I gave up my Engineering dream in college (class of 2001) because I didn't want to kill myself for a few good years of work before I quit for kids. Now I want to go back, but I wouldn't even be able to finish my degree for at least 5 years (probably longer). Then I might not even be able to work full time for a few more (depending on how many kids we have). Will I be able to find a job? Is is worth it?
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Question for Parents and Future Parents 9
- Thread starter ktlasers
- Start date
Yes, good luck to you ktlasers.
It is not easy what you have decided to do. I hope things work out for you and your family.
![[2thumbsup]](/data/assets/smilies/2thumbsup.gif "[2thumbsup] [2thumbsup]")
"Do not worry about your problems with mathematics, I assure you mine are far greater."
Albert Einstein
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It is not easy what you have decided to do. I hope things work out for you and your family.
"Do not worry about your problems with mathematics, I assure you mine are far greater."
Albert Einstein
Have you read FAQ731-376 to make the best use of Eng-Tips Forums?
I suggest going through school to get the eng degree. My wife and I did it while raising 3 kids. Sure it was difficult, but worth it in the long run. It also taught my kids that we went to school, so should they ... and they are.
Chris
Systems Analyst, I.S.
SolidWorks 06 4.1/PDMWorks 06
AutoCAD 06
ctopher's home (updated 06-21-05)
Chris
Systems Analyst, I.S.
SolidWorks 06 4.1/PDMWorks 06
AutoCAD 06
ctopher's home (updated 06-21-05)
As to whether to go into engineering or some other field, I'd go in the field I was interested in going in. If you're reasonably competent and very interested (or vice versa), you should be able to get the engineering degree.
Engineering jobs vary- some expect you to put in a lot of overtime, travel, etc., which might be difficult in your case. But that's certainly not ALL of them.
Engineering jobs vary- some expect you to put in a lot of overtime, travel, etc., which might be difficult in your case. But that's certainly not ALL of them.
TurbulentFluid
Mechanical
This has been a question that vexed me also... Basically I decided to have no kids, but that's mostly because I'm not really hype on the idea itself, not because of the whole career deal. But I think kids and career do go together - it just depends how big a career you want, and how much time you want to spend with your kids. I'm sure it can balance out.
I think CRG has put it nicely (even though I would think that in today's world daycare is a much better head start than a stay-at-home parent option). Either ways, you take a few years off to deal with the kids and then you have to move on. You don't have to go and die (professionally) because you had kids. Very soon they won't need you all that much, and then not at all, so there's no need to sacrifice the rest of your life for a few years that they will need you. Do pursue your career the best you can while they're there. As ctoper said, you can go to school during this time - you won't be getting any sleep at night anyway, so you might as well study ;-). Also, you could try going into contracting before you've actually given birth. If you get lucky and find a good project, a few months of experience on it will look much better on your resume than "never did anything, really"!
Also, do you plan to be a single mother? By what you say, it seems so. Won't your boyfriend/husband help any?
I think CRG has put it nicely (even though I would think that in today's world daycare is a much better head start than a stay-at-home parent option). Either ways, you take a few years off to deal with the kids and then you have to move on. You don't have to go and die (professionally) because you had kids. Very soon they won't need you all that much, and then not at all, so there's no need to sacrifice the rest of your life for a few years that they will need you. Do pursue your career the best you can while they're there. As ctoper said, you can go to school during this time - you won't be getting any sleep at night anyway, so you might as well study ;-). Also, you could try going into contracting before you've actually given birth. If you get lucky and find a good project, a few months of experience on it will look much better on your resume than "never did anything, really"!
Also, do you plan to be a single mother? By what you say, it seems so. Won't your boyfriend/husband help any?
- Thread starter
- #25
My husband is a full-time engineer. He'd be home at night and on the weekends, but then I also need to spend time with him. He's not too keen on the idea of spending money on school, and he thinks it's my restlessness that makes me want to go back, not an actual burning desire.
BrunoPuntzJones
Materials
Are you restless? If you have time to be restless you have time for (some type of) work or at least some school, no?
What about tutoring students in math and science? You could work as much as you wanted, make a bit of extra money, and keep those math brain cells alive.
What about tutoring students in math and science? You could work as much as you wanted, make a bit of extra money, and keep those math brain cells alive.
- Thread starter
- #27
I have a job right now; that's why he doesn't want me to change anything. Tutoring is a good idea, though. Until we have kids, I could spare some time in the evenings. Plus, my husband is being relocated to Oregon for 9 months and I'm not going with him. I'll definitely have time on my hands. It's just too bad I don't have money! But I can work on getting a scholarship and I can take a couple of tangent courses at the local community colleges. It's only $195 to get three credits online. I think I could swing that. Unfortunately, they wouldn't count toward a degree, but education is education.
CRG,
I'm not sure my point came across like I meant it. A guy I knew personally who knew our baby was in daycare said to me, "I don't think people should have kids if they are going to just put them in daycare". THAT was classless in my opinion. It was as if he slapped me in the face with his blunt statement on the way the world should be. He could have worded it differently; he could have kept his comments to himself; he could have done many things differently if he had more class. I was merely referring to that incident and the brash, holier-than-though attitude he thrust upon me. I had enough class to keep my thoughts about him, his wife and the fact that they were raising their grandchild from a teenage, unwed daughter to myself. I displayed class in that situation. He didn't.
I did not mean that if anyone has an opinion on this board one way or another regarding daycare that it is classless to discuss it. His assertion was confrontational, condescending and directed at me, whether he meant it or not.
Sorry for the confusion.
Ed
I'm not sure my point came across like I meant it. A guy I knew personally who knew our baby was in daycare said to me, "I don't think people should have kids if they are going to just put them in daycare". THAT was classless in my opinion. It was as if he slapped me in the face with his blunt statement on the way the world should be. He could have worded it differently; he could have kept his comments to himself; he could have done many things differently if he had more class. I was merely referring to that incident and the brash, holier-than-though attitude he thrust upon me. I had enough class to keep my thoughts about him, his wife and the fact that they were raising their grandchild from a teenage, unwed daughter to myself. I displayed class in that situation. He didn't.
I did not mean that if anyone has an opinion on this board one way or another regarding daycare that it is classless to discuss it. His assertion was confrontational, condescending and directed at me, whether he meant it or not.
Sorry for the confusion.
Ed
TurbulentFluid
Mechanical
Well... I guess firstly you have to clear it out in your head, what you want to do and what you want to be. Maybe your husband's right, maybe you're just restless, maybe he just wants a housewife who'll make him lunch on time, that's what you have to determine...
There are two things to mind, IMO: one is that restless people, even if they're just restless, aren't happy people. The second is, when your kids are off to the world and your husband is away, you'll have no chance to get back in engineering even if you'll have all the time in the world, and more.
In the meantime, the daycare idea sounds great too! Maybe you could earn money like that for schooling?
There are two things to mind, IMO: one is that restless people, even if they're just restless, aren't happy people. The second is, when your kids are off to the world and your husband is away, you'll have no chance to get back in engineering even if you'll have all the time in the world, and more.
In the meantime, the daycare idea sounds great too! Maybe you could earn money like that for schooling?
Ktlasers,
Education and parenthood are both life changing experiences. And I truly have no real advice that I could give other than to give you two real life examples. Tough decisions ahead of you. Financial and otherwise. If you get the education first and then start a family, how quickly will your skills erode. If you start the family first, will you have either the time or resources to return to school. It seems at the moment that you are limited financially even with both working.
I went the education first route. Starting the family happened significantly later (later 30s in age). My wife worked full time and we built a significant nest egg with plans for retirement, emergencies etc. Mortgage and auto loans are essentially our only carried debt. My 5 year old will start kindergarten in the fall. 20 years of engineering allowed my wife to work part time or not at all during the first 5 years of his life. My book knowledge has eroded simply through disuse of certain aspects of my college education. In 13 years, I have no idea what the cost of a college education will be for my son. I will be almost 60 by the time he graduates assuming he wants to go on to college.
A close friend just had his graduation party this past weekend. We are close to the same age. He left school after getting married and starting a family. Both worked full time, and he began to take classes again towards his degree. Their family has significantly higher debt and his eldest will be graduating from high school within the next year. His education is current and with his previous work experience, his opportunities for advancement are significant. Within 7-10 years, his 3 children will be on their own.
Is one path better than the other? I couldn't say. My friend and I are both equally content and I would say both paths end up likely being equal. Whatever path you decide, you will need the full support of your husband to truly be successful. If it is your dream to also become an engineer, go after it. Life without a dream to persue can become merely dull existence.
Regards and good luck,
Education and parenthood are both life changing experiences. And I truly have no real advice that I could give other than to give you two real life examples. Tough decisions ahead of you. Financial and otherwise. If you get the education first and then start a family, how quickly will your skills erode. If you start the family first, will you have either the time or resources to return to school. It seems at the moment that you are limited financially even with both working.
I went the education first route. Starting the family happened significantly later (later 30s in age). My wife worked full time and we built a significant nest egg with plans for retirement, emergencies etc. Mortgage and auto loans are essentially our only carried debt. My 5 year old will start kindergarten in the fall. 20 years of engineering allowed my wife to work part time or not at all during the first 5 years of his life. My book knowledge has eroded simply through disuse of certain aspects of my college education. In 13 years, I have no idea what the cost of a college education will be for my son. I will be almost 60 by the time he graduates assuming he wants to go on to college.
A close friend just had his graduation party this past weekend. We are close to the same age. He left school after getting married and starting a family. Both worked full time, and he began to take classes again towards his degree. Their family has significantly higher debt and his eldest will be graduating from high school within the next year. His education is current and with his previous work experience, his opportunities for advancement are significant. Within 7-10 years, his 3 children will be on their own.
Is one path better than the other? I couldn't say. My friend and I are both equally content and I would say both paths end up likely being equal. Whatever path you decide, you will need the full support of your husband to truly be successful. If it is your dream to also become an engineer, go after it. Life without a dream to persue can become merely dull existence.
Regards and good luck,
Call me a pessimist if you will, but it seems to me like you can't decided "now is the right time to start a family" and then pop down to the baby store and get yourself some kids! You might be lucky and achieve parenthood straight away but just in case, I'd live your life in a way that makes you happy for the moment and work out how to adapt that lifestyle around children as and when they happen.
Go into a technical sales field. It will be easier.
You can work from home.
It is easy to get into without any degree.
You can use the knowledge you have now.
It can be more flexible but watch out for traveling.
You will get to work on engineering projects but won't be involved in the details or all of the decisions.
The pay will be less consistent but better than part time engineering work.
With my wife the demands of studying were just to much with kids. It didn't help that the school was 45 minutes away and the classes were all at night. YMMV
The field of engineering is important. Civil is very different from programing or chemical in what they demand and how flexable they are.
You can work from home.
It is easy to get into without any degree.
You can use the knowledge you have now.
It can be more flexible but watch out for traveling.
You will get to work on engineering projects but won't be involved in the details or all of the decisions.
The pay will be less consistent but better than part time engineering work.
With my wife the demands of studying were just to much with kids. It didn't help that the school was 45 minutes away and the classes were all at night. YMMV
The field of engineering is important. Civil is very different from programing or chemical in what they demand and how flexable they are.
waskillywabbit
Mechanical
Several random thoughts...
You can go back to college later...you can't have kids later.
If I had to choose my kids or my career...career loses 100% of the time.
Do what makes you happy (with your husband's consideration of course), not what you feel is expected.
You get one life to live, don't put it on the backburner expecting to live it later...it might not be there when you get back to it.
Good luck.
Brian
You can go back to college later...you can't have kids later.
If I had to choose my kids or my career...career loses 100% of the time.
Do what makes you happy (with your husband's consideration of course), not what you feel is expected.
You get one life to live, don't put it on the backburner expecting to live it later...it might not be there when you get back to it.
Good luck.
Brian
3lilaggies
Mechanical
When I was going to school I didn't know what I wanted to do so I ended up wasting the first year I was in school. Iwas working full time and going to school full time. I found that welding engineering was the spot for me and started to do that major. Mean while my wife was pregnant with our first child. Well to make a long story short I attended USU university for 5 years the whole time working full time and going to school full time and though my grades suffered alittle from working swing shift and having early morning classes I did land the perfect job and now have three very beautiful girls who I wouldn't trade for anything. A wise Man once said a Man is noting without his family.
TurbulentFluid
Mechanical
I'd also suggest you take notice that most people giving advice here are men. While, by what I see here, it seems they took full responsibility and did their share of taking care of their babies/toddlers etc, they didn't have to go through the physical degradation a woman's body goes through during pregnancy/birth period. I myself didn't give birth so I can't understand this no more than they can, however by what other women told me it often takes more than a year for a woman's body to fully recover and return to previous physical provess. I would also keep this in mind while making the decision you are trying to reach. If you choose to go into engineering now, I'd stay away from physically demanding jobs and stick strictly to desk/office related jobs.
I'd also try to point out that "now" and "later" are both very relative when it comes to having kids and schooling. While some doctors say age of 36 is ideal for childbirth and brings least damage to a woman's body, others say that a woman should give birth by the age of 25 "for her own good", so to speak. Also, I don't think a 25-year-old and a 50-year-old will do same at any form of education. A fresh young brain wtill in "learning mode" will always beat the older brain providing they have the same amount of background experience in the targeted field.
I'd also try to point out that "now" and "later" are both very relative when it comes to having kids and schooling. While some doctors say age of 36 is ideal for childbirth and brings least damage to a woman's body, others say that a woman should give birth by the age of 25 "for her own good", so to speak. Also, I don't think a 25-year-old and a 50-year-old will do same at any form of education. A fresh young brain wtill in "learning mode" will always beat the older brain providing they have the same amount of background experience in the targeted field.
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3
- #37
Age of 36 is ideal for childbirth?? Which "some doctors" are saying that? At 35 the pregnancy is often labeled "high-risk" strictly on the basis of the mother's age. Higher risk of birth defects, significantly higher risk of multiple births (which carry their own physical risks for both mother and children), and various other problems that I can't think of at the moment.
Check out the "work/personal balance" e-forum on mentornet.net for some discussion of having kids before/during work. There's some BS on that site but some good discussions as well.
Hg
Eng-Tips policies: faq731-376
Check out the "work/personal balance" e-forum on mentornet.net for some discussion of having kids before/during work. There's some BS on that site but some good discussions as well.
Hg
Eng-Tips policies: faq731-376
![[rofl]](/data/assets/smilies/rofl.gif "[rofl] [rofl]")
TurbulentFluid
Mechanical
I actually read results of a study that said that childbirth at 36 brings minimum risk of osteoporisis and muscle detherrioration in a woman's body... I read this in a magazine, though, so I can't provide the source. I also read simmilar things indicating that a woman should avoid pregnancy after the age of 30, and also some that suggested women should ideally give first childbirth at 17. This, I suppose, indicates that we are pretty much clueless on this subject (when is the birth least stressful for the mother's body).
As for deffects in child's development, the latest genetical studies show (although unconfirmed) that the risk is indeed higher in children concieved at later age but mostly because of deffective sperm that's produced by older men. However, latest studies show that this, too, might be only partially true as it seems ovars produce cells all through woman's life. (So far, it was believed that all female reproductive cells are produced while the woman is still an embryo, and then released monthly).
Also, I suppose this indicates we're pretty much clueless about that, too.
So I suppose nobody can say anything with good solid foundation on this subject.
As for deffects in child's development, the latest genetical studies show (although unconfirmed) that the risk is indeed higher in children concieved at later age but mostly because of deffective sperm that's produced by older men. However, latest studies show that this, too, might be only partially true as it seems ovars produce cells all through woman's life. (So far, it was believed that all female reproductive cells are produced while the woman is still an embryo, and then released monthly).
Also, I suppose this indicates we're pretty much clueless about that, too.
So I suppose nobody can say anything with good solid foundation on this subject.
Higher risk of multiple births etc. is a statistical fact, not something theorized from an initial assumption about ovaries. The *cause* is a hypothesis. The pattern is reality.
But ashereng has it right--anyone who relies on ANYTHING they read here (or that they read in a sidebar blurb in an in-flight magazine) regarding physically optimal timing for childbirth pretty much deserves what they get.
Hg
Eng-Tips policies: faq731-376
But ashereng has it right--anyone who relies on ANYTHING they read here (or that they read in a sidebar blurb in an in-flight magazine) regarding physically optimal timing for childbirth pretty much deserves what they get.
Hg
Eng-Tips policies: faq731-376
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