The co-worker obstacle 9

[aprincezk]

I work in a very small consulting firm as an entry-level engineer on very fast paced projects. I have recently realized that the lead designer apparently has some sort of issue with me. A side note, I am a very professional young female and the designer is a middle aged male - he used to be overly kind and social with me. Being young, I multi-task like nobody's business learning "the ropes" and producing deliverables. I dont ask questions until i have done some of my own research. The past few weeks, the designer REFUSES to provide me with any sort of reasonable answer to any of my questions, nor will he provide me with any drawings that i require until i send a request in an email with the Project Manager/CEO of the company copied in. I confronted this difficulty in a sincere email and received no response. I can only see this turning into a horrible battle of witts and me losing (my job) because he has more experience and the company cant afford to get rid of him.

Question: What to do, what to do??? I dont want to get anyone else involved and start a ruckus because we don't have the time to play games against each other, but i certainly dont enjoy his hinderance on my progress and effect on my attitude as of late. We work for the same company and should be working TOGETHER, not against each other...any advice???

 

[aprincezk]

I don’t feel you are being too harsh, in fact I agree with what you are saying – 100%. I am young, ambitious and demanding, maybe even to fault, and I understand that he probably has more responsibilities than I have. I think the major point here is his lack of responsibility to his responsibilities. I gave him every opportunity to say “I am so overloaded right now, can I get that drawing/information/answer to you within the next 48 hours?” or “I am having personal problems, please don’t take my attitude personally” or I would even accept a snotty answer as plain as “I am too busy right now” instead of being ignored completely. As they say “communication is key” and even if he doesn’t want to dish about his personal problems, if that is the issue it is nice to know he is burdened with non-work issues and I probably would be a little more compassionate.

 

[jmw]

Epoisses, your post is valuable if we all accept that everyone can take anything we say and do and portray us in a particular light. Our test is whether it is a true reflection and if others might be able to take that view of us, rightly or wrongly.

I think aprincezk's answer says it all. She may be young ambitious and demanding but that is nothing to appologise for. We also did not get a character assassination at the outset, just a query. But as more information has emerged, a picture has begun to build such that I would now not suggest any third party involvement; this is all his own work.

The image that develops is, I'm sure, a familiar one to anyone who has worked anywhere for any length of time. Indeed, I'd even say that his earlier attitude "- he used to be overly kind and social with me." fits quite well.

But for the fortuitous timing of the annual review there is a very good chance that his underhand tactics could have done real and lasting damage to a career and that is inexcusable.

My only question now is whether his "apology" is window dressing designed to put managers at their ease while he thinks up new ways to make trouble or if he genuinely has recanted and everything will now be all right.

It is possible, he may decide that there are easier targets or that he now has a real issue with you and his time will come.

Are there really people like this? Yes, there are and it doesn't take many to make life a mess for you. Don't take my word for, see what the others say.

There does seem to be some form of law that states that the more useless,brown-nosing back stabbing or generally undesirable a person is the more secure his job is over everyone else's.
Don't ask me why but it seems to be true.


JMW

http://www.ViscoAnalyser.com

 

[winpop123]

I'll go ahead and brace myself to get blasted but my opinion is that you're making too big of a deal out of this. Work isn't a Dr. Phil show where everyone has to be touchy feely.

If you just do your job and document everything accordingly then if the other party is truly "in the wrong" then he will dig his on grave.

By way of example, when you send an e-mail asking for a drawing and copy the CEO, simply ask "has there been a policy change", or professionally ask in the e-mail, why it is not appropriate to just ask for the drawing verbally. That way you stay professional and let management sort it out.

In my experience management does not have a lot of patience sorting out who hurt who's feelings. They want to focus on the bottom line.

This wasn't meant to be harsh but simply a point of view that may help you. good luck.

 

[electricpete]

Lots of good advice.

You have said that you want to tackle this yourself.

I think you do need to have a direct conversation with this guy to try to pin down what is bothering him. How to arrange it I'm not sure. If you can somehow arrange for a meeting beyond other listening ears, that might be good.

Start with a modest amount of appreciation for his experience and his position. Remind him that he serves an important role in the company and his help to you is very important for success of your projects. Ask him about these items you are concered about. Find out whether it is a case that he is overloaded or that he has some kind of anger towards you personally.

Communication is the key. I cringed when I read this paragraph:

"I confronted this difficulty in a sincere email and received no response."

The more delicate or personal I consider something, the less likely I am to put it into an email. Email truly has many disadvantages. You don't have the luxury of observing the receiever's response during the disucssion and adjusting your approach. If you are talking in person and see perhaps a body-language reaction to something, you can back up and talk about it and make sure there is no misunderstanding. The receiver might wonder: if this is so important, why wasn't it worth the trip to talk in person?

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[heieup]

A couple of things I'd offer. Firstly sending an email and copying in someones boss is seriously offensive. It is in effect trying to belittle them infront of their boss by making them look obstructive. From their bosses perspective you will become annoying as they will expect you to sort out that kind of thing yourself.

If you have a problem with someone, get the courage to talk to them face to face. Don't send an email about it, it implies that you don't want to talk to them. Do rehearse what you want to say to them, and think about why they may be behaviing differently. Avoid making things personal, work should not be personal, it is work.

I can think of many reasons he may request an email for a drawing request, firstly because people who are busy lose papers on their desk easily. They will have other things to do other than your requests and it can get buried. This will probably make his life easier when he can get a number of drawings all together and does have the exact details not his own hurried notes. Perhaps following his 'very friendly' initial attitude he has found that you take up a lot of his time and he needs to get back to his own job in order to get back on track.

Is there any way you can get the drawings yourself, perhaps ask if he could show you where they are kept so you are not repeatedly asking him for stuff.

When you request assistance do you explain why and when you need it. Perhaps he just doesnt appreciate why it is important to you, and thinks he has plenty of time to get back to you.

I would definetly recommend talking to him face to face to find out if there is an issue or if he just needs leaving alone. People often won't talk about their problems to others they just get on with it.

Oh and for the rescord, these are all hard (but quickly) learnt lessons I have been through myself, and I am also a young female working with mostly middle aged males. I try not to let that be a factor in any relationships I have with people, otherwise you can easily create your own problems.

 

[RAH1234]

aprincezk, I don't understand why you pointed out the age and gender difference. You're not biased against middle-aged men are you?

 

[jmw]

RAH1234,
it would be sexist to suggest that only young females are against middle-aged men; pretty well the whole company from all of HR to upper management are definitely against middle-aged men and as you get older it gets worse.

JMW

http://www.ViscoAnalyser.com

 

[HgTX]

Huh. Round here, middle-aged men sure do run the whole show.

Hg

Eng-Tips policies: faq731-376

 

[jmw]

Yes, some may run the show but it is in the lower echelons that the problem asserts itself.

JMW

http://www.ViscoAnalyser.com