Protecting your dreams 16

[rotw]

Time flies and things change in your life. People get married, some have children, with time comes obligations, responsibilities increase. People go through personal challenges, health challenges, money challenges whatever,...
Sometimes all it takes is just a bad career move. Another time its your boss who tells you that the company need to let some people go ; came out you are one of those. Or again its just an A$$hole that pissed you off to the point where you could not take more.

Then there is a point in your life you start to think its maybe the moment to start making a compromise, to be "wise". And so you do and so you try till you painfully realize that you are living the life of someone else instead of living your dream. It was your dream and it did belong to you but you lost it for the sake of social stability and thousand of other reasons.
Whether you are well paid or not, whether you live to the highest standard was not the real point. You can only be happy doing what you love - end of story. There is no other way: you want your dream back.

How far would you go to protect your dreams ? Its a very personal question, I can imagine.
Would you like to share your stories ? I am sure there will be some useful lessons learned and an education for me.

My dream was to become a mechanical engineer, since 20 year. I feed I did not protect my dream enough and I lost it as I am doing a job that is not for me. The lesson I learned is that the pain you may experience daily to protect your dream, such us giving up your pride and ego, all the suffering from the hard work and late hours is NOTHING compared to the pain of loosing your dream. I learned that its important to thank life for all the gifts we have as its the best way to keep them. I feel I did not do it enough.

Sorry its not a very technical topic... please forgive the bad quality of my English.

 

[IRstuff]

Dreams have no boundaries, so a critical question is whether your dream was realistic and within your abilities and capabilities. To wit, I had a friend who wanted to be an aerospace engineer and was slogging her way through community college to get to the point of transferring to a state college. But, she just couldn't grasp math required and wound up staying at the Home Depot and worked here way up there.

Likewise, it'll be a bit crazy to dream of being a rock star without any talent in music. Which is further complicated by strokes of luck, i.e., getting the right exposure that can lead to a recording deal, etc. There are TONS of people chasing their dreams of being a actor, but working at the Cheesecake Factory.

At some point in time, you do have to make that painful assessment that your dream is either unrealistic or that you are unrealistic in your dream. In middle school, I thought I would grow up to be an EE, and graduated from college as that, and was that for the first couple of jobs. However, circumstances and my own shortcomings put me onto a systems engineering path, which I think I enjoy more than my original path. This is as Johnny Bunko says, "There is no plan."

http://www.danpink.com/books/johnny-bunko/

TTFN
I can do absolutely anything. I'm an expert!
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[KENAT]

"You can only be happy doing what you love - end of story."

Nonsense, sorry but that's the kind of twaddle Oprah and her buddies come up with to sell self help tv shows, books....

It's the kind of thing millennials get flak for, the whole entitlement mentality, as much as it's probably not that worse amongst them than others since every generation decries the state of the young'uns.

When it comes to career/job or however you phrase it my advice to my son has been to balance making enough money to keep you at a standard of living you're happy with, with doing a job that you at least can tolerate even if you don't entirely love it all day every day.

Find your 'joy' elsewhere rather than assuming it has to come from work. Honestly if everyone only worked their 'dream' then a lot of jobs would probably go undone.

Posting guidelines faq731-376

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(probably not aimed specifically at you)
What is Engineering anyway: faq1088-1484​

 

[JNieman]

I think KENAT is excessively cynical in his regard for personal satisfaction in ones profession. Obviously not everyone will get a job doing what they love, and he's right about everyone thinking their dreams will come true in a system where they comprise such a very tiny piece. That doesn't mean you can't still identify your desires in life and actively work toward them. For many people though, their career is the MEANS to their life desires. Some people desire fishing. The career is just a way to pay for the boat and reels.

If your desires in life revolve around career satisfaction, have at it. You just have to be very sure of your 'dream' as you put it. If your whole aspiration for life is wrapped up in your career, then get after it. No one will give it to you. Just make sure that's what is most important. If it isn't - then get over it and move on to whatever is.

Life is meant for living. Not keeping your head down and merely tolerating it.

 

[rotw]

IRstuff,

I don't agree with you fully (I think this is the kind of statement that makes the thread interesting )
Its true that talent is important but its only a minor proportion of what makes success. Hard work and perseverance are keys and the major factors.

Now true that you could do things to a certain extent. For instance I studied math as needed to become an engineer, but I was sort of average. I know some people were gifted and could go very far in math, not me but then so what? I know I cannot become a mathematician (my brain is not fit for that purpose) but when I had to go through complex finite element formulation because it was a tool I needed to solve a physical problem - well it was a stretch but I sort of adapted.

I think your position is a sort of double edged sword; on one hand its true that to a certain extent you need some talent or plausible conditions to achieve your dream ; on the other hand, I like to say you can achieve anything you want when you have the willingness and the drive.

There is one guy, Sir Steve Redgrave, he is a British rower known for winning five gold medals at consecutive Olympic Games ; he was diagnosed with diabetes and no one could ever think he could win the gold medal with such a penalizing disease. He went so borderline during his training that he almost passed away, seriously. Guess what, despite diabetes he won the medal an he made through perseverance; there are so many guys who would have been in much better condition to make it to the Olympic games (healthy no diabetes) but its he who did that. Most importantly he pushed further a common belief, that is to say what was considered by common folks (your opinion seem to belong slightly to this category) to be a physical boundary which none could over come. He changed the mindset of lot of people giving them strength and hopes. It works the same with dreams and goals, including engineering goals. And actually this aggressive vision is part of wisdom -so actually its even neutral ; it is self contentment that would be unwise.

Actually its when you really want to give up, because you have a continuously negative feedback loop, you start to think I cannot be fit for this job, this is not for me, its beyond my capabilities, that comes the ultimate test made by life : what do you want ? is this really what you want ? Prove it: don't give up.
Should this becomes an exercise of self destruction? I let the old and wise guys of the forum give their opinion.

 

[MacGyverS2000]

So Redgrave was passionate... and he almost paid the ultimate price for his passion, death. Sure, you can say that he reached for his dream and made it. But what if he reached just slightly farther one day, no one was around, and he did pay the ultimate price? Would you still consider him smart?

Love of a job means nothing if you sacrifice everything else good in life to achieve it.

Dan - Owner

http://www.Hi-TecDesigns.com

 

[rotw]

MacGyverS2000, exactly and I think its a point of this debate.

What matters is that Redgrave made it. What if remains assumptions. What if he would have done the opposite: took less risk ? In this thread we still make reference to Redgrave in a way or another so there must something powerful in his achievement that goes beyond the level of his simple person.
Of course pursuing engineering dream might not be that extreme (at least I hope so...), and yes the price might be missing some good things in life.

 

[TheTick]

What makes you so sure your dreams are good and right?

 

[rotw]

TheTick, you asked a fundamental question, I will think about it.
Something is certain (to me at least), "true/effective" knowledge and learning cannot hurt you or hurt others (the connection to the good and right you mention). So then the next question is what is "true" learning ? There are so many things we can learn and explore. So how can we be certain the learning we deliberately choose to aim/dream for (mechanical engineering can be cited as an example) has the highest grade, across disciplines, in the sense that it maximizes the use we make of our time so it belongs to the good and right. What is your opinion ?

 

[nickelkid]

At the end of the day, you have to sleep with yourself. If you have a hard time accepting what you have done all day is right and it does not provide satisfaction, only you can change that. My maternal grandfather used to say something like that. Well, he was right.

You may need to suck it up, that is what I was told us in the Army, and that was just about all you can do in the Army... Unfortunately, I need to suck it up more often than I like engineering, but I have also made changes when I could not see a payback. I have a hard time looking back and finding remorse from leaving a miserable situation, things have always worked themselves out.

For some people, professional growth is not high on the priority list, for others it is. If you are miserable, develop a plan to change that, then make several fall back plans, most likely you will need them. Something will come to light, but not without some sweat and elbow grease.

Compromise is a valuable asset, something that you should be willing to use, but not to the point of detesting your day if a long term benefit cannot be rationalized.

 

[TheTick]

Your dreams came from someone younger and less experienced than you. You can't let that little pr!ck ruin the rest of your life. Get wiser as you get older, and recalibrate your dreams accordingly.

You value knowledge and you don't want to squander your time. But it will be a source of continuous pain if you let those values rob the joy from your years.

 

[GregLocock]

Lance Armstrong also had a dream...

Cheers

Greg Locock


New here? Try reading these, they might help FAQ731-376

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[berkshire]

We all have dreams , but sometimes life gets in the way.
I was a glider pilot by hobby, so when my dream job came up I jumped at it, I went to work for a guy building fiberglass sailplanes. For three years I was in hog heaven it was a small company so you had to have many hats, at that time we were also one, of only two, companies in the country repairing fiberglass sailplanes. Very satisfying work I learned a great deal about .
Then the owner was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, it was 6 weeks from the initial diagnosis to his death. The company was liquidated, all of the employees were let go. I started a business repairing sailplanes and doing custom fiberglass molding. Not quite what I wanted , but close to the dream.
I liked doing what I did and moved the business to another state with less restrictive business requirements, which meant leaving behind friends, but I made new ones. Over the years I went job shopping for various aircraft companies ,as I built the business up until, I was working at it full time, at one time I had 16 employees. At that point it stopped being fun. I was no longer fixing aircraft. I was a manager, I was spending more time looking for work for my crew, stomping brushfires and dealing with bureaucrats, and I did not even have time to go soaring, my primary goal in all of this.
I finally gave up, closed the business, and took a job with General dynamics.
So there you have it , You cannot always protect your dreams.
B.E.

You are judged not by what you know, but by what you can do.

 

[IRstuff]

"on the other hand, I like to say you can achieve anything you want when you have the willingness and the drive. "

Well, it's the sort of thing that you tell your children, but I, for one, will never be a rock star, as I have neither talent, nor a musical ear, nor any skill. So, I can try as hard as I can, but I will never succeed, because I suck at it. And there are a ton of waiters and waitresses at the Great American Food and Beverage Company that far more talented and more driven than me, and they aren't rock stars either. N.B., GAF&B is a place where the wait staff perform for their diners. I even sucked at bicycling; no matter how hard I tried and trained, I never got much faster than about 20 mph on the flats.

But, there are a multitude of skills that I do have, and they allow a relatively large range of careers that I think I could be quite good at.

The whole premise of "work hard and you will succeed" is basically BS in the real world. If you spend a week doing what someone else can do in a day, you do not pass Go, and you do not collect $200. This is roughly consistent with the "Peter Principle" which claims that you rise to the level of your incompetency. When you are in an environment where people are better at doing things than you, you will wind up doing things that no one wants to do, or cares to do. In some cases, that can be quite lucrative, but not necessarily enjoyable. Garbage collection is one such job that few want to do, so they get paid relatively well, and once you get home and take a shower, you're indistinguishable from someone who works in an office, other than a severe and permanent tan.

TTFN
I can do absolutely anything. I'm an expert!
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[jasonlaroche]

Thank you for sharing the information.

 

[urgross]

I think Jethro Bodine described my dream well enough: "I want to be a soda jerk or a brain surgeon". As I got older, I realized I really just wanted a shot at Ellie May.

 

[moltenmetal]

(visit

http://www.despair.com

- deliciously cynical and funny source of images including this one)

The whole premise of "work hard and you will succeed" is basically BS in the real world.

Dead right.

Don't sell this to kids. An adult should already realize that this is at best a half-truth. Examine it logically:

1) It is possible- indeed even likely- that a person can be working very hard on the wrong things. I'm sure people were working hard to perfect the manufacture of buggy whips, even as late as 1910.
2) It is possible to work hard- even on the right things, and to fail miserably. That should be patently obvious.
3) It is possible to succeed without substantial effort. It's rare, but people do win the lottery from time to time. The same is true in a business context.
4) It is therefore not possible to conclude that because a person succeeded, they must have worked hard- or even if they succeeded AND worked hard, that their hard work was in a meaningful way actually responsible for success.

People want the world to be a just place, where hard work and passion are rewarded. Sometimes they are, sometimes they aren't. But what DOES frequently occur is a misattribution of cause and effect for both success AND failure, based on an inaccurate model of how the world works. That model is based on a sort of "morality" that is similarly twisted, or logically inverted. Lemony Snickett summarized this brilliantly at the beginning of his "13 Observations on the Occupy Movement Made from a Discreet Distance":

1. If you work hard, and become successful, it does not necessarily mean you are successful because you worked hard, just as if you are tall with long hair it doesn't mean you would be a midget if you were bald.

2. "Fortune" is a word for having a lot of money and for having a lot of luck, but that does not mean the word has two definitions.

(the rest of that piece is here, and is well worth the read)

http://occupywriters.com/works/by-lemony-snicket/

The fundamental question rotw is asking is one we must all constantly ask ourselves: what are we willing to compromise? How do you rank the things that are important to you, and which one do you choose to sacrifice in the interest of another? That's a fundamentally personal question- and if asked in sufficient detail, it's not a question that a person will give the same answer to at 20, at 50 and at 80 years old.

Some people are unyieldingly idealistic: willing to compromise nothing. They usually end up cynical and miserable, but not always. There are enough of them who succeed, and regrettably they can serve as a lighthouse to lead countless others TOWARD the rocks that they somehow managed to avoid.

There are others who are totally able to manufacture their own happiness. Any time they don't get what they want, they don't lose sleep over it at all- they simply modify their desires. The grapes were obviously sour anyway. That's an evolved coping strategy that you can test in the psychological laboratory. All of us are able to do this to some degree, but the ones who are able to do it at will are the happiest people on earth. But are they the most successful?

The irony in this is that some unhappiness is absolutely necessary for success- if you measure success as something other than mere happiness.

As to what my answers are to that fundamental question: a long talk over a significant amount of alcohol would probably be required to sort it out for today. But a few quick points:

1) I have a family. I don't make decisions merely for myself any more. Their comfort and happiness matter to me and that affects my decisions.
2) Look at Maslow's hierarchy of needs.

http://www.simplypsychology.org/maslow.html

That hierarchy applies, and not just to me. Many of the concerns rotw is talking about are really problems of luxury because primary fundamental needs are already being met and in fact exceeded, and we shouldn't forget that.
3) I try not to work against my own values, whether that be professionally or in a voluntary capacity, or when I make purchases. I'm not always successful but I do make an effort.
4) I don't over-value my career. When I've derived too much of my personal self-worth out of what I did for a living, I fortunately (and early enough) realized what a trap and a dead end that can be. I try to have a rich life outside of work. When I succeed, it makes me not just happier and more satisfied, but also better at my job.

Too few people stop to take stock of these fundamental questions. They're too "busy" and distracted to take a moment and reflect on their lives and on what's important. Some fear to do it. Others have never learned how, or are afraid to use the same methods of rational analysis that they use in their professional lives, in relation to their private or inner lives (I have friends like that, who I love, but who drive me NUTS sometimes!). Others feel that doing so is self-absorption or decadent luxury. But thanks rotw for prompting me to take a moment and think about things more profound than what's on my plate professionally at the moment!

 

[JNieman]

I don't think anyone is even suggesting that the mere act of working hard will get you your dreams. I'm not sure why that windmill is being tilted at. Hamsters run very hard in their wheels. Such is life.

Working hard in a wise direction, while gathering useful resources, and with a cogent plan of action guiding you, which remains flexible and adaptive over time - that's the way to success. And you still may get bit in the ass and fail, sure. But that is no reason to give up. Hell, sometimes it's the mere act of trying and working that pays off in reward, rather than actually meeting the finish line. Ever see an Olympic athlete that wasn't proud of a silver medal?

What lesson are you really trying to preach in telling people NOT to believe hard work pays off? To simply not work hard? That's a great lesson for kids. Life's hard and sometimes unfair, so don't even bother trying. What a life!

 

[IRstuff]

I think you missed the point. No one is suggesting to not work hard, but to rationally and dispassionately evaluate whether what you are working hard on is meaningful.

TTFN
I can do absolutely anything. I'm an expert!
faq731-376 forum1529

 

[1gibson]

I'm with Kenat. Pay the bills and get a hobby. Bad day at work? Go home and do something fun.

If work is your fun and you have a bad day/week/year/lose your job, what then?

Don't put all your eggs in one basket, don't _____ where you eat, etc.