Question for the guys .... 17

[bradpa77]

Ok this might be a little off-topic for this board, but I'm going to post it anyways.

Lets say your wife makes more money than you and you decide to have kids. She doesn't want to quit her job to be a stay at home mom. Would you quit your job as an engineer to stay home with the kids or hire a babysitter to watch them all day?

Just a quick question to soothe my curiousity.

Personally, I would stay home and be a part-time student, and get my masters and doctorate while watching the kids until they are old enough to start school. Then I would get back into an engineering job. I think I'd really enjoy the time off.

 

[bradpa77]

Oh and another thing, if your wife is the sole financial supporter of the family and a divorce occurs, aren't you going to be entitled to part of her income through alimony? That's how it works when the guy's the sole provider, right? It's a two way street. So divorce isn't really a good arguement in my opinion either.

Plus, do you really think you'd never be able to find a job after being off for several years? I don't think it would be the end of the world for any of us, really. I don't think any employer would turn down a potentially good candidate because he took a few years off. Especially if you can use family and career development through pursuit of a higher level degree as you reasons for staying at home. Sure you might end up taking a demotion and / or paycut but I surely don't think it's a life ending experience.

 

[Senselessticker]

I hope no one was offended by my posts. Marriage/family is very serious business, and is full of more risk vs. reward than any other area of your life.

I was simply trying to answer the original question with honesty and insight. I suppose I'm somewhat traditional with respect to gender roles within a family. I would, however, like to see some stats on the failure rate of marriages when the woman is the primary source of income (especially when there's a stay-at-home dad in the picture). I would never ask my spouse to leave her job/career to stay-at-home-with-the-kids, but I hope that I could support her if she decided to do so.

 

[HgTX]

Let's assume the mother works and the dad stays at home for a couple years. One day the mother decides she no longer wants a career...(this happens often you know). Now you have a problem. Specifically... a financial problem. Although the dad only lost a couple years of experience, he has really lost than that when considering the potential advancement that has been missed. Assuming he can find a job...its going to take a couple of years to "ramp up" and get the career moving again. Now he is 5+ or so years behind in wages and experience.

So it's bad when men lose wages and experience, but not bad when women lose wages and experience?

Hg

Eng-Tips policies: faq731-376

 

[UcfSE]

It's bad when a man lose wages and experience because the woman backpedaled.

It doesn't sound to me like senseless is so senseless. Those who don't prepare or aren't prepared are the ones hurt the most. No one plans to divorce when getting married, and yet it happens.

Grow some thicker skin! We're talking about staying home with kids. Let's stay focused. Not everything has to turn into men vs. women.

No one says you can't find a job if you take some years off, but you are at a definite disadvantage to those who have stayed current with codes and practices and so on.

 

[HVACctrl]

My wife just began a business. She is now pretty much making more than I am. The kids (3 yrs and under) are at day care and a baby-sitter's house during the day. It is what it is.

If things really start rolling in for my wife's company, I will certainly consider hanging up the engineering shoes- even if just for a while. I did just get my PE license so potentially at that time I can start my own small consulting business and do small engineering projects here and there. I also have a serious interest in stock and options trading. I would consider persuing that avenue as well.

Ed

http://www.engineerboards.com

 

[MikeHalloran]

I have a strong impression that guys who trade stocks and options for a living don't always make money at it. Thinking you can do better, part time, comes off as, uh, presumptuous.

The only guys who always make money at it are the men in the middle, who shave a little off the money flow regardless of its size or direction.



Mike Halloran
Pembroke Pines, FL, USA

 

[ctopher]

I have had a brother and a couple friends that were in the military and took advantage of going to school while serving. The wives stayed home, working part time, with a couple kids. They all ended in divorce just before they were discharged. My brother divorced just before mandatory retirement (early 90's).
All the women told me they wanted the husbands to stay in and use the schooling for advancement! IMO, Weird!

Chris
Systems Analyst, I.S.
SolidWorks 06 4.1/PDMWorks 06
AutoCAD 06
ctopher's home (updated 06-21-06)

 

[Ashereng]

Senselessticker,

A chauvinist is someone who assumes something based on gender? Saying you saw a few women do a 180 and quit work, and applying that to all women is chauvinistic I think.

I don't know whether staying at home is good or bad, but that is not my point. If you can't trust your wife/husband, maybe you should not have married in the first place?

There are responsible men and women.

There are irresponsible men and women.


HgTx,

I don't always agree with you even though you have really good points and opinion. In this case, I agree with you also, and gave you a "*".

It's bad when a man lose wages and experience because the woman backpedaled.

It's also bad when a woman lose wages and experience because the man backpedaled.



"Do not worry about your problems with mathematics, I assure you mine are far greater."
Albert Einstein
Have you read FAQ731-376 to make the best use of Eng-Tips Forums?

 

[MedicineEng]

My experience:
-I got a proposal to change company and country.
-I married to take my wife with me.
-My wife had a good job that left to come with me but she always said that once we establish ourselves, she would look for occupation;
-Once we arrived to our new country, she discovered that all the women of my expatriate collegues were at home, either raising the kids or just enjoying life;
-Then she started to be involved in this and she actually enjoyed it;
-We spoke about having kids;
-I spoke about her getting a job. Not because actually we need it, but realizing that one day things will change and it is quite difficult to get a job after some years out of the market (no networking, no experience, etc.);
-She was not very convinced about my reasons;
-We agreed that if she could not get pregnant until January she would start to look for a job (oh yeah and we enjoyed a lot trying not to get her a job
-She didn't get pregant, and started to look;
-In March she found a very good job (excellent pay and good experience);
-In April she got pregnant (nothing like a little stress to spice up);
-She started to speak about leaving her job because when you see that little thing in your arms and think that you will left her with some strange, your heart starts to break;
-I manage to convince her to stay and see how the things develop;
-We had the luck to get an excellent babysitter (but we had to try 2 before the actual one);
-So now we both work and during the day our little baby (8 months old) stays with the babysitter.

As you see, for my experience (and long post) ideas change along the time, so what I would suggest is that you both maintain your jobs, and see where the flow goes.
Regarding the question, my wife would need to earn a LOT more than me for me to accept to stay at home, not because I don't like to stay at home but because how things (real world) are.

 

[PSE]

My wife is better at nurturing than I. Being an at home dad would not have worked for us.

Regards,

 

[Senselessticker]

Ashereng,

There is a huge difference between being a chauvinist and being a realist. A chauvinist assumes one gender is superior to the other. In no way have I suggested that man is superior to woman in any way.

I will consent that my comments may seem a little sexist in nature...To be a sexist, you only need to admit that men and woman have different strengths/weaknesses. And don't confuse steriotyping with "considering the odds".

Concerning the quote:

"So it's bad when men lose wages and experience, but not bad when women lose wages and experience?"

In a traditional way:

Yes - I would argue if a man chooses to lose wages and experience (assuming it is not due to education or starting a new business, etc...) then he is not fulfulling his role within the family. I believe this instilled into the nature of man from the hunter/gatherer era. Perhaps in another 100k years or so...we will have evolved differently.

Interesting thought: Assuming you drop your kids off at daycare everyday which is operated solely by men, how comfortable would you be leaving your kids there?

 

[ziggi]

senseless,
Actually recent studies have shown that women hunted along with men, back in the day. However their roles in the hunt were different.

As for your thought, no more and no less than if it was a woman. However a lifetime of conditioning sparks some alarm about the careminder being a man, but my rational side knocks it down.

And I agree that you're just providing us with the rational/worst case scenario point of view.

 

[Ashereng]

Senselessticker,

What ever you say.

Neither of us is convincing the other of much.

The End

"Do not worry about your problems with mathematics, I assure you mine are far greater."
Albert Einstein
Have you read FAQ731-376 to make the best use of Eng-Tips Forums?

 

[ScottyUK]

However their roles in the hunt were different.

Bait?

----------------------------------

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy it...

 

[KENAT]

ScottyUK,

As an Englishman I LoL,

As a Californian, tut tut tut, how sexist of you.

Guess some of this is cultural.

My original point is both women & men change their minds.

I was just sugesting you allow for this in your plan.

 

[AndrewTX]

If my wife made more money than me I would love to quit and stay home with my daughter.

 

[ChrisConley]

I love to hear people say they would stay at home with their children as a career, I'd also like to see how long most people, engineers in particular, would last in light of the lack of intellectual stimulation.

My wife toyed with the idea of staying home to raise our kids, fortunately she had the option for a full year parental leave which she took.

By the end of the year my wife was so bored she almost went back to work early and the issue of staying home permanently was dropped.

Helps that my wife is a teacher and gets to spend two months at home with the kids in the summer. Also helps that she has a fulfilling career that she finds interesting.

Like her I'd find it difficult to give up the challenging, rewarding work I do. I love my kids, and spend as much time as I can with them, but I need a life too.

 

[epoisses]

I would never and my wife is getting bored as well now after 2 years, she is thinking of a part-time job.

If my wife made more money than me I would still not stay at home with the kids because I think it's more of a female thing to do so, like it used to be for 20000 years until the late '60s. I guess a sexist is just a person who understands that males and females are different.

 

[BrunoPuntzJones]

Epoisses,

Men and women are different. So what? Men and men are different too.

Some people make good parents, some don't. Some people make good engineers, some don't. Gender may (or may not) play a small role in both of those, but it is at best a very poor indicator.

 

[epoisses]

I know that would stir it up a bit!

OK let me see... kids need breasts. Women have breasts. Men don't. That's a pretty indicator to me.