Marriage and Work! 30

[dirtguy4]

We've all heard the joke engineers have a spouse and something on the side...so while they are occupied with eachother the engineer ducks back to the office to get some work done. How many of you engineers out there are going through some "significant other" problems? How many of you....know that even though some of the problems are personal....know for a fact that some of the problems are work....and too much of it?

 

[DaveVikingPE]

I make the money and own the house. As long as I don't deny you due benevolence, I'm the king.

End of story.

Of course, if you both are earners, well, now you're in a partnership, have a good time.

 

[PSE]

Currently trying to work through some spousal issues. Things have improved but I don't know yet how it is going to end up.

 

[monkeydog]

Dave,
I once told my wife "I am king of the castle", she promptly said "I accept that. You are king of the castle, but I am queen of the universe."
Yup, got myself a handful.

 

[mendinho]

There are lots of problems in love relations between engineers and their non-engineers partners. Once, one of my professors said that only an engineer could put up with another engineer. I fact, most of my colleagues are alone or married with engineers.

My girlfriend is non-engineer. Fortunately, she is really patient.

http://NotOnlyBridges.blogspot.com

 

[TheTick]

I've noticed lots of teacher-engineer marriages, especially grade-school teachers. Makes one wonder...

 

[vpl]

Another combination I see a lot of is nurse-engineer. I think for the same reason as the teacher-engineer.

Then I married an engineer. Has made for some interesting times.

Won't say anymore, as I'm trying to get him hooked into eng-tips...


Patricia Lougheed

Please see FAQ731-376 for tips on how to make the best use of the Eng-Tips Forums.

Want to post an image? See FAQ559-1100 and FAQ559-1177.

 

[ScottyUK]

Heh-heh,

I married a teacher. She teaches 5 year old kids. I am not sure what that says about me but, whatever it is, it is probably true!


----------------------------------

Sometimes I only open my mouth to swap feet...

 

[OnlineFEASolver]

I always make a point of avoiding expressing interest in
other women engineers. Most I have found to have a very big
head considering how they are constantly surrounded by
males. Plus why would I want to spend my time competing
with a mirror image of myself?

I know there are engineer-engineer relationships that
seemingly work, so to each their own I suppose!

Principal -

http://www.OnlineFEASolver.com

General FEA Consulting Services

 

[Beggar]

Engineer-Teacher combo here. My career has definitely caused some issues in our marriage. The major ones have involved:

+ Traveling
+ Work hours
+ Need to move in order to find work
+ Resentment toward me when I *assume* she doesn't know much about science and technology. Objectively, she doesn't but she gets mighty steamed when I "teach" her things without her asking.

It's about to switch from Engineer-Teacher to Nurse-Teacher since I've just been admitted to a master's program in nursing on my way to becoming a pediatric nurse practitioner or nurse anesthetist.

Nice to have the stability of a teacher's job to help us make ends meet while I go back to school.

I think the only significance of the large number of Engineer-Nurse and Engineer-Teacher couples are that the former is a predominantly male profession while the latter are predominantly female professions.

Engineers also don't have nearly the earning power nor career stability of physicians and pilots so they're more likely to be married to working women.

--------------------
How much do YOU owe?

http://www.brillig.com/debt_clock/

--------------------

 

[tygerdawg]

My spouse is not an engineer, but technically trained in the medical field. Before marriage my Myers-Briggs test put me as an ISTJ (uber-nerd), she tested 'way down in the touchy-feely-warm-fuzzy corner of the results grid.

I assumed it was "opposite", but it was explained to me that it was "complement". And so it has been.

I made a commitment to her that she is my equal partner in all affairs, even though I am by circumstance the sole breadwinner. This faith-based relationship has gotten us through ups and downs, including job losses, unexpected family deaths, and the birth of our disabled child. But NEVER any marital strife.

Money? Status? Drive the latest SUV? Phooey: it's all fluff. That approach to a relationship is shallow and deserving of pity. I'll trade it all any day for the warm, richly textured, supportive, exciting relationship that I have now.

A good relationship takes hard work, and lots of it. Better roll up your sleeves, buddy.

TygerDawg
Blue Technik LLC
Advanced Robotics & Automation Engineering

http://www.bluetechnik.com

 

[Sideswiper]

Engineer-law firm librarian is working for me.

I personally enjoy being the one making less money.

 

[waskillywabbit]

Engineer-high school teacher...I never have to crack the whip on my two boys...I just sick their teacher mother on them.

I stay in detention a lot too.

Any type of relationship is hard work...if it is a relationship worth keeping.

Brian

 

[dirtguy4]

Wow.....unbelievable....most of the technical posts I write take several days for people to reply and usually they don't have too much to say and usually it is just a couple responses. I was just courious to see what kind of response I would get to this type of post and it is obvious that people have things to say.

The balance of family versus work is difficult these days. I think consulting engineering is one of the most brutal/high stress places to work.......so for those of you who are married to us driven, eccentric, often obsessive engineers.....be it male or female....my hat is off to you. I....and I'm sure many others.....take offence to those who say roll up your sleeves.....often it has nothing to do with that....I was born with no sleeves......work be it in a relationship or not..... is just part of our flux capacitor.....it is who we are.

There is good and bad will all kinds of relationships and I've always felt the key is the love and respect between two people is key. So comments regarding education and engineers being a good match could go either way I think......engineering .....long hours high stress....education...typically union...low hours and lots of vacations. So while the engineer is busting their buns.....the educator....is wanting to go on vacation....maybe it is a good match maybe it isn't....again everyone......this thread is not intended to find that secret recipe and compatability between people....but to help us all find that proper balance between work and spending time with people that matter most.

I believe on our death beds we aren't going to say "hey...I wish I would have worked that extra hour".....I think it will be more of I wish I would have spent more time with my loved ones and had fun with them.......but we still need to earn a living and I don't know about you....I love engineering.....I love everything about it.....if I were to take a university syllabus I would still land on the career that I now have. So what are some tricks that we can use to be more productive at work so that we can spend more time at home? Where is that secret ingredient and what seems to be working for some of you who are finding success?

 

[FrenchCAD]

I am not yet married, but I'm living in couple for 4 years now. She works in the commercial field. No issue between us for now regarding our work problems : she tells me all of her problems and I tell her none of mine

That wouldn't be worth it anyway, she understands not much of my work

Cyril Guichard
Railroad Sub-System Manager
Belgium

 

[prohammy]

All,

I'm married for 10 years now. My wife is a qualified nursary nurse who has spent most of her working life taking care of and in general ehancing the lives of mentally handicapped adults (needless to say the jokes are very easy for my friends).

She is now studying for a degree in psychology and social science (again my friends are sniggering in the corner) and all the while I am the engineer in the family.

We are in may ways the opposite of each other. We tend to disagree on many subjects, politics, the future, the state of the planet today, the list is long. We do, however, openly talk about our differences and as the years have gone by our opinions have changed because of these differing viewpoints.

BUT, when it comes to what we consider the big issues in our lives (and these are private and usually ethical/moral) we do stand together. And this is where I believe that we have found strength.

Oh, and one last thing.....Work belongs at your place of work, and as much as possible should remain there. When that 5 o'clock bell rings and your feet hit the outside world, smile coz the troubles that are in there can stay in there 'til tomorrow (or as my boss once said, solve your work problems at work and don't let them dissolve your home life)

My $0.02 on life

Kevin

“Insanity in individuals is something rare, but in groups, parties, nations and epochs it is the rule” Nietzsche

 

[dirtguy4]

Prohammy,

Nicely put......my philosophy has always been....First Things First......but not necessarily in that order....LOL.

 

[ScottyUK]

Yes, I wholeheartedly agree about leaving work behind the gates of the plant. I refuse to bring it home with me - I'd sooner work a weekend or a late evening at site rather than have the stuff creeping into my home. I could in principle have a VPN connection onto the plant control system network and do a lot of diagnostics without having to drive in but I suspect the phone would never stop ringing with 'Could you just have a look at...' questions. No way! I can use security as an excuse too!

My wife brings loads of stuff home, but she doesn't have much choice in her job.


----------------------------------

Sometimes I only open my mouth to swap feet...

 

[schnipp]

My wife works for a large national retailer. While, her hours tend to jump around week to week, she realy enjoys her job.

It certainly helped when we moved from Ohio to Iowa for my new job. She was able to take a position at the local store and fit right in and feel a welcomed part of society in the new location.

We have friends that are in a similar situation. The husband is working here at the plant as one of about 10 engineers in charge of building a new cogen facility. She stays home with their only child. They also moved from another state to here. She can't stand it as she sits at home with a 2 1/2 year old that knows how to push her buttons.

 

[mechmama]

The engineer wife - electrician husband combination is probably a rare one, but it works for us. We're weird, and we've been together since I graduated high school : )

I'd say power struggles aren't career-related, just a general fact of being married. My friends all go through the same things that I do, even when they're in more traditional roles.

The biggest career-related marriage issue was when I tried to help him with junior college Algebra. He sucked at it, and I couldn't help mentioning that I learned Algebra in 7th grade. Then he mocked me for saying 'plug and chug' when using my calculator. However, I've since learned that I'm not such a smarty pants and there are a lot of things he can do better than me. Always be humble in marriage!