Dealing with stress during tough weeks 3

Just admit you can't do the impossible and prioritize. Work the most critical/important customers first.

And reply to requests with "I'm sorry, but we are overwhelmed with work this week. We will get your request for ____ to you by __(date)__." And then get it to them a bit before the promised time (be realistic with the promises). Worked well for me as a consultant type who was often in a similar situation bombarded by requests; people knew when I would respond, and were happy to get it sooner than promised.

And I often found it was best to clear out all of the quick response items first, then the mountain doesn't seem so bad, and then work the more complicated items.

What is your role at the company? Apologies for the question because I probably should know based on how often you and I both post on here, but it may change the answer slightly.

If you're a sole proprietor/single owner with staff, then unfortunately that sort of comes with the title and you need to decide which things, including personal life stuff, is most important and then push off the rest temporarily.

If you're just an employee, then the discussion must be had with the employer. It is not in their best interest for you to be working yourself into the ground only to end up needing a leave of absence.

@SWComposites I've been doing that, pushing stuff out and setting new deadlines. I had to push the deadline on some recent items week after week. Setting a realistic deadline, but having other stuff pile in. In the end, I can handle all this. I've done it before and I can do it again. I'm usually sending stuff out earlier than expected, but sometimes a mountain of stuff comes in. I was more thinking, is it possible to stay calm in all of this? Like having a normal or vacation mindset while dealing with pressure.


@jayrod12 I'm a 50% owner. 7 people in the company including myself. The other owner and I split the projects 50/50, and take on the others' work when we get too much, but right now we're both overwhelmed. I did hire one more recently, but he's still in training. We're planning to hire another one soon if this work volume keeps up.

I am making some personal sacrifices to work through it. Like pushing off personal stuff until the work thing is resolved. I understand that being an owner comes with these kinds of responsibilities. I just think there's a way to handle all this and not be stressed out. It's a psychological thing. I think other business owners might be able to do it. I know that athletes with like $100 million contracts also have this kind of pressure, but they're able to clear their minds and perform when it's needed.

I kind of just want to do the work itself, and not deal with the stress surrounding it. If I can get into that mindset, I'll be happier and also get the work done faster as a bonus.

Ah yes, I see you're asking more about dealing truly with the stress without actually moving any of the work around. Unfortunately I'm likely not the right person to be providing guidance. My wife detests the fact that I don't appear to stress out about anything.

Truth of the matter is, I don't worry about anything I can't affect, and the things I am able to affect I do so in a way that benefits me.

I've been in your shoes before, pushing off deadlines multiple times only for new "urgent" work to fill the gaps I've created. I finally realized that if I've requested a deadline extension because I'm too busy, then any new "urgent" work that is not a true emergency gets told I can't get to it until X date. Where X date is well after the new deadline for the other project. I'm yet to have a client tell me "I'll go to the competition then". Mainly because the competition is just as busy as we are and so it's not like they're going to get any better service there, and often the service is worse elsewhere.

I feel your pain MSL. Some weeks it's easy to start dreaming about if I decided not to open up my own shop or go into a different industry.

Here are some of the things I do to help manage stress, besides some items you described (good sleep, exercise, etc.):

[li] I remind myself that I'm not Superman and can't do everything. No one will die if I don't make a deadline. Obviously, I don't want to miss deadlines consistently, but once in a while, it's going to happen... and guess what? The planet doesn't explode. It's going to be OK after the temporary surge of work, deadlines, and "urgent issues" dies down.[/li]

[li] I take ~10 minutes mid-day to do an NSDR protocol. NSDR (Non-Sleep Deep Rest) is pretty much like a Yoga Nidra meditation that helps bring down stress levels to baseline. Search for "10-minute Huberman Lab NSDR" on YouTube for a no-cost NSDR. It technically takes less than 10 minutes if you skip past the intro. I recommend doing it seated so you don't accidentally fall asleep.[/li]

[li] I block out time to focus on the most important thing to get done. I turn on the focus / do not disturb feature on the phone, close my office door, and do whatever to let people know I'm not currently available. I also use an app called brainwave to further increase my output efficiency. It blends binaural frequencies with ambient noise, which helps me hyperfocus on a project for an hour to hour and half blocks of time, multiple times a day.[/li]

[li] When it's really bad, I take an L-theanine supplement, which helps further reduce my stress levels. Regularly doing the NSDR protocol usually reduces my stress enough that I normally don't need to theanine, but I'll take it on the really rough days.[/li]

Most of these ideas were taken from the Huberman Lab podcast on Stress and Anxiety. Most of the items talked about on that podcast have helped me and others in my life manage stress. I highly recommend listening to it.

jayrod12 said:

Truth of the matter is, I don't worry about anything I can't affect, and the things I am able to affect I do so in a way that benefits me.

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That's a pretty good mindset. I've cultivated a similar mindset about things like the weather or getting into an accident, which is something I can't control. The thing about work is that it's entirely under my control. Like, I can't control when random urgent things come in, but I can control my response to it. Any delays are really because I haven't hired enough people or found a way to do the work efficiently enough. That's the burden of being an owner.

I guess it's true that a few delays won't kill my business. It's just that I've built my business on delivering things on time, which is how I "stole" a bunch of the competition. Meeting deadlines is one of the main things I do differently than others. So it does have an impact. I just need to not let it get to me too much.


@MTNClimber

Thanks for the tips! There's some valuable info in there. I'll try to incorporate a deep relaxation into my day. I've tried before, and my mind just runs wild. It's different than being at home, in a relaxing environment. But I'll try to make it work.

It's true that the planet doesn't explode if I miss some deadlines. I have to remind myself of that. I've missed deadlines before, and my business is doing better than ever, so it's fine.

Thanks for the podcast recommendation. I'm also talking to a pharmacist about possible drugs I can take based on your recommendation; just need to make sure it's nothing heavy or addictive.

Setting a realistic deadline, but having other stuff pile in.

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You need to really and actually prioritize and say NO to anything that's not on the priority list; if random things can bump priority, then you have no priority list. Even ER's can turn away business if they're slammed, and that's with life/death situations.

I had a coworker who did that to a T; he would log every job request, and when the boss would come by and try to insert another item into the queue, he would pull out his list and force the boss to drop something else, or give the task to someone else.

TTFN (ta ta for now)
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MSL -
think you need to distinguish between deadlines that:
- you have agree to up front and are working to - these should have priority
- come with pop up / random items where you haven't agreed on a deadline that someone is attempting to impose - these you fit in as best you can, but just respond with a realistic commitment date. I saw a saying long ago something like: "poor planning on your part does not a constitute an emergency for me"
and customers that create a lot of random urgent time consuming tasks maybe you really don't need (unless those are all you have, in which case good luck).

I think the best you can do is to understand that you've done everything that you can to manage the situation, then get on with actually doing the work methodically.

Spend an hour in the morning to triage and set daily priorities.

Send an "I'm working on your stuff today." email to that client. That will keep one off your back for the day.
Send other "I have your stuff on my list" messages as needed.

Then, close the email apps, forward the phone to voice mail and get stuff done.

Getting to the point where tasks are piling up is a good indicator that your scheduling system needs tweaking. I have a calendar, and if I can't fit the work in, I'm up front with them. "We're pretty loaded up right now, but if you don't find anyone, give us a call back in [X] weeks."

As for the immediate need for dealing with stress, I can tell you that working longer hours is not a healthy long-term solution.

msl said:

7 people in the company including myself. .... I did hire one more recently, but he's still in training.

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That leaves four others unaccounted for.

We know from your past posts here that you've struggled with delegation. Take a closer look, do YOU personally really need to do everything in your pile, or can you delegate some of it?

IRstuff said:

You need to really and actually prioritize and say NO to anything that's not on the priority list

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Totally agreed. I need to get better at this. Though if it's something that will delay construction, I bump that up. I have clients who came to me because other engineers take like a week to respond to an email about a specification of something to be used, and construction has to stop because of their delay.

SWComposites said:

I saw a saying long ago something like: "poor planning on your part does not a constitute an emergency for me"

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I hear what you're saying. Everybody wants everything yesterday.

SWComposites said:

and customers that create a lot of random urgent time consuming tasks maybe you really don't need

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Unfortunately, the things that take a really long time for me are filings, proposals, and invoices. I'm setting up standards so I can delegate this nicely. It's one of those things where if I don't do it, I don't get paid. The previous 4 people I hired to do this stuff inevitably screwed it up and cost a lot of time to fix. Invoices mixed up, payments applied incorrectly, payments that we got but have no idea what project it's for, proposals with missing info, etc. It's a work in progress. I'm getting to the point where I can automate some of it, at least. I got software that connects to Quickbooks and makes things a lot easier.

MintJulep said:

Then, close the email apps, forward the phone to voice mail and get stuff done.

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Great advice! Once I hire someone to do all the paperwork, I'll block out some time in the day and have them pick up all my calls. I talked to another engineer who worked for a firm that does that, and it works.

StrucPatholgst said:

"We're pretty loaded up right now, but if you don't find anyone, give us a call back in [X] weeks."

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Thanks for the advice. I really need to do this more often. I don't take any small jobs these days, because they're a lot of complicated work for relatively little. But it's really hard to turn down something like a medium-sized building design. It's our bread and butter. I'll have to start raising the bar a bit. The eventual plan is to have enough people so I can re-enter the small job sector, which I left behind a year or so ago.

MintJulep said:

Take a closer look, do YOU personally really need to do everything in your pile, or can you delegate some of it?

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That part is not an issue anymore. I think you're referring to the thread where I was having a crisis of sorts, and one of the points that kept coming up is delegation. I've changed many things about how to delegate, and it's gotten far easier for me. I did have a lot more free time for a while. It's just that everyone is delegated up to their eyeballs right now. There were several factors, like me and other employees going on vacation, surgery, etc. I decided that running my business this way is not sustainable. I can't have crunch time whenever more than one person goes on vacation in a month, because things will always happen.

Thanks to this thread and some things I've been working on, I do have long term solutions for all of this. One of the book recommendations in that thread, the E-Myth, was monumental in changing the way I think about delegation. Delegation is difficult and needs systems in place, but it's really the only long term solution.

The old expression, "When you are befuddled by deadlines, there's nothing like a good hanging to clear the senses."

-----*****-----
So strange to see the singularity approaching while the entire planet is rapidly turning into a hellscape. -John Coates

-Dik

Not in jest... you have to identify the work and determine the priority. If there was no reason for the instant 'overload' they you simply have to identify the work, and explain to the client that his problem will be undertaken in order. Occasionally some site issues are urgent and they have to be moved up in the schedule.

If the problem was foreseen, then you may have been able to act in advance and you are now having a problem due to the inaction.

I'm unusual, and don't ever stress. I cannot ever recall being stressed out; I'm calm all the time. I've had a few interesting times, but haven't reacted to them. I just simply do my job and don't let the circumstances interfere with it. I don't get flustered or befuddled. I just 'plug on' until the work is completed and then go on to the next work to be done. I'm very single focused on my work, and not easily distracted.

-----*****-----
So strange to see the singularity approaching while the entire planet is rapidly turning into a hellscape. -John Coates

-Dik

A major reason I became an engineer is that design and analysis are enjoyable, extremely relaxing, and something I can easily focus on. Some of my biggest accomplishments have come from a few evenings of cranking up the music after-hours with a can of Skoal, a few beers, and/or caffeine while cranking out CAD or creating spreadsheets. OTOH, the non-engineering tasks that were the majority of my time in the corporate world weren't particularly enjoyable but also weren't lengthy, just numerous - meetings, DFMEAs, managing staff, etc.

Personally, my biggest issue with project management has always been my own creation. Long-term I've always been great at planning ~36 hours weekly but as interesting projects and opportunities to demonstrate my ego came up, I'd inadvertently volunteer and end up working 50-60+ 3/4 weeks. When I found myself having to prioritize tasks I'd always scold myself for poor planning.

Disclaimer: I became a govt regulator a few years ago so now enjoy 40 hour weeks, no stress, and a larger paycheck among other perks.

Totally agreed. I need to get better at this.

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The other side of the coin here, which is often an issue, is whether your basis of estimates for jobs in terms of time, are being accurately generated. If you are constantly under the gun on schedule, that could also suggest that you've not allocated sufficient allowance for schedule slips. I would suggest that you review your schedules as bid vs. as completed to see if there's a disconnect. Every project should start with "management reserve" insofar as schedule and cost, and as the project progresses, one should expect the reserve to narrow, but should not go negative. If this is a recurring problem, then you need to analyze this as if it were a structural member that appears to have insufficient design margin and bid accordingly.

Obviously, if there's a lot of competition, then there's a tendency to underbid to get the job and deal with the consequences later. That requires a lot of managing customer expectations after award to minimize customer dissatisfaction

TTFN (ta ta for now)
I can do absolutely anything. I'm an expert! faq731-376 forum1529 Entire Forum list

dik said:

I'm calm all the time.

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I'm very interested in this part. I'm guessing you were probably born that way. But what goes into someone's mind so that they can be this way? It sounds awesome.

I'm on the total opposite end, diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder. I need to do a ton of meditation to make myself calm.


@CWB1 I'm the same way as you when it comes to cranking out spreadsheets and calculations. That's something where I can instantly calm down and go into a flow state for hours on end. When I started the business, all that went out the window.

Glad to hear that you got a nice job that pays well!

IRstuff said:

Obviously, if there's a lot of competition, then there's a tendency to underbid to get the job and deal with the consequences later.

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I don't underbid jobs with cost, but sometimes with time frame, which is probably what you were referring to. I agree that I need to be better at scheduling. Though it hasn't been a problem for a while; a lot of things were done on time or ahead of schedule. It's just a recent avalanche that I'm sorting out right now. But it's indicative of what you mentioned, which is underdesigned planning.

I don't know why... it's just the way I am. I never had a stressful childhood, and a great family life. My 40 years of marriage couldn't have been better. I don't get overly happy and I don't get sad... My health is only fair... and that's it.

-----*****-----
So strange to see the singularity approaching while the entire planet is rapidly turning into a hellscape. -John Coates

-Dik

MSL said:

but sometimes with time frame

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This is my achilles heel often. I budget the amount of time based on how long I would take, not how long the average person in the office will take. That usually ends up meaning I've underestimated the actual time taken. It's usually not a fee thing, just a schedule thing.

Haven't fully figured out how to fix that yet. Just trying to adjust my expectations currently and am often disappointed at my ability to do that.