The $$$ on the Paycheque vs Going Home 4

[GrimesFrank]

Might be redundant thread but I need some perspective.

Some background
1. Was working a couple years for a plant back home, not making much, long commute, talk of plant shutdown, turn down economy, etc. Left (1400 km away) for the big city and big money with family in tow. No other family here.

2. Six years later. Plant is refurbishing, new industry is building, engineers are wanted, grandparents miss their kids, pay is still low, but its home.

Have any of you put your tail between your legs and ran home? (Sorry thats how I feel not judging you.) Can you tell me do:
a) you regret making "the move" and why or;
b) you regret returning home and why

It seems young in my career (< 8 yrs) to possibly make a career limiting move like this, maybe I'm paranoid..who knows....I know the missus is homesick yet she supports me but kids only know living here.....

Sorry for the rant people.....in summary

Do you feel "going home" is a career limiting move when you are in the booming economy working in the present?

Frank "Grimey" Grimes
You can only trust statistics 90% of the time.

 

[ewh]

While it may be tough on you and your wife, as well as the grandparents, I think you should consider the children first in this situation. Depending on their ages, uprooting them may cause more problems than it's worth. How long until they are out of school? Do you plan on sending them to college? You could save that extra money you're making to help fund their college education, or you could bank it and move back when they are older.
My opinion is obviously a shot in the dark, not knowing your exact situation, but is based on personal experience of having to move just before entering high school.

 

[metengr]

In my opinion, ALWAYS put your family needs first. You will never regret it. Money is what it is, and can be made or lost. Families last a lifetime.

 

[chickenstripe]

After moving home after 10 years, I learned that you do not return to the place that you had left. No matter what it seems when you visit.

I moved back for a higher paycheck, more interesting work, and to be closer to my wife's parents. (We're from the same area and all of my family has moved to other cities/states.)

I personally do not regret the move, but it was not what I had expected. The only advantage, was that I returned on my own terms, but it does not seem you will be doing that...

Being miserable at work can spill over into other areas...

Good Luck in your choice, I know it was hard for me to make.

 

[cvg]

If you are losing money by moving back, stay where you are and send grandpa and grandma plane tickets to come and visit...

 

[zdas04]

Over my married life I've made very small salaries and very large salaries--we always managed to spend just a touch more that I've made at every level. Taking a cut in pay for a better quality of life (e.g., more interesting job, shorter commute, or more time with the kids, etc.) is only a problem for a few months. After that your spending finds a new level that is closer to what you're currently making (but never under what you're currently making for god's sake).

I've always found money to be a silly reason to leave a job or to stay with a job. But, you really can't go home again. I'm watching my oldest son (just starting his 5th year in the Army) and every time he comes home he spends more time with his parents and less time with his high school friends. His friends-for-life high school buddies are finally starting to grow up a little bit, the stuff that was fun at 17 is way less fun at 22. It is a very interesting case study.

I left my high-school home at 17 and didn't come back until I was 23. It just wasn't the same place after 6 years.

David

 

[melone]

It's all up to you. Where do you consider home?

 

[Maui]

What are the things in life that you value the most? Put them in order starting with your greatest priority. Use that knowledge as your basis for making a decision.

Home is where the heart is.

Maui

 

[SomptingGuy]

My daughter's grandparents moved a few years back. Can't keep chasing them around the country even if they miss their grandaughter.

 

[HgTX]

If the grandparents can be relied upon to stay put, there's something to be said for having the kids grow up near the grandparents. But that depends on how old the kids are. If they're little, they'll get over the move and they'll enjoy the grandparents. If they're teenagers, stay where you are.

Hg

Eng-Tips policies: faq731-376

 

[lostsailor]

GrimesFrank,
Put your family needs first, including long term financial planning. Next, consider your own needs and discuss both with your wife. If you're leaning towards moving, discuss with your children as soon as possible. My family did it twice while I was growing up. Both times my siblings and I thought it sucked but it all worked out in the end. Hope all goes well for you.
Regards,
RLS

 

[zdas04]

Something that worked for my kids. They were pretty young the first time I moved them (pre-school and 1st grade) and neither wanted to leave their friends. I told them I'd give them each $20 to spend on their new rooms if they'd go quietly. It really worked well.

Seven years later it cost $100 each for the same cooperation, but darn well worth it.

David

 

[swivel63]

i moved to the south upon graduation. sure at first, i was homesick.....especially, since i had like 2 other offers in the closest large city next to my family. but i haven't looked back. i love what i do, and get great satisfaction from my job. i wish i could see my family and friends a little more often, but it's the sacrifices you make. i wanted to leave when i first got there, but i'm glad i stayed. now i'm the still the youngest engineer on staff.....and i'm also one of the youngest to actually get registered as well. and that's all because i work for a firm that lets me do everything.

 

[swivel63]

oh yea, i'm single with no kids.....so i guess my little story doesn't mean too much, lol.

 

[atlas06]

I went back home to north Africa from the states on vacation, I used to say Hi to someone every 30 seconds at a popular hang out. That time around, back from the US, I stayed 2 hours at the same hang out and I could not recognize anybody.
Weird thing happened, I spoke to the local with my own local language (berber), and folks were responding in French (the dominent foreign language), as if I was not from there any more, never felt like a stranger anywhere else but in my own hometown.

I'd go back and spend a few long vacations if I were you(christams and summer with family), I am sure it will help you in your soul searching and reach a decision easier.

A few little things:
Do you still root for your old football club or have you adopted your new club in town?
Check out small town UK artistic and sports activities for your kids and see how they compare with big city. Got to keep the kids busy to stay out of trouble, they could be bored in a small town.

My take, one can go back easily from small town to big city, but not the other way around.

Best of luck

 

[FreddyNurk]

I'll offer my take on this subject, despite being a very young engineer.

I've moved twice for jobs in the last 3 years, firstly to a small country town and then to a different capital city to where I used to reside.

You can never go home in my opinion, at least not back to the way that things used to be. Every time I went back to visit family things had changed, even if just in many small ways. Indeed, this year we returned to the small country town for a visit and the place had changed dramatically from what we remembered.

Life really becomes what you make of it, including relocating and seeing and working in different areas. I certainly don't regret working in different locations and the experiences have been far greater than they would have been if I stayed within 10 kms of my parents.

I'd be looking seriously at why you want to return. If its for genuine career advancement and you happen to like the place, then go for it. If you're feeling a little homesick and you remember that things had been easier 'back home' and you wish things would go back to the way they were, then I'd be prepared to be disappointed.

For me personally its highly unlikely that I'd ever consider returning to 'home' as you put it. I don't like the place, and I'm far happier where I am now, rather than where I was.

 

[MedicineEng]

I moved to a country in another continent, about 16 hours flight from "home".
Do I want to go back? Only if:
-I cannot find anything else to do in my "new hometown";
-I can get a position back in my country where I can give the quality of life to my family that my "new hometown" can give.

 

[l3city]

Hi there, check thread731-174375, very similar.
Regards

 

[kchayfie]

It depends how you really think of the place. If its genuinely "home", its probably a sign that you want to go back there at some point. If you tend to think of it as the place where you grew up, it isn't really home anymore and probably isn't worth going back.

Also, where do you want your kids to think of as home? I'm kinda attached to the place I grew up and I couldn't bear the possibility that kids I might have would consider somewhere else to be home. If you don't really mind then you're probably not as desperate to move home as you think you might be.

It sounds like you think your wife has different answers to these questions though.

 

[GrimesFrank]

Thanks guys for the advice/support, didn't want to sound as sad as I read I do. I'm not homesick perse, I get my fill of everything besides family when I vacation, just trying to evaluate pros/cons;

1) If I play my cards right I could get a job for a company in this city (this pay) working remotely at my old plant. Second best is I get a job there making 33% less. (Yes I said 33% - though mortgage is $400k vs. $175k)

2) The kids only know living here in the big city (3) or left mighty young (11). They love to visit "out country".
Development wise each place has its advantages/disadvantage. Big city crime vs. little town boredom.

3) I know life isn't the same, I don't associate with my "old high school buddies" when I go home, but I do with my "old work buddies" as they are in similar life as I. In actual fact the sad thing about home is I don't think it has changed in 6-7 years.

4) The mentatlity home, which is why I shudder is, once you take a job, you usually have it for life, unless it gets surplussed. I have 20 more years at the same job.

My main concern is wife and kids. We both grew up in large supporting families, now our kids won't, don't know the effect that will have on them.

In either place we won't starve and I'll be able to retire, so all things being equal.....Home vs. diversity of job market.

Frank "Grimey" Grimes
You can only trust statistics 90% of the time.