Question for the guys .... 17

[bradpa77]

Ok this might be a little off-topic for this board, but I'm going to post it anyways.

Lets say your wife makes more money than you and you decide to have kids. She doesn't want to quit her job to be a stay at home mom. Would you quit your job as an engineer to stay home with the kids or hire a babysitter to watch them all day?

Just a quick question to soothe my curiousity.

Personally, I would stay home and be a part-time student, and get my masters and doctorate while watching the kids until they are old enough to start school. Then I would get back into an engineering job. I think I'd really enjoy the time off.

 

[proletariat]

In my world-view, a stay at home mom is the best plan. However, I would consider being a stay at home dad in your scenario.

 

[ctopher]

We raised 3 kids (still are). My wife went to school during the time. SHe works nights (nurse), I work days. One of us is home with the kids at all times.
Wife makes more than me. I'm in the process of going back to school.
Works out well and kids are great! All honors at school.

Chris
Systems Analyst, I.S.
SolidWorks 06 4.1/PDMWorks 06
AutoCAD 06
ctopher's home (updated 06-21-06)

 

[crossframe]

Get a Master's and a Doctorate while watching the kids? Before they reach school age?

Then get an engineering job with your newly-minted degrees that will allow "mother's hours?"

Your salary
Your wife's salary
Pay for babysitting

How much is it worth to you to raise your own children?

Realize all this speculation is out the window when the maternal hormones kick in.

 

[ctopher]

IMHO, if you have to use babysitters, no point in having kids. You are having someone else raise them for you. Figure out a way so one of you is with them. Hard to do these days, I know ... we did it. I have grey hairs now, but great kids.

Chris
Systems Analyst, I.S.
SolidWorks 06 4.1/PDMWorks 06
AutoCAD 06
ctopher's home (updated 06-21-06)

 

[UcfSE]

I'd like to know how you think you can stay at home and give kids the attention and supervision they need while studying for graduate degrees.

Just do what works best for you and consider everything. School doesn't last 8 hours, so if you plan on being at home while they are not in school then you'll need a part time job. Good luck finding a part time engineering job.

Let's not turn this into a discussion about bad parents have baby sitters or vice versa.

 

[ziggi]

bradpa,
I'd also stay at home and study part-time, or setup a side business, I'd PREFER it actually. However my situation is different, my wife wants to be a stay at home mom, which is fine by me, I'd rather that our kids be raised by their parents not by some stranger.

 

[Zapster]

Personally, I would stay home and be a part-time student, and get my masters and doctorate while watching the kids until they are old enough to start school.

bradpa77, have you spent much time with toddlers? I certainly could not stay at home and be a part-time student when I was with my preschool kids. In my way of thinking, the object is to spend time with the kids, not ignore them and let the TV do the babysitting. A stay at home dad is a fulltime job. I am not sure where you are going to get the time and energy to do the school thing, be with your kids, keep the house in order, prepare the meals, and save some time for your wife.

 

[Senselessticker]

Since you are asking "the guys"...

The issue runs deeper than you may wish...What you really have to ask yourself is: Are you comfortable sacrificing part of your career (and possible future finicial security) while your spouse advances her own?

I would not put myself in a vunerable situation which would require me to be dependent on my spouse finicially...it seems a little irresponsible when considering the likelihood of seperation/divorce/etc...

This post may seem a little harsh, but you certainly must consider the "worst case scenerio", just like you do in engineering...

 

[JStephen]

I think the lesson here is to figure these kinds of things out before you marry someone.

A couple of other issues that would come into play are how your wife feels about it all and how much money you need (as opposed to how much you make).

I would not anticipate accomplishing a lot on a graduate degree while being a stay-at-home parent- we'd probably have a lot more PhD's if that could easily be done.

 

[waskillywabbit]

Preschool is not the "evil" that many make it out to be, but neither does it suffice for parenting; no more or less than having a child makes you a parent.

Not put yourself in a situation where you are financially dependent upon your spouse? Worst case scenario like an engineering situation? I'd like to see you sell that to your future wife or explain it to your current one w/o losing your teeth or other vital body parts.

I do some hobby stuff on the side and if I could stay home and watch my boys, make a little cash flow from the hobby and let the wife work and bring home the bacon, if that is what she wanted to do, I'd be Mr. Mom in a heartbeat!!!

Brian

 

[UcfSE]

The other issue with the schooling is the cost. You're not only losing an income but you will have the cost of children. If you try to put tuition on top of that, your wife had better make a lot of money.

 

[Senselessticker]

I was talking to "the guys" right??? Seriously...how many guys out there would trust their wife to uphold the long term financal well-being of the family? I imagine very few men have that kind faith/trust in their spouse. You don't have to let your spouse know you feel this way...(thus avoiding teeth loss, bodily harm, etc...)

bradpa77, just make sure you are protecting "your" ability to provide for the family (especially if children are going to be involved).

 

[TDAA]

I would do it, but I dont have many skills in breast feeding, and that is currently a big cost savings.

 

[MintJulep]

Kids can be sold for big bucks when they are small and cute. Take the cash, otherwise they will simply be a drain on your finances for the next 25 or so years.

With girls you get another shot a selling them off for good money at around 17 or 18. The boys you've got to get rid of early.

 

[bradpa77]

Wow!!! I really opened up a can of worms here didn't I? This is kind of funny actually. It was actually just a "what if" kind of question. It really wasn't meant to cause arguements there people. Sheesh.

 

[HgTX]

"I would not put myself in a vunerable situation which would require me to be dependent on my spouse finicially...it seems a little irresponsible when considering the likelihood of seperation/divorce/etc..."

By that logic, neither men nor women should ever be stay-at-home parents. Bring on the au pairs.

Hg

Eng-Tips policies: faq731-376

 

[bradpa77]

Get a Master's and a Doctorate while watching the kids? Before they reach school age?

Yes. Why?

Then get an engineering job with your newly-minted degrees that will allow "mother's hours?"

What are 'mother's hours'? I don't understand. I'm fine with having an after school babysitter once they get to school age if that's what you are talking about. I just would like to have one of us parents at home with the kids during the day until they reach a certain age.

How much is it worth to you to raise your own children?

It's worth a break in my career if my wife isn't willing to do the same. It's actually worth a lot to me. I don't really knock people who have babysitters at early ages, but that's just not the way I would like to start a family really.

Realize all this speculation is out the window when the maternal hormones kick in

Are you saying you think she'll change her mind and want to stay home once she has kids? That could possibly happen. I've wondered about that actually.

 

[bradpa77]

bradpa77, have you spent much time with toddlers? I certainly could not stay at home and be a part-time student when I was with my preschool kids. In my way of thinking, the object is to spend time with the kids, not ignore them and let the TV do the babysitting.

I have spent lots of time with toddlers, yes. I realize how much time they take up.

A stay at home dad is a fulltime job. I am not sure where you are going to get the time and energy to do the school thing, be with your kids, keep the house in order, prepare the meals, and save some time for your wife.

Engineering is a full time job too and people get their upper level degrees while working AND having kids at home.

 

[KENAT]

Realize all this speculation is out the window when the maternal hormones kick in

From the experience of several friends/family of mine I would say it's a definite possibility that she may change her mind.

Plus depending how much experience you've had with kids lately you may find you're not as good at it/enjoy it as much as you thought.