he's been slowly raising the bar for me, as he should. But with each new level, he acts like I've had since the day I was hired to achieve that goal, and what the hell is the matter with me? Rather than realizing that I've only had since the last bar-raising to be aware that I was supposed to do that particular aspect of whatever it is. So today, there is a very important thing I need to do, and everything that I've done in that direction so far is inadequate, and I'm back to feeling like my job is in jeopardy.

And I can't really counter that either. He keeps expecting me to be anticipating the next step, like someone actually competent in my function would do, and I never do. I can't point out that he tolerates having to spoonfeed every step to the other people he inherited--that would be whining and does nothing to solve whatever issue it is I am supposed to solve. I can't point out that I was just too stupid and ignorant to understand what I was really supposed to do up until the most recent bar-raising and that's why he should accept the inadequate finger-paintings I've submitted so far, because finger paintings aren't good enough and just pointing out how I was too stupid to do anything but finger paintings neither solves the problem nor enhances my credibility.

I think part of what the other guys have going for them is they don't have the same insight I do about this sort of stuff--about what sort of argument and comment is doing nothing to solve the corporate problem at hand and is thus not worth wasting anyone's time with. So they just go ahead and get defensive, and they established this pattern early enough on that he just doesn't push as hard. Probably not even consciously.

What are senior management playing at, you ask? The kind of dysfunction where you wonder how they ever stayed in business. But like I said before, my whole industry is kind of like this, pretty primitive, so they're competing against other dysfunctional companies for the favor of equally dysfunctional customers and they don't know any better. There's a thin layer at the very top of OMGWTF, then my boss and some other of us newbies (a product of a campaign for changing the way the company runs by getting a different type of leadership), and then some more products of the broken system the rest of the way down, some more salvageable than others.

I am in a unique position because although my job expectation comes from the New Way, I was hired (over some perhaps more appropriate candidates) by those clinging to the Old Way. I am sympathetic to the New Way, I just don't have the skills to do the part of it I was assigned to. So I can't turn for help to those who brought me in, because those people have turned out to be damn lunatics. (Far worse than my "bad" boss.) On top of that, as soon as I embraced the New Way (like I was supposed to, since I was put in that job), they pretty much turned their backs on me. At best.

I hate this. I don't want change, I don't want to look for another job, my ego doesn't want to be fired, I don't like giving up. And every time I make up my mind to man up and make the effort to get out, someone turns up the sanity dial and my negative motivation goes away.

OJD, wallowing.

p.s. In the TMI department, today the depression (chronic, typically mild, situationally triggered) came back. Not even sure why--it wasn't the scary conversation with my boss that triggered it but something else later that doesn't even have anything to do with me. It showed up in May for the first time since I turned in notice for my old job back in August, lasted for a month, which is a new record, and then went away but now a month and a half later it's back. I've been managing this for over 20 years with no medication, no desire to change that now. I better snap out of this $#!+ over the weekend. The last thing I need is something else hampering me, and the fact that my lousy situation brings it on doesn't make it any more tolerable. You'll say this is a sign that I definitely need to go--but it was a sign for the old job too and look where that got me. I almost miss the frying pan.

 

[lacajun]

Here's today's insight--he's been slowly raising the bar for me, as he should. But with each new level, he acts like I've had since the day I was hired to achieve that goal, and what the hell is the matter with me? Rather than realizing that I've only had since the last bar-raising to be aware that I was supposed to do that particular aspect of whatever it is. So today, there is a very important thing I need to do, and everything that I've done in that direction so far is inadequate, and I'm back to feeling like my job is in jeopardy.

Not that it applies but it might, some people take delight in bringing someone down to their level that is an expert in some way or at least exceptionally competent in an area. It doesn't matter that it's irrelevant to the job now.

I can't point out that he tolerates having to spoonfeed every step to the other people he inherited--that would be whining and does nothing to solve whatever issue it is I am supposed to solve.

To me, he is enabling others and setting himself up for martyrdom. Both are dangerous and likely to backfire on him. It will get old. It may be a vehicle of self-importance for him. Some men get their ego boost from the job because they're not getting it at home.

If he is not adequately telling people what to do, he has only himself to blame. People cannot read his mind even though he may think otherwise. He may not realize how poorly he communicates.

I think part of what the other guys have going for them is they don't have the same insight I do about this sort of stuff--about what sort of argument and comment is doing nothing to solve the corporate problem at hand and is thus not worth wasting anyone's time with. So they just go ahead and get defensive, and they established this pattern early enough on that he just doesn't push as hard. Probably not even consciously.

I've worked with engineers that didn't remember from one quarter to the next what management said. Changes were coming and management was giving clues that they were coming but they didn't see them. For some, work is not the most important thing in life so they don't pay attention to management.

As for dysfunction and lunatics, welcome to the human species. That's people and seldom do we behave perfectly all the time. If we get good behavior in spurts, we're very fortunate.

I worked with an engineer who wouldn't respond to any communication regardless of how it was delivered. He was fine to your face, most of the time, and would cut you down behind your back like nobody's business and become uncooperative. There were complaints about him across the plant. The plant manager addressed his issue in a meeting with us but did nothing else to solve the problem and admitted it later.

Change is something that is inevitable in life. I hope you get used to it. I also hope you get help with your depression from a medical doctor. I've read it's unwise to let depression go too long without addressing it.

 

[OliverJDragon]

Well, today I heard about an interesting opportunity elsewhere, and let my interest be known, and got tentatively vaguely positive response. We shall see. Meanwhile, the way today went, I'm not even sure I'll have a job on Monday so the whole thing may be "solved".

OJD, edgy

PS back to the TMI dept, @lacajun, I've been managing since 1988 and my new M.D. didn't freak out about it (as part of my physical they administered a little diagnostic questionnaire), so I'm not too worried long-term. But it's kind of a barometer for how unhealthy my life situation is. Not that I need a barometer to tell me this situation is seriously torqued.

 

[berkshire]

OJD,
It sounds to me, as if you need to print a stack of resumes, then put in for, and take, your two weeks vacation, after first securing as many interviews as you can at prospective employers.
One, it will clear your head a little, and two, you can see what is out there that you might like.
B.E.

The good engineer does not need to memorize every formula; he just needs to know where he can find them when he needs them. Old professor

 

[OliverJDragon]

@Berkshire: That hadn't even occurred to me. Huh. I'll have to start thinking about the possibility.

OJD, running out of weekend and not happy about it

 

[controlsdude]

I think you need to take a course in Conflict resolution. Seems like you have a lot of conflict in your job, this job , past job, other past jobs.

Maybe you need to learn to listen? Most people do not know how to listen.

 

[OliverJDragon]

Not that much conflict in the old job.
The new job...nothing but. And it's not just me.
Everyone who was hired in the last year is stunned at the level of dysfunction.

I listen (maybe not to Eng-Tips advice, but otherwise I listen). I think that is part of my problem. Everyone else just plows along however they want, and gets away with it. If I were more obtuse, I'd probably be just fine. I'd conduct myself with more confidence, I'd mount stronger defenses of my actions, etc.

Meanwhile, more crap has gone down that I'm sure is going to land on my head. I've cleared 3/4 of my personal stuff out of my office. What a goddam meltdown.

Ya know, I was warned about this company. I was told the people at the top can't be trusted. But that was from someone who was recruited to this company but then not hired, a decade ago, so I figured it was sour grapes. And it probably was. But they were right, even if for the wrong reasons.

Hey, there's always law school. What's another $$$,$$$ in student debt?

OJD