A negative unprofessional coworker 16

[EngineerDave]

I am concerned about a co-worker who is negative and unprofessional towards me. I believe the issue started about 2 months ago and is related to an after work happy hour discussion. This guy always talks about politics whether in work or out and I happen to disagree with him.

I took him and another coworker on in a spirited debate (once again outside of work in a pub).

Since then it's been the cold war. Now I am more worried because I will be moving into the same office he works in.

When I ask him for assistance on things, he completely blows me off. He will go out of his way however to help the young attractive women that work in that office. He will talk with them for hours and joke with them, half the time I see him he is either joking with them or helping them with their work.

I think this is totally unprofessional. He doesn't even acknowledge me when I say hi.

Now I'm moving into an office feet from him. I will continue to say hello in the morning, but I won't let take any crap from him.

I work too hard to put up with this emotionally charged basketcase. I have never seen anything like it in any of my jobs. I don't expect that we have to be friends, but he should be professional at work.

I spoke with other coworkers about him and they said there are people in the department that he hasn't spoken a word to in years because of an argument.

 

[jmw]

Companies are notoriously diffident about taking action relating to unprofessional employees. There have been some other threads on this topic and the upshot is that you shouldn't expect too much from either management or HR unless the issue gets to be too high profile.

Your last post provides some encouragement in that you are new new employee in a more senior position. This suggests that the company have recruited you with specific current needs in mind. This probably makes you more valuable to them than a long term employee whose skills set may be less relevant; after all, he was not promoted, and hence he is less important to them currently than you are.

This could mean that unless either of you raises this officially with management, this will not be more than a personal iritant i.e. no one is going to do anything. At my last company we had just such an employee, the management response was to shuffle him from department to department until he retired. By the way, how close is he to retirement?

Note: you say changing jobs is not an option. This isn't necessarily your choice. You should be prepared that if it all comes to a head you may be let go. Hence, keep your CV current and out there.



JMW

http://www.ViscoAnalyser.com

 

[epoisses]

Dave, the following is meant sincerely and without any sarcasm: this is probably the first major @$$hole you meet in your life, or at least your professional life. There are many more out there. They usually don't change much. It usually costs a lot of energy to try to change them. Don't waste that energy. Be more stubborn than he is. Don't think of leaving the company just because of one @$$hole, he would laugh his @$$ off and you might end up in another place with evenmore @$$holes around. In any case you mentioned leaving is not an option, so... Just tough it out. This will teach you things. Especially if you're his boss. Don't bother YOUR boss with it. It's not HIS problem and he would NOT be happy if you delegated it upward. And lastly, don't kneel down in the mud for this guy to make him listen to you or understand you, you would feel like a complete idiot afterward. Just try to make it/keep it a workable situation.

Dave I don't envy you but please be sure that you're one of thousands in the same situation...

 

[epoisses]

PS and about him helping the attractive female species around him, hey, doesn't every male engineer do that..?

 

[Maui]

Did this individual aspire to the position that you will be taking over when you move into the office next to him?


Maui

Constants aren't; variables won't.

 

[EngineerDave]

Actually I've ran across a few aholes in jobs, but this guy takes the cake in terms of having the shortest fuse and being the weirdest. He also seems to have more estrogen in his tank than most women, which explains why he holds a grudge for so long. (Apologies in advance to all the women engineers out here).

I work with many people in the department. Unfortunately he is one of the most outspoken and has been there the longest. Two things that make him kind of an instant authority around here.

 

[EngineerDave]

He didn't aspire to the position I'm taking over although he makes constant reference to the fact that the people in my position make more than him and according to him know less.

I have never once disparaged his experience, to the contrary i enjoyed getting advice from him, when he spoke to me that is.

 

[2dye4]

Don't take any crap.
Respond to him in a cival but firm manner.
You could look for an opportunity to insunuate that
he is a baby and should get a life. This seems to
drive home to some people of his type that you don't
care if he is mad, and that he can stay mad at you until
the sun goes nova.
They respond to tolerance with agression.
They sometimes respond to firmness with a backdown.
In any case work on yourself to try to not let this
character have any impact on your emotional day.

 

[EngineerDave]

I am actually enjoying this now. It's like a game to see when he might actually acknowledge my presence.

It does bother me in a way because I have done nothing to deserve it, but it is incredible.

 

[HVAC68]

Don't run away or look for another job, especially, if you like the job. It's silly to change jobs just for the reason that somebody (not your boss) doesn't like you. What's the guarantee that you won't find another one like him in your next job ? Fight it out - Not literally or verbally. If you are good and sincere in your job, probably you will outsmart him with your work and work ethics.

Come to think of it, my position is so similar to yours, the only difference being that I don't think I have anything to learn from my co-worker here (I am not sounding modest at all when I say this, but that's a bit of ego that has crept in after working for 15 years in the industry !!!)

Good luck.

HVAC68

 

[Pressed]

Being that you are a new guy, if he has had anybody report this type of thing in the past, you would have the upper hand. Just the mention of him not saying hello back to you or that he refuses to hold a conversation could be quite significant with no degredation to how you are viewed. If the company believes you two should be working together in any way, this should concern them.

I once worked with a fellow who was weird, about 1/10th compared to your co-worker. The drafters would inch by inch push his cubicle walls closer together each day. After a couple of months the walls had him surrounded at the edge of his desk, too funny.

_______________________________________
Feeling frisky.........

http://www.tailofthedragon.com

 

[ScottyUK]

Not sure if the exact scenario fits your role, but I'm sure you could adapt it:

Invite one of your managers and your colleague to a design review or project review. Put him in a position where he has to interact with you. Don't invite too many people - make sure he is the only one with adequate expertise other than yourself to provide objective critique of the design. If he refuses he will show himself to be an uncooperative moron in front of his employers. Don't allow him to sit quietly - engage him with direct questions: "I don't know if this is the best way to adress this widget design problem - what do you think?". Etc.



----------------------------------

One day my ship will come in.
But with my luck, I'll be at the airport!

 

[EngineerDave]

I appreciate all the suggestions. I think I just need to accept that the guy is quirky. Someone who used to work here told me that when I first started. He said there were several times where he would give him the silent treatment.

As much as I know he has a history of this, it bothers me to no end, especially when he doesn't say a word to me but talks to other people.

Another lady at work called him a "joke". I guess he is different. I should have noticed that from the way he wears the same clothes everyday (and it isn't a work uniform, it is the same colored shirt and pants, he tells people he has 5 or 6 of them, but I think it might be the same one or two of the identical shirts and pants). I just wish his personality was like Fred Flintstone too!

 

[waskillywabbit]

From reading all this stuff...sounds like this guy and this situation are right out of jr. high school...petty and juvenile. You aren't going to change him. If he's a jerk, he's going to stay a jerk.

Take Greg's advice "Just ignore him. It's what you were told as a child, and it is still valid. If the women don't like the way he treats them they have plenty of opportunity to sort it out themselves." or find a new job. I'd bet the farm that the jerk hasn't wasted this much time worrying about what you think of him.

There is at least one at every office. Folks like this guy at work are what a friend of mine calls a "fly"...all they do is eat *&$% and bother people.

Good luck.

Brian

 

[EngineerDave]

I think things are going to be OK. Today he actually broke the 2 week no talk. We printed something out at the same time, and I asked if he saw a printout for something I did. He actually spoke! Amazing.

This is actually a blessing. I won't have to hear extremely far left hippy views all day or his overly opinonated take on just about everything else.

And I'm going to wear headphones in the office at times, even if it looks slightly unprofessional. The noise in this new office is chaotic. A lot of it is him when he is entertaining the girls with storys.

Well at least I can one day aspire to be a 60 year old pickup artist as well!

Thanks for all the valuable advice!

 

[epoisses]

Dave, since you posted the problem and we never heard the other guy's story, we have defined the situation very neatly and easily in terms of good and bad like we learnt in kindergarden, but..... you just don't stop posting, aren't you a tiny little bit over-sensitive to this person? Are you really going to wear headphones while everybody else don't need them? In all honesty, I am not quite sure if you're not part of the problem yourself.

 

[EngineerDave]

Well I am definitely overly sensitive to this type of behavior. You are correct.

I will let everyone know how things workout. I think it will be fine. You can't be friends with everyone and work and friendship doesn't always mix.

 

[pmover]

engineerdave,

there have been many good suggestions and advice provided in this posting . . . by the quantity of postings you have made leads me to believe that perhaps you are lowering your standards of behavioral conduct to someone elses standards. rise above the occasion . . . you have too much to loose by focusing your attention, getting stressed, etc. on someone else in the organization of your employ. frankly, i second MH postings about departing. if this person is "that bad" and that much of an influence (positive or otherwise) on others, and management has not addressed it, then that organization is not worthy of your services. seems that a re-evaluation of your self and your goals is warranted . . . bottom line, the #1 reason why projects and business fail is communication - a breakdown of communication. it is a well-established fact, but so many people loose sight of this fact. stop communicating with this individual, you might as well leave. wait, lastly, shame on you for expressing your political beliefs to someone you hardly know. i've no doubt you were likely reaching out to establish rapport with this individual (new in town, do not know many folks, etc,) and your political beliefs chapped his hide. it takes two to tangle and you must rise above the occasion and resolve the matter; the other fella won't. it could be as simple as, gee, i really do not know what i did to upset you, but i am sorry and let bygones be bygones. hi, my name is such and such. you are . . . ok, what is your job here . . . at least you demonstrate a willingness to communicate . . .

regardless of what happens, good luck!
-pmover

 

[ewh]

I think the headphones are an excellent idea, not just to block him out, but other unnecesary distractions as well.

 

[Maui]

EngineerDave, if you should run into a similar situation in the future where you are about to enter into a heated debate with a co-worker of this type, you should remember the following phrase:

Never argue with an idiot - he'll drag you down to his level, then beat you with experience.


Maui

 

[bigTomHanks]

As this thread goes on and on I am starting to realize what is going on here. This older guy has liberal views(a lot of women seem to like this) and he is obviously very charming. I wouldn't try to fight with him. Have you ever noticed a guy who looked or acted like a total slob or idiot that was always with good looking women. Well it seems that being in the company of attractive women seems to validate certain behavior. Since this guy has the ladies on his side, most likely he has a lot of men who envy his "player" skills. Eat a piece of humble pie on this one and just do whatever you can to make things better.