Marriage and Work! 30

[dirtguy4]

We've all heard the joke engineers have a spouse and something on the side...so while they are occupied with eachother the engineer ducks back to the office to get some work done. How many of you engineers out there are going through some "significant other" problems? How many of you....know that even though some of the problems are personal....know for a fact that some of the problems are work....and too much of it?

 

[TenPenny]

I learned one thing from my father (an Electrical Engineer): Family beats work. Not many people go to their graves wishing they'd spent more time at the office.

Lots of companies talk about the importance of family; typically, they mean, 'your family is important as long as they let you work 80-100 hrs/wk'. Any place that requires people to work that much has staffing issues. I don't need that crap. As I learned in my first engineering summer job, from the mine maintenance planner: 'I had a job before this one, and I'll have a job after this one.'

I work hard, I get results, I take work home when necessary, but there are limits. My wife and family are more important to me than my job. I pity those who feel otherwise. You either need a different job or a different family.

 

[Bobber1]

A successful marriage ain't 50:50

It's 150:150

 

[ChrisConley]

One of my friends often says "Happy wife, happy life." I sometimes think that is too subservient

The problem is that the corollary to that statement is : Happy husband, happy life... it just doesn't rhyme so it doesn't get said.

If two people work hard to make the other person happy it doesn't matter what the world throws at you.

For those keeping score, we're an engineer-teacher relationship.

 

[csd72]

When my wife is unhappy, she makes sure that I am unhappy also.

csd

 

[KENAT]

It's like this, if Mama aint happy, no one's happy.

However, just cause Mama is happy in no way guarantees anyone elses happyness.

She may be happy because you're the one clearing the blocked drain not her...

Engineer-Social Worker

KENAT, probably the least qualified checker you'll ever meet...

 

[IAAWVU05]

I just bought a house. The deed is in my name. My wife was sick of renting and we needed more space. 3.5 acres and a 20 minute drive to work now. I'm working my 9-5 and the rest of the time, I'm a plumber, electrician, carpenter, drywaller, and tile layer. But she's the packer, organizer, painter, and cook. We're busy as anything, but we're both happy....

Engineer-Marketing Director

(If she gets comission, she'll pass me in pay)

 

[PSE]

Don't marry your work but work on your marriage.

Regards,

 

[DDRSS10]

Engineer - Juvinile Probation Officer
Yeah, that one lasted 11 months. At some point in my career I need to say no to a project.

 

[rbcoulter]

My favorite:

Del Griffith - "Like your work, love your wife."

 

[IRstuff]

Happy husband, happy life... it just doesn't rhyme so it doesn't get said

Tain't that, the corollary is

You can be happy or you can be right, but not both

TTFN

FAQ731-376

 

[tuggertoo]

We've been married 29 years-he's an ME and I was in advertising, now I am President of our small consulting firm. The first 8 years of our marriage he was in business with his father building hotels (over 100 Holiday Inns' I'm proud to say), any free time was spent developing a spark plug (known as Direct Hits). I was 23, he was 30 & asked me to marry him on our second date. We became friends through our singles group at church; a friend wanted to date him so when he asked me out, I told him he had to take Janice out first (he really wasn't my type-he was divorced & had custody of his 2 kids ages 3 & 7; I was also divorced, no children and going back to finish my degree in music). He took Janice out and asked me out again; I set him up with another church friend because even though I liked him as a friend, I was quite involved with a geologist. The second "hook up" ended up lasting several months. Rumors were flying about the seriousness of their relationship and proved to be true when I saw him kissing her goodbye in our church parking lot.

That was it! I immediately went home, called and asked him when he was going to finally get around to taking me out now that he had completed his assigned dating tasks. He suggested that Friday, asked me where I wanted to go and I said the symphony-but only if I could cook him dinner. He asked me to marry him Sunday (within 48 hours). Mind you I had not met his parents, his children, his ex, etc. I only knew I loved this man and couldn't live without him (this was before the first kiss).

It hasn't always been easy. I quit my job after 3 years to raise his children and honestly became very jealous of his work-he would spend 8 hrs a day as an ME followed by the next 8 hours working on his invention (even bring his calculator/TI computer to bed-it would be 2:00 am and tape would be all over the floor with sheets and sheets of complicated math computations spread everywhere).

When he started spending more time at the office with his secretary than at home with me and the kids, I decided that perhaps I needed to make myself a little more valuable to him as a wife and life partner instead of just being a great mother for the kids and having dinner on the table.

I typed all of his patent applications (we're talking hundreds and hundreds of pages), learned construction to help with job inspections and as a surprise taught myself to play chess and took golfing lessons to make sure that we had shared interests.

18 years later we are still working together and would not have it any other way. I've come to appreciate the integrity that exists in the engineering field; gotten him involved in NSPE (I even catered every board meeting-we had record attendance) and we are happy.

Shared experiences-his concession-he doesn't complain too much when I bring our miniature macaw to the office once a week-even if she screams "Honey" when she sees him walking down the hall!

I say include your wife in your business.

 

[engphila]

Life is already short, and it's not getting any longer. If you were to die today how much would that project really mean to you? Then, finish it up, get home and hug your family . . . now! Remember, the immediate family is everyone on your side of the door you lock each night. And no one ever put "I wish I worked harder" on their tombstone.

Engineer - Nurse/Pharmaceutical Sales Rep

engphila

 

[MechanicalAnimal]

I loved the comment on female engineers having a big head due to always being surrounded by men. I wish all you guy engineers could be a female engineer for ONE DAY and have to put up with dubious looks wondering "CAN she do it?".

To the original question... Personally I am not married because I think marriage hinders any type of career.
My mother, who is an engineer, earns much more than my father (who's not), and that pretty much killed that marriage.

 

[TenPenny]

I'm an engineer (male) married to a medical doctor.

Our marriage is a partnership, not a competition to see whose career is more important, or who makes more money.

Our family is more important than our jobs, because in the end, that's what you leave as your legacy. Your kids. I'm fortunate to work for a group of people who also believe that family is important. I don't mind working at home in the evenings when necessary, that's why I have high speed wireless at home, but by the same token, if I have to take my daughter to a hockey practice in the afternoon, then I expect some reciprocity.

I don't see any value in being the guy in the casket, where the only visitors are co workers hoping they don't die at their keyboards, too.

 

[apsix]

Personally I am not married because I think marriage hinders any type of career.

That's your choice. Personally I'm glad that there are those who (partially) sacrifice their career so as not to hinder family life.

 

[Timelord]

Well said TenPenny! A star for you.

Timelord

 

[HgTX]

"My mother, who is an engineer, earns much more than my father (who's not), and that pretty much killed that marriage."

Back in your father's day, it was probably almost unheard of for a wife to out-earn her husband. Today, at least in "Western" educated society, a guy who can't handle making less money than his wife is basically just a macho jerk who you shouldn't be marrying anyway.

"Personally I am not married because I think marriage hinders any type of career."

Certainly not the case for men, but for women you may be right in some cases. However, I don't see women around me being held back by the fact that they're married, or even having children. Your mileage, of course, will vary. I just hate the thought that career is the only reason you haven't gotten married, and that you might be deliberately avoiding happiness in the name of career. Seems sad.

Hg, single because I just don't like people



Eng-Tips policies: faq731-376

 

[melone]

Why would being married "hinder any type of career"?

 

[Sparweb]

Okay, I'll weigh in, now. My wife is a project manager for a multi-national company. I work in an independent consultant's office. Guess who has the bigger paycheck? Yes, hers is more than double mine. And mine ain't half bad.

Money issues are divisive when there isn't enough money in the household. When both partners are mature enough to work together, then the money doesn't apply pressure one way or another. Too many people, in my experience, don't get to that stage of maturity, especially men. I do not know one other married male whose wife makes over 2x more than he does.

BTW, the hindrance to females should be obvious to everyone. Shame on anyone who doesn't get it. Hiring a female, in many employers' minds, instantly raises the prospect of "maternity-leave". Especially if she's married. That's a year of paid leave just when a young new hire is getting on her feet in the business. It's a fact of life, and these days employers really can't justify avoiding it.

To all the female engineers (female professionals of all stripes, in fact) out there: The real problem is society's inability to raise boys into men with mature attitudes.

To all the males out there: Grow up. If you think being the principal bread-winner is the way it's supposed to be, you don't realize you're missing something even better!


Steven Fahey, CET

 

[fishtank05]

I'm a female engineer married to another engineer. Thank goodness too. Male engineers wife's seem to have such a huge variety of jobs, but nearly ever female engineer I meet is married to another engineer. Why is that? Me and my husband do things pretty much 50/50 and we make about the same salary too...give or take a couple of thousand. However, we recently needed to move cities, and this happened at the same time I needed a major surgery..so I was unemployed for about 6 months. I'm back in the work force again, and I am so glad because towards the end, even though my husband is very understanding, I was starting to feel like he was my boss.

That's another thing.....maybe its just because I feel I'm in a happy marriage but, I find married life to be a piece of cake. Ppl say it takes so much work, and I don't really see that. 'Course I don't have kids yet....

A good thing about being married to another engineer is he doesn't mind when I have to work a ton of overtime because, he's working it too.

Also, I think its interesting that me and my husband very rarely fight, but when we were lab partners in college I think ever report ending in a shouting match.