work after having baby 6

[antd15]

I have been working with my company for about half a year and is my first engineering job. I just found out that I am pregnant with my first child (very scared). I am really against daycare for personal reasons and would want to stay at home with my baby until he/she goes into school (about 4 or five years). I am worried that with less than a year of experience and then 4 or 5 years off that once I am ready to get back to work I will have an extremely hard time finding someone that will take me on. Are employers understanding of this type of situation, should I really reconsider daycare, go back to school so that I am not completely out of touch? I would appreciate opinion of someone who is in position of hiring or anyone.

 

[plasgears]

Congrats,
My daughter in law is a Coast Guard officer, Lt Cdr, who has been on active duty for a number of years, delivered two children, and her career is still going steadily uphill. I won't go into details, but she has had her share of challenges on the job, mostly personnel mgt and discipline problems. Kids and gender have not gotten in the way.

They use military facility day care, which is paid on a monthly basis. The grandkids don't seem to suffer from the experience.

 

[graybeach]

Metgirl05,
Why not plan on taking a nice long maternity leave and see how you feel after that. I took 6-7 months off when each of my two children were born, which was fantastic. At that point, it was much less painful for me to place them in day care. For me, it was actually easier to work when they were younger. Once they hit school age, things got a lot more complicated because of after school activities, field trips and school events that took place during the day. But then they were old enough for us to have a live in Au Pair, which can be very economical. Now they are in high school - too old for an Au Pair. I had to take a job closer to home with shorter hours to prevent my house from becoming afternoon party central.
Maybe you could get a job with a government agency where you might have shorter work hours, more sick leave and vacation and retirement at a relatively young age. Congratulations and good luck.

 

[AEH3]

Metgirl05,

Congratulations! I worked for 5 years before my first child was born, then worked fulltime for a year before switching to parttime (3 days/week). I continued this schedule after my second and third children were born. When the littlest was a toddler, we moved for my husband's job and I stayed at home for a year. I then pursued my PhD for a year, but the youngest had some developmental issues, so I stayed home again until he entered school. After a long search, I finally landed a part time job (practically the dream job for me.) So from my perspective, I believe the best advice so far is:

1) Take a long maternity leave - this will help you sort out what it best for you.
2) Talk to your present employer about part time work. It is far easier to switch to part time rather than looking for a part time job. I have found working part time is a great solution. I can spend time with the kids, yet still am challenged, have income, and have the security of a second income if anything happens to my husband or his job.
3) It is far easier to manage work/daycare before the kids hit school. I used to work 3 days/week, but now I work 4-5 shorter days (leave when they get on the bus and be home when they get off). Homework and after school activities add to the fun. Not complaining, just different balls to juggle - thank goodness my boss understands.
4) If you decide to stay home, keep in touch with your boss/coworkers so if you decide to come back, you still hve your foot in the door. Great idea, it will be easier to get a job, especially part time, with your present company.
5) If you decide to stay home, don't worry about it. I loved staying home with my children even though it was only for a little while. I wish I could have stayed home longer.

Good luck! Enjoy your pregnancy and your baby.

Last bit of advice - have a lot of dates with your husband and maybe some nice vacations before the baby is born. It is hard to find a lot of "alone" time together afterwards!!!

 

[rothamer]

Metgirl05,

Congratulations.
I think some people on this board are overdoing it a bit with the “never get a job if you take time off” warnings. When I graduated, I was unable to find an engineering job, and ended up doing something completely different (non-technical sales) for two and a half years. Eventually, I took a couple of engineering classes to “freshen up” and found an entry-level engineering position. Not only did I do okay despite almost three years of limited engineering involvement, but my career has progressed to a point where I think I’m doing as well as I would have been had I gotten an entry-level job right out of school. I credit this at least in part to a certain degree of maturity that can come only from life experience which is often lacking in those fresh out of college. As someone who is in the hiring seat nowadays, I give a lot of weight to previous work experience. All other things equal, given a choice of a kid with a new degree or someone with a year’s experience and a couple of years out of the workforce to raise kids, I’d chose the latter, no problem

 

[Ashereng]

metgirl05,

Congrats on the baby.

With regards to re-starting your career, here are some thoughts:

1) Yes it will be possible. Lots of people change careers, start anew, etc.

2) Yes it will probably be harder than if you didn't take 4-5 years off. But what did you expect? You may need to take some courses to "freshen up", maybe a masters degree to catch up on the new technologies, maybe keep up to date on your own, maybe ...

3) Yes, most companies will probably be understanding. Not all men are misogynist dinosaurs from a bygone era. And in 4-5 years time, hopefully, there will be more women doing the hiring.

4) No, that understanding probably wouldn't help you much. Put yourself in their shoes. Would you hire you, or someone who came straight out of school and have been working for the last year?

Finally, I think all of this worrying is moot. In 4-5 years, who knows what the future holds? Maybe you will decide to not be an engineer and instead open your own business in another industry that you discover in 2 years.


"Do not worry about your problems with mathematics, I assure you mine are far greater."
Albert Einstein
Have you read FAQ731-376 to make the best use of Eng-Tips Forums?

 

[sns777]

Hello Metgirl05. I am a work-outside-the-home Mom, (PE with about 13 years in civil engineering). I have two kids, 7 and 4. I hear what your saying.

My opinion on your questions . . .
You said: "I am worried that with less than a year of experience and then 4 or 5 years off that once I am ready to get back to work I will have an extremely hard time finding someone that will take me on."
I don't think you will have an "extremely" hard time. It really depends on the market. If employers need people, you will have an easier time getting a job. Likewise in a tighter market, you may have a little harder time. You basically will have to start out at the bottom all over again. This is not necessary a bad thing, just have patience. At my previous employer, I worked with a female CAD person. She said she used to waitress. One day she got sick of waitressing, so she started doing CAD with no previous experience. I know it is not the same as engineering but people start/change new careers all the time. I see you as no different than someone deciding to start a new career mid-life. People do it all the time. When the time comes to return to work, if you have the desire and are persistent (and perhaps take some refresher courses), I think you will eventually get your foot in a door somewhere and be on your way.

"Are employers understanding of this type of situation?"
Overall, yes I think employers ARE understanding of this type of situation. There probably WILL be employers who aren't, but you may not want to work for them anyway if their value system is such that they don't understand your decision.

". . . should I really reconsider daycare, go back to school so that I am not completely out of touch?"
I personally think it is unrealistic to think that you can go to school or work-from-home part time "to stay in touch" while you are home with very young children. Before I had kids, I thought this was possible. Now that I have kids, I got educated real fast that taking care of children is a full time job. Also, you don't want to fill your every waking moment at home squeezing in work. After all, part of the reason one chooses to stay at home is to ENJOY your child's childhood. Personally, I question a parent who says they want to "stay at home to raise their children" and then have their nose buried in a book or a computer. They might as well be at work.

My personal story;
I purposely waited to have kids to give me time to develop some professional self confidence. This is not necessary though. I really wanted to stay home until they started school and I also had the same concerns as you regarding re-entering engineering after being out for years.

At the time, my husband didn't make enough money to support the family. He did not want me to stop working because he didn't think we could make it and frankly he was right. So we decided daycare BUT I would work a reduced schedule, 32 hr/wk. I approached my current boss about a reduced schedule and he reluctantly agreed. Later when I quit that job, he said he was never happy with my part-time schedule.

I now still work part time 32hr/wk (it has been 7 years) and my current employer has no problem with it. I do not get the big important projects but it is a tradeoff I am willing to make. My youngest (4) starts school this fall. I will probably go back to full time at that time. Part time work is a godsend!

I cried when I had to send my baby to daycare. I would take my lunch hour(daycare was close to work) to go and just hold my baby in my arms and smell her baby hair. Last week, my 4 year old told me that the babysitter said that she was her "second Mom". Ouch. I sometimes feel that my second child loves that babysitter more than me. I sometimes feel that I haven't given my second child as much attention as she needs. I'm always so busy. On the plus side, daycare and work provided a structure that seemed to help my baby (and me) sleep well. She always slept better through the week than on weekends ( I guess all the stimulation tired her out.)

I took 10 weeks leave with my first child and 12 weeks with my second. Both without pay (small company) and used savings to pay bills. At six weeks, my first baby was still waking up 2 and 3 times a night and I was exhausted. I agree with other posters on taking a decent maternity leave. Don't rush it. Who ARE these people that go back to work after 3 weeks? At 3 weeks I was barely getting a shower everyday let alone being able to go back to work! ?

Anyway I hope some of this helped. Good luck with whatever you decide and congratulations on your little one.

P.S. Your kids will always need you. Even (especially) when they are school age and beyond! Not just when they are babies.