work after having baby 6

[antd15]

I have been working with my company for about half a year and is my first engineering job. I just found out that I am pregnant with my first child (very scared). I am really against daycare for personal reasons and would want to stay at home with my baby until he/she goes into school (about 4 or five years). I am worried that with less than a year of experience and then 4 or 5 years off that once I am ready to get back to work I will have an extremely hard time finding someone that will take me on. Are employers understanding of this type of situation, should I really reconsider daycare, go back to school so that I am not completely out of touch? I would appreciate opinion of someone who is in position of hiring or anyone.

 

[TheTick]

Congratulations.

If geography and time permit, school is a good option. This will allow you to stay current (or even progress) and still spend enough time at home.

Staying home to raise a child is a good reason to not have a job (notice I didn't say "not work"). It should be perfectly acceptable to any reasonable potential employer.

Contract work is a good way to get back into the job market if there are some gaps in your work history. If your spouse has insurance, then you can opt for more money and fewer benefits.

Honesty may be the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.

http://www.EsoxRepublic.com

-SolidWorks API VB programming help

 

[sms]

First of all congrats!

I probably will take a beating for this post, but in my opinion you needn't worry. I think that you have your priorities exactly right, and in 4 or 5 years there will probably be even greater demand for your skills than there is right now. With the ever increasing demand for diversity in engineering, there will continue to be high demand for women engineers.

I would start with your current company and see what if anything they can do to work with you in a telecommuting or part time arrangement. If that doesn't work, I would stay involved in the field as much as possible, attend a couple conferences each year, take a course here and there if possible so that when you are ready to go back to work that you can demonstrate that you aren't too rusty. At some point when you are settled down and are a bit more comfortable with your situation you might also look at part time or contract assignments that you can do from home. Hey, for that matter start your own consulting business, even if you don't have very many clients, at least it demonstrates that you remained involved and interested.

But enjoy the ride, investing in children is a very worthwhile endevor.


-The future's so bright I gotta wear shades!

 

[MiketheEngineer]

Congrats !! Some other thoughts..

Having a baby is pretty full time..obviously having never done it.. However...

When the time comes for you to inform your company - like when it is obvious - you might explore the possiblity of job-sharing/splitting (4 hours a day), part-time work, work from home, etc. Do this only if you are really interested. Some companies can be VERY accomodating!! Most aren't.

And good luck.

 

[Romeosperson]

Congratulations on the news.

When I'm interviewing, I wouldn't hold the fact that someone chose to stay home against them. What might hurt you is losing touch with the industry a little. If there is something that you can do to keep up, whether that is school, contract work, or working part time, that would probably make you much more marketable in the future. You obviously won't keep up with your counterparts now, and you will need to be prepared to start back near or at the bottom again.

If you feel strongly about not using daycare, obviously, you shouldn't be guilted into reconsidering.

Perhaps you could find another mom you could co-op with who has a baby similar in age? Or some similar option to traditional daycare which would allow you to work a day a week or so to keep up your experience. Some employers might be open to working from home a couple days a week. Other employers allow their employees to bring the baby to work for the first few months - before they learn to crawl and move around. Do a bit of reseach, you never know what options might be available to you. And if none of it appeals to you, stay home. Then when you are ready to go back to work, you can figure out the details.

 

[GregLocock]

Congratulations, but if I might strike a note of doom and gloom... The OP has six months of engineering experience. Do you guys really think she can start a consultancy? Do you really think that a (say) 28 year old with 6 months of engineering experience is really going to be a preferred alternative when competing with 23 year olds straight out of uni, when she interviews to come back to the workforce?

I think the trick will be to stay current in engineering and develop your skills. Sorry, I don't see an easy solution. Hopefully somebody will have a more positive suggestion. Judging by my friends with kids, even 4 hours a day at work is unlikely until they are at least 3 years old.

Depending on your employment laws and contracts, try and sort this out NOW with your current employer.

Cheers

Greg Locock

Please see FAQ731-376 for tips on how to make the best use of Eng-Tips.

 

[sms]

Greg, she didn't say where she is, what industry she is in, how big a company or city, or what her educational background is, so it is a bit hard to say one way or the other.

Houston Texas, MS in materials, working for a large oil company, all of that is possible.

Small town Pennsylvania, BS degree, maybe not.

Bottom line is that women engineers in the US have lots of opportunities and options. Even with six months experience there are large companies that would hire her on a contract or consulting basis in order to make their contracting EEO targets. Even if she lives in small town Pennsylvania, and the company is in Houston Texas. Right or wrong the opportunities are out there. Carpe Diem!

-The future's so bright I gotta wear shades!

 

[ctopher]

Congrat's.
Look into working virtual (office at home). It has become more common throughout the industry.

Chris
SolidWorks 06 5.1/PDMWorks 06
AutoCAD 06
ctopher's home (updated 02-10-07)

 

[ilovechickens]

Hi there,

Congrats.

I can sympathise a little with how you will be feeling as I am expecting baby number 2 in a couple of months.

I think for us girls this is a hard decision no matter what profession you are in, but because engineering is typically male orientated anyway, there is not the support around you that perhaps in other professions you might get. (There is no way in my comany when there are 50 males and 2 female engineers that I am in a strong position to push for subsidised day care or paid maternity leave).

I took 3 months off to have number one, and then when she was 11 weeks old I went back to work full time. This was a personal choice for a number of reasons including: I love my job (I am not a stay at home coffee group kind of girl I need more stimulation than that), the money is pretty useful (although not totally essential - we could survive on one income) and the main reason for me is my father died when I was very young, leaving my mother with 4 kids, no money, no life insurance and no job. I decided it was very important that I could support my family by myself.

My daughter gets far more stimulation and experiences in daycare than she would at home with me. Sure there are days she doesn't want me to leave her, and times I have to leave a screaming child at the window because I have an urgent meeting to go to (and although I feel rotton I know that in 2 minutes if I peak through the window she is off with her friends having a good time). Generally though, as a working mum I love daycare - to me daycare is easier than having kids at school - you drop them off at 8.00, pick them up at 5.00, whereas school is only from 9.00am until 3.00pm). My daughter's daycare arranges lots of extras like swimming lessons, haircuts etc. I am more worried what I will do when my daughter goes to school in another year.

I would recommendation having a go at working part time if your employer is willing to let you. (I am amazed the number of females I know who DEMAND that they come back part time, without even discussing this - some jobs it is not possible). This would enable you to stay in the work force such that in a few years time you can go back full time if you wish (especially since chances are you'll have more than one child so that will mean 7 or 8 years out the work force, not 5). You'll most likely not get the best and biggest projects to work on but it would keep you current and in the field. Engineering is not a field you learn (or relearn) in a couple of weeks.

Realistically, don't kid yourself that you can work from home, or undertake extensive volumes of study - the only way I can work from home typically is if my daughter is somewhere else.

When number 2 comes along, I will again take 3 months off, before returning to work fulltime. I am currectly working on some pretty big projects so I want to keep in the loop regaarding these (and there really is no one else to do so) so I hope to work a few hours a week from home.

In the end the choice has to be one you are happy with - if you want to stay at home, then do so - don't worry what other people think. As long as you and your husband and baby are happy with the way things are, forget everyone else - we all have different opinions, and you can never keep everyone happy so keep yourself happy. As I saw written somewhere, "the past is gone, the future is unknown, live for now, it is a gift, that is why it is called the present".

Enjoy your baby whichever decision you make.

 

[GregLocock]

* for that, good to hear from the BTDTGTTS side of the fence.

Cheers

Greg Locock

Please see FAQ731-376 for tips on how to make the best use of Eng-Tips.

 

[MissouriPE]

I think you have a couple of options to stay in touch with the engineering world in order to smooth your re-entry and most of them have been discussed here. But I have to admit that I purposely waited to have my children until after I got my P.E. for many of the reasons that you are probably feeling scared about right now. I guess in my mind I would have managed had something happened unplanned, but I lucked out that both times I decided it was time for a baby, I made the decision to have them and got pg right away.

I disagree with anyone who thinks you can plan on working with an infant at hand. Maybe in a few spurts and jerks here and there, but it totally depends on the baby. My first (son) came out screaming and didn't stop for (no lie) 4.5 months!! And NOTHING made him stop. I begrudgingly returned to work at 3.5 weeks (WAY too soon) b/c my dh lost his job and I was threatened with dismissal (not protected under FMLA b/c I started the job 9 weeks pg - so it had been less than a year). They did work with me during an EXTENDED bedrest (oh, what will you do if that happens? 10 weeks flat of my back to keep from having a preemie!). I had terrible postpartum depression, breastfeeding problems (oh the joyful stories I could tell) and in the middle of that first year of hell, we sold our house and started building a new one - ACK!!! Remember, it does get better. But there is nothing more awful that worrying about babies getting sick (which they do all the time especially in daycare). So even though I am not the SAHM type, I can totally relate to the joy of not having to juggle career on top of it all.

Second baby (daughter) was a much easier pg (although I still puked A LOT, but at least no bedrest). Was at an IECA workshop on Friday, gave birth on Sunday at lunch. LOL She came out and was a dream compared to her brother. When she cried, it was most usually fixable and she slept longer periods of time sooner and was a champ at nursing (practially had to pry her off). I also made a VERY wise decision to take off six weeks and then 4 more part time weeks to ease back into working and by the time she was in daycare fulltime, both of us had acclimated to it. I was ready to be back at work. She will still occassionally cry, but heck - she also cries when I pick her up! Doesn't want to leave!

Every woman, every baby is different. Hard to know what you will think and feel in 9 mo. I have a friend that actually walked away from an engineering sales job to stay at home with HIS daughters (his wife made twice what he did as head of IT for a major hospital). He stayed at home for 4 or 5 years until daughter #2 went to school and worked odd jobs here and there (not engineering) to get out of the house. He made it back into the work force ok, but definitely several notches lower than he would have had he not taken the time off. Such is life. We all make decisions as to what is best for us and for our families. Maybe you will go back to the same type of job, maybe a different type of job. Maybe you will want to consider a masters degree to "freshen up" your skills before returning to work. Maybe you will want to do some part time work. It is hard to say. Only you can know what will work best for you and frankly, you may not even know what THAT is right now.

Best wishes for a happy and healthy 9 mo. I personally hated being pg and the infant stage leaves a lot to be desired. But we just got rid of the last diapers in our house and it is a very fun time to hang out with my kindergartener and preschooler. Love them a lot - and they are only little once.

CL

 

[IRstuff]

We elected to go with daycare, specifically a Montessori, which did a pretty decent job of preparing our kids for school. Ostensibly, that's something that could be done at home, but most parents are not trained teachers, and even some other daycares with trained teachers don't do as good a job.

Montessori stresses tactile learning, has LOTS of props and a relatively structured learning environment.

Another thing to start early with is Yamaha music school. We started our eldest at 4, and while the first 3 years seemed to be low on piano instruction, the ear training that did occur in that time was priceless. He has perfect pitch and is able to figure out how to play songs simply by listening. We missed the boat on the younger one, though.

TTFN

 

[dik]

All the best on your new adventure... nothing to be frightened about; our last child was born at home with the assistance of a midwife (He's 24 now and I'm not suggesting that for a first time event). It's a wonderful adventure you are embarking on. The only suggestions I can regarding pregnancy are to enjoy it, to exercise and to eat healthy. It's surprising how much advice is offered! some good, some not so good. I can offer a whole pile of anecdotes... including a 2 year old taking a couple of beers to a neighbour... Enjoy!

That said, with your experience, it would not appear that you are registered as a PE or P.Eng and that might limit your ability to work from home. You can check with other firms or even your current firm to see if you can do this; with technology, it's easier and easier; I essentially live with my laptop... faxing, email, scanning, preparing reports, offloading photos from my camera, etc. I have of late been working from my home due to my wife's illness. It's difficult, and time consuming, but it can be done. A small home office can be set up with little expense... depending on the work you do. Your office can grow with your child to be. Time management may become an issue...

Dik

 

[bk11]

I've taken a career break of one year early in my career. I took off for a year to travel. I didn't keep in touch with the industry at all while I was away and found work easily enough when I got back, in spite of a job slump.

My tip would be to have the email addresses of a couple of key colleagues or your boss and pop in to your old workplace on the odd occasion. Even if you end up resigning, hopefully you'll have one friend from that job that may be able to help with a reference later on.

One of my ex-colleague's occasionally passes through and has kept a few friends in the organisation. She also brings the baby and we all get a cuddle.

From what my friends have encountered, being a full-time mum and trying to squeeze in some engineering consulting work is difficult and often to the detriment of time with their partners. Mostly they would start on the work between 10pm and midnight and found it hard to conectrate on it. One woman thrived on it and finished her PhD, another found it very stressful and not worth her time.

Congratulations and good luck!

 

[swearingen]

My only advice is to wait until after the baby comes to make your decision. Your priorities and life view will change dramatically. You cannot know now what I'm talking about, but in a few short months it will all become clear.

The reason I say this is because I've seen so many new mothers do an about face right after they have had their first child. One good friend of mine swore she would be back at work in a couple of months. Years and another child later and she's still happily at home. Another thought she would stay home - it turns out she is more like Turbokiwi and was just not built that way. She's also had another child and is still full time in the workforce, having stayed home for 8 weeks for each one.

It's such a personal decision and there's many arguments each way - you've seen several above. Do your research and some soul searching after the stork delivers your precious package...

 

[dtn6770]

It’s not my intention to be ugly or judgmental in what I’m about to write. I just want to offer different perspectives someone may have.

A future employer MAY view you’re your history negatively in the sense that:

1) If you had planned on starting a family shortly after starting your career, it probably wasn’t a well conceived plan (pardon the pun).
2) If you hadn’t intended to have a child so soon then you were irresponsible.

That said, I still doubt you’d have any trouble getting a job several years down the road if you have any technically competence. I’d like to think smart engineers will always be in demand. I’d say the other thing you’ll always have going for you is your gender but that’s probably only true in some sectors, geographical and industrial, where companies need to balance the workforce.

Not wanting to fuel a long debate about the pros and cons about daycare I’ll quickly offer my experience/advice and be done. My family has done it both ways and we find that a stay at home parent is much more to our liking. Follow through with your plan but add to it any other children you may decide to have, then go back to work.

Kids are a good thing. Best of luck.

 

[BrunoPuntzJones]

If I were you, I would seriously look at going back to school. Consider the benefits:

1) Easier to get a job when you want to go back.
2) Could easily be done part time.
3) You would continue to grow as an engineer.
4) You get to meet other people in engineering, maybe even find a better job.

If you don't want to leave your child even for part time school, consider a distance education program. A lot of very repuable schools have online programs in engineering these days (although I get the sense that it varies quite a bit in the different fields).

 

[HgTX]

That's what I was going to suggest--if you can't get back into the job market in 5 years (which you very well might not be able to do), go to school instead. Get a master's degree. If you do it full time and you are a good candidate (basically good undergraduate grades and recommendations--which means you may want to keep in touch with your professors starting now), you should be able to get funding instead of having to pay tuition. Or you could try doing it part-time before the child is off to school, but then it's definitely on your dime. Either way, when you have the degree you'll be in the same hiring pipeline as the other new M.S. or M.Eng. grads.

On a different subtopic...
"1) If you had planned on starting a family shortly after starting your career, it probably wasn’t a well conceived plan (pardon the pun).
2) If you hadn’t intended to have a child so soon then you were irresponsible."

I'll grant #1, but anyone who thinks #2 doesn't know much about birth control statistics.

Hg

Eng-Tips policies: faq731-376

 

[whyun]

Congratulations and good luck raising a baby. Caring for a baby, in my opinion, is more than a full time job. Sleep deprivation and take-out dinners are in your near future.

In the big cities, many professional moms do not have the luxury of staying home for 5 years, though it is ideal for the kids. Many return to work after anywhere from 3 months to a year. If your husband can support both of you, you are in luck. If not, make a deal with your current employer for a maternity leave and afterwords, possible telecommute.

If you had at least 5 years of exprience, taking a 5 year absense from work due to the baby will have less of an impact. But with 6 months of work experience, it will be difficult getting back into the job market. Focus on the baby for a while then as others suggested, go back to school for a higher degree. Alternative is to return to work sooner (say 1 year or so) as a part timer or telecommuter.

Another thing to consider is the disability insurance. I don't have the details but if you were working before the birth of a child, you are eligible for disability benefits for a certain duration while on maternity leave. If you quit before the child birth, I don't think you can claim it. Something to look into. Good luck.

 

[epoisses]

Congratulations!

This is a very important decision, I am quite sure you will have a hard time finding a job after 4-5 years that even remotely looks like your current job. It would really be an almost definitive decision to give up your career. Since it's still an early stage I wonder if it wouldn't be better to somewhat postpone the decision.

What if you tried to come to a part-time arrangement with your current employer after your maternity leave and arranged part-time daycare for the kid? That would allow you to wait and see how both your work and daycare turn out to be. Depending on how you like it and how your financial situation is, you can then either increase or decrease the work over baby time ratio.

I would not be too optimistic re avoiding daycare by raising your baby yourself and going back to school at the same time, even with a distance education programme. Raisin a baby is a lot of work, you will be very tired at least the first few months. I have noticed that daycare is actually great fun for many kids. Just give daycare a try before you put your career on the backburner, if you are not yet 100% sure that that is what you really want.