Question re: bullying 4

[SylvestreW]

My wife has a situation at work that we're trying to figure out how to handle.
It's a small office, approx. 10ppl, with 1 manager, 3 intermediates and a bunch of juniors (<3 yrs out of school). The office is a sattelite office, with the head office in another province. HR is at head office and tends to leave things up to the manager to decide.

My wife's considered an "intermediate" and does oversee a couple people from a technical standpoint but these juniors don't actually report to her!

One junior, a girl (the only female junior - and let me know if that matters) works with my wife quite a bit, and they get along very well. The junior recently informed my wife that she went home crying late last year because one of the other "intermediates" (i.e. he's on the same level as my wife) openly laughed/criticized her regarding her english speaking abilities.

My wife has noticed the guy making negative comments about immigrants previously (i.e. statements such as "we shouldn't hire that person because we'll spend more time editing his reports for grammar" etc.) but dismissed it mostly. However, after recently learning that it's affecting the junior girl, my wife's concerned that something should be done.

The junior is Chinese but has lived in Canada for >10yrs, and (IMHO) speaks very well (mind you, I've only met the girl once or twice). The junior is young and really only talks with my wife. She doesn't feel comfortable speaking with the manager.

So, we're talking about this, and the quick/easy answer is report this to the manager etc. but a bit of thinking... it's a very small office, it's obvious who made the complaint and who's being complained about. It'll make the office atmosphere terrible.
As well, (My wife's words - not mine!) women are more sensitive, and perhaps the junior was over-reacting.

What would you do?

-
Syl.

 

[melone]

Isn't the occasional "off-color" joke is a little different than a pattern of behavior that systematically degrades a single employee?

Based on your description of the events, I believe the responses have overall been helpful. It is unfortunate that your wife was placed into the situation, but those are the cards she was dealt. There are only 2 real options at this point. 1) Get involved and help solve the problem (which is what the forum is advocating) or 2) Pretend that she doesn't know the information.

I don't believe that anyone has offered advice nonchalantly.

FYI, whenever I see this type of behavior, I IMMEDIATELY bring it to the attention of the person and anyone in the immediate area. "Are you seriously making fun of someone for their use of English?! Do you really think that it's funny? You realize that English is his / her second language?!" Often times, shame is a powerful deterrant of future bad behavior.

 

[DonPhillips]

An off color joke is one thing, that joke told in front of a manager is another thing, and that same joke coming from a manager is something entirely different.

I agree with melone you have to confront, but I would do it in private the first time to avoid embarassing the person, but the second time, it would be in front of whoever is there. Third time, I would probably talk to a supervisor if I was a supervisor.





Don Phillips

http://worthingtonengineering.com

 

[BJC]

"I wonder how many people here, on hearing an off-colour joke, have stood in front the offender and explained that it's not company policy etc etc."
I for one.
It can hit you right in the pocket book. Your company can loose contracts, get fined, get bad publicity etc. It can can result in you being on the street looking for a job.

You need to bluntly explain to these people not only are they crude and offensive they are S _ _ _ ing in their own mess kit.

 

[jmw]

Well here is where one needs some sense of proportion.
We all ought to exhibit some sort of tolerance for other people.
We need rules and regulations to contain or restrain the excesses of bad behaviour. The trouble is that there is always someone who wants to interpret everything in black and white terms with no grey shades.

The case the OP put before us is more than simply off-colour jokes or some occasional lapse of judgement but what appears to be systematic abuse.

We had another case in another thread about a job interviewee who accidentally received an email which referred to him as being foreign. My interpretation in that case was different.

Off colour jokes? Girly (or Boyee) pinups and screen savers?
The odd bad taste remark? Live with it. I won't be running to management every time or to some tribunal. But I will take a clear stand on what seems to be malicious or systematic offensiveness. But usually only on my own behalf. We must each usually stand for ourselves. Again, in this case the OP's wife was involved because the victim approached her. If it were me approached would I act? I hope so but I would be very circumspect if I didn't know and trust the various managers/HR.


JMW

http://www.ViscoAnalyser.com

 

[MedicineEng]

jmw:
star for you.
"sense of proportion". Magic words...
From some person's posts, I believe that they wanted to pu the guy in jail...
It is true that Asian people and specially women are more sensitive to certain remarks. It is a cultural trait.
After working more than 6 years in Far East I realized that certain things that I can openly do or say in my home country are not acceptable here (the reverse is also true). I'm ok with that and I adapted. But I recognize that in this adaptation process I might have been incorrect for sometimes. When I was drawn the attention, I apologized, learned and moved on.

 

[southard2]

Not knowing all the facts I'd say.

1) If what the guy is doing is purposeful and mean than a group of you need to confront him or write a group letter to a higher up.

2) If it is all in fun however you see it really bothers her than simply approach him and explain that it bothers her and she is hurt by it and ask if he will tone it down a bit.

3) If items one and two don't work try making fun of him in a similiar manner.

4) If items one through three don't work drag him up to the roof and ...........uhhh speak words of kindness

 

[civilperson]

I bet a dollar the office in question is not doing engineering or associated with engineering.

 

[SylvestreW]

Civil, you owe me a buck

And again, thanks for all the feedback; see post made 9 Jun 08 10:17 for what happened.

-
Syl.

 

[steelmtllrgst]

In my opinion, there are a lot of people who need to just grow some thicker skin. Everyone needs to be able to take a shot - mean, joking, accidental, whatever.

 

[doberdorks]

In my opinion, there are a lot of people who need to just grow some thicker skin. Everyone needs to be able to take a shot - mean, joking, accidental, whatever.

Yes and no, my comment for questionable comments is basically "it's not a problem until you let someone know it's a problem". Personally there are a lot of things that don't offend me in the workplace, there are others that do, for the ones that do, I (hopefully with humour) let people know that I find a comment/term/whatever offensive -- now I've never been in a situation where I was intimidated by someone being deliberately offensive, so not sure what I'd really do"...

Though perhaps you're right, everyone has to learn how to react to a shot -- hmm let me think about that.

I do think that using humour as a cover to say what you really think is not kosher however...


SLH

Who knows that a lot of engineers have no people skills, and one of the things that has to be done with Jrs is to teach them some of those skills.