Marriage and Work! 30

[dirtguy4]

We've all heard the joke engineers have a spouse and something on the side...so while they are occupied with eachother the engineer ducks back to the office to get some work done. How many of you engineers out there are going through some "significant other" problems? How many of you....know that even though some of the problems are personal....know for a fact that some of the problems are work....and too much of it?

 

[cvg]

it all comes down to the basics:

Women - respect your husbands and
Men - love your wives.

Do that and you will build each other up regardless of who plugs and chugs.

 

[cedent]

I'm in an engineer-engineer relationship. He is the one that can leave work at work... and I am not. Some consulting jobs are more demanding than others. Some people are more inclined to go the extra mile each and every time they are supposed to stop walking and rest (that's me).

dirtguy4 said, "So what are some tricks that we can use to be more productive at work so that we can spend more time at home? Where is that secret ingredient and what seems to be working for some of you who are finding success?"

As far as secrets go... I guess you would have to ask my husband .. but I am learning. I try to go in at seven instead of eight when I know I have a long day. On really busy days, I take a 1/2 hour lunch. I am just as tired as I would be, but at least I can be tired at home on the couch with him.

I take an hour lunch AWAY from the office every day I can. This is for me so that I am not a grouch when I am at home.

Lastly, I have just finished an office at home. This means that theoretically, I could get more work done at home. In reality... I get a lot done in 30-45 minutes b/c I don't have the office phones to deal with. After that... he starts trying to pull me away... and I love it.

 

[GregLamberson]

Well I married a financial analyst who now analyzes the home finances.

We are both divorced and our daughters (now 15) have gone to school together since pre-kindergarten. I did not know her, but when the girls were in the 4th grade they decided to fix us up. It's worked out great. We dated 4 years and have been married 2. My ex-wife has known her longer than I have, as has my daughter. Fortunatley we all get along.

I try to spend as much time at home as possible. I have now managed, fortunately, to work 1/2 time. When I work, I am gone, but when I am at home, I do not work except around the house, take the girls to school, go to school functions, softball practice, etc. But the best part is sitting around with my wife after the girls are off to school and drinking coffee and then maybe slipping of to a movie and there is no one in the theatre except us.

We have just enough time apart to miss each other allot and make the time at home like we're still dating.

Greg Lamberson, BS, MBA
Consultant - Upstream Energy
Website:

http://www.oil-gas-consulting.com

 

[mcguirepm]

I learned a long time ago that priorities should be as follows:

Relationship with God
Spouse
Children
Other family
Work

Jobs come and go, but a wife should be unitl death do you part. Stress at home will be reflected in your work, but if you have support at home you will excel at work.

 

[dirtguy4]

Again I am amazed with everyones posts here. I think they are all great.....keep them coming. I think the variety is really cool as well.....some are religious based and some are more rules of thumb and others are just hey this seems to be working for me....try it out. I really think this post will be beneficial to all who are having this problem.

Again keep the posts coming.

 

[PanelGuy]

Good one mcguirepm...

I agree. Just remember gotta sharpen the saw. She runs a Title Office. We discuss management issues occasionally, but wokr stays there. The best is her family farms. So on weekends I get to be the guy that drives around and does what he is told, but is incredibly handy at fixing anything. Ahh, usefulness without performing supervision.

The problem you will find is that as a talented Engineer you believe that your job defines you. NO, you define you. Take your passion to a new level. To stay sane a friend of mine in the adhesives world has a private company that consults...Only fly fishing things. He developed innovative devices and cleaners and scents...Same field, selfish innovation.

I think your best bet is to live outside the box, that is why you see so many of us with spouses of different fields, they compliment us (gloriously), they make us pull our head out of the tech and live a life, take vacations, play with the kids and other GOOD things. It is another friends #1 rule for Eningeers....GET A LIFE AWAY FROM HERE!

Anyhoo dirt...You love her, then love her all the time, buy flowers every week and have fun.

TC All...PanelGuy

 

[PanelGuy]

PS All...If you have not watched the Dilbert clip called "The Knack"...You must ... it explains everything.

 

[Jordonlaw]

I don't take work, Mr God or children home with me. Works just fine on every level.

 

[prohammy]

Not quite relating to the OP, but hopefully in parallel with it (ie I am not trying to hi-jack this post), but...

On the theme of things I do during the week and how they relate to my family/wife...

I work 50 hours per week. This provides US (not ME, very important to remember that) with the money we need.

I play football (soccer) on Thursday night, I go for a solo cycle on Monday night. These are both for me and my health.

I go for a cycle with my eldest son on Saturday mornings. I play with all three children on Saturday. This day provides me with all the solace I need for that 50 hours of work. (There is nothing in the world as fun as pushing toy cars, attending dolly tea parties or online gaming)

Each week night I arrive home from work, listen to the childrens descriptions of their day, mediate arguments and disagreements that require the patience of Job, eat a family dinner, play, read stories and spend an hour telling my kids to go to sleep, and finally enjoy an hour on the couch together with my wife. And then sleep as soundly as I can.

On Tuesday and Thursday my wife goes to the gym. This is her time. There is normally a long chat with her friends afterwards I am told.

Sunday is always time for the soul and our friends

These are the ingredients of my life. They work for me, and so far seem to make me happy. How does this all relate to the OP? They make me happy, and that in turn ensures that my marraige is happy......

PS We did one of Cosmo's tests last night (guess who's ides that was) and it turns out we are a 'smoking' couple. Approval from Cosmo, what more could our marraige ask for....LOL

Kevin

“It is a mathematical fact that fifty percent of all doctors graduate in the bottom half of their class." ~Author Unknown

"If two wrongs don't make a right, try three." ~Author Unknown

 

[TADiep]

I married a business major. A makeup artist when we met and now a contract analyst for a telecom company. Business majors look at the whole pie while engineers look at the pieces. We have our occassional head butting sessions but overall we learned to compromise. I remember our biggest nastiest head butting session happened when I tutored her calculus in college. Oh man...what an experience. I get too into math taht I forget other people arent that fast. Thats not a good approach when its your girlfriend on the other end. hahaha

----
A green thought..."We don't inherit the earth from our ancestors, we borrow it from our children." (unknown)

 

[swearingen]

TADiep, I got a chuckle from your post. I had to drag my then-girlfriend, present wife, through calculus by her hair kicking and screaming. It was not a fun semester. She threw the text book at me once during a particularly frustrating study session. She got a B, though...



If you "heard" it on the internet, it's guilty until proven innocent. - DCS

 

[PSE]

For what it is worth, don't marry your job.

Regards,

 

[TheBlacksmith]

Its easy - Half the time its your fault, the other half of the time its not your wife's fault. Seriously, right now my wife lost the main stone out of a ring she's had for about twenty years. I'm sure it marks some significant point or milestone but I can't remember and will probably suffer for the memory laspe.

 

[Sideswiper]

Quote: "Women - respect your husbands and Men - love your wives."

What's the difference?

Men: Respect your wives and
Women: Love your husbands

Seems to same to me! Or is it OK to not respect your wife? (!!!)

 

[cvg]

sideswiper - women respond well to the love part and men to the respect part - not as well the other way around.

Ask your wife if she wants you to say "I love you" more often or "I respect what you do" and see what her answer is...

 

[HgTX]

Yeah, but tell her "I love you but I don't respect you" and see how far that goes.

Hg

Eng-Tips policies: faq731-376

 

[cvg]

I'm sure it wouldn't go very far, unless I was really trying to tick her off...

But seriously, do you get warm and fuzzy inside when your wife says I love you - or would you rather she told you how much of a stud you are for fixing the plugged toilet?

 

[EngineerDave]

This is a nice thread. In particular I like Prohammys post, but others are great as well.

One thing I learned from this is I shouldn't complain about my job or coworkers to my girlfriend. I do that way to much.

 

[prohammy]

Cheers Dave,

Every once in a while I let the world see a bit of me and its nice that it's appreciated.





Kevin

“It is a mathematical fact that fifty percent of all doctors graduate in the bottom half of their class." ~Author Unknown

"If two wrongs don't make a right, try three." ~Author Unknown

 

[TSHarris]

One of my friends often says "Happy wife, happy life." I sometimes think that is too subservient - that I would be unable to suppress my own needs and desires to promote someone else's happiness without accumulating resentment. However, I think the corollary "unhappy wife, unhappy life" is pretty certain.

Enlightened self interest goes a long way for me. If I want to be happy, it is important to do what I can to support the people that I care for (spouse, family, friends and colleagues). I cannot abandon my own happiness for that of another - my wife will not be happy if I am always unhappy - so I must also preserve my own independence and take time for my own interests.

I learned early on to leave work at work. It just came natural to me - probably because I have so many other interests.