Working away from home ?

[gd72]

Hello all,

I have a chance of a job which will require me to live away from home for 4 nights a week (mon - thur) returning home on a Friday evening. The job (although similar salary to what I earn now) is a good opportunity within a large company.
Due to my family being settled where we currently live (2 young children) we do not wish to re-locate. The job is too far to commute (3 hours drive) but close enough to return home in emergencies. Does anyone have any similar experience of working away from home and are there any problems I should look out for ?
Basically any advice / experiences would be welcomed.

Many thanks

gd72

 

[ctopher]

I tried years ago. Wasn't worth it to the kids. Stay close to them as much as possible.

Chris
SolidWorks 06 5.1/PDMWorks 06
AutoCAD 06
ctopher's home (updated 10-27-06)

 

[FACS]

Sounds like you will be missing 55% of your kid's childhood.

This is going to cause you nothing but stress and strain, I see no upside at all.

More to life than money.

Charlie

http://www.facsco.com

 

[MadMango]

Pay is the same... where will you sleep Mon-Thur night? Who pays for that?

[green]"Art without engineering is dreaming; Engineering without art is calculating."[/green]

Have you read faq731-376 to make the best use of Eng-Tips Forums?

 

[zdas04]

I did that for almost 3 years. My boys were 6 & 8 when I started and 9 & 11 when I finally gave up and moved. I didn't know what sports they were in. I didn't know anything about their scout troops. One week they got a dog and the SOB wouldn't let me into the house Friday night until one of the kids came to help.

Evenings I tended to round up other homeless guys and go drinking because I just couldn't face trying to work in the Hotel room after dinner after about Tuesday. I drank A LOT those three years so I didn't really make any extra money at all.

There was nothing about that experience that I would recommend.

The two years before I started working out of town I was in Graduate School in the evenings and got home at 9:00 most evenings, but I was able to put the kids to bed and talk to them some. It was hard, but nothing like being out of town.

David

 

[65Roses]

Don't do it! No job or amount of money is worth the time away from your family. If you do it you will end up regretting it the rest of your life.

Why is my handle 65Roses?
Please visit

http://www.cff.org/aboutCFFoundation/About65Roses/

to learn why!

 

[COEngineeer]

I did simmilar to that and i get paid $100/day extra for per-diem. I have no kids and it still almost ruined my marriage. I even went home every 2 weeks.

 

[waskillywabbit]

Your children will be young once.

Work to live...not vice versa.



Brian

 

[atlas06]

Well, sorry to be rude but I think you are old enough to handle straight talk.
You could also get this third baby that does not look much like yourself.
Remember to take care of your wife dude, or someone else will do it for you, and it seems to me that sleeping 4 nights a week outside is not exactly what the doctor ordered for a relashionship.
If you are a soldier and you have to, we can understand, but for money?

 

[BJC]

Another vote against.
For a lot of money and a short time maby. Longer than monts forget it. I did it once because it was that or nothing.
The only exception I can imagine is 1.) sort job, .) in the summer. 3.) you have a place main squeeze and kids can stay. and 4.) nice city with lots of attractions for kids ie. good zoo, museusm etc.

 

[JStephen]

Working away from home like that is not uncommon, although it's usually for construction work or something that moves, rather than a fixed employer.

For construction workers, they normally get higher pay than if they try to stay in one place, plus get per diem on top of that. If you're single, it's a pretty good deal.

I can see trying to do something like this if your pay would be double or triple, or if it's the difference between working and not working, but I can't imagine doing it for the reasons you describe.

Rest assured, it will be a LOT easier on "young" children to move with Dad than to be part-time orphans from here on out. Divorces aren't easy on kids, either.

Your expenses will definitely go up, as you'll have to maintain a second living place. Staying in motel rooms watching TV gets awfully boring in a hurry, too.

 

[kchayfie]

2 years ago my company won a contract that required co-location in the clients offices 200 miles away. I did the working away in the week thing for the first 18 months and it was hard. I'm single and childless but I found that at weekends I had just enough time to see either my friends or my family (parents, grandparents, etc). There wasn't time to do both and a few relationships were neglected. I also put on about 20 pounds from eating in restaurants and drinking in pubs 4 nights a week (and often at weekends to maintain a degree of social life - it wasn't worth shopping for 2 days of fresh food). I was just about ready to quit to move back home when my dad got sick and my boss was understanding enough to relocate me back home to be near him.

On the upside, it was the best move I could have made for my career and my professional development. I learned a helluva lot from the experience and I'm 10times better as an engineer because of the opportunities presented by that role. And most of the guys I moved down there with are still there - some of them moved there families because they prefer the new location, some of them find that a night at home mid-week helps keep their marriage working and none of them have let on about there being too much trouble at home. However, most of them are either childless or have teenage children.

In terms of advice, if you decide to take the job I would suggest you have an escape plan in place before you go so that you can always come home if it doesn't work out. I would make sure there is sufficient reward to justify the sacrifice. And if you have the opportunity to negotiate your working hours, work long hours through the week and leave early enough on Friday to make sure you get home in time for dinner on Friday night.

 

[bridgebuster]

It's not worth it. I was born in NYC; lived and worked their until I was 38; that was 1995. Then I gave into my wife's idea of moving to the country - 100 miles away - but I'd still be working in the city. At first the long bus trip wasn't too bad, but it got old quick. So I started staying in the City; sometimes four nights a week. It cuts down on the drudgery of commuting but I don't like not being home every night. You'll miss your family and if something arises, you're not going to be able to get home quickly.

Either stay where you are or move your family with you.

 

[pso311]

I vote no.

 

[epoisses]

I have seen a similar scenario end up in a divorce after 3 years (not me, fortunately). Relocate or don't do it.

 

[ewh]

I vote with the others. I have been in that situation a couple of times, but without kids, fortunately. It will strain your marriage, and unless it is temporary at a higher rate, it just isn't worth it.

 

[l3city]

remember the MasterCard commercial? There are things money can't buy...that's so truth

 

[kchayfie]

I've worked with a couple of guys (and heard of several others) who worked away from home most of their married lives. Their divorces came when they retired and realised they couldn't stand being around each other 7 days a week!

 

[swearingen]

kchayfie, I believe that's exactly what happened to my parents. My dad would be gone a week, a month, up to three months sometimes. When he finally got put into a desk job and was home all of the time, 23 years of part time marriage couldn't hold up.

Another real life example - why do you think the military divorce rate is higher than civilian?

If spouse and family mean anything to you, don't do it for long...

 

[gd72]

Thank you all for the advice. I think the general opinion is not to do it !!!
Once again thanks for your advice.