Jerkholes at the office 14

[HVACctrl]

This has happened more than once and is happening one again- running into total jerks at the office. At my previous job, it was the boss. He was very disrespectful and crude. I couldn't deal with or even believe someone would be that way.

Now I am working for a controls contractor. There are two "pseudo-engineers" (no engineering degree or education, but in the role as "engineers") who, although they are not my bosses, are fairly well-anchored and influential in the company (small company). They are both pretty negative towards me. I am a mechanical engineering graduate and will be testing for my PE license in 3 weeks, although a license is not required in this position.

Just curious if others have expereinced total jerks in the office- those who, you know you can't smart off to because they can either fire you or get you fired.

How do you deal with it?

Am I possibly being too submissive to start off so that they sense this and take advantage of my good nature?

Thanks for any ideas.

Ed

 

[Zapster]

“This has happened more than once and is happening once again”

Seem like a pattern for you. Perhaps you should consider yourself unlucky for running into these types so often or take the time for some reflection.

Do you feel superior to those crude people?
Your question, “Am I possibly being too submissive?” At first glance, I think you are too critical and lack the ability to accept people that are different than you.

To answer your question, “How do you deal with it?” I don’t have the problem, so I might be one of those types of people you are talking about.

Then again, maybe you are just unlucky.

 

[IRstuff]

Your style and tone belie your subject matter.

People who say "in my humble opinion," generally aren't.

Your desire to "smart off" to "jerkholes" speaks more about you than them.

Frankly, your attitude towards others is appalling.

TTFN

 

[HVACctrl]

I figured that some might think that I could be partially to blame because it isn't the first time. That could be correct, which is what I am trying to explore.

No, I don't at all feel or act superior. In fact, I show nothing but respect for their experience and knowledge.

I have no problem with accepting people unlike myself. In fact, I often hear these two individuals calling people idiots (behind their backs) and any other name in the book. I think that they may be more the unaccepting types. I don't understand how asking if I was too submissive indicates that I'm not able to accept people different than myself.

My asking if I am too submissive was an effort to uncover something I could be doing wrong. Again, since this is not the first time this scenario has happened (2nd time in a year), maybe I am sending some type of signal that says I will accept it- I don't know.

One of the biggest faults of mine is that I can be overly sensitive. Maybe I should just let their negativity roll off my back and cintinue on with my job. The only problems there is that often I have to interact with them and, frankly, I am not very motivated to do so after seeing the way they are.


Anyway, thanks for your thoughts.

I am trying.

Ed

 

[HVACctrl]

IRStuff,
I appreciate your response.

I don't really think I have a bad attitude towards these guys. I actually wrote the original thread when I was a little angry, so perhaps it showed through.

When I said "smart off", I think I just meant to reply to them in the same manner in which they address me. I never literally meant that I would smart off to them like an immature kid would.

Did someone mention "in their humble opinion"? I don't understand why that comment is there.

If you don't mind, please explain what is appalling about my attitude towards others? Is it because I called them jerks? Again, this part was just me releasing a little steam. I apologize if it thwarted the tone of the thread.

Thanks for your comments.

Ed

 

[livingston]

HVAC, judging by what you have written here, it seems that you could be sending off vibes to these folks. Consider your work environment a jungle and you are a little lower on the food chain than these guys. They can probably sense some fear and maybe some lack of self confidence? The guys who have worked their way up the ladder tend to respect the attitude that you know what youre doing before looking at whether you can do the work or not. If you don't come in like you know what is what, they will never look past it to see if you can actually achieve anything. Just 'my humble opinion.'

 

[HVACctrl]

Thanks Livingston, for the constructive advice.

I think you might be right on. In all honesty, I am a little nervous in this role and I don't exude the most self-confidence. I just don't see why this should be an indication for them to move in for the kill when they see a little blood.

However, I have been on the other side of the fence. I have hired less experienced engineers and others. In these instances, I try to boost their confidence, congratulate them for doing well,etc.... Its not about how high you go on the corporate ladder, but how many people you bring with you. I honestly belive that this is what a good leader does. This is not what I am receiving. I guess I'm just different.


Thanks for the encouragement!

Ed

 

[MadMango]

How do you deal with it?

I'd bite my tongue, and act professional. My ears would probably turn red and my face might flush, but I'll still be courteous. A friend told me once, "You wouldn't punch a mentally retarded person for drooling on you, would you?"

And it depends on your work environment. I know who I can banter with (and to what degree) and who I can't.

[green]"Art without engineering is dreaming; Engineering without art is calculating."[/green]
Steven K. Roberts, Technomad
Have you read faq731-376 to make the best use of Eng-Tips Forums?

 

[UcfSE]

You'll probably have to ignore it as best you can, or get in their faces and let them know about it in no uncertain terms. If you get fired, so be it. Sometimes a night in jail is worth it for sticking up for yourself. Of course, if you have a wife and kids, then you probably can't go that route. At any rate, it should be like "water off a duck's back". All you can do is deal with it and be quiet, let them know about it, or just move on somewhere else. Some personal reflection to see how much of it is you would probably help some.

 

[ziggi]

As the saying goes "It takes a man to suffer ignorance and smile"...or was that a song....

 

[Hoagie]

Always take the high-road. When they say something rude, reply with a laugh and remind them how funny you think they are. Don't get sucked into their BS.

According to your note, you are SUPPOSED to be smarter than they, right? Well, start acting like it.

Good luck.

H.

 

[CorBlimeyLimey]

I'd bite my tongue, and act professional.

Thou wunn't thound bewwy pwofwesshunal thow.


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[HVACctrl]

Thanks for all the replies.

Someone mentioned that I was supposed to smarter than them. I don't know about that. I am just shocked at how people act.

I didn't mention that others seem to either have the same problem or had the same problem with these two.

I do try to laugh when they get ridiculous, not of of disrespect, but just to lighten things up a bit.

Maybe I'm not as resilient as I could be. Its just so frustrating and saddening to have to deal with the negativity and gruff attitudes when I cannot tell what I might have done wrong.

Ed

 

[MadMango]

Maybe you are too resilient, try being malleable.

[green]"Art without engineering is dreaming; Engineering without art is calculating."[/green]
Steven K. Roberts, Technomad
Have you read faq731-376 to make the best use of Eng-Tips Forums?

 

[HVACctrl]

I like that MadMango!

Good point.

Thanks for making me laugh-I needed that.

 

[HgTX]

IRStuff--how is being upset that someone else is disrespectful and crude an "appalling" attitude toward others?

I'm appalled.

Hg

Eng-Tips policies: faq731-376

 

[HVACctrl]

Hg,
Thanks for asking that. I was curious as well. IT had me feeling badly.

Maybe it was because in my original post (when I was still pretty hot), I mentioned that they were "pseudo engineers" and called them "jerkholes". I guess I did sound a little childish, although it was more of a rant than my true feelings.

Ed

 

[IRstuff]

exactly.

It's all about inappropriate behavior. "Smarting off" to your superior in a public setting is ALWAYS inappropriate. Under the right private or limited situations and right audience, a little ribbing does no damage.

TTFN

 

[Heckler]

My sister with her PhD. in Psychology has always advised me that the person at the top of the organization will imprint his/her personality on the organization. If they're nice honest demanding people, then the org will be on a fairly even keel. If they're a whacko psycho backstabbing evil SOB, then the whole place will be neurotic and dysfunctional.

I have one question. Do these "engineers" act this way around the owners of the company?

 

[HVACctrl]

Heckler,
They are a little brash towards them at times. They talk heavy trash about them behind their backs. As a matter of fact, they talk badly about EVERYONE behind their backs. Its actually very disgusting. I know, because I am usually within earshot. Maybe I just can't handle it was well as others can. I would like to resolve the issue so that neither I nor anyone else has to go through it any longer. At the very least, I would like to learn how to deal with and/or ignore it.

IRStuff,
I thought I explained myself well enough, but I guess not.
Three things that I may not have expressed very well:
1) They are not my superiors, but do have more years experience.
2) I wouldn't "smart off", as mentioned. I was blowing a little steam on this site. I assumed this was a community in which I could share my feelings and gain some insite.
3) I never disrespect anyone, particularly a boss, even after the rude treatment I have been getting.

I am sorry if the tone of my original post misled you a bit.

Thanks IR and everyone else for the insight.

Ed

I wouldn't