work after having baby 6

[antd15]

I have been working with my company for about half a year and is my first engineering job. I just found out that I am pregnant with my first child (very scared). I am really against daycare for personal reasons and would want to stay at home with my baby until he/she goes into school (about 4 or five years). I am worried that with less than a year of experience and then 4 or 5 years off that once I am ready to get back to work I will have an extremely hard time finding someone that will take me on. Are employers understanding of this type of situation, should I really reconsider daycare, go back to school so that I am not completely out of touch? I would appreciate opinion of someone who is in position of hiring or anyone.

 

[chemello]

I can not speak to your career choices as much as I can to being a parent. While your career is a huge decision, the baby is even bigger. If you choose to raise the child as a stay at haome mom, for whatever period, those times spent with the baby, are priceless and can never be duplicated or recaptured.
The industry would be foolish to not welcome you back with open arms whenever you decide to return. Perhaps your present employer will not be avaialble; their loss.

 

[HgTX]

"The industry would be foolish to not welcome you back with open arms whenever you decide to return."

Nonsense. The industry would be insane to hire someone who's had 4 or 5 years to forget everything she ever learned in school, and didn't even have much work experience under her belt to help solidify that school learning. Why on earth would they pick this person over soneone fresh out of school? On what grounds could she possibly compete with either new grads or experienced workers?

Nothing wrong with prioritizing family over job, but let's not artificially reassure her. Either choice will have its consequences, both positive and negative.

Hg



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[KENAT]

I'm inclined to think HgTX may have a point.

As someone doing the hiring who is more attractive.

Person A with 6 month - 1 year of recent experience little or no employment gap.

Person B with 6 month - 1 year of experience 5 years ago and no directly relevant employment experience since.

It may not seem fair or right but I know which way I'd lean, at least initially.

I was told by more than one person (including one giving me an interview) that you should try and make your first post last at least 3-4 years and that this looks more attractive to prospective employees than a shorter period. This isn't always possible and I'm sure there are people here who did'nt do this and don't feel they suffered, but thought I'd add it in.

If you choose to have the gap find a way to stay connected as others suggest, just don't underestimate the time the baby will take. It may not be possible to fit in an entire masters, both for time and cost reasons, but you could perhaps manage one class a semester or something.

Some of the posters seem to underestimate the difficulty of finding any job but then perhaps I'm just not that attractive of an option or not good at job hunting and that's why it took a while to find both my engineering jobs.

Some people act as if you're neglecting you children if you send them to day care from a young age, or at least look on it as less preferential. However, I'm inclined to be a bit more charitable, especially given economic realities and our current culture. Do whatever you think is best based on the information you are able to obtain, that's all any of us can do as parents.

Either way congrats and good luck!

 

[HgTX]

If you're going to be out for five years, might as well make it seven years instead and get the master's degree. Or six years and a 9-month M.Eng.

You'll still need to spend some time during that last year re-learning a lot of your undergrad stuff so that you can survive grad school. EIT/FE review books probably covers a lot of ground in a fairly efficient manner. For that matter, if you haven't taken the FE exam, doing that sometime before the grad school application process will help your case for grad school.

By the age of 3 or 4 your child will start having a social life, playdates at other people's houses, etc. You might even find an advantage in sending the kid to daycare part-time for socialization purposes at that age; I know some stay-at-hom parents who do this. That time apart during the day, in combination with Dad having primary responsibility in the evenings, would give you time to yourself to prepare for grad school and applications.

If you have more kids, of course, the whole timeline gets shifted over. Which isn't the end of the world, except for the part about re-learning everything you did for your bachelor's degree. And by then, your thinking about what you want to do for a living may have completely changed anyway.

hg

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[michfan]

I agree with Hg. Face reality...in this economy it is difficult enough to find a decent engineering job with a decent company when you have a full, continuous resume of engineering work, a P.E., or at least several years of experience.

Throw in an absence of any type, whether it's a layoff, a return to school, or family leave and you will find yourself having to explain that absence to a prospective employer, because they WILL ask you about it.

Now factor in the fact that her resume will have just one job as a beginning engineer with roughly a year's experience and then a 5+ year absence. In 5 years, if she can say "I decided to return to school for my graduate degree..." rather than "I took 5 years off to raise my family" I think she would make a much better impression during an interview if she truly decides she wants to return to engineering. The reality is, at least in the U.S., that staying home to raise a child (probably the most important thing she will EVER DO in her life!) is not a good career move. Without more experience, she can't have it "all".

Before anyone blasts either me or Hg, take a minute to think about her situation. There are too many factors involved to be able to say with 100% certainty that she'll have no trouble landing a great job in 5 years. What will the economy be like then? Who knows. Is she in a very competitive field with few openings or is her field growing and jobs are plentiful? Would she be willing to relocate her family to go where the jobs are?

Between now and then, another 5 or 6 years' worth of graduates will be out there, fighting with her for the same entry-level (0-3 yrs experience) jobs. But, with a Master's degree and a good transcript, she'll be giving herself the best of both worlds - time to do what is most important to her, raising her baby, and furthering her education which will definitely give her a "leg up" over the competition once she decides to return to engineering work.

I, myself, am female so don't lump me into some kind of chauvinist pig category--I've lived through this. When I interview for a new job, I feel like the person is wondering if I'm married, if I have kids, will I be leaving to have kids, etc. I don't wear a ring, and I have actually had an interviewer ask me what my plans were in this area, which I don't think is legal but what can you say when you are sitting across a desk from someone that you hope to work for???

I took time off to return to college for a master's. I was also laid off from an engineering job and took 2 years there to open my own business. My advice would be to do what she can to keep her resume full during her time away from engineering. Whether it is school or part-time work somewhere, even at her current company (daycare isn't all bad-a few hours a day really does help a child to learn social skills!), she will need to show a continuing drive to remain in her field or she'll be left behind.

 

[BrunoPuntzJones]

I know a woman who entered graduate school six months after having her first child (for a MEng), a year into the program she quit... to pursue a PhD instead. Four years later she is just finishing the PhD and along the way she had a second child. Her husband was supportive, but he worked full time as well. I'm not quite sure how she managed it, but she is proof that it can be done.

 

[nise56]

Thanks everyone for your thoughts. I know that I will have to do some real thinking on what steps I will take. I am the first generation to attend college and all the women in my family have been wives and stay at home moms. I just want to contribute and be a part of both worlds.

 

[HgTX]

For what it's worth, I'm a happy graduate of a Montessori daycare. I went in at age 2.5 and loved it. Then again, I was a scholarly sort of tot.

Hg

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[jpankask]

One other thing to consider, unless you take some serious planning measures; the chances of becoming pregnant again in the next five years are pretty good so it will be more than 5 years away from work.

Some people don't have it in them to stay-at-home and some people say they just can't afford it. If you can afford it and are inclined to it, I don't believe you will ever regret it. My wife planned to go back to work after our first child but when the time came, she just couldn't do it. She has now been a stay at home mom for 6+ years and never once have we regretted that decision. You will be blessed for the decision. Raising your children is the most important job you can have and you will never get another chance at it. Deal with the consequences later.

I have two comments regarding getting back into engineering:
1) Someone will hire you... it may not be your ideal job to start out but someone will hire you.
2) Consider taking some distance learning classes part time as you gear up to go back to work. Even if you don't get the full master's degree, this will help you to get back up to speed on engineering subject and new technology and it will help to show a potential employer how serious you are.
3) Take your education and continue your stay-at-home status by homeschooling your children. You won't believe the "job satisfaction" you get from that endeavour.

Good luck with your decision and congratulations on the baby!

 

[chaulklate]

During your time off, join some technical groups and attend meetings and seminars, use it as a method to stay in the loop as well as to network. There could be many people out there in your same situation or you may meet men with wives in the same situation, it's really not that uncommon. My wife will be taking at least one year off starting May to welcome our first baby, she has already began networking and finding groups to participate in just to keep the grey matter stimulated. And keep visiting and contributing to the eng-tips technical forums. Another thing to consider; it's not like the engineering curiculum radically changes every year. Chances are pretty good you will still have the same knowledge base as new grads 5 years from now. Enjoy your family, they are only babies once.

 

[epoisses]

"1) Someone will hire you... it may not be your ideal job to start out but someone will hire you.
2) Consider taking some distance learning classes part time as you gear up to go back to work. Even if you don't get the full master's degree, this will help you to get back up to speed on engineering subject and new technology and it will help to show a potential employer how serious you are."

"Another thing to consider; it's not like the engineering curiculum radically changes every year. Chances are pretty good you will still have the same knowledge base as new grads 5 years from now"

No sorry guys, I really think this is WAY to optimistic. And it's not about engineering and not about women, anybody who steps out of any high-level job for 5 years will have enormous difficulty to get back in at the same level or to get back in at all. 5 years is LONG and, probably even more importantly, 6 months is SHORT! Something else: 5 years of hands-on engineering experience can never, never be replaced by distance learning. (As a matter of fact I have to admit I don't see the sense of distance learning at all as far as engineering is concerned).

I am not trying to criticize taking 5 years off to raise one or several kids. I just want to lower the job prospects after that 5y period to what I think is a realistic level.

 

[epoisses]

PS of course IF you decide to do this and IF you have difficulty to find a job, I will switch on motivational speech mode and try to be less of a pain in the butt!

 

[HgTX]

I liked the the distance learning suggestion, but I saw it as a way to get geared back up for grad school, which I really think may be the only way to get back into the engineering workforce. No one is going to remember how to do anything they learned in school after a 5-year absence. Hell, I didn't remember most of what I learned in school after 5 years on the job.

I left engineering school for 5 years in the middle of my undergrad education. Before I came back, I had to re-learn all the calculus, physics, and statics I needed to take undergrad civil engineering classes. It took me a couple of months of full-time study to re-learn 3 or 4 courses' worth of material, and I didn't have a job or a family to raise.

Hg

Eng-Tips policies: faq731-376

 

[jpankask]

epoisses,
So you believe that no one can ever get a job after having done something different for 5 or 6 years? Engineers switch careers all the time into a field they have little experience in. No one here is saying the OP will find her dream job after having not been in the workforce for several years or that she will step right back into her old job with seniority. It may take months after she decides to go back to work to actually find a job but there will be one out there somewhere. I will guarantee there are hiring managers out there who would hire a degreed engineer with a year of experience and 5 years of "time-management" training, especially if that engineer has spent part of that 5 years involved with engineering groups and/or working part time on master's level classes. Most engineering positions use very little of what you actually learned in your undergrad schooling anyway. A lot of it is on-the-job training.

Regarding engineering distance learning...this subject has been posted many times but I learned more useful, real-world knowledge while getting my distance learning masters degree than I ever got from my bachelors degree. It is much harder to take distance learning classes but distance learning master's degrees and very valuable and viable in engineering.

 

[mechmama]

I think the biggest challenge the OP will face isn't finding a job, it will be managing the job and family after 5 years in family mode. As someone who's worked or gone to school full-time with young children for my entire adult life, I can tell you that it's HARDER once the kids are in school. Daycare for little ones is easy. You can drop your kids at 7, pick up at 6, and they're open holidays, sick days, whatever. Wait till your 6 your old is in first grade. . .you can only drop off at 8:00, pick up at 3:30, find someone or some program for mornings and afternoons, take time off work for the 25 days a year kids are out of school when you are not out of work because you have yet to accrue vacation at your new job. Arrange 3 months of care in the summer. It's a nightmare for working parents. I can't imagine trying to adjust to restarting my career, leaving my child for the first time, and renegotiating child care and household duties with my partner all at once. Not that you can't do it, I'm just pointing at that things don't magically get easy when kids go to school.

As for whether you can find a job or not, the answer can be nothing but "it depends." Is your chosen field in need of people, does your added maturity offset the fact that you've been out of industry a while, etc. 5 years ago my employer was having mass layoffs, and now they're hiring any engineer with a pulse.

My best advice is to not stress out too much. Things will work out. I've made some really dumb career and personal decisions in life, but I've always managed to come out better off in the long term.

Best of luck to you!

 

[KENAT]

jpankask I wish I could share your optimism and hope you're right but I can't hand on heart buy into it.

metgirl05, remember what they say about free advice, it's not worth the money you paid for it!

 

[michfan]

I have a hard time worrying about where I'll be 5 years from now anyway! Just over 5 years ago I landed a great engineering job and thought I'd be there for life. Now I have a business and "dabble" in engineering to pay the bills (hopefully temporarily!) Funny how things change, but I get so much more pleasure and fulfillment from my business then I ever got from engineering. Stress is still there but it's my own stress, not forced on me by a incompetent manager (except my "dabbling" is really starting to stress me out again...).

She may decide to take on another child or two and provide daycare in her home - my sister did that while raising her 3 children and took home more money each week than I did from engineering. And, she could write off a ton of her home and car expenses.

Life is short...don't worry about what will come 5 years from now. It will be here before we know it. Her new baby will only be a baby for a little while. I think her priorities are definitely in the right place.

 

[woodengineer]

Congratulations!! You will absolutely NOT have trouble finding a job after waiting. The industry needs good engineers and will accept you with open arms when you are ready. You may find yourself in a position of deciding which company is worthy of you as they are all biding for you.

As a matter of fact, I just had my first baby (pretty much as you were drafting this email.) I am only taking a week off, but my wife is going to take 4 or 5 years off from employment. She is also a professional and her industry will be waiting for her with open arms (as it will for you.)

woodengineer

 

[KENAT]

Take a look at thread731-178725 and see if you still think it will be a piece of cake finding a job after 5 years or so out and with only 6 months experience.

I don't want to discourage you but am trying to give you what I think is the realistic view point.

Good luck whatever way it goes, make sure and enjoy whatever time you do have with the kid, they grow up so fast.

 

[epoisses]

Agree with KENAT.
After 5 years of doing other things you will be a complete newbie again... AND you will remember just as much from your engineering masters as you currently remember from Spanish, biology, history or anything else you learnt at school before you started engineering.
This does not mean that it will be impossible to find a decent job. But just keep in mind that you will have a major handicap vs all engineers that will come fresh out of school 5 years from now, without even mentioning your generation of fellow engineers that will have 5 years hands-on experience and will have switched jobs 2 or 3 times.
Anyway I stop before I start to repeat myself if not already.