Boss wants a company party at my Regular Dance GIG! 12

[casseopeia]

I was recently asked to be a regular house dancer at a Middle Eastern restaurant in San Francisco, a somewhat high profile gig in front of large windows facing a very busy intersection.

My dance gigs in the past have been fairly obscure festival or private events, thus little chance for an encounter with a client. So I went to the boss this morning to ask if this would be OK with the firm. I fully expected a response similar to, “NO, under no circumstances will one of our architects,especially one who testifies as an expert witness, be caught popping and locking in a skimpy costume in public.”

Not only did I get a “go for it”, they now are talking about having a company party with selected clients at the venue. I’m feeling panicky now. Dancing for strangers is no problem. Dancing for friends is a bit harder. Dancing for co-workers and clients. Not enough Adavan in the world....

What do I say? Limit the crowd to a few, say 4 people at a time. Tell me ahead of time, sit in the back so I can’t see you. I really don't want to say no to the gig.



"If you are going to walk on thin ice, you might as well dance!"

 

[MadMango]

I would talk with your boss and the restaurant owner, and see if you can arrange to not perform when a company function is scheduled there.

"Art without engineering is dreaming; Engineering without art is calculating."

Have you read faq731-376 to make the best use of Eng-Tips Forums?

 

[GTstartup]

I think I would need to see a video before I could attempt to answer this one

 

[ewh]

I second the video before answering...

 

[TheTick]

Why even ask? None of their business what you do on the outside. Can't undo that now.

You took the step to dance in a public venue. I assume that means
a.) you are willing to perform for all reasonably-behaved customers
b.) you are good enough to get the gig.

If your boss and/or clients show up, just give them your best show ever. I have no doubt you will do great.

 

[casseopeia]

I’ve been pretty careful about keeping video clips of me off of YouTube, but here is an example of the style of belly dance that I’d be doing from a very well-known dancer from Montreal. I’ve taken her workshops and steal her moves a lot. I try not to steal whole routines, but it’s difficult. She is one of the best. It's very elegant, classical Egyptian cabaret dance.

We have similar body types, sort of an over-stuffed Jessica Rabbit, are close in age and coloring. This is as close as I can get to a clip of me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TOkP0DpdVis&mode=related&search=

"If you are going to walk on thin ice, you might as well dance!"

 

[HgTX]

I think their plan sounds inappropriate. Regardless of what the bosses' good intentions may be, it basically has you dancing for the clients. Your interaction with the clients qua clients should be in the role of architect, nothing else.

It's one thing if a client in the course of their everyday life happens to wander into the restaurant while you're dancing, and even decides they really enjoy it and makes a point of coming back; it's another thing entirely if the client is brought, in the context of their business relationship with your firm, to see you, an employee of the firm, perform as a dancer.

It would be marginally inappropriate even if you were a pianist and they wanted you to provide the musical wallpaper at a corporate function; the nature (not to mention history) of bellydancing brings things to a whole 'nother level.

I'm not quite in the same position because I have a public sector job and thus no clients in that sense, but I am a musician, and skirt the edges of conflict of interest when private-sector people that I have business dealings with decide they like the music, come to the shows, buy the CDs. I'm okay with that as far as it goes (if the Powers That Be think I can be swayed by someone buying a $10 CD from me, they shouldn't have me on the payroll to begin with), but people have joked about having me provide the entertainment at a convention and I think if that inquiry were ever to get serious, I would have to refuse.

So I think you *should* say no to the gig.

None of this helps you with how to get out of it, though...

Maybe just something honest like what you've already said in your post--"I'm not very comfortable dancing even in front of my friends, as opposed to strangers who I never interact with in any other way; I really don't think I can handle dancing in front of the bosses & clients. It's just too intimidating. Betcha didn't think I could be intimidated, did you?"

Or something.

Hg

Eng-Tips policies: faq731-376

 

[BJC]

Start now looking for a new job. You may be able to seperate the two lives but some of the people you work with will not be able to.
get ready for remarks and references to your dancing now on. They will range from the well meaning to the nasty, mean spirited.
You will get sick of it, sooner or later.

 

[HgTX]

"over-stuffed Jessica Rabbit"

Heh.

Hg

Eng-Tips policies: faq731-376

 

[zdas04]

Why do people ask questions like this on a forum? Every time someone does, there are people on every side of the issue, someone always says "quit now", and then everyone repeates themselves. No ones opinion is ever changed and the OP goes on to do what she wanted to do in the first place.

Can I tweak the scenario a touch? Say you were on a state championship swimming team and the boss suggested a company outing at a swim meet. No problem, right? What if your passion was acting and your boss invited clients to the opening night of "Othello"? Again, no problem.

If you're proud of your art and are good enough to be invited back then what the hell is the issue? The woman in the clip was showing less skin than a swimmer if the issue is skin. The dance looked difficult but not blatently sexual.

You really need to live by the great tag line in your signature.

David

 

[MiketheEngineer]

HgTX is right.....

You REALLY don't want to mix these two profesions....

I doubt little good will come from it and anything bad is NOT worth it...

BTW - nice video - but it reinforces my thoughts even more.

 

[HgTX]

The problem isn't how Cass thinks about bellydancing. The problem is how others think about bellydancing. It's an art form that carries a lot of baggage that swimming and piano playing don't.

Hg

Eng-Tips policies: faq731-376

 

[swertel]

Cass,

The big question remains. Are we invited to watch you dance?

--Scott

http://wertel.eng.pro

 

[casseopeia]

Well, I had an extended lunch with the boss. I asked that I be allowed to get comfortable with the gig first, before any ‘Company’ shows up. The girl I’ll be replacing once a month at the restaurant is 20 or 21 years old. I may not even last at this thing, based on age alone. I’m much closer to her mother’s age.

I’m not worried about the amount of flesh being displayed. My cabaret costumes are a bit less revealing than the rather tame video clip. And you can always tailor moves to be a refined display of precision isolations, and not vulgar gyrating. I suppose vulgar gyrating is also open to interpretation. What people think about belly dance in general is not the real problem.

I was feeling hinkey about something but couldn’t quite place my finger on it, until HgTX mentioned the interaction factor, and the sale of CD's. I think you nailed it, or at least made the connection happen in my brain.

Restaurant gigs not only include a dance set, usually 20-minutes, but also includes audience interaction where the dancer is required to spend about 30 minutes getting patrons out of their chairs to dance, demonstrating moves, then having the patron repeat it, usually with highly comic effect. This is the point where they stuff your costume with tips. THAT’S the part that makes me uncomfortable, either from co-workers or witnessed by co-workers, bosses, and clients. (A tip jar is a little less unseemly, but usually results in fewer tips.)

And I found the clip of the routine I steal. You don't get much better. Watch the drum solo, about mid way through. First time I saw the 'hips on an invisible string', I knew I had to do it. This is also a better representation of what I mean by over-stuffed Jessica Rabbit.





"If you are going to walk on thin ice, you might as well dance!"

 

[casseopeia]

oops, forgot the link

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EPDlqniu0b0&mode=related&search=

and yes, Eng-Tips folks are invited. Afterall, I don't have to work with you

"If you are going to walk on thin ice, you might as well dance!"

 

[TDAA]

If it is a company party, then why are you not invited to that? Or are you just talking about a few upper people from the office with a few clients?

Personally, I think it would be disrespectful for your boss to expect you to perform for clients (or to show up "out of the blue" as a group). I would encourage them to go to the restaurant, but keep you off of the guest appearance list.

To take it other way from the swim meet or the acting . . . lets say you were a stripper, and you are OK working in a club and for private parties. Would you still feel OK doing that for a company party with clients? Definitely not saying what you are doing is the same, but I feel it is closer than the swim meet thing. You are performing in a way that says look at my body (which I have no problem with, and think the dance is cool). I don't think it is a big deal if a stray client or coworker was to come in, but when you get more of them, there is likely to be the group effect with people talking. You are more likely to get people thinking along the lines of the 2nd and 3rd replies here that basically said "Let us see you shake your junk."

Ugh, I’m starting to sound old and conservative. As you said though, a portion of the gig (tipping) makes you uncomfortable. What happens if your fears are realized, and your clients/coworkers can’t stop thinking about you getting tipped while working?

 

[casseopeia]

I wonder how the responses would change if I were a very young man dancing shirtless in transparent trousers for the San Francisco ballet?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7smuUQLXTwk&mode=related&search=

"If you are going to walk on thin ice, you might as well dance!"

 

[KENAT]

Cass, I think your approach of asking for time to get used to it seems reasonable.

Still can't get the image of an overstuffed Jessica Rabbit out of my head.

 

[EddyC]

I think that you should try to keep your 2 worlds separate from each other. While I and most others would not think any less of you, there is still a large sexist/chauvanistic segment of the population that have not yet grown up. They would not think of you as an entertainer or a dancing hobbyist, but as a "bad girl". Best of Luck, no matter what you choose.

 

[UcfSE]

It sounds like you're on thin ice, in a sense. Perhaps you should just dance

[sub](after thinking about it of course, as you are)[/sub]