A negative unprofessional coworker 16

[EngineerDave]

I am concerned about a co-worker who is negative and unprofessional towards me. I believe the issue started about 2 months ago and is related to an after work happy hour discussion. This guy always talks about politics whether in work or out and I happen to disagree with him.

I took him and another coworker on in a spirited debate (once again outside of work in a pub).

Since then it's been the cold war. Now I am more worried because I will be moving into the same office he works in.

When I ask him for assistance on things, he completely blows me off. He will go out of his way however to help the young attractive women that work in that office. He will talk with them for hours and joke with them, half the time I see him he is either joking with them or helping them with their work.

I think this is totally unprofessional. He doesn't even acknowledge me when I say hi.

Now I'm moving into an office feet from him. I will continue to say hello in the morning, but I won't let take any crap from him.

I work too hard to put up with this emotionally charged basketcase. I have never seen anything like it in any of my jobs. I don't expect that we have to be friends, but he should be professional at work.

I spoke with other coworkers about him and they said there are people in the department that he hasn't spoken a word to in years because of an argument.

 

[Slugger926]

Don't pay any attention to him. Take care of your job, and it will take care of you. I wouldn't be worrying about what others think.

 

[EngineerDave]

You are right. I will have to do this. But it just happens to be that he is the loudmouth of the group. He tries to act as the alpha male of the group.

I will have to ignore him. I'm pretty sure in the new office it will be all work on my side. I'll let him play games and hit on girls 30 years his junior.

 

[Heckler]

How are the other people in the group towards you? Do they ignore you? I would blow this guy off....the next time he starts to talk politics in the office tell him this is not the place for political debate and you would prefer to debate someone that's more open minded to other views (right or wrong). I use to work with this guy and we use to get into hot political debates.....I use to get this guy fired up.....I would always listen to his point of view but he would slam mine. Whenever he would start a decusion I would just get up and leave the office. He got my point and started to let me speak my opinion (right or wrong).

 

[wes616]

Dave, I totally understand how easy it can be to get caught up in these "games". I have in the past myself. The biggest issue here is how will it affect your work. If you feel like this (geographic) situation will negativly affect your work, see about getting a desk away from this yahoo.

Loudmouth guys tend to want to engage you. If you don't engage them they generally leave you alone.



Wes C.

 

[macmet]

I would not get caught up too much about one guy. Put in an honest effort and if he doesn't return it, well... at least you tried.

I would be careful about talking about him behind his back though. You do not want to come across as being 'two-faced'. I'm not saying you are but be careful, some people may take it the wrong way.

Cheers

 

[HVAC68]

Do you have a working relationship with him ? or he's just another co-worker in the office, whose path you don't have to cross officially ? If the answer is yes, then just assume that he's not there at all !!! Totally ignore him and carry on with your work.

If the answer is no, it's a lot more tougher and you need to tackle it differently.

Good luck

HVAC68

 

[ornerynorsk]

I agree whole-heartedly with Wes616. DO NOT ENGAGE! Politics are a hair trigger for some folks, and you will just never come out positively in any conversation because they will always need to "win". It's a tough road to maintain your own professionalism when dealing with an emotional child (no matter what his age) of that sort. Ignore him, and let him make a fool of himself with the young ladies. Unless he is the owner of the firm, this behaviour will get him the recognition he deserves at some point, if you know what I mean.

 

[aspearin1]

As everyone has said, let the man dig his own hole.... There will come a time when he will need something from you. At that point, you can decide how to best address the situation. Whether or not you help him, or at least get the chance to clear the air. He'll know then, that if he wants something from you, he'll need to pay you more respect routinely.

ChemE, M.E. EIT
"The only constant in life is change." -Bruce Lee

 

[TheTick]

Engage from the high ground.

Make it a point to always be courteous and professional with this person, especially in front of others. Maintain your professional bearing and you will simply outshine him. You'll also be a better person for it.

Don't agonize over gaining or losing this person's respect. If his judgment is that clouded by a single debate in a pub, then regaining his respect isn't worth the effort. Simply be respectable.

I could be the world's greatest underachiever, if I could just learn to apply myself.

http://www.EsoxRepublic.com

-SolidWorks API VB programming help

 

[EngineerDave]

I gained some valuable insight. I had to tell a coworker about it, but I shouldn't tell to many people and be two faced as the one gentlemen stated.

I'll keep you posted. After all I go to work to work not win a popularity contest, but this guy is unprofessional.

 

[EngJW]

Avoid politics and religion in the office. Or at least wait until you find out what the majority thinks before expressing an opinion. No matter how convincingly you argue, you will not change them and you could get fired for being a trouble maker. At least on the internet you can say what you want and there are no repercussions as long as you use a fake name.

 

[UcfSE]

If you had the choice of talking to pretty young girls or some dude you don't agree with or get along with, whom would you choose? You don't have to be friends with the people in your office, you just have to be able to work together professionally when needed. If he doesn't say "hi" when you walk in or say "hi" then big deal. Try to get along as best you can and leave it at that. If you think it would help, maybe you two should have a little talk and agree to disagree and conduct yourselves professionally in the office. Maybe that means wearing head phones and not turning up music to irk the other, and so on. You can be courteous and polite when necessary that's all anyone should ask, imo. If he can't handle that, at least you can keep your own standards up and do the best you can.

 

[bigTomHanks]

The 3 step plan to avoiding getting in debates about sensitive subjects:

1) Stop watching CNN, Fox News, or anyother network news channel. They over dramatize everything and rarely report things correctly. I perfer to get my news from yahoo's website. It seems like the news articles on yahoo is more about getting to the point of the facts rather than the opionions of the network.

2) Only listen and never participate in the debates. I usually find it more entertaining to listen to others make a fool of themselves than to open my mouth.

"It's better for people to think that you are an idiot than it is to open your mouth and remove all doubt."

3) Read "How To Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie

 

[14159]

It took me a while, but I learned to not talk about politics, religion, child raising, or any other sensitive topic with co-workers. Nothing good can ever come of it unless you actually have a chance of changing someone's mind, a rare event for anybody over 22 with half a brain. Years ago, I permanently damaged a relationship with a principal at my former firm during one of these debates. Nothing really ever came of it, but it was definitely not worth it.

For your current situation, all you can do is be as positive and professional as possible. He'll either cooperate or he won't. I like the idea of trying to put some distance between you and him, although I realize that is easier said than done.

14159

 

[HVAC68]

I am currently in a similar situation, where one of my co-worker just hates me !!! He thinks I am a threat to him and uses every opportunity to have a dig at me. I was initially retaliating, trying to prove my point in front of others, but realised quickly that I don't have to do that. Next I tried talking to him - heart-to-heart talk - one-on-one. He didn't have an open mind to discuss and started insulting me. I immediately closed the conversation.
Now, I try and avoid him as much as possible - just a routine "hi" and "good morning" when I bump on to him face-to-face. Otherwise, every little interaction I have with him is through e-mail only. I am very careful in choosing the language and tone of my mails and have so far been successful. People have started realising who is right and who is wrong - not too many pretty girls here though - :0(

Retaliating in public has had bad influences. I also have a good friend with whom I share these - sometimes, you need to do that to avoid a pressure-cooler situation.

HVAC68

 

[Maui]

Ignore him. Do not say good morning to him. If you are forced to interact with him at all, do so in a respectful and professional manner. Do not appear to be angry when he says something that is meant to upset you - calmly repeat his words to him and then provide your interpretation and ask him if that is what he meant? He apparently has the type of personality that holds a grudge. Do not waste your valuable time or energy in attempting to engage him or you will become even more angry/disappointed/bothered by his refusal to acknowledge you in a socially acceptable manner. People of this sort are best left to themselves.

Maui

Constants aren't; variables won't.

 

[EngineerDave]

Thanks. I guess I was concerned with the character assasination attempts he appears to be leading.

Believe me I won't let him continue when I'm in the same office.

I will say hi to him once in the morning and nothing else unless to defend myself.

 

[MikeHalloran]

The character assassination could be a problem for you.

- That the guy's behavior has been allowed to continue for any length of time suggests that either your management is, er, not fully effective, or that he has some leverage on them.

- The why of it does not matter. If he files a formal complaint against you with HR, stating or insinuating that you are unable or unwilling to maintain a good working relationship with him, there's a good chance that HR will hold it against _you_, and your management will defend you faintly, if at all.

- Be especially wary if there is a shakeup in HR. A new team may choose to interpret synthetic or unreliable 'evidence' literally, and take action. They may conduct a kangaroo court, or they may not even bother with formalities.

I have come to believe that there are small teams of HR people who move from company to company, en masse, with the publicly unstated mission of cleaning out particular political factions within a company.

Your mileage may vary. I hope it does.




Mike Halloran
Pembroke Pines, FL, USA

 

[redgdon]

If I were you.....I'd look for another job. Life is hard enough without having to deal with idiots who behave like this and create negative feeling.

I would also offer this piece of advice......you spend 8+ hours with these people 5 days a week. Why on earth would you want ot socialise with them. I prefer to keep my circle of friends and my co-workers as 2 seperate groups.

That said....I hope all goes well for you.