Question about work environment 7

[faromic80]

I have an awkward situation at my job. I worked on a project a couple months ago. I had some problems with it, meaning it took me longer than it should have and we were at budget. There was also another project where I was working with another engineer and we were close to budget (for reasons I won't go into but was not entirely my fault). Anyways, we had a meeting with me another engineer, the company principal, and the head office engineer. The head office engineer said in the meeting that he had "lost patience with me" and that's why he's not working with me anymore. Since then (actually, since before that) he has not spoken to me. It's awkward, especially since we have a small open office with 6 engineers. There may have been some work problems, but I don't think it's right for him to act like that. I feel weird. when new projects come in, he asks others what they are working on and if they can take on the new project, except for me. He hasn't asked me, so I'm currently working with another engineer; helping him on his projects. I'm uncomfortable there, and am debating whether or not to send him an email asking him to meet after work to speak about our situation.
Does anyone have any comments on this situation.
Thanks

 

[trainguy]

Faromic80,

Unless you need this job to put food in your kid's mouths, leave now - life is too short.

The guy sounds like an A-hole.

tg

 

[lownox]

Delicate situations are better taken care of in person, in my opinion. Email leaves to much room for misinterpretation. It's to impersonal... again, just my opinion. good luck with it.

 

[lowedogg]

Your boss's behavior is very unprofessional, and in fact, constitutes a hostile work environment. I recommend you write out several speaking points that highlight the good things that you have done and be prepared to address any mistakes you have made and request a meeting with him and his supervisor. Try to get an open dialog going. Don't be overly appologetic, rather emphasize your desire to improve. Firmly, but respectfully demand detailed explanations of why your performance is not acceptable. DO NOT get defensive!

I second the comment that these sorts of matters are best handled face to face with a third person also present. Also, tune up your resume and start putting out some feelers because he may just be a crappy boss.

 

[rtmote]

keep your counsel to yourself. Do not discuss your issues with your peers either.

Always keep a backdoor open and look for other work. At least you are doing everything your can, you never know what may turn up, but keep it to yourself. How may year's experience do you have? Are you mobile?

In a small environment like that he sounds manipulative, unfair and probably a borderline personality. He sounds like he will rewrite history too, a stalinist revisionist, confusing you. Essentially, you don't want to spend your time looking over your shoulders, worrying about his moods, looking for approval or playing the pecking order game. It is not healthy. This situation is more common than most people will admit.

If you can't have a different boss, go for the open road, there is a lot of opportunity out there.


Robert Mote

http://www.motagg.com

 

[faromic80]

Here's an update:
I did speak to him a couple days after I started the thread. It's been better. He seems more willing to help me now. A couple times I think I asked too many questions and he got a little irritated. But I still feel very nervous about making a mistake. I'm not sure if it's me or if I'm intimated/fearful of making a mistake. I've gotten so nervous that I've made silly mistakes like instead of using 40 psf for the uplift of a canopy I used 75 psf. I couldn't figure out why my moment at the base of the canopy was so high, so I asked him. He told me I was confusing him and then he noticed I was using gravity load instead of uplift load. I felt so stupid because these kinds of mistakes are uncharacteristic of me. I guess I need to learn to relax a bit more, but I was still considering leaving/looking for another job just for the sake of what rtmote said: it's not healthy. Just wanted to update everyone in case this can help someone some day.

 

[trainguy]

Faromic80,

I was in a similar situation in my first year in the job, back in 1989.

I had gotten so tense and nervous, that I was not able to perform the functions of an engineer, all because of the relationship with my supervisor.

I decided 6 months into the job that I would quit, and worked for 6 more months (I'm not sure why).

I was so unhappy, that my mindset was:

If I spend the rest of my life in the gutter, quitting will still have been the right decision.

I then was out of work for approx. 3 months, but I was young and no kids or rent to pay.

I then got a job at a great small firm, with a much more respectful, trusting boss. I worked there for 7 yrs, very hard, but very happy. And get this: NO sunday night stomach ache! This is what working is supposed to be like.

I won't bore you with the next few years' details, but suffice it to say I am now part owner of a consulting engineering firm, with what I believe is a good reputation.

By the way, I ran into my former "supervisor" approx. 6 yrs after quitting, and get this - he apologized to me for having been such a jerk - he attributed it to stress, etc. He also said he had seen great potential in me.

Newsflash - I now supervise young engineers and designers and I am very stressed as well - but I do NOT treat them with disrespect.

I still think the guy was an A-hole - even after the apology.

You need to leave this job.

tg

 

[faromic80]

I know all about the Sunday night stomach ache. I had it so bad, it was every night and every morning and even during the day. I have relaxed some, but for some reason and still uncomfortable. I don't know why. I'm not expecting someone to pat me on the back all the time telling me what a good job I did, but I'm not getting feedback. I don't think the feedback thing is a big deal in the big picture, but I was planning on staying here for now, just trying to push through. Although a lot of people are advising me to look for a different job. My old employer actually called me that they have a position available. Actually, he's called me 3 times the last couple months, but I declined because I like the type of work here; working with architects and building design. The other job is more industrial building type of design. At some point though, I may have to start looking at my health and how this is affecting me.

 

[melone]

Why do you care what this jerk thinks? You make it seem this this guy is your father, and are desperate for his approval. Do your best, and then let the chips fall where they may. You need to learn to deal with difficult people.

 

[faromic80]

I agree, I could probably deal with him better, but it's not like I'm not dealing with him at all. Read above. he didn't talk to me and he's my superior. I should start caring less what he thinks, that is right.

 

[melone]

If he wants to act like a spoiled child, then let him. If you let him get under your skin, that you are just as bad as him. Do your best, act professionally, and forget about the rest.

 

[HgTX]

Oh, come on, allowing oneself to be upset by an upsetting person is NOT just as bad as actually being the jerk. Not everyone has the zenmaster ability to turn the other cheek with no hard feelings.

Hg

Eng-Tips policies: faq731-376

 

[jmw]

Notice that his attitude has an element of "self-fulfilling prophecy" in it; he tells you he is unhappy with your work and what is happening? you are starting to make simple mistakes that you know you shouldn't make.

That he is now starting to talk to you isn't actually taking you in the right direction.
All that is happening is that you are starting to justify his original perception and you have to ask if it is telling you something about this guy's style.

If you can't find a way out of this, and you must recognise that so far, even though he now appears to be trying to be helpful, he is actually making things worse, you have to ask where it is going to end.

Logically your performance may continue to deteriorate, and your health, and you will end up fully justifying his original position.
Then what happens? he will let you go and you will have some tough interviews to come and he may permanently affect your confidence and your future career.

You need to solve this problem before it gets that far. It doesn't look like there is a solution with this guy or maybe even with this company.

I'd say you either look for a position with another company that lets you do what you want to do or you commit to a few more years at your old employer until you get your confidence back.
But in reality I'd guess you may be going back under more favourable terms and certainly you will be working in a more conducive environment.
But don't assume it is just going to be your old job. Talk seriously with them and see what they have to offer you. You might be surprised by what they can offer you to make it interesting enough for you to go back to them and you lose nothing by talking.

JMW

http://www.ViscoAnalyser.com

 

[melone]

This sounds like a young engineer, that is easily pushed around by a bully of a manager. The easiest way to defeat a bully is to not be threatened by them. In this case, that means letting this guy act like a child, and you being the grown up.

 

[faromic80]

I realize that, but it was kind of tough since he was not speaking to me and was kind of reluctant to work with me. It's different being a jerk and me brushing it off, and it's another thing to completely disregard someone. That's much more difficult to overcome in a small work environment.

 

[jmw]

When someone calls you three times in a month that knows your work and wants you back, you need to talk. You are in a strong position. Be up front and tell him what you really want and se what he says. He may find you something as interesting or he may accept that you might not be with him for ever, try and agree a commitment to a minimum time. Work out a contract that lets you have a get out clause after a certain period but commits you for a minimum period.


JMW

http://www.ViscoAnalyser.com

 

[rtmote]

Change is good, even if you go with your old firm. Change lets you write the future. You need to get to a positive platform, relax and breathe again.

Be sure not to complain about the current scenario. These are private, personal and great learning curves. Analysing and dissecting with people not knowledgeable with the dynamics, is a waste of time and people start to think you are part of the problem too.

This situation is far more common than most people realise. Keep the knowledge in your eyes and observe. You will encounter again.

Robert Mote

http://www.motagg.com

 

[faromic80]

I thought about leaving my current firm, but am very worried about "job hopping" I had a beginner position at my first job and left for a company that paid much more after 6 months. I knew I would learn more at the new company. They were in power plant industry and so I didn't get to do the building design/coordinate with architects which is what I enjoy. I left there after a year and I've been with this small company now for about 14 months. We do midrise, highrise, low rise, basically all kinds of design all materials. I'm in some financial trouble now, and am thinking about leaving (let alone from the stuff that happened above, which did improve after I spoke to him) to go back to my old company which has excellent (20 times better insurance for families) benefits. I just had a child so this kind of came up. For one, I don't want to job hop. Second, I'll be doing structural design, but not with architects and I'm scared I'll lose out on valuable experience for the future. What do you think? Does anyone have any input?
Thanks

 

[rtmote]

People always go back to go forward. Your decisions must also reflect your realities. You get a win-win and I do not believe you will be judged as job-hopping, you're still learning. If you were job-hopping you would be seeking obscene money, always going to the highest bidder. the best experience, in the longer run, for structural engineers is site experience, that trumps architects. The learning curve with architects is fast and does not need to be a critical factor in your work unless it is what you want to do. I work more with geotechnical, piping and mechanical engineers and every once ina while, deal with architects. You should have a rich mix of people. It will get better and some things you just have to do, answer your own question. I believe you are set to go, if you don't you'll just wonder about that crossroad in life, for a long time.

Robert Mote

http://www.motagg.com

 

[IRstuff]

When we get a resume, we don't see the salaries you got from your job changes, but we do see the 1-yr tenures, so it'll scream "job hopper," and not "diligent learner."

You say that you have money troubles; was that self-induced or an act of nature? If the former, then changing jobs will simply postpone the reckoning; Walt Kelly's Pogo summed it up with, "We have met the enemy, and they are us."

TTFN

FAQ731-376

 

[faromic80]

It's an act of nature