Boss wants a company party at my Regular Dance GIG! 12

[casseopeia]

I was recently asked to be a regular house dancer at a Middle Eastern restaurant in San Francisco, a somewhat high profile gig in front of large windows facing a very busy intersection.

My dance gigs in the past have been fairly obscure festival or private events, thus little chance for an encounter with a client. So I went to the boss this morning to ask if this would be OK with the firm. I fully expected a response similar to, “NO, under no circumstances will one of our architects,especially one who testifies as an expert witness, be caught popping and locking in a skimpy costume in public.”

Not only did I get a “go for it”, they now are talking about having a company party with selected clients at the venue. I’m feeling panicky now. Dancing for strangers is no problem. Dancing for friends is a bit harder. Dancing for co-workers and clients. Not enough Adavan in the world....

What do I say? Limit the crowd to a few, say 4 people at a time. Tell me ahead of time, sit in the back so I can’t see you. I really don't want to say no to the gig.



"If you are going to walk on thin ice, you might as well dance!"

 

[dik]

I think you have to either tough it out, or cancel your appearance. If you tough it out, you may experience a bit of heat for a short time and possibly a bit of flack from some of your co-workers or clients. If you cancel the appearance, then you are not accepting the consequences of wanting to dance. You started the condition by dancing for the public... to aggravate matters, your boss, inappropriately, decided to call for a party. I would suggest that you beg off for the one appearance... it might be better for you and your clients in the long run...

Dik

 

[BJC]

In a year or so some jerk you don't really like will go by your cube 5 times a day whistling the tune of "Stop-Stop- Stop" by the Hollies.
Good Luck

 

[IRstuff]

It's always fascinating that belly dancing and burqas come from the same part of the world.

TTFN

FAQ731-376

 

[WGJ]

Tricky this one. I'm afraid that, if you were to suggest this in the UK (belly dancing in front of colleagues), I think it would probably lead to a lot of moronic sniggering and possible unwanted attention from some colleagues. You would need to have a VERY strong personality to cope. I hope it's different in the US. I also sense that you DO have a very strong personality.

The overstuffed Jasica rabbit does it for me, and quite a few others, judging from the thread. Thinking that you're old enough to be someones Mum is neither here nor there.
You should do what you enjoy.

Your boss shouldn't have been so dumb to make the suggestion sbout the company outing. He really needs to have his mind expanded and think from other perspectives.
Your question was motivated by concern for your employer.
I'm not too sure how his thinking processes are controlled, if at all.



Bill

 

[Jordonlaw]

I think you need to understand why your boss would invite clients to see you. Does he think this will produce more business for the company ? Do you think the clients will think you're a better architect if you belly dance ? Seems a bit of an odd thing to do for a boss and no, I don't think it matters if you're an overstuffed Jessica Rabbit or a "very young man dancing shirtless in transparent trousers".

I'd find out what his agenda really is and them make a judgement. How thin does the ice need to be ?

 

[epoisses]

casseopeia
paint your face, wear a mask, plenty of ways to keep your two "lives" separate, as long as you can trust your boss not to give away the secret

 

[DaveVikingPE]

"We have similar body types, sort of an over-stuffed Jessica Rabbit, are close in age and coloring"

When are you coming to New York City?

 

[PSE]

Casseopia,

I agree with HgTX, that the "problem" is not yours or one of your own creation. It is one that your boss is potentially creating by wanting to bring clients to a show. Having company functions there I feel are inappropriate even if you are not performing. Would you enjoy a scenario where the boss takes you and a potential client there and in the course of casual conversation mentions that you perform there?

It might be more difficult now but I would still try to keep your performing "world" separate from your engineering one. Hopefully the boss(es) would respect that position as well. Obviously you are uncomfortable with the prospect. They should not have potentially put you in this position in the first place. If you can't come to a comfortable resolution, you have a tougher choice to make, dropping the gig or perhaps your job.

Regards and good luck

 

[monkeydog]

Casseopia,

Why wouldn't the boss take clients to such an establishment when you are not performing?

The answer is obvious, he want's his clients to be entertained by YOU.

In my opinion, that is giving the company more then the extra effort.

 

[kchayfie]

I wonder, are we giving the boss a little too much credit here? From this and Cass's other posts, I get the impression that she has a pretty good relationship with her boss. It could simply be that he hasn't actually thought this through. The thought process could be "Sure go for the gig its a great opportunity for you. Maybe I'll get chance to see what this dancing is you talk about all the time. I'll bet the other guys would like to see it as well. Maybe we could make a night of it. A company outing could be a great opportunity for entertaining clients".

It might not have occurred to him that he is now talking about having one of his architects dancing for clients if he is still thinking in terms of being supportive/taking an interest in a friends hobby and entertaining clients at the same time. The answer might be as simple as joining the dots for him pointing out that it might be just a little inappropriate.

Or maybe I'm just imposing my relationship with my co-workers onto your situation and you may have to give up one or the other. I hope you can find a solution without having to miss out on the gig.

 

[KENAT]

kchayfie, I think you might be right. If the boss is basically a pretty good guy that may well be the thought process, even if it leads to a conclusion that could be construed as inappropriate. However Cassie actually knows the guy and is the one to be affected so I guess it's what she thinks that's important.

 

[stevenal]

I was the thinking the same as epoisses. The art form offers lots of room for anonymity. Wear a wig, veil, and heavy eye makeup, keep the lights dim, and use a stage name. Might need to develop a Mideast accent for the interaction part. No one knows as long as you don't tell.

 

[epoisses]

BTW that will also allow you to post a picture afterward

 

[casseopeia]

I discussed the dance gig with two bosses. The big boss (my direct supervisor) said, “yeah, whatever.” He’s puts up with my stuff and I don’t give him much grief about my assignments. It was another owner of the firm, a woman born in the Middle Wast who suggested the outing. I’m absolutely certain that she did not intend any disrespect. In fact, I wouldn’t mind if she came with her husband and children, who I adore, so that they could offer some unvarnished feedback. I know she would be honest.

My fear is that I will be disappointing as a dancer. I AM AFRAID THAT I WILL SUCK! Boring the audience is death. Having people watch you and snigger is far, far better than not having them even once glance up from their hummus dip. I would rather have knee-slapping gafaws than walk away thinking they didn’t even know I was there.

I got some interesting feedback from my dance friends last night at rehearsal. Restaurant gigs are known to be challenging, and this is partly why I want to do it. It requires grace under extreme pressure and an ability to improvise on the spot. I need to improve on both and this is the ‘jumping into the fire’ way of doing just that. It will toughen me up, and I can practice performance polish in a throw-away setting. I can safely suck in anonymity, as long as there isn’t some big crowd of people I know watching and recording it.

"If you are going to walk on thin ice, you might as well dance!"

 

[HgTX]

The shirtless ballerino in tights isn't inviting people to stuff dollar bills into his costume. The relationship bewteen audience and belly dancer is different from the relationship between audience and ballet dancer.

I do believe that the boss had only the best of intentions, but it's still not an appropriate request. Bringing clients along turns a fun hobby into part of the job, and a highly inappropriate part of an architect's job at that. Furthermore, your friends and co-workers may have an enlightened attitude about belly dancing, possibly in part because you yourself have enlightened them, but you have no control over the degree of enlightenment the clients may have. And the fact that you found the need to get clearance to take this "exposed" gig to begin with means you do expect certain people to have the wrong ideas.

I think I wouldn't do it.

Hg

Eng-Tips policies: faq731-376

 

[Maui]

Dance is the poetic baring of the soul through motion. - Scott Nilsson

I hope you dance.

Maui

 

[WGJ]

Things are clearer now.
Your middle-eastern female boss will obviously have an entirely different opinion from that of a male.

How can you consider yourself to "suck" as a performer when you obviously have so much enthisiasm and experience.

Ultimately, you have to do what you are confident in / comfortable with.

DaviViking - behave yourself.

Bill

 

[jmw]

I’m feeling panicky now. Dancing for strangers is no problem. Dancing for friends is a bit harder. Dancing for co-workers and clients. Not enough Adavan in the world

This may be more than a simple question of "nerves" I think you've missed an important point here and your gut is saying so too. Once you start to mix business and pleasure both can suffer.

If your company's clients need entertaining then you need to be in the hosting party not be the entertainment.

If it is your Middle-eastern boss and family, having them there sans clients and sans co-workers, then it could be a great means of bonding.

You should be able to judge the validity of the comments above about your boss having the best intentions of being supportive but not having thought it through, in which case you may need to go back and suggest you have thought about some more and would rather not have yourself as company entertainment, at least, not at this time.

In fact, you need to think about the future of both your dancing and your career and decide that if you want both in your future, what the conditions should be that will allow that and take steps now to ensure that you can realise your objectives.

PS I suggest you don't need any farting draughtsperson in your audience under any circumstances whatever else you decide! There is a great art to conducting oneself properly in company entertaining. Inevitably there will always be someone who lets the side down, who relaxes too much and says to much, especially if there is drink involved. In vino veritas? Some truths are better left unsaid. I suggest the risks inherent in this are not worth the benefits; did you find any benefits?

Better to think things through very carefully

JMW

http://www.ViscoAnalyser.com

 

[monkeydog]

I would bet a cup of coffee and a dounut, that most of the "don't do it" comments are from an age group of 45+;

Not so much because of a generational lifestyle, but because that group has seen negative ramifications of what Casseopeia has been propositioned to do. Seen absoute "gentlemen" become complete idiots when away from home or a few drinks in them.

There is also the generational attitude to our profession. Mixing belly-dancing with your clients or company's clients just does not sit well for the previous posted reasons.

 

[jmw]

Hey, nobody said I would give my age away but I thank Monkeydog for his limit being so low.
PS I like belly dancing (watching).
My wife does too and every Noruz (and oftener) we visit whichever Persian/Eastern Restaurant has belly dancers. A great exhibitionist, she is always one of the ones who lets herself be dragged out to dance with the belly dancer.

For my part, while I would never be dragged up to dance or in any other way make a fool of myself (I can do that just as easily without help or an audience)neither I have never attempted to stick money in a belly dancer's clothes because I am not sure (a) if my wife's enthusiasm would extend this far or (b) how the belly dancer would appreciate a handful of small change cascading out of her outfit whenever she moved.... (my wife has strict rules about me using notes when I have small change to use up, something about trouser pockets I think; some things are best kept in trouser pockets and some things not, it appears. usually my money ends up in her handbag anyway, so you can imagine the scene of me asking my wife for money to feed into a belly dancer's outfit).

Fortunately, in the UK and those restaurants we go to, one is not expected to tip the dancer in such a familiar fashion; it probably will preserve my marriage for some time to come.

JMW

http://www.ViscoAnalyser.com