Loose cannon colleague 12

[13]

Good Afternoon,

I have a problem at work, and yes it is personal, and thought I would share it with the rest of you. Maybe you could shed some light on this situation and maybe some better handling techniques-->other than the ones I am using currently.

I work with an slightly older engineer. We work on many projects together, I am the mechanical and he is the electrical engineer. He tends to yell and raise his voice and swear when he is under stress and some of the time he is directing all of this anger at me.

I, on the other hand take pride that I can and will maintain a level of professionalism...even when under severe stess, ie working long hours, trying to ship product and so forth. I actually choose to be happy, I know this sounds funny to all of you, but I always try to look at things in a positive light. I crack jokes often and it helps me reduce the stress that I feel at times.

Anyway, if this guy yells at me in front of other co-workers again, I feel like I want to knock his block off...as my great uncle would say...

I don't feel I deserve this treatment at all. And I would like to put a stop to it but I am not sure the best way to go about it.

Any suggestions? Thanks in advance!

 

[DaveVikingPE]

"...I feel like I want to knock his block off..."

If he's at the same pay-level or title-level as you, pop him one.

 

[KENAT]

How long has this been going on. At my first job my immediate boss told me to "leave him alone he was busy" (I can't recall if there was an expletive in there).

I sucked it up and eventually came to regard him very highly and learnt a lot from him. He was cantankerous, as were a few other people there, but they were good at their jobs, I could learn a lot from them so I learned how to work around their deficiences.

Sometimes standing up to them now and then helps but other times it can be fuel on the fire.

KENAT, probably the least qualified checker you'll ever meet...

 

[Timelord]

13,

My remedy to a situation like yours is to walk away and don't listen to him. If he says something, tell him you not paid enough to tolerate assholes at work.
I guess I have lead a sheltered life as this has happened to me only once, years ago. I was in a meeting with a group of engineers and the lead engineer from our contract prime started yelling at us about the schedule. I stood up and made for the door and he asked me where I was going. I answered that I didn't have to tolerate bad manners and he could call me back into the meeting when he could be civil. To make a long story short, my boss came out to tell me that he wished he'd thought of my ploy, and the offender later apologized for yelling.

Timelord

 

[ctopher]

I had a same situation years ago.
I put up with the guy, until one Monday I came to work and heard he died of a heart attack over the weekend.
Talk to your manager and have the three of you with a HR rep work it out.

Chris
SolidWorks 07 4.0/PDMWorks 07
AutoCAD 06
ctopher's home (updated 04-21-07)

 

[ruggedscot]

Dont bop him - that will only make matters worse.

passive aggression wins every time - walk away and then when he has calmed down talk to him and let him know you are concerned. if that dont work get HR and superiors involved - companies just hate any trouble with employye victimisation. looks bad for them.

Rugged

 

[MikeHalloran]

Getting HR involved is usually a career decision... for you.

They are NOT on YOUR side, and have no interest whatsoever in solving YOUR problems. When you annoy them, e.g. by asking them to actually DO something, YOU become THEIR problem... and they have but one solution.



Mike Halloran
Pembroke Pines, FL, USA

 

[KENAT]

HR varies from place to place but generally I'd side with Mikes take on it. Plus colleagues may not appreciate you 'squealing' to HR.

If you can sort it out between the 2 of you that's the best solution but may not be easy.

I've tried to walk out of meetings only to have the two senior guys from my department tell me to sit down. I was junior at the time and did sit down, looking back I almost wish I'd walked. I very nearly hit the guy doing the name throwing etc, he was a couple of months from retirement and I think wasn't holding back any more.

KENAT, probably the least qualified checker you'll ever meet...

 

[epoisses]

Use HR only if you don't mind a "can't handle conflicts" mention in your file!
Face it: some people externalise their stress, it's actually a great way to get rid of it.
Of course you don't deserve the treatment, but that doesn't mean you should take it seriously. It has nothing to do with you. You happen to be in the area, that's all. Don't spend a minute longer thinking about it.

 

[PersonalProfile]

One word: Psychos.

The world is full of them (according to me anyhow):

http://www.bullyonline.org

http://www.drjohnclarke.com

In Australia with our skills shortage (I prefer the term “vacuum” in lieu of shortage) there are more and more in the workplace.

My advice would be to leave, though I can understand others wouldn’t agree.
My philosophy is, that I go to work to help (as much as possible as long as it is safe and ethical) and if they want to be jerks / don’t want my help, that is fine. I just pack my bags for somewhere else (I am there to help, not to put up with rot).

My personal thoughts of your meeting walk out is that is must have been one of the most admirable actions you could take – proved a point without resorting to their tactics.

Regards,
Lyle

 

[13]

Thanks for the advice. The truth is he can be a great co-worker, but at times not so great.

I prefer (2) ways of dealing with these situations:

1.) Nip it in the bud
2.) One-on-one confrontation, I definitely do not like to involve anyone else.

As far as knocking his block off...that is my way of venting. Of course I would never actually do this. I like the "walk away" advice. I will do that in the future. Last night as I was driving to dinner I drove past a boat yard. And you will never guess what I saw. A boat called "Loose Cannon" and it was right on the main strip. I almost peed my pants. Anyway, thanks again and I will keep my chin up and let the negativity just roll off my shoulders.

Take care.

 

[Heckler]

Sounds like he needs medication. I had a boss like that a real Doctor Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.....I finally got tired of it and quite.

Heckler
Sr. Mechanical Engineer
SWx 2007 SP 4.0 & Pro/E 2001
o
_`\(,_
(_)/ (_)

This post contains no political overtones or undertones for that matter and in no way represents the poster's political agenda.

 

[Gymmeh]

I think the biggest thing is to keep your cool. You may not think anyone notices... but people can see and will respect my more for it.

I take the same approach to things where yelling doesnt get any issues solved faster, and its better to keep cool and keep moving forward.

 

[casseopeia]

13,


Since you expressed a desire to nip this in the bud, try telling Mr. Screamer something like, “Yes, I will see that this gets done properly/on-time/within budget and without humiliating you. But please do not yell or swear at me. I will hear you better if you talk to me calmly. If you yell, I have to spend more time trying to calm myself down, time that is better spent on the project. Can the two of us at least agree on this?”

My sense is that simply walking away from a screamer is going to inflame the situation. This guy is most likely reacting to some internal fear of his own. His past yelling has, in his mind, gotten the results he needed, so it reinforces that behavior.

If you talk to him calmly, without being judgmental about his behavior, you might be able to ease his own fears. You get your point across without seeming to attack him (also likely to inflame).

If he is as smart as you say, he will alter his interaction with you. If he doesn’t, at least this gives you a clue about this individual and a better understanding of your working conditions, and whether you need to take more drastic actions.

You might find that the smallest bit of sympathy on your part turns this lion into a lamb.





"If you are going to walk on thin ice, you might as well dance!"

 

[casseopeia]

13,

In case the talk with your colleague doesn't work, send him this,

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/orc/408390645.html

"If you are going to walk on thin ice, you might as well dance!"

 

[TenPenny]

I honestly think the best solution is to get up and walk away. There is no excuse for this behavior, and even by acknowledging him, you're reinforcing it. Walk away and pretend he doesn't exist.

I had one boss who used to scream, yell, and throw phones. We'd just walk away from him, and wonder why his behavior was tolerated.

 

[UcfSE]

I'd tell him I'll be back when he get's some manners, and make let him know you aren't going to tolerate that. Walking away is all well and good but you need to stand up and speak up for yourself as well.

 

[Ashereng]

13,

Have you tried laughing at him in front of everyone while he is yelling and screaming? A good belly laugh, while pointing, is a good response:
- it's not really rude
- it's not against any HR guidelines that I have seen
- it gets the point across
- and you could always claim that you were laughing at a mental image of something completely different when your laugh burst out, and you weren't laughing at him at all

"Do not worry about your problems with mathematics, I assure you mine are far greater."
Albert Einstein
Have you read FAQ731-376 to make the best use of Eng-Tips Forums?

 

[KENAT]

I tend to have little patience with people who are objectionable/difficult to work with.

However, I have come to believe that that learning to work around other peoples personality flaws (and hence inherently your own) is an essential skill if you're actually going to work with people.

Sure there are some people that aren't worth the effort or are so objectionable that it's not possible to put up with them but for the other 90+ % it's up to you to find a way.

If we all walked away or gave up when ever anyone was a bit awkward we'd never last long in the typical work place.

Trust me, if I can find a way to work with a 6'4" transsexual who's flirting/inappropriate behavior bordered on sexual harassment then you can probably make it work with this guy. If he was this bad with everyone all the time he'd probably have been gone a while ago.

I'm tempted to say put your big girl panties on and get over it, but he does sound pretty annoying so something probably needs to change.

KENAT, probably the least qualified checker you'll ever meet...

 

[sms]

Walking away with a comment like, "we'll talk again when you grow up and can behave decently" is the way I would probably handle it.

Having said that I just read "Leadership and Self Deception" and based on that reading I would also suggest that you take a hard look at yourself to determine if this behavior might be response to the way you are treating your colleage. Perhaps you are unconsiously provoking it. Does he think you are disrespecting him? Does he feel cornered by you and as a result drops into fight or flight mode?




"Why don't you knock it off with them negative waves? Why don't you dig how beautiful it is out here? Why don't you say something righteous and hopeful for a change?" Oddball, "Kelly's Heros" 1970

Please see FAQ731-376 for tips on how to make the best use of the Eng-Tips Forums.