Loose cannon colleague 12

[13]

Good Afternoon,

I have a problem at work, and yes it is personal, and thought I would share it with the rest of you. Maybe you could shed some light on this situation and maybe some better handling techniques-->other than the ones I am using currently.

I work with an slightly older engineer. We work on many projects together, I am the mechanical and he is the electrical engineer. He tends to yell and raise his voice and swear when he is under stress and some of the time he is directing all of this anger at me.

I, on the other hand take pride that I can and will maintain a level of professionalism...even when under severe stess, ie working long hours, trying to ship product and so forth. I actually choose to be happy, I know this sounds funny to all of you, but I always try to look at things in a positive light. I crack jokes often and it helps me reduce the stress that I feel at times.

Anyway, if this guy yells at me in front of other co-workers again, I feel like I want to knock his block off...as my great uncle would say...

I don't feel I deserve this treatment at all. And I would like to put a stop to it but I am not sure the best way to go about it.

Any suggestions? Thanks in advance!

 

[swivel63]

i'm a hot head sometimes, so often i'll yell back. especially if he's not your super.

 

[BJC]

13
maby your a wimp. Work on becoming a stresser rather than a stressee. It's lots more fun and you can get more done.

 

[PSE]

Loose cannons eventually fire on the wrong target. This tends to resolve issues quickly when they are escorted out the door. Your problem is since you need to work closely with him, you tend to be in the range of the muzzle blast when he goes off.

One trick that sometimes works is to set someone like this off prematurely. The "trigger" does not even have to be work related. Get a series of small outbursts rather than a blowup. If you are extraordinarily lucky, you can perhaps redirect this "energy" into him actually getting something accomplished. Yes it can be manipulative or Machiavellian but you both might end up better off.

Regards,

 

[13]

Very interesting posts. Thanks for all of your input.

If I sum these up the general consensus here, to ignore him gets the most votes. I tend to think that this is best in the long term. I love working at my company and would never think of leaving because one person is unpleasant...that would be silly. Esp. if he is not my boss!

And as far as being a "wimp". I don't think so. I think it takes a lot more mental strength to control yourself in situations like this. The easy road is to emulate his bad behavior, because in effect you are reinforcing it. I have read a lot of material about bullies. I certainly do not want to become one. My real underlying question is can you maintain your professionalism and strike back without losing your dignity? Still not sure here. Thanks!!!

 

[heieup]

Yes you can deal with it professionaly. If its really not jusitifed wait until he is calm and then have a chat about it with him explaining how it is disruptive to your work.

As an alternative and one which I know has worked really well for a number of people is to walk away. that isn't to say you just turn your back and stalk out. But a calm, we'll discuss this later, or we'll discuss this when we 've both calmed down (that way you aren't directly making it all his fault in front of other people even if it is) is very professional and usually, the screamer will calm down pretty quickly. They've lost the focus of their anger at that moment and they generally quickly realise that they're being OTT about the whole thing and will come back when they've calmed down.

 

[AMN4]

13, I was in a similar situation with a co-worker: Type A personality, moody, nice one day and verbally abusive the next (bi-polar??). Basically, I just put up with it until he left for a different job (and then I celebrated!).

Something that gets me through a bad day is the bulletin board in my cubicle, which is filled with pictures of my little kids and lots of "refrigerator art." I look at it and can't help but smile. In a way, it also lets people know that if they want to mess with me, they are messing with somebody's daddy.

You could try something similar. This might sound a little passive aggressive, but ... don't they say that living well is the best revenge? (Especially if he knows you're living well!) Just hope it doesn't irritate him more.

Perhaps you could work on befriending some of the senior staff in your group. They might sympathize and politely tell this guy to put a sock in it.

Good luck,

Mark

 

[gerhardl]

Oh, yes - walk away, or reply in a excessivly mild and quiet voice, as talking to a child:

So, so, we do not use that tone here, we are all nice and kind polite and well-behaved people here!

This will either reach through or rise hell.

If the last is the result you really have a psycophat on hand. You do not get easily quit of that sort. The only solution is to remove yourself, if necessarily quit the company.

 

[josephv]

Here are some ideas...

Get up and walk away if you are by his desk.

But if he is by your desk, ask him to leave.

If you are in meeting and need to talk to others, ask him to leave.

Keep in mind that someone who treats people the way he does, probably has low self esteem. In other words, he has some problems, and deserves some sympathy. But you should not put up with this behaviour.

 

[FACS]

Wow, so many postings.

HR is there for a reason, and it's time you used the managerial structure of your company the way it was intended to be used.

Go to HR and ask for a copy (if you don't have it) of the company policy on "Abusive behavior and or language".

Read the policy, if it exists.

Then you have a choice, show him the policy and ask him to abide by it or take it to a manager and start a documentation folder.

No one should be subject to such abuse. If you don't like it, fix it.



Charlie

http://www.facsco.com

 

[TomFin]

I think a passive idea would be to print this discussion out and staple it to his/her chair and stamp it FOR REVIEW.

I am too having a similar problem with our drawing checker if you want to call her that. She is one of those bipolar people who draw you in with their kind gestures of snacks etc ensuing with verbal abuse for honest mistakes. So I've given the hag 2 chances already using the "walk-away" method but she continues to have these periodical swings.

Today she pointed out a drawing I missed in my final print package. She had the drawing present on her screen so I said "Oops, why don't you print that out for me." and that sparked the fuel. With a nastier than usual look on her face she claimed "Thats not my job you are the engineer,you print it up!" She actually wanted me to walk 10 yards away to my cube to print the document to the printer that is sitting few steps from her cube instead of her just pressing the print icon.

With her audacious semi-surprising remark I walked away before she could finish her disrespectful comment. But this time I didn't feel it was enough because I had the feeling she'd be around next week offering pretzels to everyone.

What miffs me the most is I have shown her the errors she has produced in a kind discrete and helpful manner countless times. Yet she still doesn't have the civility,ethic,morale whichever applies, to fulfill the golden rule.

By the way does anyone know what the deal is with these office personalities that thoroughly enjoy shows such as Office Space, and The Office, but don't have the sense to realize they are the real-life version of the characters they laugh and mock at?

That feels better.


Failure is a prerequisite of successful design

 

[jmw]

Make her come to you. Reverse the play. If it works for her it will work for you. There are lots of ways to go without giving grounds for an HR bloodfest with you as dinner.

Don't let her use the doggie treats training method. What it is you are being polite and going to her desk when she wants something. There, nice doggy.

If she finds a problem with one of your drawings and wants to talk say "Sure, bring it over here when you like."
Next level is to say, "I'm kind of busy right now. Can you bring it over at 1 o'clock?" and cut into her lunch time.
Keep some cat treats in the drawer, chocolates, heh! It worked for her didn't it and how better to fend of the HR bloodsuckers who are paranoid about sexual harrasment... she set a precedent....

Be difficult but make it look like you're being as helpful as you can be.
Besides, she's right, you are the engineer and she is the checker.
Make her do the walking and come to you when it is convenient to you.

She can hardly complain at her own tactics being used against her.
Remember to smile and then when it all hits the fan non-one will be able to say a thing against you...

JMW

http://www.ViscoAnalyser.com

 

[KENAT]

TomFin

From my experience, in any competant organization normally what the checker says goes. It's typically up to you to fit in around the checker. (That's not to say checkers don't make mistakes but if it's a 50/50 call benefit of doubt goes to checker.)

If the written procedure is that you print off a hard copy and you didn't, then you were in the wrong. If there isn't a written procecure however, then it's a clash of wills.

She may have perceived your comment about printing it off as being smart A$$ed and not appreciated it.

I routinely get sent links to drawing or vague hints of where drawings are etc and have to try and work out which to print, which is the latest version, or even better the link doesn't work and the engineer isn't around.

My favourite one is that I have several supposed checking tasks which I haven't been given but that I'm getting slammed for holding up!

As a checker I get sick and tired of being blamed for holding things up when a big part of the problem is that I'm not given all the information I need and since many designers/engineers resent having their drawings checked in the first place it's already a difficult situation without me hounding them for more information.

So while you may not deserve the treatment you get, she may have learnt to expect the worst from engineers and responds accordingly.

Also a lot of Checkers have personality defects, I'm currently honing mine;-)

jmw, you obviously come from a completely different school than I. Some of the Designers try and play those games around here. So far I've tried to be proffesional/nice as pie but it's wearing thin

KENAT, probably the least qualified checker you'll ever meet...

 

[jmw]

I'll bow to your experience in this Kenat.

JMW

http://www.ViscoAnalyser.com

 

[KENAT]

http://msn.careerbuilder.com/custom...fc45efe2124dc5ab9ab3f90e43d0ba-247935380-XE-2

KENAT, probably the least qualified checker you'll ever meet...

 

[TigerDog]

13,

I think you're on the right track. In my experience, HR is for very serious situations, not to deal with rude people. If he crosses the line and makes personal insults to you or your family, etc. then HR is fair game. But having dealt with these office bullies in the past, they normally go right up to this line without crossing it. Yelling and cussing is unfortunatly tolerated at most companies without repercussions.

I am fortunate in that rude people amuse me. I see their rudeness as a personality fault, and I often find myself smirking at them as they berade me, which is a great offense. It's like saying "you're a freakshow" whithout having to say it. However, it sounds like he's under your skin which probably makes it hard to smirk.

A few other suggestions:
1) Don't react to the rudeness, react to the facts. If he finds a mistake you made, admit it, apologize briefly, and then do what you can to fix it. You still have to own your mistakes, even if he is rude. That is a professional reaction to an unprofessional person.
2) Namecalling is not allowed, by either party. If he calls you something, it is now up to him to apologize, and it's perfectly acceptable to let hime know. "I din't know that yadda yadda yadda, but that doesn't make me a moron". This might not change his behavior one bit, but again it is the high road.
3) If he is good at his job, give him his props. That might be the source of much of his anger. If he points out a better way, a good idea, etc. you need to acknowlege it. This could ease his anger considerably. You don't get to pretend he is bad at his job just becuase he is rude. A rude person that is good at their job doesn't get invited out for a beer, but they do get asked to be on important projects, and often promoted (unfortunately).
4) It sounds like you like your job which makes this situation more challenging. You can't quit, but many people do change jobs/project within a company to avoid people they don't like. I'd suggest finding a better reason than "I don't like so-and-so" before you request the change. That might be the main reason, but you don't have to tell that to management.
5) You can talk to his boss (not yours). Even if the boss tells you that "I can't do anything", it still might have an impact, perhaps on his performance evaluation. You might not be the first person to complain, which will increase the impact. Again, keep it professional, and come in well prepared. Try to spin it that his behavior is hurting the company, etc.. Be sure to thank his boss for listening and for his time, again this shows you are a professional that is concerned about the company, which will heighten the affect.

I hope some of this helps ...

 

[MedicineEng]

I would recomend a pill of anti-histaminic or benzodiazepine in his cofee.. You'll see him calm down in 20 minutes...

 

[MikeMech]

You might try reading "The Gentle Art of Verbal Self Defense at Work", I think the author is Susan Elgin. As I recall, her method for dealing with a shouter is to vary your speaking volume in inverse proportion to theirs. The louder they talk, the quieter you talk. At some point, they will be shouting and you will be whispering, and hopefully they will get the hint.

Or maybe shout at you some more for not talking loud enough.

MikeMech

 

[KENAT]

Pardon;-)

KENAT, probably the least qualified checker you'll ever meet...

 

[Helicopterjunky]

13
The best way to handle it is to tell him alone in person straight out to his face that you don't like his verbal actions and do not appreciate his disrespect to you. Call him by his first name and tell him if he wants to work together in the future he better stop this crap with you.
He will have to be dense to not get message. If he gets mad or defensive then go to your boss and explain the problem this employee is causing. Most companies at some point realize that this kind of behavior cannot be tolerated. Example....Very high executive once brought all us engineers into a large auditorium and cursed and threatened all of us with our jobs if we did not work longer and harder. I was so offended I went home and wrote letter same night to CEO of this very large company that this kind of abuse would not be tolerated by me and named names. About a week later security escorted Mr. Exec out of the plant. Felt sorry for the employees at the company he went to in MI. Goodby Mr. Bully.

 

[electricpete]

Probably a lot of good advice given above. Sorry I skipped thru most of it. I would assume your primary goal is to reduce your own stress / irritation level while preserving a good working relationship with this guy (sounds like you need to work together). Exactly as Helicopterjunky said, the first step is to calmly let him know that you don't appreciate him venting his frustrations on you. You guys probably have many frustrations you can commiserate (SP?) about. Spend some time talking about that as a point of common ground. But get your message accross that he is making your life more difficult than necessary.

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