Boss wants a company party at my Regular Dance GIG! 12

[casseopeia]

I was recently asked to be a regular house dancer at a Middle Eastern restaurant in San Francisco, a somewhat high profile gig in front of large windows facing a very busy intersection.

My dance gigs in the past have been fairly obscure festival or private events, thus little chance for an encounter with a client. So I went to the boss this morning to ask if this would be OK with the firm. I fully expected a response similar to, “NO, under no circumstances will one of our architects,especially one who testifies as an expert witness, be caught popping and locking in a skimpy costume in public.”

Not only did I get a “go for it”, they now are talking about having a company party with selected clients at the venue. I’m feeling panicky now. Dancing for strangers is no problem. Dancing for friends is a bit harder. Dancing for co-workers and clients. Not enough Adavan in the world....

What do I say? Limit the crowd to a few, say 4 people at a time. Tell me ahead of time, sit in the back so I can’t see you. I really don't want to say no to the gig.



"If you are going to walk on thin ice, you might as well dance!"

 

[Ashereng]

casseopeia,

There are lots of comments made, and many link your dancing to your job. To me, there is no link. Actually, the two are very separate.

If you dance, great - and I hope you do. If you wish to not have company clients arranged outings to your restaurants, that is also great. I would simply ask my boss to not arrange a "business" function at your restaurant with you dancing. Hopefully, they will honour your wishes.

I see this request no different than someone asking the "business" meeting not take place at a pork sausage restaurant because someone is Jewish/Muslim/non-pork eater/vegetarian. It is a simple matter of politeness, good manner and business common sense.

I hope you do dance at the restaurent. I hope you have fun. Chances are, your boss will honour your request to not arrange business functions there while your are working.

Since you invited Eng-Tip folks to come, what is the name of the restaurant?




"Do not worry about your problems with mathematics, I assure you mine are far greater."
Albert Einstein
Have you read FAQ731-376 to make the best use of Eng-Tips Forums?

 

[kontiki99]

I believe professional conduct should be about the business and exclude most all else so I maintain partitions between my personal life and professional life.

There is no upside to participating in an activity that in any sense might ultimately cause someone to have less respect for you professionally.

 

[stevenal]

"It requires grace under extreme pressure and an ability to improvise on the spot... It will toughen me up..."

No upside? Sounds like skills that could come in handy in most any career. Like everything, you consider if the ups outweigh the downs.

Guess which side of 45 I'm on?

 

[monkeydog]

jmw,
I set the limit low, so I felt like I was one of the younger guys.

BTW, I also have no problem belly dancing.
As a matter of fact, if you were dancing on a stage, as part of an exibition, that would be acceptable. I think what seems inappropriate is the close proximity, and the stuffing of dollar bills in your costume by your coworkers or clients. Very thin line between that and a strip club.

 

[HgTX]

If your company's clients need entertaining then you need to be in the hosting party not be the entertainment.

To me that gets right to the essence of the problem.

And I'm 37.

Hg

Eng-Tips policies: faq731-376

 

[casseopeia]

I’ve decided that a company party to watch me dance is NOT ok with me. I don’t think that will happen. I think I’ve successfully put that idea to rest with the boss. I just never thought there would be so much opposition to doing the gig in relative obscurity, here and with some of my dance friends.

So I asked two attorney clients (both female) today what they thought of me doing the dance gig. The 28 year old said, “Are you sure about this, what if there are hecklers?” The 50 year old attorney who is a blues singer and regularly sings at night clubs said “Go for it. After all, how much longer is this even going to be an option?” A male attorney, approximately 35 years old walked in on our conversation and was filled in on the topic of my pending side job. His first question, “You don’t mean lap dancing do you?” That was the final nail in the coffin for the Client party.

According to my new data, I would hypothesize that the older the person, the more supportive of the idea of a belly dancing side job. My guess that someone who is older and more established and secure in their own professional field has less reason to worry about any downside. My 50 year old client/blues singer brings up a good point. Although I still think I’ve got more than a decade left, at some point I will not want to put up with the shlepping, dieting, exercise and imposition on my free time.

After several discussions, my plan now is to;

1. Go to the place with a friend and decide if I like the atmosphere and clientele. Several have mentioned that they did not think it classy enough for me.

2. Write and commit to memory a few things to disarm hecklers. My blues-singer client was very helpful with a couple of phrases. I liked her idea of stopping and pulling out a piece of paper asking the heckler if the note was from him, it’s signed ‘p@ckerhead’.

3. Try it out at least once, without telling anyone, other than a couple of very close dance friends. I wouldn’t mind having a couple of friendlies in the audience.

BTW, all of my asking around has resulted in two other dancers calling me to ask if I would sub in for them at their regular gigs. A Pandora’s box this has become.

"If you are going to walk on thin ice, you might as well dance!"

 

[WGJ]

Cass:

A male attorney, approximately 35 years old walked in on our conversation and was filled in on the topic of my pending side job. His first question, “You don’t mean lap dancing do you?”

Exactly the sort of thing I would be concerned by if I were you. How did he get to be an attorney with that level of general knowledge?
There's plenty of "p@ckerheads" out there.


Bill

 

[HgTX]

I would think that any place unclassy enough that the clientele would actually heckle the entertainment is not a place you'd want to work.

On the other hand, the occasional "overserved" patron who doesn't understand boundaries is probably going to be a job hazard no matter where you dance.

As long as no one turns it into client entertainment, and as long as it's the kind of place with tablecloths and fabric napkins, I'd take the gig (just not the corporate party gig). In my musical life, I've worked with a belly dancer who is now full-time but started out as an engineer doing part-time dance gigs.

In all my arguments above, I was *never* saying you shouldn't take the restaurant gig at all, just that you shouldn't have to dance for your own corporate party. I hope what I said wasn't construed otherwise.

Hg

Eng-Tips policies: faq731-376

 

[lookintomyeyes]

Seems this thread is a wee bit old, but I feel a need to reply, as I am a bellydancer as well.

Mentioning the words "bellydance" to men of ANY age apparently titilates them. We can all blame hollywood movies for this. I find a sort of perverse amusement in stating i do "Middle Eastern Dance", watching the blank stares, then subsitutng "bellydance" and watching them start to drool. Its like the expect a person in a suit to transform into some sort of Britney Spears.
What can we do?

Not too much, horny males will always be, well, horny males.
Start by educating them about the history of bellydance, that a "harem" was just a safe place where women could relax, that they were NOT concubines for the horny men of the past. Downplay talking about your costume no matter how awesome it is, and remember: you dont have to have tips shvoed in your clothing. Historically, it was let to fall over the dancer, tumbling down to the stage where the manager or other personnel would collect the money for the dancer and return it to her after the show.

America has turned bellydance into a sideshow more so than its original familial dance (yes, even the men would join in at the hafla's, with the older women teaching the children how to dance), so dont be afraid to put your foot down and instruct them on how to be respectful. Ad if thatdoesnt work, you can always trade the bra for a gawahzhee (sp?) dress.

 

[casseopeia]

Hey lookintomyeyes,

I’m glad I’m not the only dancer here! Now you can chime in and tell these guys when I'm full of BS. ;-)

And you are right about the tips in the costume, just plain tacky. I had no problem with the tip jar request. My real issue is the restaurant owner’s restriction on the music. They only like what they call ‘party music’, which is really Egyptian Pop. They complained that I had too much modern stuff. I like Techno and club beats as well as traditional songs. They even requested no drum solo stuff. I really don’t feel very inspired by Egyptian Pop, so that’s been the biggest hurdle. I feel like I should be enough of a professional to overcome my own dislike of the pop music and just dance. Alas,it's harder than it sounds

I still haven't told the office my future dance dates.

"If you are going to walk on thin ice, you might as well dance!"

 

[Qshake]

lookintomyeyes -

I respectfully disagree that men of 'any' age are titilated or otherwise interested in bellydance. I'm a male and am not a fan of it for either the music (traditional) or for most of the women that i've seen perform it.

That said, I don't disparage anyone who does like it or perform it, just not my cup of tea. I'd rather watch performances on Dancing with the Stars or in musical productions.



Regards,
Qshake

Eng-Tips Forums:Real Solutions for Real Problems Really Quick.

 

[jmw]

Let us not be sexist, in this equal opportunities world we have Khalid:

http://www.thesilkroadrestaurant.net/pastevents.html

Khalid apparently is quite as popular as the ladies.

JMW

http://www.ViscoAnalyser.com

 

[lookintomyeyes]

Qshake - when I said "any", I did not mean "all", but merely "many". My apologies if I have offended. I do know several men who find bellydance quite offensive, as well.

JMW - Ah yes, male bellydancers. I wish them more luck than us females in being respected in their art, for their often need it - far too often they are either ridiculed or sexualized in their dance as well.

casseopeia - Dont feel you have to "...feel like [you] should be enough of a professional to overcome [your] own dislike of the pop music and just dance". Bellydance is about dancing what you feel, so if you dont feel it, your dance is going to show it. Do you have any friends that are interested in Eqyptian pop that could provide suggestions as to variations of it that you would enjoy dancing to? Making momey and the joys are performign are two very good things, but if the end of the day what your performing isnt you, you may have trouble respecting yourself for it.In my city dancers have undercut each other so often and so much that dancers are cheap and easy to replace...so all we realy have left is our own moral compass.

(Sorry, guess I got a bit off topic now...)

 

[livingston]

As a female in a male dominated field, anything you do that draws attention to the fact that you are female will not be forgotten. What I mean by that is that it will always come up in some sly joke or comment until the end of days. I don't think it's the dance so much as some men cannot seem to separate skin from s*x. If I were you, I would ask my boss at the restaurant to exclude me from that performance. Just my opinion as one female to another.

 

[MRM]

Casseopia,

If I ever tried moves like that, I'd throw my back out for sure! (and I'm in pretty good shape otherwise)

I'm not that familiar with belly dancing, but it looks difficult. I have to admit there's something about it that's facinating to watch though. If you're good at it, I'd keep it up! Although realistically, as others have suggested, I'd keep it separate from work as much as possible. It could sort of remain your alter ego; something to balance out your life and let off steam from your work.

 

[l3city]

don't do it this time, not in front of people you will deal at work the next day. Again...DON'T DO IT!! make an exception, your proffesion and hobbies are first than whatever your boss suggest
Regards

 

[casseopeia]

lookintomyeyes, I also dance with a troupe where I am not the art director and rarely the choreographer so I have to frequently dance to music I did not choose, with moves that are not mine. At least with a solo gig, I pick the moves. But you are right. I don’t feel at my best dancing to music that I don’t really like. I’m sure it shows.

And we have the same thing here. There are girls out there that will undercut (take less $$) to boot you out of a paying gig. I don't really care. I'm not in it to pay my rent.

MRM, you’ll come closer to throwing your back out doing standard sports. At least with dance, we are VERY meticulous about proper warm-ups and varying movements to use different muscles. Also, using proper form to prevent injury is critical. I’m pretty strident about core strength as well. Too many (especially men) over-emphasize building one showy area like biceps, and they forget all the muscles that support the spine.

I point this out to someone I am dating. I'll try to get him into a standard yoga pose, standing on one leg, arms up overhead, foot at the knee. he can’t stay that way for long, maybe 2 seconds. I keep telling him it’s because he had not worked on core strength, which will improve his balance.

Dance will also improve your mood, no matter how unskilled you are. We have an expression, there is no bad dancing, which really means get out there and move and let all of us laugh at you. Actually I’d say most belly dancers around here are pretty charitable. It doesn’t get bad until you get into the upper echelons.

"If you are going to walk on thin ice, you might as well dance!"

 

[MRM]

Interesting points about core strength-I can definitely see it how that could improve balance.

I have to disagree about there not being any bad dancing. Anytime I go to a good wedding, it's a safe bet that I'll be dancing later in the evening; poorly.

 

[postermmxvicom]

I don't think it's the dance so much as some men cannot seem to separate skin from s*x

Please elaborate

 

[HgTX]

Please don't.

Hg

Eng-Tips policies: faq731-376