How to deal with a difficult co-worker yet maintain personal values 13

[fogell21]

Hi all,

I am currently working at a factory as Jr. Project Co-ordinator on a 1 year contract as my company undergoes facility expansion to increase production. I am part of a small project team consisting of the Project Manager and a Sr. Project co-ordinator, both of whom have worked with the company on other projects and building expansions.

I get along great with everyone in the workplace including the Project Manager, but am finding some difficulties with the other Project Co-ordinator. I find that he is a peculiar man from the get go, with many weird personal "isms" but I am not one to judge and hold grudges for any reason. I work hard and believe that the quality of my work is very good, and I am never afraid to ask questions being this is my first real "engineering" position.

I am finding that the Sr. likes to try and put me on the spot in front of the PM for items which are not my responsibility but are more in fact his. He also tends to ignore me when I do ask him questions and I feel awkward when I have to ask the same question multiple times just to get an answer. When we do have to work together on certain things he does allow me to be involved with the meetings/discussions/etc but he often overpowers and again tries to put me on the spot in front of suppliers/contractors/the PM.

The weirdest part about my situation is that there are times when he acts like we are best friends and wonders what "we're doing for lunch" and then we go out and he tells stories of his travels and we banter back and forth about the latest news or technology advancement. It is almost like he is bi-polar towards me (for lack of a better description).

I just don't know how to deal with this character and not let him annoy me in the ways mentioned. I try to treat everyone with respect as they are all more experienced than I am, but his attitude is very confusing and sometimes I get distracted by it and have trouble getting things done.

Any tips on dealing with difficult co-workers?

Fogs.

 

[TheTick]

You can bet that PM is already on to Sr. Nothing you say to PM about it will be news to him. However, PM may be a good source of advice, if you frame your request for help correctly (i.e. respectfully).

Meanwhile, learn about boundaries. Don't get too close personally. Don't let yourself feel judged by how well this person "likes" you.

 

[SWComposites]

Its not weird, it is common. Sadly.

He probably is insecure, and feels threatened that you may be more competent than him and may eventually take his job (and this all may be subconscious to him). Or he is just a bipolar ass.

Re "likes to try and put me on the spot in front of the PM for items which are not my responsibility but are more in fact his" you can either deal with the issue if you are competent with it and thus show you can handle more, or you can anticipate this nonsense and calmly state that "this issue is the responsibility of Mr. Sr. PC and I can't answer that since I have been busy with my areas of responsibility" and sit back and say nothing else - let the PM deal with Mr Sr PC. Don't get into an argument about who is responsible.

 

[CorBlimeyLimey]

Putting you "on the spot" could be his way of teaching (Sink or swim), or he could be trying to make himself look good. Either way it's a win-win situation for him. If you sink, he can step in and save the day. If you swim, he can smile happily and give the impression he has 'taught' you well, and is showing how good 'his' team is.

Don't know about the 'ignoring your questions' aspect though.

Like TheTick says, "Don't get too close personally". He may be genuine, but he is more likely to be looking for chinks in your armour.

 

[Yagonyonok]

I would look at it through my rose colored glasses as he is putting you on the spot in front of your superiors and giving you the chance to show your stuff. In reality, that may not be his motivation for doing it, but your attitude determines your altitude.

Try to be as prepared as you can be for these situations. Use the "best friends" lunch sessions to learn about his side of the project so that you will be prepared. If he is truly trying to make you look bad, he will stop when you are answering the questions right and looking good in front of the PM. If this is his way of helping you, he will be very pleased with himself and be more willing to answer questions and help you prepare.

Anyway, I would try to keep an optimistic point of view as long as you can. While it may not always be correct, I have found that it does help my attitude. Looking at this as an opportunity, rather than an attempt to put you down will make it easier to handle.

Use of product voids warranty.

 

[fogell21]

The fact of the matter is that, I more or elss am competent at what I do here. I had no project planning/management experience prior to this. I was a co-op student for this company last summer in the quality deparment, and during the spring I received an email from my former boss saying that the company was looking for resources for this project and that my name had come up in discussion (apparently from someone up at corporate too ). I met with the PM and although I had no real experience he felt that I would fit in good and that I would do alright, which I have. I have been in charge of making changes to certain parts of our facility from installation or removal of HVAC/Dust Collection equipment or utilities upgrades to design of the new Melt Shop furnace layout (it is a foundry I work in). My PM has told me that he is impressed with how I have handled not only the work load (which can get quite large depending on the week) but also all the new things I am having to learn on the fly and make decisions about. In short, I am competent and usually have the answers to the questions the Sr. asks but it's just more or less how he is going about himself with regards to me (being a "rookie") that is really bothering me. I am not getting very much of a "he's trying to teach me" thing from him, as mostly I get my answers from the PM as I am turned off by the Sr's attitude.

Thanks for the advice everyone.

 

[IRstuff]

You know his tactics, so prepare for them. By now, those should no longer be a surprise. In fact, if you are sufficiently prepared for his games, management might start to wonder why they even need him on the project.

TTFN

FAQ731-376
Chinese prisoner wins Nobel Peace Prize

 

[bigTomHanks]

Definately a weird situation to be in. I don't think that there is a problem with you so don't take his behavior personal. Sounds like he may like you but is taken back by your present work attitude. Since you are green to working in engineering you are probably trying hard to do well and not just do what you have to do to get by. This is something that he is probably not too interested in and while he wants to teach you he doesn't want to work at your pace. After you have been run over the coals for several years you may end up being best friends with the guy and act in a similar way to a new graduate right out of school. I assure you though that the situation could definately be much worse and I wouldn't worry much about it. Don't forget that there are some really weird people running around in this world no matter where you go.

 

[jmw]

You might try and use these occasions to show off some thing you have learned from him and give the credit.

He can then continue to try and show you up by asking awkward questions or he might find that it is better to ask questions where he gets credit. That may mean he will start to answer questions more readily if he knows it isn't going to come back and bite him.

Nothing over the top, or too obvious or contrived, but if you have learned even a little thing you might look for an opportunity to try this out. See what happens and how it is received by both Sr. and management.

It may be that there is some uncertainty about where you stand.
It may be that Sr. is concerned to know if you are going to be a team player and on his team or if you are going to be one of those eager beavers who will happily trample him to get to the top.

Enthusiasm can be misinterpreted.

So if he thinks you will take what you learn from him and show to your advantage, that's one thing. If he thinks you will learn what you can from him and give credit so he can look good too, then that is to be preferred.

JMW

http://www.ViscoAnalyser.com

 

[SNORGY]

Any leader worth half his salt would find a way to figure out the type of leadership that his follower would best respond to and taylor his mentorship strategy around that. That's what makes for a good coach or team captain in sports, and working life should be no different. A good leader finds a way to set his subordinates up for success, instead of just putting them "on the spot".

His style sucks and I wouldn't give him the time of day outside of the workplace, where you could probably spend your time more productively with people you actually like.

Regards,

SNORGY.

 

[SNORGY]

...but that's just me...

Regards,

SNORGY.

 

[patprimmer]

Avoid the lunches.

He is very likely feigning friendship to gain information to use against you.

To test this, tell him you are concerned about being weak in an area where he has not seen your work, but you know you are strong and you know it will be an area requiring his input. Ask his advice on the subject as you want to learn to cover your weakness.

If he gives good advice you know you are being to sensitive.

If he does not give good advice, then puts you on the spot, you know he is a scheming lying SOB.

If he is playing political games, then when on the spot, you perform well, you will make areal devoted enemy of him. He wil probably back of initially, but only to prepare a more serious trap.


Regards
Pat
See FAQ731-376 for tips on use of eng-tips by professional engineers &

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for site rules

 

[jmw]

Any leader worth half his salt .....

More often than not you'll get someone who arrived at his seniority by circumstance, maybe on merit, maybe via dead man's shoes, maybe because he had a good boss who has moved onward and upward and left him exposed.

The thing is you learn all sorts of things as an engineer except about managing people. Take a look at all those managers who supposedly had management training and most of them suck at managing people so what do you expect from someone with no training?

When management and their familiars, HR weanies, decide some guy warrants being made senior, for whatever reason, it never occurs to them to provide additional training for the role. They just list all he extra responsibilities and leave it at that.

So it may well be upto you to find a way through. It could be a lot of reasons for the attitude.

JMW

http://www.ViscoAnalyser.com

 

[TheTick]

Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence.

 

[casseopeia]

What you have is your standard workplace bully. They seem to be getting more common. I don't have any immediate suggestions, but I've been reading this for awhile trying to analyze my own situation. Even if you can't put any of it into useful practice, it's at least a good source for entertainment. I like the "not recommended" suggestions.

http://www.kickbully.com/index.html

"Gorgeous hair is the best revenge." Ivana Trump

 

[fogell21]

Thanks for your replies everyone!

Seems that workplace bullies are becoming more common and that is a shame, especially with younger people (such as myself) starting to get better jobs in the office and looking for the opportunity to learn from experienced individuals.

 

[lacajun]

I don't think workplace bullies are any more common in one era than another. They've always existed and always will exist.

Years ago a maintenance foreman verbally attacked me in the office with all ears open in that small office setting. He was upset with me because I had a "happy go lucky" outlook. When he launched his attack, office chairs in other offices rolled along the tile floor and heads popped out of doorways. Since I was standing in the hallway just outside of the maintenance foreman's office, I saw it all and was humiliated. I said nothing and went back to my office.

I'd been put in maintenance to "learn a lesson" from management, which was to never tell them "no."

I knew of the maintenance foreman's personal problems because people talk. They always talk and that you can count on. So, I decided to wait a couple of weeks and talk honestly to him about his attack, his personal problems, and how he came across to me. It would allow me time to collect my thoughts and emotions, frame my points, and find a good time that would not embarrass him, i.e., we'd be alone and no one would ever know the conversation occurred. He could retain his dignity and decide how he wanted to conduct himself thereafter.

In a couple of weeks the opportunity presented itself so I approached him about talking and thankfully he was open to discussion. I closed his office door and began to talk. I was very honest about my life and knowing some of his problems especially with his children. My life has been extremely difficult but it taught me to choose to be happy irrespective of what is going on around me. One of his children was not turning out to his desires and that made him miserable. The surprised look on his face revealed new information and thoughts for him. I don't think anyone had ever talked to him that way. One of my points was that he was abusive to me, which told me he would be abusive to his own family. After all, if one will abuse someone they don't know too good, one will abuse those closest to them.

He decided he needed to change his ways. We got along great afterwards and he had newfound respect for me. It greatly improved our working relationship. That also impacted other working relationships for the better.

I have tried the same tactic with others and they were not open to it, i.e., honest self-examination, at all. They could not see their own faults in causing poor working relationships. They continually blamed others for their problems and shortcomings. It was like throwing pearls before swine so I stopped. They are gradually sinking and management is gradually understanding the depth of the problem and that they need to do something about those guys.

Life and how we conduct it is always about personal choice. We can be jerks or we can be nice. The easy conduct is to be a jerk, when someone is being a jerk to you. The harder conduct is to be gracious and nice. Grace, in my definition, is unmerited favor.

 

[PhilBW]

If someone kept putting me on the spot like that, I would start saying something like "That has always been your area of responsibility, but if you would like me to take it over, I would be happy to learn about it." My guess is that protecting his own turf is more important to him than making you look stupid. It would be a little difficult for him to explain to his boss why he doesn't really want you to have that responsibility, even though he asked you a question about it.

 

[fogell21]

I have taken to speaking LOUDLY when initiating conversation with this character as it is possible that being he is atleast pushing 50 his hearing could be going, but he ignores me yet! Ahh the perils of the workplace!

Thanks all!

 

[TheTick]

Stick to email. Avoid verbal agreements. Keep communication short and to the point, no more than one or two points per email.